


A Casual Arrangement

by microwavebubbles



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant Violence, Dirty Talk, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Porn With Plot, Smut, Some angst, but really this story is an excuse for me to put them in any situation i can think of, canon compliant sort of, heavy smut, lots and lots of heavy smut, theyre both slutty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:28:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 100,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26300413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/microwavebubbles/pseuds/microwavebubbles
Summary: Aaron and Emily enter into a casual arrangement after accidentally sleeping together once
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 333
Kudos: 429





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A sort of sequel to my previous story [In Ecstasy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25989340), but it turned into a 100,000 word love story about what could have been.

_So whenever my mind wanders, it always makes it's way back to you – Ranata Suzuki_

**Chapter 1**

A few months had passed since the night at the rave. The team had brought it up every chance they had for six weeks straight until Hotch stopped taking it with good humour and started handing out his stern glares. Neither he nor Prentiss had admitted what had happened in the hotel room, but it seemed somehow, the whole team knew, or assumed they did in any case.

For the first few weeks after, Emily had worried it was going to be awkward – that she wouldn’t be able to work partnered with him or look him in the eye. Instead, the opposite had happened. They worked better together, usually taking the lead on partnered interrogations. And while deliberating the profile, she sometimes wondered if he could read her mind.

Seemingly everything had gone back to normal – the unit worked together as a solidly as ever, and their case solve rate had skyrocketed.

Occasionally Emily would wonder why they hadn’t talked about it. But there had really been no opportunity, they hadn’t spent time outside of work as a unit in months, because they had been so busy. But now and then his voice invaded her dreams. She could hear his voice echoing in her ear, telling her to take off her clothes. She would always wake up damp with sweat, the sheets twisted in her fists. She didn’t know that Hotch had similar experiences, dreams involving flashes of her soft skin, her lips kissing his chest.

Then came the case with kids. They hadn’t dealt with an unsub like this in a long time, a violent sadistic psychopath who took his madness out on children for reasons that would only make sense to a sick depraved mind. They were in Milwaukee for weeks hunting him, and he managed to kill three more children while they were there.

Arresting him didn’t feel like a victory, and when they boarded the plane in the early morning to fly home, they felt defeated.

It was only a 90-minute flight back to Quantico, but all of them besides Hotch sat in silence. He was on the phone for most of it, and the team for a change wasn’t eavesdropping.

Emily was sitting curled on the couch, staring at the words of a book, but not really reading them. JJ was next to her, leaning gently towards her, seeking comfort from a friend. Reid had his eyes closed and his head was almost touching Morgan’s shoulder, who was also appearing asleep. Rossi scribbled in a notebook, sitting alone.

With a half an hour left on the flight, Hotch finally snapped his phone shut.

“OK – I managed to get us the next 4 days off” Hotch called to nobody in the plane.

“How on earth did you swing that?” JJ said, sitting up straighter and looking at him.

“I explained to Strauss that we had been going non-stop for months, and we needed a break or one we would stop being as effective as we are.”

“And that worked?” Dave said, looking up sceptically from his notebook

“No, not at all, but once I told her she would give us 4 days off, or all of us would simultaneously put in for owed overtime she came around pretty quickly,” Hotch said, exhaling deeply and sinking further back into his chair.

“Thank you.” Emily said, grateful.

They got back to the office and immediately left, dropping off only the essentials and heading home.

Emily got home and immediately threw the contents of her go-bag in the laundry. She checked her fridge and was unsurprised to find it empty. She changed into sweats and walked to her local grocery store to buy some essentials. Eggs, bread, deli meats and a few bottles of wine. She got home and lamented its emptiness; she really should get a cat.

Cooking herself a quick meal Emily jumped in the shower, trying to wash off the memories of the last few weeks. She cried silently, for the victims they had lost – and the exhaustion she felt. Drying off after the shower, she fell into bed in the early afternoon and was almost immediately asleep.

Hotch got home and immediately called Hayley. Jack was in playgroup, but he organised to see him when he got home. He threw the contents of his go-bag in a dry cleaning bag and got changed into sweats. He made himself some box mac and cheese he found in the cupboard, from the last time Jack had stayed with him and looked around his apartment. He had lived here more than half a year and it still didn’t look like a home. Boxes were skillfully placed in the corner, but still not unpacked. He spent so little time here and considered it more of a place to rest his head. He tried to spend all his time at home with Jack, making the transition to being a divorced dad as smooth as possible for his son.

He spent time with Jack at Hayley’s house. She left them alone, doing housework and laundry and occasionally throwing glances at father and son spending time together.

Hotch put Jack to bed after dinner and a bath – his soul felt lighter, seeing his son happy and safe at home. He thanked Hayley, she nodded, and he left.

When he got back to his apartment, he poured himself a scotch and flicked on the tv, letting CNN play in the background. He had only finished half his drink before he fell asleep on the couch.

Emily woke up the following morning, feeling better. She had managed to compartmentalise the last case and felt better in the morning. She did some basic housework and decided to call Penelope and JJ to see if they were interested in lunch.

Her phone was ringing before she reached it

“Prentiss”

“Bella! I’m taking us all out for family dinner tonight, it’s a fancy place so dress nice and the owners are my friends so don’t embarrass me ok? See you at 8, ill text you the details”

Before Emily could answer Dave had hung up, and she laughed. Dave did this sometimes, he was crotchety, but he believed so firmly in the team as a family. And bonding outside of the horror they saw every day was part of that – so he stopped giving them a choice when they said no and forced them out for drinks on occasion after rough cases.

Dave had messaged her the details within fifteen minutes. Looking up the restaurant she found that it was extremely high end, dress code fancy. She groaned and went into her wardrobe, looking for something appropriate to wear. She found a dress and shoes buried deep in the back, but could only find nude stockings, no pantyhose. She shrugged and figured that because they were the type to stay up on their own, she wouldn’t have to bother looking for a garter and just went with it. She repacked her go bag and made herself a light lunch, texting JJ and Penelope about dinner later

Hotch got the same call from Dave and hung up rolling his eyes. Dave was impossible to stop when he got on these ideals, and the team had long since decided it was better to just go along with him rather than argue.

Hotch spent the morning with Jack, playing in the park in the sun. He felt better after his laughter filled his head, it drowned out the memories of cases past.

He got home and showered and shaved, wearing a towel he pulled his best suit out of the closet, and decided to forgo a tie for the occasion, he sometimes got sick of the feeling.

Emily showered and got ready, letting her hair dry in its natural loose waves putting on more makeup than she usually did and getting dressed in her room. Her phone rang – it was JJ calling.

“Hey Jayje, I am almost ready, am I meeting you there?” She said, putting the phone on speaker as she zipped her dress up the back.

“Pen and I are grabbing an Uber – want us to pick you up on the way?” She answered, and Emily heard Penelope in the background, clattering around her apartment, no doubt looking for the right shoes or bag to match her outfit.

“Oh, that would be great – thanks, fifteen minutes?”

“Sounds good love, see you soon” JJ hung up

Emily spent the next fifteen minutes putting on some earrings, fixing and giving her hair one last spritz of hair spray, and putting on her favourite perfume.

She climbed into the Uber that pulled up in front of her apartment.

“OH MY GOSH EM YOU LOOK AMAZING” Penelope practically screamed as she fastened her seat belt.

“Oh well thank you, you also look incredible, both of you!” Emily replied. She smiled genuinely for the first time in a few days, feeling the last of the weight lift off her chest as she slid in next to her friends.

They joked and laughed in the car as they drove the fifteen minutes to the restaurant. Pulling up outside the restaurant they got out and Garcia thanked the driver.

“…maybe I should start writing books…” Penelope said, looking at the fancy restaurant.

Garcia linked her arms through her two friends and walked in through the doors.

Hotch and Rossi were already seated when the ladies showed up, and Hotch automatically rose to greet them.

“Ahh, Bella Bella Bella!” Rossi exclaimed walking around the table and greeting each of the women with a kiss on the cheek.

Hotch tried so hard not to stare at Emily. She was wearing a red dress with thin straps, it was obvious she wasn’t wearing a bra, and the dress ended just below her knee, a slit open on one side gave a delicious view of her skin, covered with nude stockings. She looked incredible, her hair falling over her shoulders in gentle waves, and immediately his mind was taken back to seeing it fall across her naked shoulders as she rolled her hips on top of him.

“Hey boss!” JJ greeted, snapping him out of his memory and he snapped his head towards her and smiled.

“Hello JJ, you guys look great” He said, smiling at them all, briefly locking eyes with Emily.

Emily felt his eyes on her the minute she walked through the doors of the private room Rossi had booked. She felt a blush spread slightly across her chest – she had chosen this dress because it was the only cocktail dress she could find on an afternoons notice. She felt good in it, and from the way Hotch looked at her, she thought he agreed.

They took their seats at the round table in the private dining room and Emily spread her napkin across her lap.

“Pretty boy, I appreciate the lift in but you can’t deny that you drive like a 16-year-old kid” Morgan’s voice echoed through the doors before they entered.

“I don’t think that’s true at all, I just stuck to the speed limit and road rules, instead of _vibin' it_ ” Reid responded, stumbling slightly on the carpet as they took the remaining seats at the table.

Emily was seated between Hotch and JJ, looking at the expensive flat wear on the table she silently agreed with Penelope’s earlier assessment, she would have to go into authorship.

They started talking about nothing in particular, Morgan and Rossi discussing a recent baseball game, Reid and Penelope talking about the upcoming Dr Who convention they were planning on attending and JJ, Hotch and Emily talking about how Jack was doing.

Rossi ordered a lot of wine – Emily started on white and drained her first glass quickly. The stare Hotch had given her made her nervous somehow, he was looking at her like she was prey.

They ordered dinner, Rossi ordered more wine and before long the volume in the room had gotten louder as they talked and laughed. They managed to not talk about cases on nights like this, and Rossi usually had a story or three about Ringo to keep them interested enough.

Listening to one such tale the hairs on the back of Emily’s neck stood up, and she knew someone was staring at her.

Hotch couldn’t help himself. She was leaning forward with her elbows on the table and the back of her dress was low. He had had a few drinks at this point, and while he wasn’t drunk, his inhibitions were lowered. He had almost forgotten how soft her skin was, and it was practically glowing under the soft light of the restaurant.

Emily turned her head and saw him. Sitting back slightly in his chair he caught her eye and she saw it there again, the same hunger from that night. She smiled at him and he grinned back. They were both a little tipsy.

They finished dinner and Morgan immediately suggested they go dancing. Penelope concurred and the rest of the team agreed – Rossi and Reid somewhat reluctantly.

Rossi had a driver service send three cars to pick them up from the restaurant. Penelope, JJ and Rossi climbed into the first car, Morgan and Reid in the second and Hotch and Emily climbed into the third.

It felt awkward in the silence of the back seat. They kept glancing at each other and just missing eye contact.

“How far is it to the club?” Hotch asked the driver

“Bout 15, maybe 20 minutes” The driver answered and Hotch slid back in his seat, slightly closer to Emily, his leg touching hers.

Emily felt a flush rise on her cheeks again. She had been thinking it all night, the minute she felt his eyes travel the length of her body when she walked in the restaurant. But there were no drugs this time. Both of them were only drunk enough to lose control of their expressions – her faculties were fully intact, and though the prospect of spending another night with him sent a tingle down her spine, she didn’t know how to take the next step.

Settling back in the chair slightly she crossed her legs. The slit in the side of her dress rode up slightly, exposing the lacy top of her stockings. She felt butterflies deep in her stomach as she saw his eyes lock on to the delicate floral pattern in the lace. Shifting her weight slightly caused the dress to ride up further, revealing a tiny flash of the skin on the top of her thigh.

Hotch reached out a hand and curled her hair behind the ear facing him. Leaning in close to her he whispered in that same deep authoritative voice that haunted her dreams

“Give me your underwear”

Emily’s eyes snapped to him – shock plastered on her face. No matter how many times she relieved that night, she was always surprised at how brazen he was with his words, how it made her feel. And this time was no different, she felt a deep throb in her underwear immediately and swallowed a moan.

“Seriously?” She asked him – her eyes searching his face to see if he was joking or not

“Seriously, but only if you want to – because I want to dance with you knowing you’re wearing nothing under that dress.” His eyes were sincere. She appreciated that if she said no, he would drop it immediately – she trusted him completely. And it was perhaps for that reason that she complied before her judgement got the best of her. She raised her hips off the seat and reached inside her dress, hooking her fingers around her underwear and sliding them down. She tried not to make it too obvious to the driver who could see her in his rear-view, but he seemed to be focused on the road. Pulling them off her heels she passed them to him, looking straight ahead, colour rising in her cheeks.

“Thank you” He said, and he placed them in his inside jacket pocket, smiling at her

“You’re welcome” Emily said, and laughed a little. Hotch laughed too – she looked so wonderful with the flush on her chest.

Settling himself back in his own seat he reached out and took her hand in his. They rode in silence the rest of the way, Emily clamping her thighs closed as he entwined his fingers in hers.

When they pulled into the front of the club, he raised her hand to his mouth and gave her knuckles a quick kiss.

“Save me a dance” He said with a wolfish grin, before getting out of the car.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The club was a good choice for them, a dance floor, pool tables and plenty of seating, Emily also happily noted that it was only 2 blocks from her apartment, making the trip home much easier. Morgan and Penelope immediately took to the dance floor, while Reid scrambled to a table in the corner, where the rest of the team joined him.

“Drinks?” Rossi asked

“Still your treat?!” JJ asked, giggling, she had had a lot of wine at dinner and her voice had taken on a slight slur.

“Of course, princess” He answered and JJ immediately ordered cocktails for her and Emily. Hotch got an old fashioned, and Reid asked for soda

“How are you doing Reid.” Emily asked. She was always concerned about him on team nights like this, fearing that seeing them all in an inebriated state would make him feel left out in his sobriety.

“Really good Em, Garcia and I made a solid plan for who we want to see at the convention, and there’s a rumour that there will be a guy there selling an original action figure from the 1960s”

“That’s great, I’m glad you’re having fun.” She said sincerely, reaching across the slightly sticky bar table and grabbing both his hands.

He mouthed ‘thank you’ to her and gratefully accepted his soda when Rossi returned.

“JJ these were an awful idea” Emily said, looking at the humongous cocktail in front of her. She took a sip and it tasted like just cola, which she knew was dangerous.

“I want to kick Morgan’s ass at pool this time, and last time I was much better when I drank” She replied, swallowing half her cocktail in one go.

“want to go practice? I can teach you some better angles, it’s all physics and geometry” Reid said, his face lighting up.

“Let’s do it! Rossi wanna play?” JJ asked, turning to him.

“Sure, I used to whoop Gideon's ass all the time, might be nice to kick his protege's ass at least once.” Rossi smiled and got up from the booth. Reid was beaming at the comparison to his mentor and essentially skipped from the booth to the pool tables at the other end.

Emily took a long sip of her drink, aware again that they had been left alone. Suddenly she was glad so much time had passed since the last incident, nobody was thinking about it, so nobody was thinking twice about leaving them alone.

“So what do I get?” She asked, watching Hotch drain the rest of his drink.

“Sorry?” He answered, slightly confused by the question

“You get my underwear, what do I get?” She said, and it was his turn to blush slightly, as his hand reached unconsciously to the outside of his jacket pocket.

“Good question Prentiss… I guess that depends. What do you want?”

Emily delighted in having the upper hand in brazenness for once.

“I want you to make me cum again. And again, and again” She said, leaning close, her voice low.

“Got a particular number of times in mind?” He asked her, the redness crawling up his neck, he was tracing a finger around the rim of his empty glass, focused on her.

“I think any less than four is a poor effort” She said and gave a small pout.

She hadn’t noticed that his other hand was beneath the table, and when he put it on her leg she jumped slightly.

“I think I can manage four” He said, meeting her eyes and moving his hand to the inside of her thigh. Saying nothing he dragged his hand, his nails scraping on her stockings until his hand was at her centre

“We’re in public” Emily said, looking around the bar for any patrons that might be watching, or any team members that could unexpectedly appear.

“I know, but if four is the magic number I have to get started” He said with that same cocksure grin on his face.

His fingers were dragging on the tops of her thighs, and unconsciously Emily spread her legs a little wider, giving him better access to her. She gasped slightly when his fingers made contact with her, she could feel how wet she was already, the breeze blowing up her dress had done nothing to help.

“Oh I could never forget how wonderfully slick you get” He growled, almost immediately he pinched her clit and rolled it between his fingers. She let out a gasp then, involuntarily as he went to work quickly, massaging her with dexterous skill.

“Jesus… fuck fuck fuck” She panted as he practically forced an orgasm out of her, she came quickly and hard on his fingers, clenching her thighs around his hand and trying not to scream. Before she had even come down Penelope crashed into the booth across from her, Morgan following behind with a beer and a Pina Colada.

“Too hot, needed a break” Garcia said, taking the Pina colada from Morgan’s hand and looking at Emily and Hotch

“what are youuu guys talking about?” She said, her voice playful

“How we’re going to bet money on JJ in the pool tournament she’s planning against Morgan” Hotch answered quickly, and he drew his hand slowly from between her legs

“Oh the Pennsylvania Petite wants to give it another shot does she!” Morgan exclaimed swallowing half his beer in one go.

Emily was grateful that he had come up with a lie so quickly, she flicked her gaze to him just as he put both arms on the table.

“I’m going to get another drink, anyone else want something?” He said sliding out the side of the booth

“All good boss man” Morgan said and Hotch smiled and walked to the bar. Emily saw him lick his fingers as he turned and she smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters contain explicit adult content - enjoy!

**.Chapter 3.**

Morgan beat JJ in pool 2 games to 1, with the rest of the team watching and cheering. Hotch was talking to Reid and Rossi, clapping and praising, while Emily sat with Penelope, slowly finishing her drink, not wanting to get too drunk, knowing how the night would end.

“Pool sucks! Dancing time” JJ declared after the final game, grabbing Penelope and Emily’s hands and dragging them onto the dance floor.

They spent half an hour dancing as a group, with Penelope and Morgan trying to teach Reid to keep a beat, JJ and Rossi doing a ridiculous tango across the floor, laughing wildly, and Emily and Hotch dancing together, but carefully apart. Occasionally he would drag his hand down her bare back and lightly cup her ass, releasing her quickly in case a team members eyes were on them.

It wasn’t long before Morgan was seduced away by a woman at the club, moving to a slightly darker area of the floor as they danced closer together. Penelope shouted that she wanted to dance with a gentleman and grabbed Hotch’s hand, pulling him into a formal waltz.

Laughing and thinking ‘ _if only she knew’_ , Emily grabbed Reid and pulled him into a clumsy two-step

“I don’t have the right co-ordination for this Emily” Reid said, trying to pull away

“No no no, come on, it's not mathematics, just follow my steps ok,” Emily said, pulling him closer to her and showing him how to keep in time with her

“You just gotta let someone else take the lead” She smiled as he grew more confident in his movements.

They had gotten to a point in their dancing where Reid felt confident enough to give her a small spin when Morgan came over, dragging a very pretty woman by the hand.

“I’m gonna take off y’all, I’ll see you on Monday” He said, pulling the woman closer into him and grinning at the team.

They all said goodbye to Derek as he stumbled slightly out of the bar, laughing and joking with the woman he was taking back to his house. Emily caught Hotch’s gaze, rolled her eyes slightly and smiled. This was how their nights out usually came to a close, Morgan’s bright smile drew women to him very quickly.

“I think I’m going to head home too, its past midnight and I am very very old” Rossi said, giving JJ a formal bow as an end to their dance.

“Do you think you could swing past the restaurant so I can get my car?” Reid asked, he was ready to go home – socialising for long periods just wasn’t him.

“Of course kiddo.”

JJ flung herself into a very inebriated hug of Reid, kissing his cheek and telling him goodbye.

“…and I think that’s my cue to put JJ to bed” Penelope said, grabbing JJ as she lost balance again “what about you Em? Want to crash at my house too?”

“Ah, no, I only live a few blocks uptown, I think ill just head home” She locked eyes with Hotch and he gave the slightest of nods.

“Mind if I catch a lift with you Prentiss? Your place is on the way to mine” Hotch said and she nodded, smiling.

They waited out the front of the bar in the cool spring air for their Ubers to arrive. Emily pretended to order one and told the others hers was ten minutes out, giving herself deliberate time alone with Hotch.

Penelope and JJ fell into their car with kisses and declarations of love for the rest of the team, Rossi and Reid said goodbye, engaged in a deep debate over whether poker was a game of luck or skill and when they left, Hotch and Emily stood alone in the sudden silence of the absence of friends.

“I was thinking we could probably just walk it” Emily said, suddenly shy again.

“Lead the way” Hotch said, smiling at her.

They had walked only far enough away from the club for the street to be completely silent when he took off his jacket and wrapped it around her.

“Such a gentleman, but you realise now I can get my underwear back” She teased, smiling

“Not likely, I’m wearing them” He replied nonchalantly, raising his eyebrows

Emily stopped walking and stared at him in shock

“Only kidding, but the look on your face was worth it” He broke out into a huge grin and a laugh, before reaching out and grabbing her hand.

They walked hand in hand for another block and their conversation was light and easy, joking about the good night they had.

They were half a block from Emily’s apartment when her phone buzzed. It was a picture text from Penelope, with JJ passed out on her bed, and Penelope in the foreground throwing up a rock and roll sign

“Home safe, love you” the message read.

She texted back “me too, love you both”

“You liar, you aren’t home yet” Hotch said, having read the text over her shoulder

“Oh gosh your right sorry, I should have written, ‘not home yet, Hotch is walking me home like a gentleman before he comes upstairs for a nightcap’ you’re absolutely right ill send that now” She said sarcastically, and raised her phone.

He kissed her suddenly, one hand on her waist pulling her closer into him, the other on the back of her neck. She felt her body practically melt into his, she was at the perfect height with her heels on. He tasted like whiskey and mint and she let her hands press into his chest

“Maybe more than a nightcap then” she said slightly breathless when she broke the kiss, and they kept walking, though this time he wrapped his arm easily around her shoulders.

Hotch was shocked at how physically affectionate he was able to be with her. It felt good to hold her hand, touch her skin, and see how well she fit in his arms. Since Hayley had left he had felt he could never be that intimate with another woman, but he found it easy with Emily. He felt like he should do some internal examination of why, but decided that could wait because they had just arrived at her home.

Unlocking the front door Emily led him into her apartment, switching on lights and going into the kitchen.

“Make yourself at home, you’ve been here before” She said, remembering the time he had shown up at her door, asking her to come back to the FBI with him. That had been the real turning point in their relationship, until then she hadn’t believed he had trusted or even liked her. And even on that day, seeing him through the peephole she had believed him there to reprimand her.

Hotch walked into her living room and put his phone, wallet and keys on her coffee table before sitting on the couch, watching her busy herself in the kitchen. She poured two glasses of good whiskey and brought them over, putting them on the coffee table.

“It's warm in here” She said, shrugging his coat off and draping it gently over the top of the couch before joining him, grabbing her glass and clinking it lightly against his before taking a sip.

They drank in silence for a moment before Emily put her drink on the table, Hotch following suit.

Making eye contact with him, she slowly stood up and straddled herself over him, the slit on her dress riding up past her hips as she sat down on his lap.

Loosely his hands came to her waist, feeling the fabric beneath his fingers. Slowly he drew one hand up her back, the gun callouses on his fingertips rounding out the pearls of her spine.

“you look so good in red” He whispered. Her hair had fallen around her face, the waves causing soft shadows across her features.

“Thank you, I do like the way you look without a tie” She played gently with the top button of his shirt, delicately fiddling with it before undoing it completely. She continued down until his shirt was completely unbuttoned, hanging open from his chest.

Moving one hand to the back of her neck again, Hotch drew her down slowly and kissed her gently. Her hair was soft underneath his fingers and as she pressed into him the smooth silky fabric of her dress against his bare chest made his groin twitch.

Emily deepened the kiss, pressing her body harder against him, grinding herself slightly on his pants, feeling them tighten underneath her.

Hotch broke the kiss and immediately latched to her collarbone, sliding one of the straps of her dress off her shoulder, as Emily started to rotate her hips faster. Her hands moved to his belt and undid it, working on the button and fly of his pants immediately after. She pulled him free of his underwear and ground herself against him, naked skin on naked skin.

Hotch let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding. She was so hot against him and she could feel how wet she was as she slid slowly back and forth on him. He grabbed her hips suddenly and pushed her down onto him, grinding himself against her. She moaned lightly and tilted her head back. Seizing the opportunity of her exposed throat Hotch kissed his way up her neck and met her lips.

“Make yourself cum on me” He whispered to her, pushing her down on him and she rolled her hips faster. The friction of her was incredible, as though they were truly creating fire. As she pushed herself harder against his groin, Hotch unzipped her dress and in one smooth motion pulled it over her head. He kicked his shoes off as well and pulled her body into his, biting down gently on one nipple as he kneaded her other breast.

Emily’s breathing quickened as he switched and nibbled on her skin, she was drawing herself closer to orgasm. His hands seemed to be all over her body, grabbing her hips, her ass, her breasts, pawing at her skin with urgency as she felt the subtle scratch of his stubble against her chest.

“Oh god, oh please I’m going to…” She panted and he swallowed her moan with a kiss and held her still as she bucked against him, an orgasm washing over her.

“That’s two” He murmured as she came back to her senses. And she laughed. There was something about his ability to make her laugh when she felt so exposed that made her feel warm, safe and yet completely empowered all at once. It was a feeling she could only vaguely tie to other moments in her life that were singular accomplishments, the day she joined the FBI, graduating Yale. She decided to unpack those feelings later.

“Stand up” He said, and she did, noticing the glisten she had left on his cock and biting her lip slightly.

“This is a good look for you” He said, his eyes travelling her body, naked except for her stockings and heels. She smiled at him and slowly twirled on the spot.

“Come to bed” She said, reaching her hand out, her voice coming out deep and breathy

He grabbed her hand and followed her up the stairs to her bedroom


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4.**

He stayed a few steps behind her on the stairs, watching her hips swing as she walked up them in her heels.

“This is a very good look for you” He said, spinning her into him and running his hands down her back.

“I think you’re wearing too many clothes” She responded, sliding his shirt off his shoulders and pressing her body against his. She hooked her fingers into the waistband of his underwear. She pushed him gently against the wall, and slowly drew his pants down, dropping slowly to her knees in front of him.

“What about this, is this a good look too?” She said, grinning as she grabbed him by the base.

He nodded slightly, feeling more blood rush to his groin. He couldn’t think straight – his only thought was she needed to touch him. He wrapped his hand into her hair, holding it up and off her face in a loose ponytail.

She licked the length of him and his head fell back into the wall, letting out a deep moan. Emily smiled to herself, taking him into her mouth as she felt his hand tighten around her hair

“Fuck…” he groaned as she took him deep in her throat. Emily focused all her attention on swallowing as much of him as possible. Gagging slightly on his thickness she felt tears spring to her eyes as his hips bucked slightly causing him to hit the back of her throat.

She took her mouth off him, jerking him slowly and looked up at him.

Her eyes had watered slightly, causing her makeup to run, and Hotch thought she looked more beautiful than he had ever seen her.

Emily again took him deep in her mouth, her throat muscles flexing around the head of his cock and she turned her eyes up to him. He head was thrown back against the wall and his chest was heaving with deep breaths of pleasure. Bobbing her head she traced her tongue gently on the underside of his cock, her eyes going blurry with watery tears. She trailed her hand to cup his balls and squeezed lightly, causing him to thrust into her mouth again, letting out a cry of a moan.

Hotch felt himself getting closer, all his muscles flexing in succession

“Emily, I’m going to cum” Looking down at her, she took him out of her mouth and she met his eyes, a small trail of spit connecting her bottom lip to the tip of his cock.

“Do it, I want to taste you” She smiled and immediately took as much of him as she could into her throat, and that was all it took for him to explode in her mouth. She swallowed him and held him in her mouth as he twitched and spasmed.

She took her mouth off him and wiped her lip, smiling. He reached down and grabbed her, crushing her body into his as he kicked his pants off and kissed her. He ground his mouth against her, grabbing the back of her thighs and lifting her, so her legs wrapped around his waist.

He carried her into her bedroom and she switched the light on. He practically threw her onto the bed and she scooted up to the head of the bed, letting her legs fall open, inviting him between them. Hotch stood at the foot of her bed, looking her over. Her hair was tangled and messy, eyeliner smudged beneath her lashes, her skin flushed and lips swollen.

“You look so fucking beautiful” He said taking off her shoes and throwing them across the room. Crawling onto the bed he grabbed each stocking in turn and peeled them off her, throwing them to join her shoes on the floor. He came down on top of her and kissed her, Emily raising her legs and wrapping them around his waist.

Kissing her neck and nibbling her earlobe Emily arched her back into him.

They were both slick with sweat, his hands slipping on her skin as he kissed his way down her stomach. Settling himself between her legs he looked at her, blowing cold air on her lips, making her shiver

“See, now that’s a good look for you” She said, humour in her voice.

He dipped his head and tasted her. Emily arched her back into him, she had almost forgotten his talent.

Hotch had forgotten how sweet she tasted and he devoured her, burying his face as deep as he could between her thighs. Sucking her clit he slowly pressed two fingers inside her and felt her clench around them

She was squirming on the bed, panting heavily as her fists twisted in the sheets.

“oh god please, please I’m coming I’m coming” she breathed as her whole body twisted and spasmed. He was hard again, his cock pressed between his stomach and the sheets. Somewhere in the distant logical part of his brain, he marvelled that her flushed skin, pleading voice and the taste of her was enough for him to get hard again. Drowning out this part of his brain was the need to fuck her, feel her come around him, make her scream.

He kept his mouth on her until she stilled, smiling into her skin, kissing and nipping the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. He let his fingers slip out of her and moved up to kiss her mouth, her breath still coming in short gasps.

He pushed inside her quickly and she arched her back into him, wrapping her legs around his waist by reflex. He stilled inside her, giving her time to accommodate him – her pussy still throbbing from her last orgasm, squeezing him.

“three” He whispered in her ear, smiling as he began to thrust into her, slow and short strokes. She raised her hips off the bed trying to encourage him to go deeper, harder.

“Aaron… please” she replied clawing at his back, her voice barely more than a whimper between each moan.

He obliged her gladly, she was so hot and slick and he felt her twitch around him.

She bit into his shoulder and stifled a scream as she came again around him, her legs squeezing his sides like a vice, her nails dug into his neck.

Hotch dropped his head onto her shoulder as his mind went blank, eyes unfocused as he approached his climax.

She breathed encouragement in his ear and pulled him into her as he came hard inside her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of the smut! (for now)

**Chapter 5.**

Hotch collapsed on the bed next to her, still breathing hard. Both of them were breathing heavily and Emily started laughing. Hotch found it infectious and soon they were both were laughing hysterically, gasping for air before he pulled her into his arms and smothered her laughs with a kiss. They were both covered in sweat.

“what’s funny?” He asked finally as their laughter died out.

“I thought we may have fluked it last time because we were high. Turns out we’re just really good in bed” Emily said, holding her fist up for him to bump.

Reluctantly he did so and laughed again.

“I need a shower, join me?” Emily said, getting up from the bed and heading to the bathroom.

“Sure, just let me grab some water”

“Meet you in there” Emily walked into the bathroom attached to her bedroom and started the shower. Hotch got up from the bed, his legs feeling weak. He walked downstairs and admired the fact that they had practically trashed her house. Clothes were strewn everywhere, discarded in a trail from her living room to the bedroom.

Grabbing a bottle of water from her fridge he drank half of it in one go. She was right, he thought, they were incredibly well-matched in bed – both willing to take charge and let the other take over. He was able to laugh with her without feeling self-conscious. He smiled to himself, he always thought of Hayley and his sex life as ‘making love’ in the years after Jack. Sweet and tender, gentle and loving. He fucked Emily, he knew that. It was a workout with Emily, but he liked that, he liked working hard to make her scream, and he thought she looked incredible with messy hair and makeup smudged.

Walking back upstairs he put the bottle of water on the counter in the bathroom and joined her in the shower. She had washed her face and stood now underneath the spray, her face slightly pink and skin still flushed.

Wrapping his arms around her from behind he pressed his lips into her shoulder. The water was warm and felt amazing on his skin. He kissed her neck and she let out a soft sigh

Turning slowly in the shower Emily let her arms snake around his neck. She looked at him, water dripping off the end of his nose

“Aaron, are we going to talk about it this time? We can't blame drugs or really even alcohol.” She looked worried.

He dipped his head and kissed her gently, wrapping his arms loosely around her waist. Breaking the kiss and looking at her, he saw the worry etched across her face.

“Emily, here’s what I know. I essentially gave up a marriage for this job. And now my all my focus is there or with being a good father. I wasn’t a good husband or partner when I had the option to be and I don’t think anything has changed now to make that untrue” He tried to be as honest as he could be with her, he knew she would immediately see through any lie or softening he tried to tell.

“I also know, that if the opportunity arises to do this again, I’m going to take it” He reached behind her and grabbed her loofah, and started rubbing her arms down with it, creating soft suds on her skin. The smell of grapefruit filled the shower. “What about you?” He asked gently, avoiding her eyes.

“Aaron, I belong in the BAU, I told you that when we met. I can't see myself ever giving it up for anything. And fraternisation between active agents is forbidden.” Emily turned and he started soaping her back, drawing small circles lower on her skin.

“But I think if given the option to do this again, I’m going to take it as well” She said, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

“A casual arrangement then? No commitment or plans, just the option when it arises?” He asked, dropping slowly in the shower and soaping each of her legs in turn

“They call it fuck buddies” She mused

“Well, I can tell you right now that I won't be calling it that” He laughed, standing and manoeuvring her body under the spray. She grabbed his hips and kissed him again, dropping the loofah and reaching to let his hands frame her face he kissed her back deeply.

“Well, that sounds like a good plan to me” She said, slightly breathless, breaking the kiss.

“Aaron, another question” she grabbed the loofah off the floor of the shower and started returning the favour, soaping his chest.

“An easier one this time?” He said, watching her, he could almost count the water drops clinging to her lashes.

“Where the hell does the dirty talk come from?” She paused with the loofah on his hips.

“Oh, that? Does it bother you?” He asked, meeting her gaze

“Oh no, the opposite – just wondering where it comes from, I would have never expected it from you” She said, smiling.

“Oh well, in that case, let me show you” He quickly rinsed off and shut the shower off. Leading her out into the bathroom he grabbed a towel and dried himself quickly. Turning her so she was facing herself in the vanity mirror he dried her off too.

“Ok, so look at yourself” He said, dropping the towel on the floor and positioning his hands on her shoulders

“Mmhmm” she said sceptically, she looked at herself in the mirror. Hotch put one hand on her ribcage and with the other, he guided her hand between her legs.

“See you’re warm from the shower, keep your hand there” He said and pressed his lips gently on top of her shoulder.

Emily grinned slightly, she felt exposed looking at herself naked in the mirror, she never inspected herself. Hotch moved his lips up her neck, parting her wet hair away from her ear and breathing gently into it. Despite herself, Emily felt her breath hitch slightly as she tilted her head away slightly, opening her neck up.

“You see that flush rising up your neck here? What do you think will happen when I tell you that whenever you wear that red tank top to the office I find it hard to focus on anything except bending you over my desk and fucking you until you scream loud enough for the entire bullpen to hear you?” He used his hand to press her fingers into her clit. Emily let out a low and slow breath and watched the redness creep across her chest.

Directing her fingers to rub in small circles on her clit he used his other hand to tweak and roll her nipples into stiff peaks.

“Or how sometimes on the way home from cases I wonder if I could fit your legs over my shoulders in the bathroom of the plane and make you cum hard enough to ruin your makeup, tangle your hair and mark up your neck so the rest of them could see how hard you just got fucked.” Pressing his lips into her neck and moving his hand on hers faster, Emily let out a low moan

“See this is why I do it, feel how wet you are? How it's dripping over your fingers? How swollen and ripe you feel, how willing to cum?” He growled into her ear.

Emily’s mind had slipped into a hazy fog as she moved her fingers faster.

“come for me Emily” He hissed at her.

She came over his hand and her legs went weak. Hotch wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her steady as she twitched in his arms. He dragged her hand from between her legs and licked her fingers.

“Plus… you taste delicious” he said, smiling at her reflection in the mirror.

“Aaron do you want to sleepover?” She asked abruptly, running her hand up and down his forearm.

He wrapped his arms around her from behind and walked into her bedroom. She pulled back the messed up covers of her bed, switched off the light in the room and slipped between the sheets. He joined her.

“So five in all, not bad” Emily said, settling herself on the pillows, he could hear the smile in her voice

“I have always been an overachiever,” He said, smiling into the darkness.

Emily rolled into him and he put his arms around her, settling herself into his chest she closed her eyes.

Listening to her slowing breath, Hotch fell asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6.**

Emily’s alarm went off at 6 am. It was a loud and obnoxious beeping that caused Hotch to sit up abruptly in bed, disoriented.

“Jesus fuck goddamn stupid son of a bitch fuck” Emily groaned reaching over Hotch’s body and shutting it off before shoving her face back into the pillow, the sheets slipping off her and exposing her naked shoulders and back.

Hotch started laughing, he knew she had a cursing streak, having worked with her on little sleep on a few occasions, but hearing the stream of consciousness that came out of her mouth when she first woke up was something else.

“Not a morning person Prentiss?” He chuckled.

“Shut up” her voice came muffled from the pillow “Forgot to turn the stupid thing off”

She turned her head and looked at him from under the tangled and wild mess that was her hair. She smiled

“Good morning Hotch, would you like some coffee?” She asked. He nodded and smiled, she climbed out of bed fully nude and grabbed his shirt off the floor, putting it on. She grabbed his underwear and pants from the doorway and threw them to him before going downstairs.

Hotch went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He smelt the coffee brewing downstairs, putting on his pants and yawning broadly he followed it into the kitchen

She was standing in the kitchen with his shirt on – buttoned unevenly it came to just below her ass, her legs on full display. Sitting at the kitchen bar he watched her make coffee, adding the amount of milk he usually liked, keeping her cup black.

“Hangover?” He asked her

“Only need coffee and ill be just fine, you?”

“Same” and he smiled. Emily marvelled at how easily the smiles came to him when they were out of the office, he seemed lighter away from the horrors they faced every day.

“Plans for the day?” She asked, taking a long swallow of her coffee.

“I’m taking Jack to the zoo, taking advantage of the time when I’ve got it” He said grinning back at her and sipping his coffee slowly. “You?”

“Nothing concrete, but I’m assuming Penelope is going to call to drag JJ out to brunch and get rid of her hangover, that’s usually the plan whenever one of us gets wasted”

“Does that happen often?” Hotch asked, slightly bewildered.

“Yeah, generally when we’ve got a weekend off we’ll go out and drink too much. You’re lucky last night Pen didn’t insist on absinthe shots. We might be dead” Emily drained the rest of her coffee. Turning into her kitchen she poured herself another cup.

They finished their coffees in silence as Emily’s apartment slowly filled with morning sunlight.

“Right then, I’m going to head home and shower before I pick up Jack” Hotch said, walking to the couch and putting on his shoes and socks, grabbing his belongings and shoving them in his pockets.

“Guess you’ll need this” Emily said, unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it to him.

He caught his shirt and stared at her. He had never seen her nude in natural lighting and her skin was luminous. He put his shirt on and grabbed his jacket.

He walked over to her and kissed her gently on the lips.

“That really is an excellent look for you Prentiss, see you Monday” As he left she smiled and gave him another kiss at the door.

“See you Monday” She locked the door behind him and went back upstairs to shower.

Getting out of the shower and dressing she noted the chaos of her house. Her bed was a twisted mass of sheets, her clothes were everywhere and they had somehow managed to pull her bed a half-foot away from where it normally was. Smiling to herself she cleaned her apartment, reliving memories of the night just passed.

Penelope called at 8.30. She could hear JJ in the background, grumpy with a hangover insisting that wherever they went served eggs benedict or she would riot. She made plans to meet them at a café at 10 and went back to cleaning her apartment, changing the sheets and opening windows to air the place out.

At 9.45 she got to the café and grabbed a table. She was the first to arrive and ordered 3 large cups of coffee while she waited, looking at the menu.

“Morning Em” came a throaty grunt from behind her

“Wow JJ you look great” she said sarcastically, looking her friend up and down. She was wearing yoga pants and a shirt she had clearly borrowed from Penelope, with vibrant pink print. Her hair was wild and unbrushed and she was wearing a giant pair of sunglasses despite being indoors.

“Thank you, I feel like trash” JJ said, sitting down and immediately dumping sugar into the coffee in front of her

“Pens on the phone talking to Derek, she’s out front” JJ said to Emily’s unasked question “how was the rest of your night? Everything gets a little blurry after pool” JJ took a huge swallow of coffee, grimaced and added more sugar before putting her head on her arm on the table.

“Good, we danced and then I walked home”

“Em, you walked? Weren’t you and Hotch getting an Uber?” Penelope asked, hugging Emily from behind before sitting down and adding cream to her coffee.

Emily cursed herself, she forgot that Penelope basically tracked them all the time, even when drunk.

“Oh yeah, well it was a nice night so I decided to walk it” She said, hoping that explanation would suffice. No such luck

“Alone? Babe, I know you’re a badass chickee, but that doesn’t seem like you, walking home late at night by yourself without a gun” Penelope looked concerned, her eyes like lasers, boring into her. She felt a flush crawl up her neck and was immediately reminded of Aaron making her watch herself in the mirror, which only made the flush more intense.

“Well, Aa-uh-Hotch walked me home and then got an uber from my place” She said, staring at the menu with such intensity she could have set the paper aflame.

JJ sat up slightly and took her sunglasses off. She looked at Emily through slightly bloodshot eyes.

“He walked you home? And then caught an Uber?” JJ asked, her lips curling slightly into a smirk

“Yep – I’m thinking pancakes for breakfast, what about you guys?” Emily asked desperately hoping they would change the subject. But no luck again, the girls could smell blood and they stayed silent, both of them staring at her.

“Oh, shut up both of you” Emily snapped, finishing the coffee in front of her and turning to signal a waiter for more. They ordered their breakfast, Penelope and JJ still staring at Emily.

“oh, alright FINE, he came up for a nightcap and then went home” She broke finally.

“What time did he go home” JJ asked. Her smile was huge. Emily shrugged and that was all it took for Penelope and JJ to burst out laughing.

“Good on you for not taking the bet last night Jayje” Penelope said

“What bet?” Emily said, staring at them

“Well when we saw you show up at the club without your underwear, we figured it was probably going to happen again” JJ said

“I – what… you guys… oh fuck you both” Emily said, blushing furiously as her two best friends laughed uproariously at her discomfort.

“Sorry Em, but the funniest part is that the two non-profilers on the team could pick it from a mile away, but Derek, Spence and Rossi couldn’t tell anything” JJ said.

“Can we drop it please?” Emily asked, desperate for them to change the subject

“Of course, princess, but answer one question. How was it?” Penelope asked, leaning on the table and staring at Emily. JJ did the same, nodding

“Will you both leave it?” She said, they nodded eagerly

“Just like last time” Em answered.

Their breakfast arrived and true to their word, Penelope and JJ changed the subject, planning to go shopping after brunch.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7.**

Hotch got home and opened the blinds in his apartment. Checking his messages, he heard Hayley’s voice come through the machine

“Aaron I’m calling because you weren’t answering your cell. I’m just reminding you that Jack is extremely excited for the zoo today, please don’t cancel” Her voice was tense, he plugged his phone in and switched his cell phone on, seeing he had many messages from her, increasing in their aggressive tone. He felt a twinge of annoyance and then suppressed it, she had a right to be annoyed, lord knows he had cancelled on her enough when they were married.

He called her back and apologised for not answering his cell

“I only just got home, I’m just having some breakfast and a shower and I’ll be over to pick him up, tell him I’m excited too” He said.

“You just got home? Aaron, it is 730 in the morning”

“Yeah I know, the team went to Dave’s last night and I stayed in his guest room because I couldn’t drive” He lied quickly. He didn’t like lying to her – some leftover feeling from their marriage made it feel wrong.

“Oh – ok, well I will see you soon” She said, her voice uneasy and hung up.

Hotch showered and noticed a sting on his back. Looking in the mirror he saw a few scratches down his shoulder blades and smiled. Inspecting his neck, he saw some half-moon indents from her nails, raised from the steam across the back of his neck and collarbone. He thought it was fair, he had marked her up last time, only reasonable that this time she had been the one to leave marks. He ate a quick breakfast and drove to the dry cleaners with his clothes, organising to pick them up later in the afternoon.

He drove to Hayley’s house, Jack answered the door and he scooped him into a hug.

“Hi bud, how are you” he said, kissing his temple and feeling Jack’s soft hair tickle his cheek.

“Daddy! Are we going to the zoo really?! Mummy said maybe not because you didn’t call” He buried his head into Aaron's shoulder and clung to him.

“We sure are buddy, just grab your backpack and we’ll be on the way” He put Jack down to see Hayley standing off to the side, staring at him

“Went out last night, did you?” Hayley asked, steel in her voice.

“Yes, sorry again I didn’t call, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell my son I’m not going to be there for him”

“You can’t pull that after everything you put me through Aaron”

“Put **you** through Hayley, not Jack.” His voice had an edge to it “Divorce wasn’t my idea remember”

Her gaze was sharp and accusatory, and she opened her mouth to respond when Jack came running into the room with his backpack

“Bye Mommy!” he squealed barrelling into her legs in a hug

“Bye baby, you have a good time and be a good boy for Daddy ok” She smiled, kissing his forehead.

Jack grabbed his dads hand and dragged him out to the car.

They had a good time at the zoo – Jack reading the plaques describing each animal with Hotch’s help, he immediately singled the turtles out as his favourite. They ate lunch in the zoo’s provided café and spent the afternoon playing in the park at the centre of the zoo. It was nearing nightfall when Jacks energy finally ran out and Hotch coaxed him into the car to go home.

Jack fell asleep in the car on the way home. Carrying him gently to the door he knocked softly with his foot.

“He’s out” He said when Hayley opened the door. She moved out of the way and Hotch carried him upstairs to bed, tucking him in and kissing his forehead.

Coming back downstairs he saw Hayley standing at the foot of the stairs with her arms folded.

“He had a good day” he said making his way to leave.

“So you had a good time last night?” Hayley said, the iciness back in her voice. Hotch sighed and turned to look at her, resigned to a fight.

“Yes – why do you ask?” He tried to keep his voice even.

“The scratches on your neck?” She said, gesturing towards him. Hotch hadn’t bothered to cover them, they were small and could be mistaken for shaving cuts to a passerby. But he had forgotten Hayley had sharp eyes for anything out of place.

“And?” He said, challenging her gaze.

“You just do whatever you want then Aaron, it's none of my business”

“You’re right, it is not. You served the papers, Hayley, you have no say over what I do anymore”

“Just don’t bring her around my son”

“Oh for _fucks_ sake Hayley, don’t start. I’m going home – Jack had a good lunch, he had a good time, let's leave it at that” He turned and left the house, breathing heavily trying to control his temper. It was none of her concern what he did anymore.

He slammed the car door and slumped in the passenger seat clenching and releasing his fists, calming himself down before driving home.

He picked up his dry cleaning on the way, feeling grateful they were open late and threw the bag on the couch when he walked in the door. He poured himself a scotch, still angry at the interaction with Hayley. He took deep breaths and pushed the anger away from him. She had left him, suddenly and without warning. And she was still picking fights with him, wanting to get a rise out of him. His mind snapped to the days before she left when the phone would ring and he would answer it to dead air – before her cell phone started ringing. He never confronted her about it, but the anger he felt about it still threatened to overwhelm him whenever she implied he was abandoning her or their son. He finished the rest of his drink and felt his body relax, letting the emotions of his divorce slip off him like water.

Grabbing his empty go-bag he repacked it, replacing the suits and socks until his fingers scraped lace inside the dry cleaning bag. Confused he pulled out the item – Emily’s underwear from the night before, they had still been in his pocket when he put the laundry in. He fingered the delicate lace and remembered the way Emily had curled her body into his in sleep, unconsciously drawing closer to him.

With memories of the previous night washing over him he grinned and put the underwear in the top drawer of his dresser, lying to himself that he would find a way to give them back to her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8.**

Back in the office on Monday they all felt refreshed after their 4 day weekend. Hotch caught Emily’s eye as he walked across the bullpen to his office – she gave him a small smile.

And again, they managed to go back to normal, cases came in and they flew across the country, helping desperate law enforcement catch the monsters hiding in the dark.

Reid, Rossi and Morgan not suspecting anything out of the ordinary made it easier this time around. There were no comments or raised eyebrows when they paired off on cases. Emily would occasionally catch JJ looking at them in a police station, but quickly looking away.

Emily noticed JJ had started becoming secretive herself. She came out to fewer brunches, and when a case would take them over a weekend she usually slipped away to make a call. Emily put it together quickly enough – she was dating someone. It was Reid who knew it was that detective from the case in New Orleans. It was nearing the end of January and a bitter chill had settled over Quantico when she finally asked Reid about him.

“Yeah, a few months now” He said when Emily asked him about it.

“Good for her” Emily said, sitting on the edge of Reid’s desk, smiling broadly, happy for her friend

“I think she wants to keep it quiet though – you won't ask her about it will you?” He said, looking concerned

“Of course not, that’s her business” Emily said, putting her hand on Reid’s shoulder and getting up to leave

“Oh Emily! Great, glad I caught you I need a huge favour” Morgan came over from the kitchenette in the office, holding a cup of coffee out to her like an offering

“…mmm,” She said, grabbing the coffee and eyeing him suspiciously. Morgan’s favours were usually a lot to ask, the last favour he asked of her was to assist in hand to hand at Quantico, which had taken her weekends away for 4 weeks straight while they beat each other up in front of the new recruits.

“I’m supposed to be doing a custodial interrogation in Raleigh for the next few days, but I can't make it. Interested in taking over?” He raised his eyebrows and beamed a smile at her.

“Who with?” She said, keeping her expression neutral

“William Davis” He said, smiling even harder, an almost pleading look in his eyes

“He agreed?” She said, surprised. William Davis was a long haul truck driver who had abducted and killed at least 5 runaways. He had never admitted what he did with the bodies and was convicted on mostly surveillance images of the victims getting into his truck before they disappeared forever

“Yes he did – interested?” Morgan said.

“ugh, fine, I guess. But you owe me” She agreed, and he handed her a thick file before kissing her cheek and dashing upstairs to Rossi’s office.

Emily say down at her desk and opened the file on Davis. Skimming the top sheet she saw he had been sentenced to life without parole 8 years prior and was incarcerated in a maximum-security wing at Central Prison in Raleigh. The BAU had been asked to interrogate to find what he had done with the victims they knew of.

Her desk phone started ringing and she answered it without looking up from the file.

“Prentiss” She said shortly, flipping a page and continuing her reading

“Do you have the Davis file?” Hotch’s voice came through the phone, crisp and clean with no greeting.

“Yes, Morgan asked me if id switch and I agreed. Am I flying or taking a car?” She said lightly.

“ _We_ are taking a car” He answered and Emily stopped reading.

“Sorry?”

“It was supposed to be Rossi and Morgan but they have hockey tickets so switched out with you and I apparently”

“He has hockey tickets? That’s why he wanted to switch? Oh come on” Emily said, slightly exasperated

“Do you want me to pick you up in the morning” Hotch said, ignoring her complaint.

“Sure – what time?”

“6 am – the prison is expecting us at 12 and it’s a 4-hour drive without traffic.” Hotch said.

“Bring coffee.” Emily said as an answer and hung up the phone.

Emily spent the rest of the day answering emails and finishing a reporting consult for a case in New York. She set up her out of office reply for the next 2 days, directing people to contact Anderson if they needed anything.

She left the office just after 8 and went straight home. She swapped out the clothes in her go-bag, opting for comfortable suit options, and her red tank top. Her hand stilled over the garment, memories of Hotch’s voice in her ear, she shrugged and threw it in her go-bag anyway.

She tried to go to bed early but ended up falling asleep just after 1 am, spending her time planning a strategy to question Davis over the next few days.

She woke up at 5 and threw herself in the shower. Running on autopilot she dressed in comfortable clothes for the drive and made a quick coffee which she drank in two mouthfuls.

She locked up her apartment and walked out front into the freezing cold morning. The sun had barely peeked over the horizon and her breath made puffs of clouds in front of her as the threw her bag over her shoulder and rubbed her arms to keep warm. Hotch pulled up shortly in a department-issued SUV

“Morning” He said when she opened the door and threw her bag in the backseat. Clambering into the front she held her hands in front of the heater to warm them

“Coffee?” She answered and he handed her a huge travel cup of steaming black coffee. “Thank you” She said, taking a grateful sip and letting the coffee warm her insides.

He started driving on the quiet streets, and Emily pulled the file out of her bag – preparing to debate strategy on interviewing Davis.

They went through his whole family history, and all the evidence they knew about the case, victims, timelines, dates and his suspected MO.

Narrowing their focus, they made a list of questions to ask they already knew answers to, so they could gauge his lies. Debating back and forth on the best way to approach the interview, Emily eventually won Hotch over to her way of thinking and they agreed on going with a softer strategy.

They fell silent after driving for 3 ½ hours.

“Is it true the last custodial you did with Reid you almost beat the shit out of Chester Hardwick?” Emily asked suddenly

“Did he tell you that?” Hotch answered, sounding exasperated.

“He didn’t use those exact words” Emily said, a small smirk on her face.

“Chester wasn’t interested in being interviewed, he wanted to kill us to stay his execution. I immediately assumed the only way out of it would be holding him off long enough for guards to find us. And I hoped if I presented myself as the biggest threat Reid wouldn’t get hurt” He answered.

Emily stayed silent, Reid hadn’t told her that part.

“But Reid was smarter than I am and distracted him long enough for the guards to come in without Hardwick being able to lay a hand on either of us. He saved our lives” He mused softly.

“He is a smart kid – that was a good strategy” Emily said

“Definitely. But I wasn’t in the right headspace. Hayley had just served papers and I was gearing up to fight her, which I think is why I was gearing up for any fight” He said

“Look at you self-profiling,” Emily said, impressed

“Yeah, I’m glad Reid had his head on straight” Hotch nodded

“And how’s your head now?” Emily asked, genuinely curious. She had never heard Hotch talk about his divorce.

“Better – Hayley had reached her limit with this job. And after a while, I realised that I had chosen this job over her long before she even got pregnant. I respect her for sticking it out as long as she did”

“I suppose that’s reasonable” Emily said, but she didn’t agree. She thought that Hayley having reached her limit was not a reason to leave, especially after so many years of the same, in her mind that must have meant she was unhappy for years and they had never tried to fix it. But internally she conceded the point, acknowledging that she didn’t know anything about his home life.

“How’s Jack?” She asked, trying to change the subject

“He’s good, making lots of friends in his new nursery class, really into trucks and dinosaurs” Hotch said and he smiled, it was soft and gentle, and a small glint of pride appeared in his eye.

Emily’s phone rang, JJ’s name flashed on the screen.

“Hi JJ” She answered.

“Hi, I’m just calling to confirm the arrangements for today” JJ said – part of her job was liaising with the wardens of prisons when they did interrogatory custodials, getting the rules of entry

“Hang on, I’ll put you on speaker” She clicked the phone onto speaker and JJ’s voice filled the car

“So the warden got in touch this morning and confirmed you’ll need to check your weapons at the gate, no cell phones inside the facility and they’ve set you up in a room with video and audio recording as per your wishes. Hotch also, as per your request they’ve assigned an additional officer to monitor the room from the outside”

“Thank you JJ – we will call when we’re done for the day” Hotch said, and Emily hung the phone up.

“Good idea with the extra security” Emily said, grinning and putting her phone away.

They talked about work for the rest of the drive – arguing about a recent paper published about the genetics of serial killers.

When they pulled up to the prison Emily started, looking at the clock she realised it was after 11 – the drive had taken longer than she had anticipated, she hadn’t accounted for traffic.

“Ah shit, I thought we were going to the hotel first” She said.

“Why?” Hotch asked

“I need to get changed, I’m not wearing this into a prison” She said, gesturing to her leggings and jumper combo

“Oh right – well, we have some time…” He trailed off.

“No, don’t worry, ill get changed in the backseat, give me ten, and don’t look” She flashed him a quick smile before climbing over the centre console into the backseat. She changed quickly and pulled her hair into a ponytail.

“Better?” she asked, climbing out of the car

“Much” He said walking with his briefcase towards the prison gates.

They checked their weapons and cell phones while talking to the warden. They were checked by a metal detector and led to the interrogation room.

Emily took a deep breath before they entered, centring herself.

“Ready Em?” Hotch asked, his hand on the doorknob

She nodded and they entered the room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9.**

“Just tell us where they are!” Hotch yelled, kicking the chair across the room. “I’m done messing around” He slammed photos on the desk in front of Davis, who shrunk further away in fear.

“I’m done with this trash” He stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

They had been in the room with Davis for three hours, Emily had been slowly gaining his trust, empathising with his childhood and glancing over his crimes. Hotch had taken the role of the aggressor – belittling and insulting him to frighten him.

This was their plan, formulated on the drive down. William Davis had been beaten and abused by first his father, then foster father. He was a slight man as an adult and Emily had postulated he still felt fear around alpha male type personalities. Emily more resembled his foster sister, the only person in his life who had ever supported or comforted him before her death in a car accident, which appeared to be his trigger – so she adopted a more nurturing role in the interrogation, protecting him from Hotch’s manufactured rage, subtly putting herself between them so he would see her as a figure to trust.

It worked.

“Will – I can make sure he stays out. I just need you to tell me where they are? Please.” She reached across the table and put her hand on top of his, shackled to the cold metal.

“Okay.” He burst into gasping sobs and she gripped his hand tighter.

“I’m going to get you some water, can you start writing for me?” She said gently and he nodded and sniffed. Emily left the room, closing the door gently behind her, Hotch was waiting on the other side.

“He’s writing now” She said softly.

“Good work – this should hopefully give the families some comfort.” Hotch said, loosening his tie slightly. He handed her a bottle of water and she re-entered the room.

Davis gave them the burial sites of all five victims. Emily thanked him and gave his shoulder a small touch. She felt so conflicted in these situations, knowing that he was a broken person – but that he had done horrific things to innocent people.

It was dark by the time they were processed out of the prison. Walking across the car park Emily yawned

“I’m exhausted” Emily said, and she was. Focusing for hours on her expression, body language and anticipating Hotch’s manufactured random outbursts had left her drained.

“You did exceptional work today Prentiss” Hotch said, his voice calm.

“Thank you, I’m glad the strategy worked out.”

“I spoke to JJ – she’s arranged appointments with the DA and Police Chief tomorrow morning so we can brief them and sign over the video evidence. Let’s get some rest” He opened the passenger door of the SUV for her and she climbed in, slumping slightly in her seat.

They drove in silence to the hotel, Emily dozing lightly on the twenty-minute drive.

“Dinner?” He asked when they pulled into the parking garage

“Sandwiches from room service, I am beat” She replied. He nodded agreement. Getting out of the car he grabbed both his and her go bags, walking them into the lobby and checking in. He ordered them room service each and they got in the elevator.

“Sorry, I’m not good company” Emily said when they reached their floor.

“Don’t apologise, today was a lot to ask of a person, even someone as strong as you” He said, looking at her with kindness. He carried her bag to her door and bid her goodnight, putting a comforting hand on her lower back as he guided her into her room.

Emily changed out of her suit as soon as she got in her room – putting on the hotel provided robe she washed her face in the bathroom.

Her club sandwich arrived quickly and she ate ravenously. They had stopped and had bad coffee and sandwiches on the drive to Raleigh but they seemed ages ago. She set her wakeup call with the hotel to 7 am and threw on the shirt she had packed to sleep in and crawled into bed.

Her last thought before she fell asleep was about how Hotch had called her ‘Em’

Hotch woke at 6 am, before his wakeup call. Habit from having a young son meant he rarely slept later. Stretching in the hotel he decided to fit in a quick workout at the hotel gym. Changing into his gear he ran on the treadmill for 45 minutes before returning to his room, speckled with sweat, and jumped in the shower. He dressed in his suit and was ready to go by 8 am.

Knocking on Emily’s door he admired that every hotel they stayed in had the same textured wallpaper.

She opened the door in a towel, hair still wet from the shower

“Morning, can you make coffee?” She said, leaving the door wide open as she walked back towards the bathroom

“Uh, yeah sure” He said, slightly embarrassed. He walked into her room and noted she was naturally a messy person. Her desk at Quantico was full of precariously stacked papers, organised in a system that only made sense to her. Her hotel room was much the same, her suit from yesterday was on the floor and the contents of her go-bag were strewn across the tiny desk.

“How are you feeling this morning?” He called, starting making the terrible hotel coffee he was now accustomed to.

“Much better thank you, a good nights sleep was just what I needed” her voice was bright, cheerful from the bathroom. He could hear her towel drying and brushing her hair. She emerged from the bathroom in the hotel issued robe and gratefully accepted the coffee he offered her.

“I can never decide which is worse, hotel coffee or police station coffee” She mused, taking a sip and grimacing.

“Cold law firm coffee is up there” Hotch answered, standing awkwardly in the kitchenette.

“I just gotta get dressed and we can go” Emily said walking over to the pile of clothing that was once her go-bag

“Ok, I can meet you in the lobby”

“No wait, remind me again what we have this morning” She said turning her back to him and taking the robe off. Hotch’s eyes flew to the ceiling.

“Hotch?” She said when he didn’t answer and she looked over her shoulder and laughed “How are you shy right now, you’ve seen me naked before – tell me, what are we doing today”

He let his eyes travel once down her body, droplets of water still sliding down her back and legs as she dressed, when she turned he trained his eyes on the ceiling again and reminded her of the meeting with the DA and Police Chief to sign over evidence.

“Right then, let's go” She said pulling on her boots and standing up from the bed. She was wearing black slacks and a red tank top under a buttoned suit jacket, her hair hanging loose around her shoulders, still damp from her shower.

Easier said than done was the meetings they took that morning. What should have been an hour or two quickly stretched into four, when each prosecutor of the case needed to be roped in. The chief of police was similarly disorganised, needing files brought from storage to sign. They had not expected the FBI to be successful in the interrogation and the police chief was standoffish towards them.

Hotch had been getting steadily more frustrated as each half-hour passed. He could appreciate that the station they were in was understaffed but he couldn’t stop his answers from becoming clipped and terse.

Finally, they were done at 1 pm. Walking out into a clear cold day Emily turned to Hotch

“What a goddamn nightmare. I’m starving” She gestured to a diner across the road from the station “Food?”

He nodded and followed her across the road. They slid into a booth near the back of the diner and a waitress came by and offered menus and coffee which they both accepted gratefully.

Emily watched Hotch drink his coffee in silence, she could see the muscles twitching in his jaw and knew he was still irritated.

“You good?” She asked. He let out a huff and nodded.

“Just pissed at bureaucratic red tape paperwork and copping attitude from the people who asked for our help” He answered, forcing himself to take a deep breath.

“I know what you mean, but you can understand from their side. They ask for help from the FBI and we show up and do what they couldn’t do for 8 years. We did it in 4 hours” She said quietly. “I know it is what our team is for, but I always feel like we’re swooping in and snatching a victory away from someone at the final yard line, you know?”

“I do – we’re the last resort in most cases, like this one, but they don’t have our training”

“Maybe they should, we could finally get a day off” Emily said, and looking over her coffee cup she saw the side of his mouth twitch into an almost smile.

“Hey, we had a 4 day weekend not long ago” He replied. The waitress came back to their table and they ordered lunch – grilled cheese for Emily and a burger for Hotch.

“Hotch that was more than 6 months ago.” Emily replied, looking at him bewildered.

“Was it? We’ve been going non stop since it feels like” He mused.

“Aren’t we always.” She mused. “Anyway, are you wanting to head back today? Should get back to the office by 8 or 9 tonight if we’re all done here”

“Mmm, no. We probably should, but I’m not convinced there isn’t something that was missed in the handover – we should probably stay for the rest of the day and take off in the morning”

Their food arrived and they both ate quickly. It was high-quality diner food, greasy in all the right ways.

Hotch’s phone rang before they had finished eating, he rolled his eyes before answering it

“Hotchner. Yes JJ – we’re headed back tomorrow morning, should be in the office no later than lunchtime. OK. See you then.” He snapped his phone shut. “She was just confirming plans” He said, sighing and pushing away his empty plate.

Emily shrugged out of her suit jacket, it was warm in the diner and the coffee was steaming hot. Signalling the waitress for another cup she put her elbows on the table.

“So are we waiting around for them to call us? Or what do you want to do”

Hotch sat back in his seat and looked at her. She was wearing that damn red tank top again. He raised his eyebrows and met her eyes

“Well. We have… options” He said letting his voice trail off at the end. Emily met his eyes, they seemed to darken as his gaze flicked to her cleavage before finding her eyes again. She felt her heart rate increase slightly, wondering if he meant what she thought he did.

“Options… aren’t we still on the clock?” She said, lowering her voice to almost a whisper.

“I think the boss understands” he said, flashing a smile at her. She felt her cheeks redden and she nodded.

Emily went to the bathroom before they left. Looking at herself in the harsh fluorescent lighting she took a breath to steady herself. He had switched to ‘Aaron’ so quickly she felt as though she had whiplash. Over the past few months, she had separated Hotch and Aaron in her mind. Hotch was her boss, tough and firm, with high expectations for results. He drove his team hard and demanded excellence from them to an almost unreasonable degree.

Aaron was the man who she thought about when she slipped her hand beneath her underwear at night – the man who somehow managed to make her laugh and smile when she was coming hard on his fingers. And Aaron had suddenly appeared in a cheap diner in North Carolina, no alcohol or drugs. She felt a flutter of nerves by the lack of social lubricant for this endeavour, but excitement at the prospect of his lips on her skin drowned it out.

She met him out front of the diner and they walked back across the road towards their SUV in silence. Emily went to get in the passenger side of the car, her hand on the door handle when Hotch came up behind her and turned her to him. He cupped her face gently and kissed her. She could taste coffee on his lips and her hands naturally came to rest on his hips, pulling his body closer to her.

“Emily, do you want to do this?” He asked, breaking the kiss and searching her face. The kiss had ignited something deep in her belly. She felt tingling in her fingertips and she could feel her heart beating against her ribcage

“Give me everything you got” She said, grinning broadly at him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10.**

Hotch had thought about her often in the months since their last encounter. Staring across the bullpen he sometimes found himself lost in thought, memories of her hands twisting in sheets, laughing as she breathed heavy, post-coital. The way she came hard around him with a smile on her face.

He knew that JJ and Garcia at least knew about their last encounter. Garcia tried her best but she failed to meet his eyes for close to a month afterwards, and he could feel JJ’s eyes on them whenever they sat next to each other on the plane. He didn’t know what she had told them, or if they had simply guessed, but he found that he didn’t care if they knew – he liked having sex with her, and if the option came up he was going to take it.

He could feel her nerves on the walk back to the car and he realised that she might not be as sure as he was. Testing the waters he kissed her gently and she responded immediately, pulling his body closer, digging her fingers into his hips. Her lips were as soft as he remembered, and her hair smelt like citrus.

“Do you want to do this?” He asked, searching her face for the slightest hesitation.

“Give me everything you got” She smiled – an eager hunger in her eyes.

Grinning back he got into the driver's seat of the car and drove back to the hotel. Emily put her hand on his upper thigh during the drive. Massaging gently through his pants she slipped her hand to his inner thigh and let it rest there.

“Don’t start something you can't finish” He murmured when they stopped at a red light. She had a devilish look on her face.

“Aaron, we’ve got all afternoon and night. I can finish it a few times I think” She replied, her tongue poking out to lick her bottom lip.

He parked in the underground garage of the hotel and got out of the car, leaving his briefcase in the back seat. She had started walking towards the elevator underneath the garage when he caught her arm and pulled her into him. Turning her body he pressed her into the car and kissed her. He snaked one hand into her hair and let the other trail under her suit jacket and tank top, splaying his hand across her lower back. She wound her arms around his neck and wrapped her leg loosely around the back of his calf.

Breaking the kiss the tilted her head next to his ear

“I want you to wreck me” She breathed. Hotch felt a deep throb in his groin and he cleared his throat.

“Then let's go” He said, wrapping his arm around her waist and leading her towards the hotel entrance.

Emily felt almost giddy with excitement. His hand was on her ribcage, fingers pressing into her and pulling her closer into his body. They walked across the lobby of the hotel and got into the elevator, it was empty and as soon as the doors closed he pushed her into the far wall. Reaching his hands underneath her shirt he kissed her neck – travelling upwards from the hollow of her throat to her ear. His thumb was stroking the underside of her bra and he blew into her ear, causing goosebumps to erupt on her skin

“You want me to wreck you, Emily? You want me to make you scream? Cum? I’m going to fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk properly tomorrow. Do you want that?”

She whimpered weakly and twisted her fingers into his shirt. The elevator doors opened and he removed his hands from under her shirt and walked to her room. She fumbled with the key card in the door as he stood behind her, pressing himself into her back. They pushed through the hotel door together and he pushed her against the door, slamming it shut.

He pressed her body against the door and stared at her, leaning over her. He tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and let his hand fall to her shoulder, gently fingering the seam of her tank top near her breasts.

“Fair warning Emily, you wear this god damned shirt around me again I’m going to fuck you so hard I leave bruises” He said, his voice almost casual as he traced the outline of her bra.

“Noted.” She gulped. His gaze was intense and she felt her legs go weaker under his eye.

Kissing her again he put both hands on her hips and dragged them both back towards the bed. Sitting down on it he broke their kiss and held her standing in front of him.

“Off” He said, the growl back in his throat.

Slowly she unbuttoned and took off her suit jacket, shoes and socks. He took off his shoes and socks as well and threw them across the room. She looked at him, he sat leaning back on his elbows, his legs spread on the bed – still in his suit.

“I said… Off” And there was an edge to his voice this time, a glimmer of Hotch, not Aaron. He was giving her an order and Emily felt a deep throb between her legs. ‘

Slowly she took off the red tank top that started all this, unbuttoned her pants and pushed them down her legs. Standing in front of him in a basic black bra and panties she looked at him, her eyes questioning what he wanted next. He said nothing, staring at her body. Emily realised this was the first time he had seen her in underwear and she wondered what was going through his mind. She took a tentative step towards him and climbed onto the bed, straddling him.

He skimmed his hands up her thighs. He could feel goosebumps erupting on her skin as her breathing shallowed. She put both hands on his chest and dipped her head to kiss him. He sucked her bottom lip between his teeth and bit down, making her jump slightly. Running one of his hands up her side he let it rest gently on her ribcage. His hands were warm on her skin and she felt the familiarity of how tiny they made her feel.

He smacked her ass, not hard, but the suddenness of the act made her jump and she let out a sound that was a cry of shock, mixed with a moan. He watched her face and smiled. She liked it.

Emily’s body reacted almost involuntarily to the slap, her nipples hardened beneath her bra and she felt herself get wetter. Meeting his eyes she saw he was smiling, satisfied with her reaction. She loosened his tie and pulled it off over his head, pushing his suit jacket off as well. Determined not to let him have the upper hand she leaned close to his ear and nibbled the lobe.

“Make me beg” She moaned into his ear, and his fingers pressed into her skin reflexively – sucking air between his teeth.

“Don’t start something you can't finish” He murmured back. Suddenly he grabbed her and flipped her onto her back on the bed. Sitting on his knees he settled himself between her legs and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, starting with the cuffs at his wrist and unbuttoning each button slowly.

He pulled his shirt off and threw it behind him, keeping his eyes locked on hers. In the afternoon sunlight, he could see the hairs standing up on her arms, her cheeks had a rosy glow. He leaned into her and pressed his body onto hers. He kissed her jawline, slowly and tenderly, his lips just barely grazing her skin. She could feel the rough scratch of his suit pants between her thighs as he tangled one hand in her hair and tilting her up, exposing the pulse on her throat. Trailing his lips and tongue down her neck he dug his tongue into the hollow of her throat.

Torturously slow he kissed across her chest, massaging the back of her neck. Her hands came up to twist in his hair as he moved slowly closer to her breasts, still enclosed in her bra. She felt the stubble on his chin scrape against the top of her breasts. Urging him further she arched her back into him and he stopped. Looking up from her chest he met her gaze

“Patience.” He reached behind her and unhooked her bra, drawing it slowly off her body. Turning his attention to the newly exposed flesh he cupped both breasts and began to slowly nip at the skin surrounding a nipple. He sucked hard on the skin, leaving a reddened bruise and Emily let out a gasp as he then bit down on her nipple, rolling it between her teeth.

Switching his attention between them her breasts were soon covered in similar bruises and he leaned back to admire his handiwork.

He put both hands on her ribcage and ran them slowly down her hips. Digging his fingers into her pelvic bone, he ground her against his thigh. Through his pants and her underwear he could feel how hot she was, raising her hips to meet the contact. Gently he trailed one finger across the seam of her underwear as she ground herself on his thigh.

He replaced his thigh with his hand as he brought his body down to kiss her again. Palming her gently he whispered in her ear

“You’re wet” She moaned in response, “but I think we can do better than that Emily”

He slipped his fingers beneath her underwear and stroked her gently, teasing her entrance. He pushed the tip of a finger inside her and Emily arched into him, kissing his jawline.

“Please, more” She whispered to him. Pushing his finger deeper inside her his hand scraped against her clit. Inserting another finger he applied pressure upwards, making her feel full as he found her g-spot and pushed harder.

She had one hand tangled in his hair, the other scratching for purchase on the sheets. She needed him to go faster, harder, he was driving her insane. He continued pumping two fingers in her slowly, occasionally bumping his hand against her clit as he kissed her neck, jawline and cheek softly. 

She could feel the pressure building slowly in her abdomen, the muscles in her legs clenching rhythmically with the thrust of his fingers.

He picked up the pace slightly, deliberately rubbing her clit now, biting the sensitive skin of her neck gently. He smiled into her skin as he saw her back start to arch and she held her breath. Knowing now what the signs were of her impending orgasm he stayed at the same pace – knowing she was desperate for more contact. 

“Aaron,… Please” she could barely make the words out as she squirmed on the bed.

“You can beg better than that” He breathed back, slowing his movements down as she let out a whine of frustration.

She turned her face to his as he brought his lips closer to hers – grazing her mouth. Smiling he moved his mouth back to her jaw as she pulled at his hair, her breath coming in gasps.

“Aaron please I need to cum, please, please make me cum, I can't take it anymore” She whimpered.

He gave in – his name tumbling out of her mouth in desperate need made his mind go blank.

He pulled her closer and smothered her mouth with his, speeding up his ministrations, he felt the elastic of her underwear skip over his knuckles.

She came hard over his hand and he didn’t stop moving, drawing it out of her as she let out a small scream. He felt her gush liquid over his fingers and she desperately squeezed her thighs together around his hand.

Emily felt lightheaded and dizzy, her entire body twitching and jerking as he kept moving inside her until she couldn’t take it anymore

“stop, I can't take it” She said arching away from him. Immediately his hand stilled inside her underwear and she tried to force herself to take deep breaths. Slowly he pulled his hand out from between her thighs and held his fingers into the light. Emily looked at them and saw his whole hand was drenched, fingertips dripping.

“Well that’s new” He said looking down at her with a smile. Emily let out a bark of a laugh and he kissed her, trailing his wet hand up her body, mixing with the sweat on her skin.

Hotch didn’t want to push her further than she could take, so he simply kept kissing her, giving her the option to take the lead. His pants were tented and uncomfortably tight but the warmth in his chest of just laying here with her was drowning out the urgency of needing her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11.**

Emily took a moment to catch her breath, her whole body was tingling and she could feel her pulse beat fast throughout her extremities. Turning her body into his she trailed her hands across his chest as he made lazy patterns across her ribs with his fingers. She took deep breaths, trying to calm her pulse. He took his hand off her and licked his fingers, eyes closing as he tasted her. Moving his mouth back to hers she tasted herself on his tongue

“How do you taste so fucking good?” He asked, burying his hand in her hair as he captured her bottom lip between his teeth and nipped lightly. Emily felt her pulse focus between her legs and she pushed her body into him, needing to feel his skin pressed against hers. She shook a strand of hair out of her eyes and smiled.

“Please tell me you have other pants” She said, noticing she had soaked the thighs of his suit pants

“Who cares, come here” He wrapped his arms around her back and drew her to him, relishing the feeling of her skin on his. Smiling at him she pressed her chest into his and kissed him. His arms encircled her as she grinned into his kiss.

“Take them off” She said and he obliged quickly, unbuttoning his pants and kicking them off the foot of the bed. In the air of the hotel room he felt his cock pulse. Arching her back Emily lowered herself onto him as his hands grabbed her ass, squeezing gently as he forced himself to stay still, not bury himself in her to the hilt.

She filled herself up with him and sighed softly as he gripped her ass, holding her still. Falling forward with her arms propping herself up on either side of him she slowly rotated her hips on him and he let out a deep groan. She rode him slowly, rolling her hips on him and varying their depth and speed

“Fuck, yes Em, you feel so fucking good” He hissed at her, fingers digging deep into her skin as he raised his hips to thrust into her.

He sat up suddenly wrapping his arms around her back as she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist. Pressed against each other he kissed her ferociously, as she kept rolling her hips on him, letting out a small gasp in the change of position.

She kept up her movements as his hands roamed over her body, cupping her breasts and pinching nipples, tangling in the base of her hair. Emily’s head dropped to his shoulder as she rode him faster, kissing his shoulders and neck.

He reached his hand between them and pushed his thumb onto her clit. She cried out and arched back off him, slamming herself down onto him, urging him to go deeper.

“yes, that’s it Emily, I want you to cum for me, I want you to soak me, do it I want you to fall apart” He urged, staring at her face as she squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip as another orgasm washed over her.

She felt her body go limp as he ran his hands up gently up and down her spine. She again struggled to catch her breath as she kept rolling her hips slowly on him, desperate for him to take over.

He pulled her into him and kissed her lightly on the neck. Pulling her hair back he put his lips next to the shell of her ear

“good girl” the throaty whisper was deep and smoky and Emily felt it go straight to her groin. She was already desperate to cum for him again.

She put her forehead on his and looked him directly in the eye

“More” She said simply and pressed her body into his.

He pushed her gently off him and she whined at the sudden emptiness before she felt his hands turning her onto her stomach on the bed. He stood up off the bed and manoeuvred her so she was bent over the bed. She could feel him behind her and she looked back to see him appraising her.

He spanked her ass again, grabbed her hips and thrust into her hard. Emily let out a deep hiss.

“Aaron, fuck me, please” She said, meeting his eyes. He grabbed her arms and pulled them behind her back, pinning them there as though she were under arrest. He fucked her hard then, slamming his body into hers. Holding her up Emily spoke encouragement to him – asking and pleading for him to fuck her harder.

“I’m coming Aaron, please fuck me” She screamed as another orgasm took hold of her. He responded by spanking each of her ass cheeks in turn until they turned a deep red. Smiling and breathing heavily she rocked her body back into his, feeling the heat of her spanked ass against his hips.

She pulled herself off him and spun around, sinking to the floor on her knees in one smooth motion. She grabbed his cock and sucked it, tasting herself all over him as his hands flew into her hair, pulling her mouth down on him. She licked and sucked the remnants of herself off him, jerking his cock and looking up at him.

“Open your mouth” He said, and when she did he thrust into her throat twice before he came, filling her mouth and throat. His toes dug into the carpet, his hand pulling her hair.

Before he had fully come down, his mind still blank he pulled her to his feet and hugged her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her on the forehead.

She pulled them both onto the bed and splayed her body over his. The bed was soaked, sheets half off, pillows missing but they wrangled a nest for themselves and said nothing as they pulled each other closer.

Hotch ran his hands down her back, feeling them slip on her skin.

“You’re going to be the death of me” He murmured into her hair. Emily smiled

“What a way to go though, right?” She said, kissing his chest as she felt the laugh bubble out of him and she started giggling.

Emily could feel his heartbeat through his chest, listening to it slow as she traced fingers across his skin. She felt a warmth spread through her body as her heart slowed to match his rhythm. He traced his fingertips gently up and down her spine and she matched his patterns with her fingers across his chest.

They lay together in silence, watching the sun turn orange outside the small hotel window.

“Jesus, my whole body is numb” Emily said finally, holding her hand up.

“You said wreck me” Hotch answered, suddenly defensive.

“Oh that wasn’t a complaint at all – that was incredible, but you were right, I won't be able to walk properly tomorrow” She grabbed his hand and measured the size difference between them. Interlacing their fingers Hotch kissed her again, feeling the pull of her almost irresistible, he wanted to keep touching her, her skin was so soft.

“We should get dinner” He said after a while and they both got up, stretching slightly, soothing their aching muscles


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12.**

They got dinner in the hotel's restaurant, Hotch redressed in his suit shirt and slacks, Emily in the jumper and leggings combo she had worn on the drive down. She looked at him as they stood in the elevator.

“We reek of sex” She said, embarrassed. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her body into his

“I know, we smell almost as good as you taste” he whispered in her ear, and that made her laugh.

She pushed away the affection that was creeping up on her as he kissed her forehead.

“it's _just casual_ ” she told herself forcibly and they sat down to dinner.

Talking about nothing while they ordered drinks and food, Emily found it easy to make conversation with him about non-work topics

“So, do you think we got away with it this time?” Hotch asked suddenly, gazing up from his plate.

Emily laughed.

“We work with profilers so I’m going to say probably not” she toyed with her food, scraping her fork around the plate and refusing to meet his gaze “Does that bother you?”

“Not at all – I don’t consider it their business” He said, looking at her until she raised her eyes to meet him. “Does it bother you?”

“You know, I thought it would – but after last time, the girls picked it up at brunch by the way – they were happy to drop it when I asked”

“Really? Because I figured you had told them some wild stories considering Garcia couldn’t look me in the eye” He smirked as Emily blushed.

“No, I basically just confirmed it happened and then JJ convinced Pen to drop it, under duress.”

_Bless her_ , Hotch thought and finished his dinner with a yawn.

“I’m ready for bed – workout this morning and this afternoon has me very tired” He said.

Emily nodded, she was tired too – her muscles were aching in the sweetest way and she knew she would sleep heavily tonight.

They got back in the elevator and travelled in silence up to their floor. They walked back to their hotel rooms and Emily stilled at her door.

“Where are you going?” He said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“To bed…” She said confused, looking at him.

“We trashed yours, sleep in mine” He said, looking at her “you know if you want” suddenly he seems unsure, and Emily wondered if he thought he’d crossed a line. As though asking her to sleep next to him was somehow offensive.

“Good plan” She slipped her arm around his waist and walked to his room.

His room was obsessive in its neatness. His toiletries were organised in a tidy row on the tiny bathroom vanity, his shoes lined up against the door.

“Stop profiling the room Emily” He said, wrapping his arms around her from behind.

“Can’t help it, it’s not like you weren’t profiling mine earlier” She said, smiling. He buried his face in her neck and grinned, her hair smelt so good. He flicked on the TV and flicked through channels until he found an old movie that had just started. Aaron got changed into a shirt and boxers, folding back the covers of the bed in neat corners

“You a military man Aaron?” She asked teasingly.

“I spent some time learning some military training. Sharpshooting, actually” He answered, climbing into bed and gesturing for her to join him. She climbed in bed awkwardly and settled next to him.   
He pulled the covers up over both of them and pulled her into his body. Settling down into the pillows he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

“We know nothing about you do we,” She said, looking at him “Sharpshooting? Really?”

“What do you want to know?’’ He said rubbing his hands up and down her arms under the covers.

“How old were you when you lost your virginity?” She asked the first question that sprang to her mind.

“Seventeen, Hayley in high school” He answered. “You?”

“Fifteen, his name was John” She answered. Turning slightly to face him “Hotch, how many people have you been with?”

“Are you guessing the number is two Prentiss?” he replied grinning down at her as she shrugged, embarrassed. “it’s not. Hayley and I sort of did the breakup but stay together thing in college and I got the chance to sow my oats”

“Like taking drugs” she said, smiling at the memory.

“Yes, like taking drugs” He laughed “But when I graduated, we got married, I started practising law and my career started moving fast” His voice took on a distant quality.

“What… what happened?” She asked in a small voice, curious but nervous he would shut down and refuse to answer.

“I… I still don’t really know if I’m honest. I put so much into my career that I only had a little bit left over for her. And for a long time that was enough.” He stared at the TV, not seeing it “Then Adrian Bale happened, and Gideon went on leave – I was given a huge amount of responsibility very quickly, Hayley found out we were pregnant soon after, which was another amount of responsibility, and fear.”

Emily was staring at him, studying the stubble of his jaw.

“Gideon came back but the work responsibilities didn’t go away. Then we had Jack and I shifted the little focus I had onto him completely. And I still didn’t feel I was doing enough like I wasn’t a good enough father, or husband, I just kept trying to keep the plates spinning”

“You’re a good father” Emily whispered, instinctive. She knew it – she saw the way his face changed when he talked about Jack, the way his voice rose like a delicate soap bubble, filled with pride.

His mouth twitched a small smile.

“And then Frank killed Sarah and Gideon unravelled. He left, I was suspended and my career was done for. I was going to be transferred to white-collar and Hayley was so relieved, she was so happy even though I was suffering.” He took a deep breath. “I decided I needed to take the case, and then for that, I determined we needed you. So I came to your place to get you.”

“I remember – you know I thought you were coming to ream me out for ruining your career,” She said “I assumed you were going to kick the door in if I didn’t open it”

“We did not get along” He said, and he squeezed her body lightly, a comforting hug. “My fault, not yours”

“You thought I was a spy” She mused “you can’t imagine the revulsion that washed over me when Strauss asked me to be one”

“I’m sorry” He said.

“Don’t be – I understand why you did.” She kissed him lightly on the jaw, her lips feeling the stubble beneath his skin.

“Anyway, we got home from that case and she was gone.” He sighed. “I made my choice. I think in her mind I left her, she was just the one that moved out.”

“Are you happy?” She asked.

“Right this second very much so” He said, meeting her eyes for the first time. She smiled, her face reddening

“I miss Jack.” He said “But it’s a relief to only have to be a father, as opposed to a husband and father, and Hayley is good about me spending as much time with Jack as I possibly can when I can” He felt exposed, he rarely talked about his personal life to anybody and the fact that he had just opened up willingly with just one question made him feel vulnerable.

“This makes me happy” He said, wanting to change the subject “Despite me not trusting women as much as men”

“Oh shut it – you changed for the better after that. You’re welcome” She smiled. “Did you have any other names for Jack?” Her voice was soft and he knew she was changing the subject for him.

“Sergio was my personal favourite,” Hotch said with a grin, and Emily started laughing.

“I love it. I’m stealing it” She curling up in hysterics. Hotch laughed too – her smile was infectious.

As her laughter died down Hotch switched off the light in the room, the black and white of the tv flickering shadows across her face. He snuggled them down under the covers of the bed and he hugged her from behind, curling his body around hers. They lay in silence for a moment.

“I’m happy too” Emily whispered and settled her head on her his arm. Aaron kissed the top of her head, smiling into her hair. He felt a warmth spread through his chest as she wriggled into him and closed her eyes.

Emily’s breathing slowed and she fell asleep, curled on her side and Hotch watched her. _‘It's just casual’_ He told himself, brushing a strand of hair away that was tickling her nose. He settled himself under the covers and sighed _‘you’re kidding yourself’_ said a small voice in the back of his brain, unbidden. He mentally shrugged and closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of her hair and fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13.**

Emily woke in the middle of the night, hot. She was still dressed in her jumper and leggings and Hotch’s body pressed into hers was like a furnace. She climbed out of bed gently, trying not to wake him and slipped into the bathroom. Having a glass of water from the sink she went to the bathroom and swallowed another glass of water. Yawning she returned to the room, still lit by the flickering TV and looked at the sleeping Hotch. His face was peaceful in sleep, jaw slackened, his eyes twitching beneath the lids. She smiled softly and took off her jumper and leggings, folding them neatly in imitation of his she stretched her naked form and watched him for a moment.

She switched the TV off and climbed back into bed. The crisp hotel sheets felt great against her skin and she wriggled slightly, getting comfortable. She felt a hand creep onto her hip as Hotch instinctively pulled her closer. Emily fell easily back to sleep.

Hotch woke early, the sunrise filtering through the small hotel window. In the soft orange light of morning, he noted that the TV had been switched off and saw a new pile of clothing on his own. Turning his blurry eyes to Emily next to him he saw her naked skin and smiled. His hand was on her waist and he gently pressed his body into hers. Her body was warm against his and he could feel the sear of her skin beneath his clothing. His groin twitched.

He reached up and brushed the hair away from her face and smiled. Her face was gentle in sleep, her eyelashes casting shadows on her cheeks. She sighed softly and shifted her weight back into his form. Leaning down he pressed his lips against her neck tenderly trailing them softly up to her ear. She sighed again and a small moan left her lips as she woke up.

“morning” He whispered in her ear, pressing his fingers lightly into her hip. “what time is it?” She groaned softly, brushing her hips against his groin, feeling him grow slowly harder.

“Just before six” He answered, nipping her earlobe and sliding his hand up her waist to encircle her breast.

“And what time do we have to leave” She asked, moaning lightly as he rolled a nipple between his fingers. Involuntarily she ground her hips further back, pressing into his body.

“When we’re ready” he answered, burying his face in her neck and rocking his hips into hers. Emily turned her head and captured his lips with hers, kissing him deeply. She rolled onto her back and slid her hand up his neck to the back of his head. He made slow, lazy circles down her abdomen as she broke the kiss and looked him in the eye

“I’m not ready yet” Hotch whispered, kissing along her jaw, running his hands across her body, making her skin crackle beneath his fingers.

Slipping his hand between her legs he found her wet and warm.

“But you’re ready” He grinned as she arched into the contact and inhaled. Circling her clit casually with one finger he continued kissing down her neck, shifting his body on top of hers and pulling the covers around them. Randomly kissing her neck and jaw he kept his touches feather-light against her as she bucked slightly into his fingers.

“you have the softest skin” He whispered into her ear, trailing his other hand down her ribcage, making her squirm. Emily grabbed the lower hem of his shirt and pulled it over his shoulders, briefly severing the connection his fingers had between her legs. She bent her legs, making his hips settle between hers, feeling the scratch of his boxer elastic on the inside of her thighs. Hotch leaned most of his weight on his arms on either side of her, not wanting to crush her beneath him, but her hands scratched down his back and pulled him into her, kissing him.

He rolled off her and Emily whined at the loss of contact. He pushed his underwear off quickly and rolled her away from him on her side. Running his hand down her waist he reached around her and settled his hand back between her legs, resuming his light strokes. Emily arched her back, pushing her ass into his groin, feeling his cock press into her – hard and hot. She reached behind her and grabbed him, guiding him between her legs. He thrust gently, coating his shaft in her juices and he groaned.

“You’re so fucking wet for me” he whispered in her ear, nipping the lobe. “Touch yourself” he grabbed her hand and guided it between her legs, covering it with his. Emily skated her fingers across her clit, establishing a quick dexterous rhythm with a practised hand.

He left her playing with herself and gently pushed her legs apart. Lining himself up with her entry he filled her to the hilt with a soft sigh. Pushing as deep in her as he could Aaron buried his face in the nape of her neck and kissed her skin as she moaned.

Emily stretched her body, grinding herself back on him as she continued stroking herself. Hotch grabbed her by the hip and started slowly thrusting into her, pulling her body into his, trying to touch and feel as much of her skin as he could. Beneath the covers, her skin was warm and slick with sweat.

Emily turned her head over her shoulder and caught his lips in a kiss. Her breath came quicker as she rolled her hips into his thrusts, matching his rhythm, as she felt the heat pool in her belly. She grabbed his hand suddenly and pulled it between her legs

“Touch me” She whispered, dragging her hand up to her mouth, tasting herself. He captured her lips quickly and tasted the sweetness on her tongue. He pressed harder on her clit, rubbing his fingers in wide circles, feeling her respond and thrust back onto him. Picking up his own pace he thrust into her with long deep strokes, feeling her grip him and spasm around him.

Her breath came in quicker gasps now, her rhythm more erratic as she approached orgasm. Speeding up his thrusts he heard only the blood pounding in his ears and the slick smack of skin on skin.

She came on him, hard, her whole body stiffening as she let out a cry. He pulled her closer, pressing his lips into her neck as he felt her pulse quicken.

She rolled backwards, forcing him onto his back as he slipped out of her wet folds. Quickly she straddled over him and lowered herself onto him, the covers falling off her shoulders and pooling around their hips.

The morning light was orange in the room and he stared up at her. Her skin was glowing and shining in the light, breasts upturned with stiffed peaked nipples. Her hair was messy from sleep, and she tilted her head down to meet his gaze and smiled.

“What?” She asked curiously when she saw the intensity of his gaze. In truth, he didn’t have an answer, just that this vision of her, smiling and flushed on top of him had seared itself into his brain.

Sitting up and wrapping his arms around her, he kissed her as she crossed her legs behind his back.

“You look beautiful” He murmured into her kiss as she started again rolling her hips in a gentle rhythm. Twisting her hands in his hair she tilted his head back further and kissed his neck, the morning stubble of his jaw. Moving her lips to his ear she let out a moan.

“You feel so fucking good” She groaned in his ear as his grip on her skin tightened, pulling her down harder on him, raising herself further off him with each deep thrust. She noted that his fingers had tightened on her when she spoke and she leaned closer to him

“you like this? You like the way I feel when I’m coming on your cock” she whispered, a grin on her face. His hands travelled to her ass and grabbed it tightly. He controlled their motion, almost slamming her down onto him as he latched his teeth onto her collarbone. He thrust up into her harder, faster, pressing his chest into hers, feeling their skin slip together

“Aaron cum with me” She moaned, feeling herself grow closer, and he responded with a growl, quickening his pace again. Emily arched her back as she came and he held her tightly. He came with a lengthy moan and pulled her mouth onto his, flooding her.

She smiled against his lips “good morning” she said. He ran his hands slowly up her back, kissing her.

“God, Em, how am I ever going to stop fucking you” He answered, his mind still foggy from his orgasm, massaging his fingers deep into her shoulders. He realised what he said as soon as it left his lips and the regret had just started forming in his stomach when she answered him

“Who says you have to?” She kissed him again.

They stayed in the same position, running their hands over each other's skin, as the sun fully rose.

“We have to get back to Quantico,” Aaron said, pressing his lips in her neck. “We are going to be late”

“So stop kissing me” She laughed leaning back on her arms and looking at him.

“One more” he said, pulling her back into him and settling his mouth over hers.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

They showered and packed in their rooms, leaving the hotel a little after 9, Emily left her room at the same time as her neighbour did. Smiling politely at the nondescript businessman he quickly averted his eyes from hers and quickly down the hall. Laughing to herself she shrugged and left to meet Hotch at the SUV. Settling herself in the passenger seat of the SUV she put her feet up on the dash.

Emily's phone rang about an hour into the drive.

"Hey JJ" She said, automatically putting the phone on speaker "we're still about three hours out, we got a late start"

"Well, I've sent through some case files for you to go over, we're probably going to go to Miami in the morning" She answered, forgoing a usual greeting.

"Ok, thanks Jayje, I'll download them now" She said, clicking through her phone to open the email app.

"So, late start huh?" JJ said, and Emily could hear the smirk in her voice

"Good morning Jennifer" Hotch said.

"Oh! Uh, good morning sir" Came the voice, flustered through the phone.

"We will look over the files when we get back" Hotch said and with a goodbye, Emily hung up.

"She really should take the profilers exams" He mused, and at that she laughed, nodding in agreement.

The rest of the drive back to Quantico was uneventful, Emily felt her muscles slowly stiffening in the car, resulting from the previous day's activities.

Arriving back at the office at 2 pm Hotch parked the car in the underground garage. He turned his head in the car and looked behind them, before leaning over the driver's seat and kissing her gently.

"Until next time?" He asked softly, rubbing his thumb across her lower lip.

"Don't make me wait so long" She answered, smiling, returning the kiss.

The Miami case was fast and violent, an unsub devolving into a spree meant the team didn't get much sleep.

They avoided each other as much as possible with the next few cases, Hotch volunteering to go speak at a seminar with Rossi just to get distance from her. He stopped himself from automatically making her coffee when he got himself one, from reaching out to brush the hair off her face when she was asleep on the plane.

Then it all went to hell in New York.

In the weeks following, Hotch couldn't remember much of the week they were there. He could only thread together JJ telling them she was pregnant, the intense ringing in his ears, with the slip of Kate's blood through his fingers, the scratch of the hospital gown, and seeing her body, broken and empty on the operating table. He stared for a long time at Kate's body, tears forming in the backs of his eyes, and reminded himself that this is what happens to the people he cared about.

The ringing in his ears didn't go away – staying at home for close to a month he had a constant headache, was edgy and tense and bored. He persuaded the doctor to allow him back in the field and almost immediately regretted his decision the minute the plane took off.

He knew the team all saw it – the grimace on his face as his ears popped. It got only worse when he lost it on scene at the noise of the machine used to dig up Ryan's grave.

He felt soft hands on his shoulders as he writhed in pain, trying to compose himself

"Can I do anything?" Emily was asking as her face slid into focus

"I'm ok" He said, pulling away and steadying himself. Forcing himself to avoid her gaze, feeling weak.

She watched him for the next few days – he was obviously in pain, but she couldn't figure out how to approach him. When she finally realised that the wounds on the victims were relating to constellations, she could have kicked herself – she felt guilty for not knowing sooner. Things moved quickly from there, and they ended up outside a victim's home. Emily was trying to distract her with the megaphone, and she noted Hotch twitch away from the sound.

The locals opened fire on the unsub, and he was immediately incapacitated – Rossi grabbing him as he almost collapsed. Emily looked over her shoulder after checking the unsub and saw him hunched over, in obvious pain. She forced her focus back into her job and managed to ignore the desire to help him, pouring herself into the wrap up of the case. She planned to sit next to him on the plane, keep a surreptitious eye on him on the flight back. So, when he handed her a box of homemade cookies and told them he would be driving back she acted surprised but was secretly relieved.

She nodded and hoped he took Rossi's advice and took the extra few days to drive back to Quantico.

When she got home that night, she dumped her stuff in the hallway and stretched. Her phone pinged with a text message. Opening it, expecting a photo of kittens from Penelope, as was her custom after a case, she was surprised to see a picture message from Hotch.

" _Why do all hotels have this wallpaper?_ " With his finger pointing at the ugly beige textured walls

She smiled and typed her reply

"It's ugly in all 50 states – where are you?"

_"Still in Ohio – I'll be back on Monday"_

"I think that's a good idea"

_"Glad you approve Prentiss – get some rest"_

For the rest of the week, her phone would occasionally ping with a picture from him, a weird thing he found at a gas station, the sunset at the budget motel he was in. She always smiled when she saw them, it seemed like he was picking random things in his life and thinking to himself _"Emily would like this"_ and sharing it with her. It made her feel seen, as he was correct in every instance.

He got back to the office on Monday and was Hotch again – greeting them all with a nod when they gathered.

"Reid – you and Prentiss are going to Colorado; we've had a call for our assistance in establishing an abuse case at a compound"

"Cult?" Prentiss asked, looking at the file he handed her

"Not officially – but the leader is Benjamin Cyrus, charismatic and religious"

"We shouldn't go as law enforcement" Reid said, turning to Emily, having already read the file in the minutes since Hotch had handed it to him.

"Agreed, we can figure out a strategy on the way there" Emily said and left to get her bags.

They were taking it easy in the compound – they thought they had time. And then the shooting started.

Hotch felt fear when he pulled up to the scene. He knew Reid and Prentiss would be working as hard as they could to temper the leader of the cult, but he didn't know if they were already dead.

He listened on headphones as Emily offered herself as a sacrifice for Reid. The sounds of her being beaten brought tears to his eyes and for the first time in his career, he felt his composure crumble. He wanted to run in there, save her, help her, step in front of the fists and make it stop. He took his headphones off and shook his head, refusing to face the reality of her being hurt under his care.

It was Dave who pulled him back in, staring him directly in the eye as if to say, _"You have to trust her, listen to her, you can do this."_ And he managed to hear the rest of it – the sick sounds of fists connecting to skin interspersed with Emily saying she could take it. The sound of shattering glass and her grunts as she was kicked in the ribs went through him like knives. But he trusted her, and they came out of it as good as they could

When it was over, he watched her pull Reid into a hug, the flames in the background of the destroyed compound threw her injuries in stark relief. She held Reid and stroked the back of his hair as tears cascaded down her face, Hotch stood off to the side and stared at her, trying to figure out how hurt she was.

She met his eye and offered him a small smile, reassuring. He ushered her into the ambulance they had waiting. She did not protest.

He sat silently with her in the back with the paramedics, watching them check her pupils for response, blood pressure and draw blood, resisting the urge to reach out and take her hand. She was taken for X-Rays and a precautionary MRI, but the doctors told him they most they expected was bad bruising, and maybe a broken orbital socket. At the very least she was going to be sore for quite a few days, and the bruises would likely take weeks to disappear.

He was able to get her discharged under his care and they got on the plane back to Quantico. As soon as they were in the air she went to Reid. He overheard her tell him that it wasn't his fault, and he was amazed at the tenderness in her voice as she gently coaxed a smile out of him.

Hotch was sitting on the end of the couch, paperwork spread out next to him as he filled out the forms for an agent injured in the line of duty. Emily curled up on the other end and quickly fell asleep, the rest of the team following suit soon after.

He put down the paperwork and looked at her – dark bruises on her eye and cheek, a bloody split in her lip and felt a twinge deep in his abdomen. She had been given painkillers at the hospital and was fast asleep. He stared at her, the dried blood on her lip making the backs of his eyes sting.

"I can feel you staring" She said quietly, opening one swollen eye and looking at him with a soft smile.

"You're taking two weeks off"

"Hotch you heard the Drs, no broken bones or internal bleeding, I'm totally fine"

"Wasn't a question Emily. Take time off." He said shortly, returning his eyes to the paperwork as she gave a huff of indignation

"And if I say no?" She snapped, anger curling in her belly like a snake.

"Then I will suspend you" He snapped back, his temper rising

"So it's ok for you to work with a damaged eardrum, but because delicate little flower me has a few bruises I get punished?" Her voice was rising, resentment threaded through each word.

"No, Emily. I want you to rest. You're hurt and you need to recover, and some time away from the bullpen will not kill you" He sighed deeply and flicked his eyes from the paper to see her still looking at him, her gaze defiant

"I've already filled out the paperwork – you don't have a choice" he said, signing his name at the bottom of the file and picking up another.

"Fine." She huffed. Putting her head back down on the couch she looked around the plane and saw the rest of the team asleep. She looked at Hotch, signing the papers in front of him and noticed he looked exhausted, deep circles under his eyes, his skin sallow. The anger relaxed and immediately gave way to worry. She sat up, hugging her knees and looked at him.

"Aaron are you ok?" She whispered, keeping her voice low in case anyone was feigning sleep

"I didn't like that" He responded, matching her low register.

"Well it was no picnic to go through" She said and let out a short laugh before grabbing her ribs, wincing. "I felt the same when you were hurt"

"I know, but listening to you get hurt like that and not being able to do anything, and hear you tell us to not do anything was rough" He said, deliberately focusing on the papers in front of him, trying to control his facial muscles.

"I know, I'm sorry" She offered, and he looked at her, puzzled.

"Emily it wasn't your fault – you took it because otherwise, they were going to kill you both. You protected Reid. You did what you had to do." He said, struggling to praise her for taking a beating.

"We have that in common then – this whole team protects him when we can" Emily said, letting her gaze drift to the sleeping doctor, his face looking impossibly young in sleep.

"Will you please take the time off" He said again, a pleading tone to his voice.

"Fine, but only a week." She slumped back onto the lounge and shut her eyes, Hotch going back to his paperwork.

She reluctantly took the next week off – and entertained herself by sending pictures to Hotch of how she was keeping busy.

' _made cold brew coffee – never tell Garcia'_

_'can you ask Rossi to come and teach me to cook please'_

Hotch always grinned at these, laughing at the photo of a badly burnt grilled cheese accompanying the request for Dave's help.

She came back to work when the bruises were yellowed and fading, her ribs completely healed. She caught up on her paperwork and joked with Derek, but noticed that Hotch was often staring at her from his office. He said nothing, but she could feel his eyes on her as she worked.

It was quiet in the BAU for the next few weeks, Emily's bruises healed and disappeared, Hotch was locked in a budgetary dispute with Strauss. They took the time in the office seriously at first, seizing the rare opportunity to complete all their annual tasks, medical, physical, firearms certification. After 4 weeks they had were back to offsite consultations and stuck in the office on call. They all got edgy as a team without an active case, feeling stifled in the bullpen together. Morgan and Reid inevitably started a prank war, causing Emily to alternate between JJ and Garcia's office lest she be caught by another paper aeroplane or physics missile.

She was pacing in circles around JJ's office on a Friday afternoon when JJ finally snapped.

"Emily. Sit. Down" She snapped, not looking up from her file

"Sorry – I'm just tense, I don't like having nothing to do" She sprawled in a chair, picking up a file from JJ's desk.

"I know you don't. But take it as a positive. We have weekends off – go to a bar, get laid, do something" JJ replied, glaring at Emily over the top of her file.

"You're right. I should do something productive, go salsa dancing or something"

JJ nodded and turned back to her paperwork. Emily took her file back to the bullpen and finished her work, dodging another poorly made paper aeroplane.

Despite her promise to JJ she still found herself bored on the weekend. She spent Saturday cleaning and rearranging her apartment before deciding to go to the FBI shooting range for target practice. She spent a few hours unloading clip after clip into paper targets, working on her precision aiming, quick draw and multiple target aim. She shot until she felt an ache in her shoulders and went home, grabbing a sandwich from a gas station as a late lunch.

She got back to her apartment and slumped onto her couch. Still bored, she considered texting JJ and offering to help paint the nursery when her phone buzzed, lighting up with a text message. _"Thank god"_ She thought, grabbing her phone and hoping for a case.

 _"Do you have plans tonight?"_ From Hotch.

"No plans, what's the case?" She responded, eager for something to do.

_"No case"_

"Then what?"

_"8.00?"_

Emily raised her eyebrows, the short message telling her everything she needed to know. She smiled to herself, now she had something to do.

"I'll be there"


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The recipe in this chapter is real! And very delicious - fans of the movie "Chef" may recognise it as the dish Jon Favreau's character cooks for Scarlett Johansson

**Chapter 15.**

Strauss had been all over him since New York, and with his subsequent threats to a district attorney, she crawled even further into his pocket. He kept his eye on Emily, watching the bruises yellow and disappear.

He spent weeks locked behind closed doors with Strauss, arguing the logistics of the team, debating the need for almost each line item in the budget, occasionally meeting with the director for final mediation.

They had gone close to six weeks without a case – and all of them caught up on the paperwork that piled up in their absences. JJ continued sorting the piles of requests that came across her desk, Garcia updated their firewalls and forced them all to change passwords. Reid, Morgan and Prentiss recertified in firearms and fieldwork. All the while Hotch sat in his office and signed his name on endless stacks of paper.

He was exhausted and frustrated by the bureaucracy of his job. He wanted a case, something to work on. His team spent the time doing consults, usually directing the local law enforcement to direct the focus of their investigation. Usually, they were on the right track, just needing a fresh set of eyes to point them the right way. But there were no new cases for them to fly to – nothing requiring their rapid deployment. Morgan and Reid quickly dissolved into a prank war – Emily disappeared from the bullpen after the third paper aeroplane missed its target and hit her in the back of the head.

The only positive was he had been able to establish some routine with Jack. He picked him up on the way home from work on Friday afternoons and he spent the night with him, Hotch dropping him off after dinner on Saturday. Despite his desperation for Jack to spend the weeks with him, he understood that Jack would see it as a rejection if they had to suddenly stop when he went out on a case. So instead they spent Friday nights building forts, cooking outrageously unhealthy desserts and watching whatever movie was currently obsessing his young son. Saturdays were spent playing in the park, building with blocks and LEGO before a big cooked dinner and taking him back to Hayley’s house.

Hayley opened the door on a Saturday evening, smiling at Jack who was clinging to Aarons side.

“Hey baby” She said, scooping him into her arms and kissing his cheek. Looking Aaron up and down she smiled as he put down Jack’s backpack just inside the door.

“Still no case?” She asked, leaving the door open as she walked, still carrying Jack, into the kitchen.

“No still nothing” He called, debating whether to come in. They had managed to avoid fighting for a few months now – a tentative peace emerging between them. It had taken weeks for her temper to thaw after he showed up with the scratches Emily had left on him, and he kept his visits short and casual, desperate to avoid another fight.

“You must be losing it” She said, walking back into the living room – Jack following her, drinking an apple juice.

“Budget meetings” He said shortly, leaning on the doorframe as she nodded. “Jack’s had dinner”

“Thanks – Honey come say goodbye to Daddy” She called, and Jack ran into the room, throwing his arms around Hotch’s legs.

Driving home he let himself into his apartment and started cleaning up the tornado of mess Jack always seemed to leave in his wake. Looking around he couldn’t find his wallet, he usually kept it in a dish on his coffee table, but the table had been taken over by a multicoloured tower Jack had built. He shrugged and figured he had probably left it in the car. His credentials were in his dresser, and his service gun locked safely away. He figured it had fallen out of his pocket in the car and made a mental reminder to get it in the morning.

He left the LEGO tower standing on his coffee table and looked at it with pride. Itching around his apartment he decided to forgo his usual Thai take out and make a good dinner for himself. Rossi had sent him a recipe a few weeks ago after he had offhandedly mentioned his lack of home cooking and he had all the ingredients. He thought it would be nice to cook a good dinner, drink some wine and blow off some steam of his own.

Without thinking, he texted Emily to join him.

He ignored the profiling part of him that was trying to analyse why he asked her over. He showered and shaved and quietened his mind by telling himself he needed the company of a friend. He dressed in comfortable clothes, further proving to himself that it wasn’t a date. He got dinner with Dave often, so why was it different to have dinner with Emily. He didn’t bother putting on shoes and double-checked the floor again for LEGOs, waiting somewhere in the carpet to embed itself into his feet.

She knocked just after 8, he opened the door to see her standing in yoga pants and a red shirt, carrying a bag slung over one shoulder, this comforted him, she didn’t think it was a date either. She was wearing no makeup and her hair was up in a ponytail – she greeted him with a smile.

“Hey! Come in – make yourself at home” He shut and locked the door behind her and went into the kitchen, starting to chop garlic on his cutting board. Emily kicked off her shoes, dropped her bag behind the couch and sat on one of the barstools at his kitchen bench.

“Am I here for a cooking lesson?” she asked, her eyes confused, looking over the ingredients he had laid out on the counter.

“Nope, judging by that grilled cheese you sent me a few weeks back, you’re a lost cause. I’m making us dinner” He answered, looking at her with a grin from below his brows, he felt the tension leaking from him as she smiled.

“What can I do?” She said leaning forward on her elbows, inhaling the fragrance of the garlic he had just added to the pan. He turned and grabbed two wine glasses from the cabinet. Opening the fridge, he grabbed a bottle of white wine from the door and turned around.

“Open this and drink it” He said, sliding the bottle and a corkscrew across the kitchen bench. Emily did so and poured two glasses of wine. Walking around the bench she handed his to him as he added oil and pepper flakes to the pan. Watching him she hopped up on the counter and sipped her wine

“What are we having?” She asked, dangling her legs off the bench and watching him as he chopped parsley.

“Pasta Aglio e Olio” he answered, sipping his own wine before draining the pasta on a rolling boil.

“Pasta with garlic and oil” She answered, raising her eyebrows “Rossi recipe?”

“Of course, who else” He answered, dumping the pasta into the pan of garlic and chilli flakes. “Though is it really a recipe if you just dump everything in a frying pan?”

She watched him as he moved around the kitchen, her eyes travelling the length of his bicep, focusing on his forearms as he stirred. Grabbing a fork from a drawer he twirled a length of pasta on a fork and held it out to her. She tasted it – it was delicious.

“When did you learn to cook” She asked, wiping a spot of oil off her chin.

“Single dad remember – can’t feed my kid box mac and cheese forever” He answered, stirring parsley into the pan before plating it for each of them.

“Oh, that’s not **your** kickass Lego tower?” She said, taking the offered plate and following him with the bottle of wine to the dining table. Sitting across from him she refilled both their wine glasses.

“Afraid not – if you want to leave, I understand” He said in mock embarrassment. He reached his wine glass to hers and they clinked together. 

“Mmm, I’ll stay for the cooking” She said, starting on the pasta, which was delicious.

He watched her for a moment as she ate. Her shirt was loose fitting and she looked comfortable, smiling as she ate and drank her wine.

“Garlic is a weird choice for a first date” she said, finishing her plate and refilling both their glasses of wine, emptying the bottle. He choked slightly on his final bite and looked at her, startled. She was smirking at him over her wine glass. “Kidding! Strauss coming down on you this week?” She asked kindly.

“Yeah, budgetary math, the most boring meetings in the world that we still somehow manage to fight over” He said with a sigh, grabbing both of their plates and taking them back into the kitchen.

Emily grabbed both glasses of wine and followed him, jumping back up on the counter. She handed him his glass of wine as she took a long swallow of hers. He started loading his dishwasher, stopping long enough to finish his glass of wine and put it on the counter.

“There’s another bottle in the fridge” He called over his shoulder and Emily jumped off the counter to get it, opening the second bottle and pouring him a glass. She hopped back up on the counter and refilled her own glass, swinging her legs back and forth on top of the bench. He started the dishwasher and turned to look at her.

“Comfy?” He asked, sipping his own wine, feeling the heat of the alcohol settle underneath his chest

“Very, I like to be tall” She said stretching her arms above her head, holding her glass of wine. Her shirt rode up, exposing the skin above her waist, it was lightly flushed, and he figured she must be slightly tipsy too. His eyes flicked to it and unconsciously his tongue darted out and licked his upper lip.

He crossed the kitchen and stood between her legs as she gently hooked her calves around his waist. He rested both his hands on her upper thighs as she draped her arms on his shoulders.

“Hi Aaron” She said as his hands travelled up her thighs to rest on her hips.

“Hi Emily” He replied and tilted his head to kiss her. She tasted like wine and garlic and he let his hands wander up her back beneath her shirt.

“You aren’t wearing a bra” He said, breaking the kiss and looking at her.

“Or underwear – I didn’t want to give you the chance to steal another pair” She said with a smirk. He laughed, the pair he had were still folded in his top drawer.

“Come on” She said, hopping down from the bench and leading him to the couch, carrying their wine. She sat on the couch with her legs spread, pointing to the floor she nodded at him until he sat between her legs on the floor.

Leaning forward she put both hands on his shoulders and gently kissed his neck

“You need to relax – find some background noise” She said, nodding at the TV. He flicked through channels until he found a channel playing gentle music as Emily started rubbing his shoulders.

She massaged gently from his neck across his shoulders, pausing occasionally to drink her wine, Hotch felt the last of the tension leave his body as she brushed her lips across his neck, moving her hands further down his back. She found a deep knot beneath one shoulder blade and dug her fingers into it, causing him to squirm

“Spending time at the range are you?” She teased, burying her fingers deeper into his skin as he sucked air between his teeth. “These are shooting knots aren’t they?”

“Yes, and ow,” He said, tilting his head back to look at her with a slight grimace. She was relentless and pressed her fingers harder into the knot until it finally gave way.

“Feels better though, right?” She said, sitting back on the couch and draining the last of her wine. Hotch rolled his shoulder and found she was right, that knot had been in his shoulder for months and he could never quite stretch it enough. She got up to grab the bottle from the counter and came back to find him sitting where she had been.

“Your turn, sit.” He said throwing a pillow onto the floor between his legs, and she emptied the bottle into their glasses and obeyed, sinking cross-legged to the floor.

His fingers were gentle at first, pulling her hair out of its ponytail and letting it fall around her shoulders. He started at the nape of her neck, rounding each vertebra before moving to her shoulders. He let his hands rest briefly on her shoulders, fingers twitching as though they itched to round her neck. Pressing his thumbs into her back he found the knots in her shoulders and back and adjusted the pressure until she let out a low moan

“Jesus that’s nice” She said, her head rolling to the side and resting on the inside of his leg.

He worked on each knot out of her shoulders, varying pressure and speed until they had all slackened under his fingers.

Emily had let her eyes drift shut as he worked on her – she knew already, of course, he had talented fingers, but feeling them work out kinks in her neck that had been there for months gave her a new appreciation for how much effort he put in.

He brushed her hair to one side and leaned down to kiss her neck. He felt her pulse through his lips and dragged them up to her earlobe, giving it a light nip. He kept his lips on her neck and jawbone as his fingers ghosted across her collarbones. Emily tilted her head back and looked at him, he had a smile behind his eyes as he kissed her gently.

Trailing his fingers lightly down her neck and across her collarbone, he felt her pulse skip slightly as he dragged his lips back over her jawbone. This he knew, was why he invited her over. Something about the feeling of her skin beneath his fingers had a hold on him, somewhere deep inside, primal. She twisted herself around until she was facing him now, still between his legs on the floor, looking up at him through long lashes.

“I’ve been thinking” She said, putting both hands on his upper thighs and squeezing gently.

“Mmm?” He said, feeling the blood move to his groin as he saw her in this position.

“You’ve made me beg – maybe it’s time I return the favour” She said, dragging a finger across the seam of his sweatpants. Aaron felt the smile creep across his face, and he slumped back, sitting back on the couch and meeting her eyes.

“You can try”


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

She raised herself further and pressed her body into his, running her lips across his jawbone. He put his head back into the couch and enjoyed her touch – her hands running under his shirt and up to his ribs.

She brushed her lips across his and he arched into her. She pulled back.

“Don’t touch” She said, smirking at him, dipping her head and nipping his earlobe and pressing her body into his. Pushing his shirt off over his head she resumed kissing across his collarbones. Her hair was lightly tickling his chest and he left out a soft sigh as she ran her hands across his skin.

She moved back up and kissed him, taking his bottom lip between her teeth and bit down. Gasping slightly his hand flew to the back of her head pulling her closer and kissing her deeper. Again she put both hands on his chest and pushed up off him

“Uh-Uh… don’t touch” She smiled and dragged her nails down the side of his waist and gently hooked her fingers into the waistband of his sweatpants. Rolling her hips side to side she met his gaze.

“Are you going to be good?” She asked, mock curiosity on her face. He nodded, playing along and raising his hips slightly, allowing her to draw his sweatpants down. Left in just his briefs he put both hands by his side, resolving not to touch her.

She climbed on his lap and straddled him, her hair falling over her face as she dipped her head and kissed his ear again. Rolling her hips lightly on his groin she kissed each side of his neck gently dragging her fingers in lazy patterns on his skin.

“Some days I can't help myself but sneak into the bathroom and touch myself thinking about you fucking me” She whispered in his ear. Her voice was a lightning bolt, electricity shooting straight to his groin.

“Can you tell?” She murmured “That some days at the round table, I’m not biting my cuticles, I’m tasting myself because all I could think about was you leaving bruises on my skin?”

“Jesus Christ Emily” He moaned raising his hips lightly, trying to grind himself harder into her, determined to keep his hands by his side.

“What?” She smiled, winding her hands around his neck leaning closer into him, arching her back, establishing a slow rhythm against him, rolling her hips. “You want to touch me? You want to fuck me, feel me cum around you?” She kept her voice light and delicate, pressing soft kisses on his lips.

When he didn’t reply she stopped, pulling back off him and meeting his gaze.

“Well?” She said, raising an eyebrow and pouting her lips slightly.

“You’re going to pay for this” He said, grinning at her – defiant.

“Oh I’m counting on that part” She said, a wide grin splitting her face as she trailed her hands down his chest again.

Climbing off his lap she got on her knees on the pillow in front of him, settling herself gently between his legs, running her fingers up and down his thighs. She trailed her lips across the seam of his briefs, noting that he was hard and straining beneath them. Breathing gentle air across the outline of his cock she watched it twitch beneath the fabric. 

Hooking her fingers into the waistband of his underwear she pulled them down enough for his cock to spring free, bouncing against his stomach. She gripped him by the base and met his eyes. He was staring intently at her, clenching his fists into the couch, staying still only by sheer willpower.

She licked him slowly from base to tip and he let out a deep sigh his head falling back on the couch, eyes closed. She wet her thumb and used it to rub gentle circles on the underside of the head of his cock – watching as his face relax in pleasure. Alternating her speed and pressure she used her other hand to trace lazy circles on his inner thighs, watching his face and body twitch and flex under her hands.

She kept her fingers feather-light on him as she watched his fingers tense, the knuckles white. She licked the droplets of precum as they appeared, and each contact with her tongue made him cry out. She smiled to herself as she watched his composure crumble bit by bit under her touch.

Raising herself up again she kept a grip on him as she leaned close to whisper in his ear again.

“I want to taste you – I want you to fuck my face” He turned and kissed her ferociously, biting her lip and trying to keep his breathing even. She broke the kiss and looked him in the eye – his gaze was almost painful “You just have to say please” she smiled.

His tongue darted out to lick his lips as his eyes darkened. “Please” He sighed, deep and throaty as she applied more pressure to just the tip of him. She raised her eyebrows and nodded, the smirk still on her face.

He was on her before she could blink, wrapping his arms around her so hard it almost hurt. He stood up, kicking his pants and underwear away as he twisted his fingers in her hair guiding her mouth towards him. She opened obligingly as he slid his cock into her mouth, his whole body flexing with the warmth of her.

He thrust slowly at first, just grazing the back of her throat.

“Look at me” He groaned and she did, from under those long lashes. Increasing the speed of his thrusts he tightened his grip on her hair slightly, holding her head still.

He stopped thrusting and let her take control – she took him deep in her throat, gagging lightly on him, causing tears to spring to her eyes. When she pulled her mouth off him her eyes were watering slightly, and he thrust back into her mouth with a smile.

She clasped her hands behind her back and kept her eyes on him as he gathered the hair off her face and into a ponytail, guiding her as she worked on him. He clenched his toes into the carpet as she flicked her tongue on him and felt the tension in his abdomen as his orgasm approached.

“Cum for me Aaron” She whispered, meeting his eyes and opening her mouth again. He obliged her, spilling himself into her mouth as she swallowed him gladly. She didn’t stop flicking her tongue on him until his cock had stopped twitching. Pulling back and looking up at him, she wiped a drop of his cum into her mouth with one finger, grinning.

“Jesus fucking Christ” He gasped, falling onto the couch – his heart racing.

Emily, still fully dressed, climbed onto his lap, kissing his cheek.

“Stress gone?” She asked lightly, a smile playing across her face.

In response he kissed her, tasting himself on her tongue as he pulled her closer to him, hands roaming beneath her shirt again. Reaching up he grabbed her hair and pulled her head back, gently enough to expose her throat as she let out a small moan.

With his other hand, he dipped beneath the waistband of her pants, fingers pressing deep against her, he licked her throat as he quickly slipped two fingers inside her – making her cry out.

“You think about me leaving bruises Emily?” He asked, establishing a deep rhythm inside her, moving fast as she squeezed her thighs around him.

“I think about this – I think about making you squirm and scream on me” His hand in her hair kept her still on his lap as he pushed his fingers deeper inside her, using his palm to grind against her clit.

“fuck” She whimpered, her body twisting as he sped up, biting into her neck and collarbone, feeling her clench around him, growing hotter.

“You want to cum Emily?” he asked, staring at her until she met his eyes and nodded.

“I think about leaving you on the edge all day, keeping you just like this, needy and begging me for it until you can't take it any more” He said, raising his eyebrows and slowing his movements, leaving her teetering on the edge. “now what do you say, Emily?”

“Fuck Aaron, PLEASE” She gasped, hands clawing at his skin.

He obliged her, resuming deep strokes inside her until she came with a scream. He felt her clamp like a vice around his hand as her whole body spasmed.

He kept his fingers inside her, moving gently back and forth until she opened her eyes and met his.

“Good girl” He whispered in her ear, the same deep, smoky growl that seemed to make her skin vibrate. She laughed, her eyes closing as she relaxed in his arms.

Moving with a speed she wasn’t expecting he removed his hand from her pants and scooped her up, walking towards his bedroom

“I’m not finished yet” He said, tossing her onto the bed. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Emily landed on the bed and bounced lightly, grinning at him. She pulled her shirt off over her head and threw it at him, beckoning him to join her.

He grabbed the hem of her pants and threw them behind him, hitting a lamp on his dresser and knocking it over, hearing it break. Grabbing the underside of her thighs he pulled her toward him and buried his face into her neck, biting and sucking the delicate skin until she cried out. He dug his fingers into her thighs as he moved his mouth down to her breasts, letting his tongue dart across a nipple as she wound her hands into his hair.

He kissed further down her stomach, using his shoulders to spread her legs wider. Emily arched her back and stretched as he brushed his lips across her inner thigh – her hands moving to twist in the comforter on his bed

He pushed her legs over his shoulders and dug his fingers into her hips, drawing her closer. Nipping the soft skin of her inner thigh he inhaled the scent of her. She twisted and tried to press further into him, urging him forward. She could only hear the blood pounding in her ears as she trembled slightly with anticipation.

His tongue made contact with her clit and she felt the rest of her body go numb – focused only on the touch of him she breathed deep, trying to keep herself steady.

He tasted her, slowly, drawing lazy circles across her with his tongue, feeling her clench in what he knew was her favourite places. Planting lazy kisses across her thighs and mound he glimpsed her face, screwed in frustration at his slow movements.

Sucking his clit in between his teeth suddenly he held her hips still on the bed as she jumped at his sudden movement. He flicked his tongue across her and pinned her hips to the bed, restricting her movement.

“Fuck yes” She cried as her back arched, close to orgasm.

He stopped. Pulled his mouth off her and looked at her face. She glared at him, frustrated and defiant.

“Not yet” he grinned, resuming his light kisses and bites on her inner thighs. Using one hand to keep her hips pinned on the bed, he trailed a finger lightly around her entrance. Alternating with his finger and tongue he watched as she grew wetter, swollen and flushed for him.

She was taking deep gasping breaths, her knuckles white as she clenched her fists.

Torturously slow he pressed a finger inside her to the first knuckle, flicking his tongue once over her clit. He felt himself growing harder as she writhed desperately on the bed.

Inserting another finger in her he kept them shallow inside her, his tongue random and infrequent enough to keep her just on the edge. He kept moving his fingers as he kissed back up her torso – biting and sucking a nipple as she twisted her hands in his hair, her skin flushed red.

He looked at her face, twisted in pleasure as he struggled to keep her still on the sheets. Her breath was coming in whimpers and gasps and she kept biting her lip and knuckles as he worked her over.

“Don’t hold it Emily, come on, scream for me, I want to hear how fucking hard you cum for me” His voice was low, deep and gravelly as he pawed at her skin, biting and sucking her breasts, never stopping his fingers inside her

Emily’s mind was completely blank, she had to remind herself to breathe as he teased her, she alternated between biting her lip and her fist to keep the scream in her throat at bay.

“Please fuck me, Aaron, please fuck me” The whimpers came out of her mouth, gasping and desperate and Hotch felt his cock pulse hard beneath him, he absolutely needed her to cum on him.

He moved suddenly, thumbing her clit and raising himself up, slamming his cock into her.

She saw stars as she came, she might have screamed but she wasn’t sure, her only focus was his thumb still rubbing small quick circles on her clit as she felt her whole body spasm, soaking his thighs as he pushed deeper inside her. He was so damned deep inside her and he thrust slowly, letting her adjust as she felt herself clench around him.

He pulled back and slammed himself into her, feeling the way she clenched around him and reacted, he wanted her ruined underneath his touch – he knew he would never be able to get the sound of her orgasm out of his head, and he wanted to imprint her with the same memories.

Picking her up he gripped her ass as she wrapped her legs around him. She felt her back hit the wall as he bit down into her shoulder muffling a groan, thrusting faster as she clawed into his back, her head thrown back into the wall

She heard a distant crash of furniture from somewhere in the room as she put her leg on the closest piece of furniture, steadying themselves and spreading herself wider as he thrust deeper.

“Don’t stop” she was aware of the words leaving her lips as his fingers dug harder into the backs of her thighs, no doubt leaving bruises.

His thrusts became less rhythmic as he approached his own orgasm – she felt him harden inside her and she bit down on his shoulder with a softened scream as the pulsing of his cock made her cum again, tears stinging the back of her eyes with its intensity.

Aaron’s head dropped to her shoulder as he too came down – Emily was struggling to catch her breath, her mind still catching up with the evenings' events. She felt stings from his teeth on her shoulder and the bite of his fingers into her thighs as her senses slowly returned, gasping for air as she voiced her one thought out loud

“Where the fuck did you learn to do that?” She asked, breathless as a smile crept over her face.

He let out a hoarse laugh and pulled them both onto the floor, still catching his breath

“Profiling” He groaned, pulling her into a hug, sprawling on the carpet. He stroked her skin lightly, planting soft kisses on her skin as she felt the drops of sweat trickle down his back. She felt her body settle and react under his touch, her heartbeat slowing slightly and her breathing becoming even.

“We broke your house” she panted looking around the room. The lamp had broken into two on the floor, the comforter and sheets had been ripped off his bed somehow, and they had toppled his nightstand, the contents laying strewn on the floor near their heads.

He looked at her, her lips were swollen and red, and she had a line of teeth marks across one shoulder. He could feel scratches on his back against the carpet and he could feel the sting of where her teeth had bit his neck.

He settled held her closer, the warm skin against his chest centring him. He was shocked at their carnage around the room – they had truly lost control with one another, he knew his thighs were soaked with her and he was almost sure he felt the wall crack slightly when he pushed her into it. His heartbeat was erratic and he gulped air in as he settled her on his chest, closing his eyes as he felt her hair spread across his skin.

“You gonna live?” She asked, laughing as he ran his fingers up and down her spine.

“I think so” He said smiling, coming back to his senses slightly as he rounded his fingertips on her spine, kissing her gently. He couldn’t think of anything to say, except the only thought that had been in his head since the minute he opened the door to see her smile “I missed you” he sighed, his head falling back on the carpet as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

She smiled into his chest, threading her fingers into his as they lay silently on the carpet.

“I missed you too” She whispered, giving his hand a light squeeze.

“You going to help me clean up this mess you made?” He asked after a moment, looking around the room. She laughed, getting up from the floor and reaching a hand to help him up.

He wrapped his arms around her as he stood, pressing his body into hers, feeling the warmth of her skin. She pulled away from him and went to the bathroom as he picked up his nightstand and began putting its contents back together.

“Do you have plans tomorrow?” She asked, emerging and finger-combing her hair into a semblance of neatness.

“No, Jack’s got a playgroup thing on Sundays, so I usually go to the range or for a run” He answered, picking up the broken lamp and setting it, useless, atop his bureau.

She nodded, crossing the bedroom to straighten his bedcovers. He turned and looked at her, bent over the bed straightening the sheets and came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her upright into his body.

“Stay” He whispered into her neck, stroking her arm lightly.

“Without pyjamas? How scandalous” She laughed, turning in his arms and winding them around his neck. He smiled and pressed his forehead into hers, moulding his body against her, feeling her skin.

“Fair warning I’m not running with you in the morning” She said, kissing his cheek.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18.**

In the dark she lay curled into him as he grabbed her hand again, interlacing their fingers and kissing every inch of skin his lips could reach

“We should do this more often” Emily said, sighing softly, drawing his arms around her as she tilted her head to give him better access.

“Mmm, which part?” He asked, resting his chin on her shoulder “The me fucking you until you almost cried part? Or dinner?” She could feel the smile in his voice

“Oh dinner, definitely” She said, and he dug his fingers into her ribs, making her laugh.

“Next time is your turn to cook for me” he said “I’m looking forward to burnt toast”

“Hey!” She cried turning her head to face his “I make a mean PB&J sandwich as well” She smiled, capturing his lips in a kiss.

He deepened the kiss, trailing his fingers across her jaw

“Good to know – Jacks love of them has given me a taste for them I can’t seem to shake”

“How is he?” She asked impulsively, settling her head back on his chest.

“He’s great – you saw his incredible LEGO creation” he said, dragging his fingers gently up and down her ribs. “He likes having the weekends with me” His voice trailed off slightly, a hint of sadness creeping in.

“I bet he likes his dad being a superhero more” She whispered into the dark.

It was that instinct, Hotch thought, the immediacy of her comfort, the way she picked up on the insecurity in his voice and reassured him. The way her kindness made his chest hurt, that’s what was going to ruin him.

Fraternisation between active agents was strictly forbidden. Hayley had once joked that it was her favourite part of the job – she never had to worry about him having an affair. Dave had been part of the cause. Active agents found to be fraternising were immediately transferred to different units, disciplined, and in some cases fired.

Their team was a family – _his only family_ – he thought, and he couldn’t live with himself if he was in any way part of ripping it to shreds

“I know.” She said, and he looked at her, puzzled. “But we’re fine – this is a once in a while thing, and we’ve been pretty successful in keeping it that way”

“For now,” He said.

“Well if that changes, we can talk about it then. We’re both still too busy to do anything serious anyway. Why worry about something that only might become a problem at some point in the future?” She kissed his jaw.

“Plus – it’s not like either of us wants to stop” She twirled her fingers on his chest. “Right?” she whispered, unsure.

He kissed her then, the softness of her lips causing the twist in his stomach to lessen slightly.

“Right” He answered when she broke the kiss. Pulling her closer into him he settled his head against the pillows and let out a long slow breath.

Emily fell asleep quickly, her head still on his chest. Her skin was warm against his and he continued running his fingers across her hips until his eyes grew heavy, and he fell asleep.

Hotch woke early to hazy sunlight filtering through his curtains. Emily had wrapped herself around him like a vine in the night, one leg slung over his hips and an arm curled into his chest. Her skin was soft and warm against his and he smiled.

Extricating himself gently from underneath her, he kissed her shoulders as he dressed quickly in his running clothes, loose sweats and a shirt. He was hunting for his shoes when Emily gave a small groan and rolled over.

“Hey” he whispered, sitting on the side of the bed next to her as she sat up, wrapping her arms around her knees.

“What’re you doing?” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes and stifling a yawn.

“I’m going for a run, remember,” he said with a grin. She was endearing in the early morning; her hair was tousled, and her eyes were half-closed.

“Oh, okay, give me a minute to find my clothes and…” he smothered her lips with a kiss.

“You’re not going anywhere, stay right here, go back to sleep, I’ll be back in an hour” he kissed her cheek, neck and shoulder as she nodded lightly and laid back down.

Trailing his hand down her back as he stood up from the bed, he pulled the covers back over her shoulders and gently brushed the hair out of her face.

Hunting around in the orange glow of the morning he grabbed his shoes and closed the door behind him as he left.

Running in the early morning light he relished the sound of his feet hitting the pavement. He enjoyed running in the silence, feeling nothing but adrenaline and his breathing.

He ran his usual loop and let his mind wander. Inevitably it wandered back to the conversation he had tried to have with Emily last night. He still had a slight twinge in his gut, and he tried to unpack it as he moved through the street.

_“there’s something here”_ he thought, as he regulated his breathing  
 _“that doesn’t matter”  
“but there IS something”  
“If Strauss finds out we’re completely fucked”  
“And how will Strauss find out? The only people that know are you and her, and it’s not like anybody on the team would ever say anything”  
“But still…”_

He went in circles in his head as he started his return journey. He tried to reconcile the casual nature of their arrangement with the warmth he felt flood his chest when he saw her in the early morning light, the way she teased and made him laugh, the way her instinct was to reassure him.

_“you’ve gone back to normal every time. Don’t overthink it – just let it be what it is for a change”_ he decided to as he arrived back at his apartment. Sweating and breathing heavily he stretched on his way back up the stairs and opened the door to his apartment.

He opened the door and was greeted by the sight of Emily in his kitchen, making coffee. Her hair was damp and slightly wavy, and she was wearing one of his pyjama shirts. It came down past her wrists and lightly cupped her ass.

He watched her for a moment, admiring the way she moved fluidly through his home, the way the shirt crept up over her ass as she stretched for the cups in his cupboard.

“Good morning, coffee?” she said, not turning around. She poured two cups without waiting for an answer. Turning she saw him staring at her and a small smile played over her lips.

“Sorry, I couldn’t find all my clothes” she said grinning and shrugging in his shirt, putting a mug of coffee on the bench for him and taking a long sip of her own.

“No problem” he answered, gratefully accepting the coffee and swallowing half of it.

“Jesus this is strong!” he said, grimacing slightly

“You should try my cold brew; it’s been regulated by the DEA.” She grinned at him and swallowed the rest of her coffee

“I’m making breakfast” she said, turning and rinsing the cup in the sink

“Funny, my kitchen isn’t on fire?” he said, looking around with a smirk. He finished the rest of his coffee and joined her at the sink. She didn’t move out of the way as he reached around her to rinse his own mug.

“ha ha” she said drily. “in fact, the diner down the street delivers, pancakes will be here in a half-hour”

While she was talking, he had moved his hands to her waist, manoeuvring her back slightly so she was pressed against the kitchen counter she had sat on last night.

“Pancakes sound good” he said, trailing a strand of her hair through his fingers “but what are we going to do for a half-hour?” He bent his head to kiss her neck, trailing his lips gently up the line of bruises he had left the night before.

“Seems like you have an idea” Emily said, winding her hands around his neck as he dragged his hands up and under the shirt to cup her ass. He was sweaty and his hair was messy from the run, his skin where she kissed tasted salty and he smelled so _masculine_ she felt herself melting under his touch.

She hopped backwards up on the bench, the shirt riding up above her thighs, exposing her nakedness to him.

He kissed her then, and she tasted like coffee and toothpaste. She smelled like the soap he used and the familiar cloth of his own shirt under his fingers made him smile into her lips. He flicked the buttons of the shirt open, letting it fall as she leaned back. He peeled his own sweaty shirt off and threw it behind him, the air hitting his skin, cooling him.

He kept his lips on her, running his hands all over her as he marvelled at how she seemed to be all curves and soft skin. Trailing his fingers gently on her inner thighs he pushed her back, so she was spread out on the counter for him. Grinning at the view before him he bent down and kissed the sensitive skin of her thighs, making her breath hitch.

He tasted her then, swiping his tongue across her, and she let out a soft moan.

Looking at her from between her thighs he ginned

“Half hour?” He asked, pressing his fingers deep inside her and watching her face twist.

“Mmhmm” She moaned, arching herself into him as he curled his fingers inside her.

“I think I’m wanting to spend the day making you scream” He said, moving his lips between her legs and sucking his clit between his teeth.

“Jesus, FUCK” She cried out, curling into the contact as he attacked her clit with ferocity. Moaning and squirming he felt her juices begin to drip down his fingers and her thighs.

There was a sharp and insistent knock at the door.

“Hmm, fast delivery” He said, raising his head and smirking at the frustration etched on her face.

“Who cares, keep going” She answered, breathless as he pulled her upright on the counter. He withdrew his fingers from her and straightened her shirt, buttoning it and kissing her lightly so she could taste herself on his lips.

She whined again, frustrated.

“Go get breakfast, then come and sit on my face” He said, helping her off the counter and grabbing her ass.

She stalked to the door, throwing a filthy look at him over her shoulder as she undid the deadbolt, pulling the shirt down a little further so it covered her completely. He smirked at her and licked his fingers as she flung the door open.

“Hayley?!”


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

Jack woke Hayley just after 6 by jumping on her bed, squealing with excitement about his playgroup. She groaned and rolled over, trying to muster the will to match the little boy’s energy.

She climbed out of bed and scooped Jack into a huge hug, tickling him and ruffling his hair until he ran away, laughter echoing through the halls. She smiled, feeling comfort and joy at the sounds of her son’s happiness ringing throughout the house.

Making the bed she put a robe over her pyjamas and went downstairs to fix Jack breakfast. She made him cereal and a juice before settling him in front of the TV while she showered. She didn’t like to let the television parent for her, but since she was alone, she found that it was a welcome way for her to get some rest.

She dressed and her eyes skipped over the family photo she kept on her nightstand, Aaron and Jack playing in a park, wide smiles on their faces as Aaron threw Jack into the air. A bitter sort of joy filled her; Aaron had been called to work less than two hours after that photo was taken.

She pushed thoughts of her ex-husband from her mind as she absently rubbed her finger on the bare spot where her wedding ring had been. They had been divorced over a year, but she still found it easy to be angry with him.

She had wondered if he was seeing anyone, he had shown up to their home once with clear evidence of a woman on him – scratches on his neck, and she had reacted violently. But as far as she could tell he wasn’t dating anyone seriously.

She asked Jack what they had done when he got home from Aaron’s and her son regaled her with stories of blanket forts, movie nights and trips to parks and museums. He occasionally mentioned Uncle Dave in these stories, but no women. And Hayley didn’t want to pry, or to make Jack think that she was angry about any of the fun activities he partook in with his father. She might still feel bitter and angry towards him as a husband, but she couldn’t deny that he was an excellent father to their son.

She went downstairs and grabbed Jack’s backpack, still sitting in the doorway where Aaron had left it the day before. Unpacking colouring pencils and drawings her fingers gripped leather and she pulled it out confused. It was Aaron’s wallet. She turned it over in her fingers and opened it without thinking, a picture of her and Jack greeting her eyes as the first thing she saw. She smiled, comforted that he carried his son with him wherever he went.

She considered calling him to let him know where it was but remembered he was usually out running on Sunday mornings. He had often talked in the abstract about competing in a triathlon at some point in his life and was an avid runner. He never took his phone, preferring to run only with the sounds of his feet on the pavement.

She fingered the seam of the wallet as she remembered how before they had Jack he would come home from a run, sweaty and breathless and take her to bed from wherever she was, grinning and laughing as he pulled his sweaty clothing off. She shook her head to clear the memory.

She sighed and put his wallet in her handbag, his apartment was about halfway between Jack’s playgroup and the grocery store, and she could easily drop it in on her way, maybe get to see the LEGO tower Jack had talked about all night the previous evening.

Jack got dressed quickly, excited for his morning with his friends. It was a local gymnastics playgroup where the kids could run and jump and play in foam ball-pits, all supervised by professionals. It was 2 hours and gave her a chance to run the errands that Jack usually couldn’t handle for long periods – grocery shopping, dry cleaning and the like. She dropped him off with a wave and a smile, thanking the manager of the playgroup as she left and confirming she would be picking him up in 2 hours.

Getting in the car and after enjoying the silence for a moment, she started the drive to Aaron’s apartment, turning on some music and rolling down the window, relishing the sunlight and fresh air.

It was just after 8.30 when she arrived, she guessed he was probably still out running and planned to drop his wallet through the mail slot, calling him later to let him know where he had left it. She climbed the stairs, rolling her eyes at him for considering a place with no elevator and got to the door. She was pulling his wallet out of her handbag when she heard it

“Jesus, FUCK” muffled through the door was the breathy scream of a woman’s voice.

Hayley froze. Her brain told her to leave, walk away from the door, call him later about the wallet and forget she was ever there. But anger curled inside her like a vicious snake and before she thought it through, she knocked on the door.

Whatever she was expecting, it wasn’t Emily Prentiss opening the door.

Ice ran through her veins as she took in the sight of her – she was wearing a pyjama top that was part of a set she had bought for Aaron years ago – her hair was damp and lightly curling over her shoulders, and Hayley could see bite marks and a trail of bluish-purple hickies down her neck. She had a memory of carefully wrapping the pyjama set and placing it under a Christmas tree, watching him open it in the morning with a silly grin on her face. Immediately it was pushed out by the vision of Emily in front of her – her flushed skin rapidly losing colour as she remained frozen with her hand still on the door

Aaron stepped in front of her, making his form as wide as possible, blocking her view of Emily, he gently turned her around and she walked away, trailing his fingertips behind her. Hayley couldn’t help but notice she had fingertip-sized bruises on her thighs as well, as his fingers reached for her, seeming not to want to stop touching her.

She looked Aaron up and down, his hair was messy, he was sweaty, and he was shirtless, wearing sweats low on his hips. He had matching teeth marks in his shoulder, the pants slung low enough on his hips to let her know exactly what it was she had just interrupted.

“What are you doing here?” He asked her folding his arms and fixing her with his ‘work stare’. She hated that look.

“You left your wallet in Jack’s backpack. I guess you were too busy to notice” Looking past him she saw clothes and couch cushions strewn across the floor, and the faintest trace of a woman’s scent hit her nostrils.

“Oh – well, thank you” He said, reaching out and taking the wallet from her.

Hayley said nothing, waiting on him for an explanation, some excuse as to why his subordinate was in his apartment, dishevelled and clearly having just been fucking him.

Her mind raced with questions, but he gave her no answers.

“I’ll call you later” Hotch said, dismissive, as he gently closed the door.

Hayley turned and left, still in shock, passing a guy in a delivery uniform as she rushed down the stairs.

When the second knock came, Hotch readied himself for a fight. He could feel the fury emanating off Hayley like heat, and he knew it would only simmer for so long before it erupted.

He was relieved to see the delivery guy, and took the bag of food gladly, bolting the door behind him. He threw it on the counter just as Emily emerged from his bedroom, dressed again in her yoga pants and shirt from the night before.

“I’m so sorry” He said, as she grabbed her bag and refused to meet his gaze.

“She’s pissed Hotch. We’re fucked.” She said, pulling her shoes on before looking at him. Worry creased her forehead as she looked at him expectantly. Her use of his surname had hit him like a slap, and he was scrambling to think of what he could do, how he could fix this.

“I’ll talk to her” He said, running his fingers through his hair, angry that she was leaving so abruptly

“Good luck with that – I’ll see you in the office on Monday” She said, taking long strides towards the door. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into him, and she resisted briefly, before meeting his gaze.

“I really am sorry” He whispered, dropping his head to avoid her gaze. He meant it too – he felt like a balloon had been popped in his chest, he wanted to hit something.

“I know, but we can’t, _I can’t_. I’m sorry.” She cupped his face gently and brushed her lips across his.

She left without another word and the door closed behind her with a soft click. 

His heart was racing as he started to pace around his apartment, panic settling in his gut like a stone. The smell of the blueberry pancakes seemed to taunt him as he tried to rationalise an argument in his head.

Eventually, he threw himself in the shower, resolving to go and talk to Hayley before her temper got out of hand. On the drive to her house, he clenched his hands rhythmically, trying to settle his own temper. Hotch was irrationally angry with Hayley, but she hadn’t done anything wrong, she had simply been returning his wallet and had chosen the worst possible time, and he chanted that to himself as he weaved the familiar path to the home they shared when they were married.

Hayley wasn’t home when he got there, so he sat on the front step and waited. He had a key, but he assumed it would piss her off, even more, to find him sitting at what used to be their kitchen table.

He only had to wait ten minutes before she pulled in the driveway, she walked right past him and he followed her through the front door. She turned on him quickly as he crossed the threshold.

“How long?” She spat, the words like venom hitting him hard.

“After we divorced that stopped being your business” He stepped back, folding his arms.

“Oh, so I’m supposed to accept that? That the woman you walked out on me to get ‘ _back on the job_ ’ just happened to be half-naked in your apartment?” She poked a finger in his chest and stormed into the kitchen, throwing the grocery bags onto the counter, fixing him with the same stare she had given him in every fight they had ever had, he hated that look.

“Yes, Hayley, you’re supposed to just accept that. The way I was supposed to just accept the divorce” Despite his promises to himself in the car he felt his anger threaten to overwhelm him

“Well accepting the divorce meant you had seven days a week to fuck your employee, rather than just whenever you could sneak away from our martial bed, I would have thought you’d be pleased” Her face was flushed red with rage.

“We both know I wasn’t the one sneaking around in our marriage Hayley” His voice was a whisper and she fell silent, staring daggers into him.

“Bullshit” She said turning her back on him

“You think I didn’t know – how stupid do you think I am? Phone calls that answered into dead air before you disappeared with your cell. I might have been a shitty husband Hayley but I’m not a fucking moron” He said, his voice rising, threatening to turn into shouts. He took a deep breath to steady himself.

“This isn’t about the past Aaron – it’s about me finding you fucking your subordinate in the house where our son sleeps. Was she there when he was? Were you even watching him, or were you too busy with _her_ ” She turned and glared at him again, her voice rising too.

“That’s a fucking low blow Hayley and you know it. Don’t you dare insinuate that I don’t take care of my son!” He was shouting now, rage clouding his mind as the anger clenched his lungs like a fist.

“Fuck you Aaron, you didn’t care about me, or Jack – the only good thing I can say is that you won’t care about her either, she’ll experience the same thing I did, and maybe that’s Karma for breaking up our marriage”

He turned to go, and she kept shouting as he took long strides

“You’re just like your father, you can’t love anything, except you don’t take it out with your fists, you just punish everyone around you for your own failures!” She screamed after him, the words hitting him like wounds as he slammed the door behind him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(

**Chapter 20**

Emily sat in her apartment, in silence, trying to unpack her feelings, compartmentalise what had happened, label the emotions and process them in turn. But every time she got somewhere her memory flashed to the way she could make him laugh, how whenever they sequestered themselves he always needed to be touching her – possessive and intimate, a finger trailing on her skin.

Emily sat with her head in her hands until the sky darkened outside, thinking.

Her mind refused to quiet and the buzzing in her brain got louder as she pressed her fingers deep into her closed eyes, seeing spots.

_“Is it worth your career?”_ was the question that circled her brain, whirlpooling all other thoughts

_“You’re finally doing something good – something pure, are you willing to give that up?”_

Her eyes opened and flicked involuntarily to the safe, hidden behind a cupboard. She had joined the BAU to do something worthwhile. She had wanted to do something that was an unambiguous right, rather than the morally grey assignments she had come from.

Leaning back on the couch with a deep sigh she let the memories of Ian Doyle wash over her for the first time in months. Intentionally seducing him was part of the plan – finding joy and freedom in playing Lauren Reynolds was not. The guilt gripped her again as she remembered playing with Declan, enjoying the peal of giggles that would escape him as they chased each other around the villa. The way she woke to watch Ian sleep – conflicted.

The BAU had given her a family, stability when she desperately needed it. She had come at a time of turmoil, watching Reid spiral into addiction and watching the others seemingly ignore it. She had felt an immediate protective instinct towards him, seeing an innocence be ripped from him. She watched Morgan be attacked by his childhood, watched him fight his way out with a strength she didn’t know anybody possessed.

She hid as much of herself from them as she could, her respect and admiration for this incredible team making her feel diminished and small, guilty for the tactics she had used.

JJ, standing traumatised in Tobias Hankels’ home had seen it in her.

“How come none of this bothers you?” She had asked, shaking and terrified from the ordeal she had been through. Immediately Emily lied, defensive. These people were righteously good; heroes who would struggle to understand the way she could happily curl into the arms of a terrorist.

They had accepted her, loved her, protected her. And she didn’t know what would make her give that up.

But her mind was insistent, turning to Aaron in the soft glow of the morning as he pulled her body into his – holding her as closely as he could. In sleep, his hands found her pulse and his body would relax when he felt her blood pumping steadily beneath his fingers, she wondered if he knew he did that. He learned her body like a textbook and he knew how to make her laugh in a way she hadn’t in years. He drew smiles from her like a mission, and occasionally she would catch his gaze when he was watching her. There was something like tenderness beneath his gaze, and it made her feel confident, rather than weak.

But Emily knew she couldn’t have both. She had to choose; her family or Aaron.

“Stop being ridiculous, you’ve spent 4 nights together, stop overthinking it and go back to doing your job!” She hissed at herself in the dark. She forced herself to go to bed, but sleep wouldn’t come.

Finally, as the clock on her bedside taunted her with 3 am she fell into a fitful sleep

_“But there’s something there”_ came a voice, unbidden from deep in her brain.

She stared at the ceiling for an hour, debating whether to call in sick. She decided against it, knowing that if she didn’t show up at work, Aaron would just come to her house.

She took each task of the morning one step at a time, focusing only on brushing her teeth, taking a shower, covering the marks Aaron had left on her skin, getting in the car, driving to Quantico.

She was the first in the bullpen and she involuntarily flicked her eyes to his office. Hotch was at his desk, on the phone. She couldn’t see much through the blinds, but she found herself staring. She needed to know what had happened with Hayley if anything. Hayley could feasibly call Strauss. The clench in her gut when she thought of that took her breath away. Hotch had been arguing with Strauss for weeks on the budget, her face growing rockier and more stoic as they fought. Emily wasn’t exactly on her Christmas card list either, it would be an effective way to torpedo both of their careers.

Emily let out a deep sigh – her stomach still churning as she made coffee. Turning around she saw him standing in the doorway to his office, staring at her. There was a question in his gaze and she knew what he was asking _“Is it over?”_

Making her choice, she slowly shook her head yes. _“Yes, it's over. I can't risk the family I built here.”_

She saw his shoulders drop a fraction. He gave a jerky nod and turned back into his office, shutting the door behind him.

She sat at her desk and buried herself under paperwork.

“Prentiss, you ok?” Derek’s voice snapped her out of her fugue state over an hour later

“What?” She answered, jerking upright, realising she had been reading the same page for at least five minutes, and she couldn’t remember what it said.

“Are you ok?” He said concern on his face as his eyes swept over her.

“Oh! Yeah, just tired, didn’t get much sleep last night” She answered, forcing a grin.

“Yeah I know what you mean, I’m going spare without a case too” He answered, rolling his chair over to her.

“Yeah, just bored” She said, unwittingly letting her gaze drift to Hotch’s office where she saw his form still hunched over the desk.

“The longest we’ve ever gone without a case is 81 days” Reid chimed in from across the pen

“How many days are we up to now?” Emily asked.

“58” He answered “So only another month before we break the record” a goofy grin spread across his face.

They didn’t break the record. 4 days later, JJ came to them with a case in Reno, Nevada.

He sat next to her on the plane, and he talked through the profile as if the scent of her hair tickling his nostrils didn’t make him want to scream out and hit something.

The words Hayley had hurled at him battled for dominance with his thoughts about Emily. He understood why she wanted it to be over. He knew how much this team meant to her and the risk to her career had suddenly become too great. But he was angry with her, irrationally so – he needed her to whisper a sentence of comfort to him in the dark but instead, all he saw when he closed his eyes was her across the bullpen, shaking her head, signalling the end as Hayley’s voice cracked through his skull like a whip.

They had circled in his head like vultures since she said them and he hadn’t slept longer than an hour. Glancing briefly at Emily he saw she too had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was out and covering her neck, the ghosts of bruises he had left only a whisper on her skin.

He tried to focus in Nevada, directing the team to search every bed and breakfast they could find because none of them could come up with an answer on how to narrow the profile.

When it was over he stood in the glow of ambulance lights, staring at the dead body of the unsub as victims were wheeled away in the background.

Hotch had talked to the guy, actually spoken to Floyd Hansen and he hadn’t seen it. He had looked at this serial rapist and murderer in the eyes and left. He wondered what horrors Ian and Abby had undergone while they were still searching for a man Hotch had already interviewed.

He was furious with himself – his distraction had caused this, and it was all his fault. He couldn’t be angry with Emily or Hayley. They had agreed from the start that it would only be casual, and Hayley finding them together in various states of undress had catapulted it out of the casual realm, of course, she wanted to stop. It was the best decision, he had given up that marriage for this job, he should want to stop as well.

But he didn’t. And now he had missed an unsub, a man who brutalised couples and discarded their bodies in cars to be demolished by trucks on a lonely highway.

It had been his fault what this couple went through, he was **right there** and he could have saved them from the vicious attacks they suffered.

Rossi spotted it first, coming to console him for his failures. But he was still furious with himself – distracted by a personal problem he had failed to uphold the promise of his job.  
He stood on the side of the road as they covered Floyd Hansen's body with a sheet and decided on the spot to bury it. Bury whatever feelings he had about Emily, the feelings he had been too scared to unpack in the first place could sit in boxes in the corners of his mind, ignored and gathering dust.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21.**

It was after dinner in Vegas when it came crashing down around them again. A case with kids and Spencer’s request to stay an extra night found them sitting at a round table in a Chinese restaurant, talking and laughing as a family.

Emily found herself seated next to Hotch and she focused as much as she could on making conversation, lubricating her words with white wine as she steadfastly disregarded his presence. He had ignored her since that day, not at work, but they hadn’t spoken about anything non-work-related since she shook her head.

Nothing had happened with Hayley, or at least, nothing had reached Emily – but Hotch had been wound tight on the job, snapping and demanding perfection.

She drank too much, she knew that. Her teeth were tingling as they got up from the table and she forced herself to focus on staying steady on her feet as they made their way back to the hotel, the clinky noise of slot machines in the background rattled her brain as she concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other in a straight line.

Her room was at the end of the hall, and one by one they went into their rooms until she was walking alone with Hotch.

“They really do have this stupid wallpaper in every state” She said, leaning against a wall. He stopped and looked at her.

“You’re drunk” He said, appraising her form.

“And sorry” She blurted out.

“Sorry about being drunk?” He asked, stalling his hand on the key card he was about to insert.

“No. Sorry about, you know… _us_ ” She felt herself hiccup at the end of the sentence.

He looked her up and down, she was leaned sideways into the wall, her eyes glassy and unfocused as she shuffled her feet, trying to maintain balance.

“It’s not that I wanted to stop you know, but Hayley, and I can’t lose this family, because really they’re the only family I have and you get that…” She was rambling, her words slurring together slightly. He held up his hand and cut her off.

“Prentiss. Go to bed” He said and opening the door of his hotel room he closed the door behind him with a soft click.

Emily didn’t go to bed, instead, she got back on the elevator and went to the closest bar, slamming whiskey sours until the embarrassment left her.

Hotch closed the door and sighed heavily. He was being a bastard and he knew it. Not just to Emily, but to the whole team, snapping and demanding and failing to use the manners his mother taught him.

He had done the same thing to Hayley towards the end, dismissive and combative in conversation, making everything her fault when he was covering for his own guilt and shame. But he wasn’t angry with Emily, he was just trying to get her out of his head. But the memory of her had tattooed itself onto his brain and he was struggling to separate ‘Prentiss’ and ‘Emily’.

Prentiss was the one he could count on. She was exceptionally capable as a profiler and seemed uniquely suited to handle the pressures of a job at the BAU. She witnessed horrors with stoicism and while he was sure she occasionally broke, he had rarely seen it. Morgan and Spencer were exposed nerves, raw wounds that took each case personally – and while that made them fight tooth and nail for every victim, in every case, he often felt it left them vulnerable to burn out. Dave was weathered by the years he spent perfecting this craft, he saw profiling as a clinical skill and applied it with precision. JJ and Garcia combated the horrific nature of their work by an equal outpouring of love and sunshine into their own lives.

He and Prentiss were the same, the only emotions they showed on the job were ferocity and derision. He held her in great esteem for her ability to close herself off from most cases, and he often wondered what she had done in her redacted files to learn these skills.

Emily was the woman that teased smiles out of him when he was reluctant. She had an ability to pick his current insecurity and reassure him, while never letting him off the hook for being unreasonable or irrational. She curled her body into his and in her sleep she would always lean her body into his touch – he wondered if she knew how many times he had kissed her while she was sleeping, her face turning towards his as he stroked his thumb across her cheek.

He ran his hands through his hair and hoped it would get easier because aside from missing the way her skin felt beneath his fingers, he missed her friendship more. 

Emily was cut off by the bartender after 5 whiskey sours. She tumbled into the elevator and fell into the door of her room, tripping over discarded clothes and onto the bed, she was asleep within 5 minutes.

Her wakeup call was answered with a deep and angry grunt. Her head was absolutely pounding and before she was properly awake she rushed to the bathroom and vomited bile and whiskey.

“I hate Vegas” She thought miserably as she forced herself to shower and dress.

She downed three coffees and 2 aspirin before she hit the lobby, the bright lights made her head hurt and the sound of the slot machine was close to bringing tears to her eyes.

“Morgan. Please, my head” She said, collapsing on the couch.

When JJ went for the machine she snapped – cranky as nausea came in waves. She longed for the jet, knowing they had a 4-hour plane ride and she could get some more sleep, try and vanquish the hangover before working for the rest of the afternoon.

JJ winced slightly in the car on the way to the airstrip.

“Are you ok?” She asked sitting upwards too fast, feeling acidic bile creep into her throat.

“Fine, he kicks me in the ribs now” JJ answered, rubbing her stomach “would you mind terribly if I took the couch on the plane, I know you want to get some sleep but I need to stretch out”

“Of course not Jayje, are you sure you should still be flying?” Emily answered, noting the discomfort on her friends face

“Doctor said it was fine, I’m not due for another three weeks anyway. Plus I have to get back to DC, Jordan is here to start the handover”

“Okay – so long as you’re sure” She reached over and squeezed JJ’s hand.

“What the hell did you do last night? We all went to bed at the same time and you weren’t that drunk”

“Oh no – you all went to bed. I slammed another few whiskey sours and I’m sure I almost got into a fight” Emily squeezed her eyes shut, the memory coming in flashes

“Almost?”

“Oh yeah – probably for the best, I’m not making good choices right now” she mused.

“Are you ok – Garcia and I have noticed….” JJ started, as Emily fixed her with a gaze.

Letting out a slow breath she nodded. “It’s fine.”

“Who ended it?” JJ asked, squeezing a rhythm across Emily’s knuckles as Emily let her head loll back in the seat.

“Circumstances beyond our control. But me really” Emily answered, closing her eyes.

“Explains why Hotch has been so pissed off.” JJ mused as they pulled up to the airstrip. Emily nodded, not understanding for a moment before her eyes snapped to JJ.

“Come on Em, concealer can only do so much” JJ grinned as Emily let out a defeated sigh and a shrug “Let’s go home” and she walked onto the plane still holding Emily’s hand.

JJ stretched out on the couch as they both greeted Hotch.

“Morgan and Rossi are staying for a few days to help Reid out?” Emily asked, collapsing into a chair.

“Yeah, however long it takes” Hotch answered, not looking up from the file.

Emily nodded and closed her eyes as the plane took off, the force causing bile to seep into her throat again. She couldn’t sleep, and after closing her eyes for half an hour she gave up, her eyes wandered to Hotch’s hands as they flicked through the stack of paper in front of him. Looking over she saw JJ was asleep and she got up, intending on getting a coffee.

“Water” Hotch said as she stretched slightly

“Sorry?” She asked

“No more coffee, you’re hungover, get water” He said, not looking up from the file.

“Yes, _sir”_ She said, emphasising the last word as she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. Sitting down next to him she looked over his shoulder at the reports, her eyes swimming.

“Sorry I cut you off last night” He murmured, flicking his eyes quickly to JJ.

“You and the bartender both,” she said, settling herself back in the seat, stretching her legs under the desk onto the chair opposite. “You were right to, I was drunk and rambling. But for what its worth, I am sorry”

“I’m not mad at you – it was the right call” He said, turning a page.

“Well can you stop acting like you’re mad at me then?” She said, rolling her head to look at him.

“I’m not” He said, closing the file and looking at her.

“Oh please, despite anything else we might have had, we were _friends_ right?” she asked, and he nodded. “Well, when was the last time we talked about anything other than an active case?”

He shrugged.

“Aaron..” She started and he felt a tightness in his chest as she spoke his name out loud for the first time since the morning in his apartment “I didn’t want to lose my family, the BAU is my home.”

He shushed her, holding up a hand

“Emily. I know, I said I’m not mad, you don’t owe me anything. It was just A Casual Arrangement, remember?”

She gave a sad smile and nodded

“Get some sleep, we’ve got two hours” He said, leaning back in his chair and picking the file back up. Emily put her head back on the headrest and closed her eyes, feeling a peace settle over her as the gentle rocking of the plane put her to sleep. Hotch kept working, and when her head came to rest on his shoulder, he didn’t move her away.

JJ woke as the plane trembled lightly. She was cramping again, a tightening across the muscles and she silently cursed Braxton Hicks as the devil's invention. Opening her eyes lightly she glanced at her watch, seeing they were half an hour from landing. She looked around the plane, keeping her breathing slow and even as she tried to ignore the pain.

She and Garcia had been speculating for months about what was really under the surface with Aaron and Emily. They had watched as Emily managed to tease a smile out of him on most days and automatically made him coffee as well as herself. They watched as Aaron's fingers twitched towards her on the plane, in the round table room and when they stepped in the elevator – he seemed to unconsciously want to touch her whenever she was near him.

Emily was asleep on Hotch’s shoulder, a strand of hair tickling her nose. As JJ watched, Hotch glanced his eyes from the report in front of him, and tenderly he brushed the hair behind her shoulder. It was so casually intimate JJ was sure he had done it before, many times. She watched as he lightly traced a finger along her jawbone, and leaned in, kissing the tip of her nose. Still asleep, Emily tilted her head towards his touch, and hesitating slightly, Hotch brushed his lips across hers, a ghost of a kiss. JJ felt her chest expand at the sight. His face had softened as he looked at her, and the intimacy of the moment made her feel like an intruder.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22.**

He was out looking for her in the snow. It was freezing cold and when Dave had told him Emily had wanted to walk around for a while, he immediately switched cars and went looking for her, leaving Dave to take the priest to the airport. He was furious at Dave for leaving her alone when she was in this state.

He had watched her spiralling through her grief for days and he had tried to do his job but the image of her walking into his office, biting back tears and asking for his help had threatened to undo him. The quiver in her voice as she told him a friend of hers had died and it may have been murder went through him like a knife.

As he wound through the snow to his destination, he let his mind wander. Over the time since they had talked in Vegas, they had grown closer. He found it easy to talk to her, and on occasion she would wander into his office at the end of the day and pour them both a drink, talking about nothing until he felt the tension melt from his shoulders.

He often laughed when he had to think of why they had become closer. The Viper. He was reluctant to let her go to profile him directly, not worried for her safety, but worried that Emily would shoot him when he spewed more misogynistic garbage. She had gone, willingly but without enthusiasm, and when he went to check on her, she scolded him for being too harsh on Jordan.

He couldn’t help himself as she walked past him to leave for the night club

“Was I worse than Viper?” He asked, turning to look at her

“Aw Hotch” She said with a smile “We didn’t date remember?” She put a hand on his shoulder and walked out with a laugh.

When they finished the case, Prentiss insisted on a team dinner. They took Jordan to a Thai restaurant and spent a night getting to know her, bonding with their newest team member. Hotch managed to avoid being alone with Prentiss that night, and when Emily went home, she bid them all goodbye with a kiss on the cheek. Since then they had managed to be friends, ignoring their past and moving forward.

But Emily stayed in his brain. He managed to lock away his feelings for her, but his subconscious didn’t agree. He often woke in the night to find himself reaching for her, annoyed at the empty side of the bed he would find. Sometimes he caught her staring at his hands, seemingly deep in thought.

And so, he found her sitting in front of a church. He had driven to the closest one from where they arrested Father Paul Silvano. She looked freezing, her skin was pale, and he saw that she had a bloodied nose.

“Come on, I’m taking you home” He said, reaching a hand out to her. She looked up at him and there was pain etched all over her face.

“How did you find me?” Her voice was small, and her eyes were glassy with tears.

He pulled off his overcoat and wrapped it around her shoulders, sitting down next to her on the snow-covered step.

“Profiling” He said, pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket and gently wiping the blood from under her nose.

The dam broke then, and she turned into his arms and let out a deep sob. Aaron felt his lungs fill with freezing air as he held her, letting her release the emotion she had been holding onto for days.

When the deep racking sobs subsided, he pulled her to her feet and guided her to the car.

Turning the heater on high he drove to her apartment in silence as he glanced at her face every few seconds.

He walked with her up the stairs, a hand on the small of her back, gently rubbing circles across her lower back.

Her apartment was dark, and he went around turning on lights as she stood in the doorway.

“Emily, go take a shower, I’ll make some tea” He said softly as she looked at him. She gave a short nod and disappeared up the stairs.

When she didn’t come back down after twenty minutes, he went up holding a steaming cup of green tea. Her clothes were in a pile on the floor and he could hear the shower running. He set the tea on her nightstand and moved the wet clothes to the hamper.

Emily stood under the scalding spray of the shower, remembering Rome and Matthew. How she had stood under spray just like this, trying to wash away her perceived sins. How Matthew had taken her hand and given her courage and strength when she felt as though she was falling apart. She felt that way now, and he wasn’t here to hold her hand.

She wasn’t aware of the sobs leaving her body as she heaved into the shower – grief amplified and bouncing off the tiled walls as though the room was screaming out in pain as well.

She felt arms wrap around her and she turned. Aaron had joined her in the shower, still fully dressed and wrapped his arms around her, pressing her head into his chest as she felt her lungs shake with the effort of drawing breath through her tears.

She calmed after a few minutes and fingered the soaking clothing he was wearing

“Your suit is ruined” She croaked softly, looking at him with a weak smile.

“I have others” He said, stroking the back of her hair.

Emily struggled with what to say to him. He had been hard and soft with her over the last few days, but she wasn’t surprised to see him when he came and found her tonight.

She had done the right thing, made the correct choice – she felt no regret. But the challenge to Matthew’s faith had done irreparable damage, and she felt responsible for his pain. She knew it wasn’t rational, but she blamed herself for his death.

“He saved my life” She whispered finally, as Aaron continued to hold her in the shower, his clothes heavy and wet against her skin. He didn’t answer her, just rocked them slightly under the spray, his hands splayed on her back.

“And I couldn’t save him” She said, biting back another cry.

He moved suddenly and cupped her face in his hands looking her directly in the eye.

“Emily do not do that. You had no way of knowing he was even in trouble. You did absolutely everything that was in your power to do. You are a good person, and this is not your fault.” His voice was stern but wrapped in cotton softness, comforting her. “Come on, I made tea”

He switched off the shower and climbed out, handing her a towel. 

“I might need to borrow a robe” He mused, looking at his clothing, streaming puddles onto the bathroom floor. Emily let out a croak of a laugh and he felt the tension in his chest loosen slightly.

“I think I have some clothes that will fit you, hold on” Emily said, wrapping the towel around herself and going to her bedroom. She came back with a pair of sweats and a shirt that was too big. He changed quickly as Emily put on her Yale jumper and a pair of pyjama pants. She grabbed the tea on her nightstand and drank gratefully, feeling it warm her insides as she climbed into bed.

He came out and grabbed his credentials, keys and gun from the nightstand, where he had left them before joining her in the shower.

“You need to sleep, I don’t want to see you in the office tomorrow” He said, grabbing his overcoat and turning to go.

“Wait, Aaron…” She said. He turned and looked at her – that same look of tenderness she remembered from waking with him in the mornings.

“Can you stay?” She asked, ducking her head lightly. This whole week had left her feeling exposed, vulnerable and bleeding for the whole team to see and she hated it.

” _Bad idea”_ His brain screamed at him. But she was sitting, curled with her arms around her legs, and he didn’t want her to wake up alone.

“Um, yeah. I can stay” He said “Where do you keep your blankets and I’ll set up on the couch”

She directed him to the linen closet, and he grabbed extra pillows and a thick blanket, looking in her room before he went downstairs, he switched off the light. “Call out if you need anything, ok honey?” He said, and she nodded, turning on her side as he went downstairs.

She fell asleep quickly, exhausted from grief. Emily woke just after 3 am with a headache. She climbed out of the warm comfort of her bed and looked outside, it was still snowing heavily, a thick white blanket on the city.

Creeping downstairs for a glass of water she saw the soft glow of her television illuminating the room. Aaron stood up immediately when she walked in.

“Are you ok?” He asked

“Yeah, just need some water, why are you still awake?” She asked, groggy from sleep as she crossed to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water. He turned and watched her, eyes sharp as she drank a full glass in two mouthfuls and refilled it.

“Just in case” He said, sitting back down on the couch and returning his eyes to the TV.

“What are you watching”

“Some old movie” He answered, as she crossed the living room and sat next to him on the couch “You should go back to bed”

“I want to watch” She said, tucking her feet beneath her and leaning into him.

Aaron knew her well enough to know that this exposed vulnerability wouldn’t last long. She would grieve privately from now, he had just happened to catch her in a moment where she was feeling particularly exposed, and he was exceptionally grateful Emily had trusted him enough to let him see it. The sound of her cry from the shower had snapped something in his brain, bringing back memories of the sound of Benjamin Cyrus’s fists on her skin, and before he thought about it he put his essentials on the dresser, kicked off his shoes and walked in to help her. He refused to just listen to her pain this time.

Without thinking he put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her lightly to rest her head on his shoulder. He felt the tension in her body as she woke further, the grief seeming to seep into her like ink on a page. He couldn’t understand why, but Aaron needed her to know she wasn’t alone in her guilt.

“I broke my father's nose the day before I left for college.” He said quietly. He kept his eyes focused on the tv as he felt her head tilt towards him suddenly.

“I was leaving, and Mom was already gone. So it was just going to be my dad and Sean. And, I wasn’t going to be there, but I had to do something.”

Emily sat up straighter and looked at him, incredulous.

“So I tried to talk to him, but, he wasn’t one to be talked to. So I hit him…” His voice was soft, remembering the way it felt for his knuckles to connect with flesh. How his first feeling was relief, not guilt.

“We never talked about it, but he never touched Sean. He got sick, and by the time Sean graduated high school he was gone” He looked at Emily, who was sitting with creased brows looking at him with a mixture of concern and shock on her face.

“We do what it takes to protect who we love, no matter what it costs.” He said finally, meeting her eyes. She nodded, her face still frozen.

He put his arm back around her shoulder and pulled her into him. She settled against his body again and after a moment she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly, burying her face into his shoulder as he snaked both arms around her body. They stayed entangled in each other's arms, and as the sun weakly crept over the horizon, they fell asleep.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Emily woke first, tangled in Aaron’s arms. They had shifted in their sleep so she was on top of him, her face buried in his shoulder, he had one arm slung over his head, the other had wandered underneath her sweatshirt and was resting lightly on her lower back. Despite herself, she smiled. She knew how stupid it was to ask him to stay, she knew how stupid it was to curl herself into him like this, to put herself in a position she had walked away from months ago. But she didn’t care. He had come to find her – deliberately looked for her when he knew she was hurting, taken her home, climbed fully clothed into a shower with her, kept an awake vigil on her couch as she slept. Emily couldn’t think of another person who would do that for her.

Hotch let out a small groan as he woke, opening one eye slightly to see her staring at him, he smiled.

“I am way too old to sleep on a couch, my back is going to hate me for weeks” He said, his voice still thick with sleep. Turning his head, he looked at his watch

“Ah shit, I have to go – I’ve got to get into the office in an hour”

Emily didn’t move immediately, not wanting to give up the comfort of his embrace. He nudged her slightly and she reluctantly got up from the couch, feeling her own muscles tighten at the awkward position.

“Um, I’ll bring your suit in tomorrow” She said awkwardly, it was sitting in a wet ball in her hamper.

He smiled gently at her then, watching her try and close herself off to him again, sew up the raw nerves he had seen exposed last night. He was almost at the door to leave when she called out to him.

“Aaron?” He turned with his hand on her deadbolt, looking at her. “Thank you” she whispered finally.

“Anytime” He said with a smile. Leaving her apartment, he rushed to work, arriving after the rest of his team for the first time in any of their memory.

“Hotch, we tried to call Emily, but she didn’t answer” Reid started as soon as he walked through the doors.

“She’s taking the day off” He said, striding across the bullpen to the stairs.

“Wait up, we get days off now?” Morgan called as Hotch climbed the stairs. Ignoring him he entered his office and closed the door.

After lunch, Dave entered his office without knocking. Closing the door behind him and sitting down across the desk he stared holes into him until Aaron looked up.

“What?” He said finally, putting his pen down and meeting his eyes.

“Want to talk about it?” Dave said simply, crossing a leg over and fixing Aaron with his profilers’ gaze.

“Talk about what” he replied, slightly annoyed.

“Her.” Dave said, his mouth twitching. Hotch didn’t answer, picking up his pen again and starting on the requisition form in front of him.

“Okay, I’ll talk you listen.” Dave sat forward in his chair and continued to stare directly at Aaron’s forehead. “A few months ago, you changed. You had a spring in your step, you were smiling. Not to mention you showed up to work a few times with bite marks on your neck”

Aaron held his breath. He knew the team was tangentially aware something was going on, but he didn’t realise Dave had been watching him this closely.

“Now I’m guessing something happened that caused _her_ to end it. Because we both know you won’t end something that makes you happy. So, she ended it. You stomp around crankier than after your divorce, and you guys ignore each other like you’re mortal enemies for months.”

Aaron kept his hand stilled over the paper, listening.

“But last night, you hear that she’s out walking around, and you pull over so fast you almost choke yourself with a seatbelt. You get into a car alone and drive off. You come in this morning late. What’s a profiler to think?”

“Nothing Dave.” Aaron said finally, his voice tense. “Nothing happened”

“Oh, I believe that, even if you both wanted something to happen, you’re too much of a good guy to even come close to take advantage of someone who is grieving. But that doesn’t mean nothing happened.” Dave’s voice was smug.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not my choice” He said, letting out a deep breath and finally meeting his gaze.

“Bullshit” Dave said shortly. He got up to leave. “Fighting for something that makes you happy isn’t a sinful thing Aaron” He left the office and closed the door behind him.

Throwing the pen on his desk in frustration Aaron tried to collect his thoughts. His desk phone started ringing, a welcome distraction from the confusion in his brain.

“Agent Hotchner”

“Oh, Mister Hotchner, sorry, I hope you don’t mind the call, I’m calling on behalf of Tom Shaunessy in Boston, do you remember him by chance?”

Hotch felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “I do”

“Well, Tom’s not well, and he’s asked to see you, before… you know” The voice on the other end of the phone became as delicate as china.

“I’ll be on the next flight” He hung up the phone and ran his hand across his face, apprehension winding through his gut.

Emily watched him spiral after Foyet escaped. He locked himself in his office most days they weren’t on a case, and she knew that he was reading and rereading the file, trying to figure out what he missed in the first place. She had watched him in Boston, as Dave took him aside to set him down as the guilt overwhelmed him for the lives Foyet took.

She had tried to talk to him about it. She had asked him directly and he rebuffed her, cold and analytical he told her that they needed to focus on the work in front of them, not the work behind them. When she pressed further, he shut down completely, refusing to speak further on the subject. But he remained frustrated for the next week and started withdrawing further from the team, barely speaking to any of them.

Emily had court for a full day on Friday, and she returned to the office late and pissed. She had spent the entire day on the stand, being grilled by counsel, asked to recount minute details numerous times for clarification, and she still wasn’t done. She was due back on Monday. Storming into the office in her court attire after dark, she intended to grab her files and call Penelope, desperate for some rational company.

The light was still on in Hotch’s office. Without thinking, she climbed the stairs and knocked on his door.

“Come in” He called, sounding tired. She opened the door and leaned in slightly.

“Oh hi, I didn’t realise anyone was still here. How did you go today?” He said, looking at her, surprised.

“It sucked. What are you still doing here?” She replied. She watched him shuffle papers on his desk covering the crime scene photos from the original Reaper case.

“Paperwork” He said, closing a file and looking at her.

“You have Jack tomorrow?”

“No, why?”

“We’re having a drink” She said walking to his cabinet and grabbing the bourbon he kept there. Pouring them two generous glasses she came around and sat on his side of the desk, swallowing her drink in one go. Grimacing slightly, she poured herself another.

“That bad?” He asked, grabbing a stack of supplemental reports that were awaiting his signature and beginning to sign off on them.

“The case is going fine, they’re going to get a conviction, but the smug defence attorney asked the most ridiculous questions” She said, letting out a deep breath.

“They’re trying to get you to lose your temper, make your testimony less credible”

“By showing me to be an overemotional woman?”

“Exactly” He kept his eyes trained on the forms, anticipating what was coming next.

“Well that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, they heard my credentials, they know how qualified I am to analyse in detail why that sick fuck did what he did and how we know he did it” she got up from the desk and began to pace, still ranting. “Plus, I’m wearing this stupid fucking thing, isn’t that supposed to give me more credibility?!” She gestured at her outfit.

To combat the suspicion the BAU often faced while giving testimony, Strauss had implemented a strict dress code for agents when they were called to give evidence in court. Formal business attire was required for all agents.

“Prentiss…” He started, knowing that once she went on a tangent, it was almost impossible to get her to stop. He already had a headache and he had heard this complaint many times and he didn’t want her to get started again.

“As if the fact that I straightened my hair, wore a pencil skirt, suit jacket, heels and some black stockings make me more qualified than I already am. This attorney has questioned me before for God’s sake, shouldn’t he already know that we don’t arrest people without cause, without our profile being solid, the jackass **CONFESSED** to Derek and me”

“Emily…” he tried again, but she was walking in circles on his carpet, pausing only to take sips of bourbon. He sighed and put his head in his hands, trying to ignore the pounding in his head.

Emily was almost unaware of his presence in the room at this point, she needed to vent this off her chest, so she didn’t stew in it all weekend. If Hotch hadn’t been here, she would have ended up at Penelope’s apartment, drinking a lot of wine and saying the same things.

She didn’t notice him get up from his desk, close his office door and lock it with a soft click.

Hotch caught her in his arms and kissed her suddenly, pulling her body flush against him as he pressed his fingertips into her waist. He broke the kiss and held her still in front of him, she was almost as tall as he was in the heels she was wearing. She looked shocked into silence.

“Emily.” He looked her in the eye “I know. Please shut up”

He walked back around to his desk chair and sat down as she started laughing. He felt the grin spread across his own face as she came around to sit on his desk again.

“That was effective” She said, still smiling and finishing her bourbon.

“I know, I should use it in the field” He mused with a grin, leaning back in his chair, and looking at her. They both broke out into laughs again, and Hotch felt some of the tension leave his body.

Emily felt flushed, breathless. She had convinced herself she had forgotten everything that happened between them. Her body reacted so violently to his touch she knew she hadn’t. It was instant and primal; she felt the throb in her underwear as he gripped her hips. Sitting on the side of his desk it came rushing back to her in flashes, the way he teased and pulled pleasure out of her, fucked her roughly but held her so delicately afterwards. He made her feel precious, used and exhausted at the same time. She loved it. In the many months since she had ended it, she hadn’t sought out any other partners, instinctively knowing she would be disappointed.

She wanted him – she let her eyes flick to his hands again, his fingers and made her choice.

“You’ve got lipstick, come here” She said, leaning forward and wiping his bottom lip with her thumb. Unconsciously he turned into her touch as she left her hand resting gently on his jaw.

“Hotch” She started, and he immediately pulled away from her, leaning back in his chair again.

“I know” He said, grabbing his pen and moving to start on the supplementals again.

Emily took the pen from his hand and put it on the desk, moving slowly she straddled his lap on the chair, her skirt rising over her hips, exposing the garters that held black stockings and a brief flash of black lace underwear.

Automatically as she climbed onto him, he skated his hands up her thigs and rested them on her hips. She felt him beneath her, half-hard already beneath his slacks, and she was almost sure he wanted this too.

“Take me home” She said, winding her arms around his neck.

“No” He said, still with his hands on her. She leaned back and looked at him, embarrassment starting to creep up her cheeks.

“No, I’m not taking you home. I’m fucking you on this chair, that desk and you’re going to scream my name in this room” He said, meeting her eyes as his fingers dug harder into her skin.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

Files hit the floor with a crash as Hotch lifted her onto the desk. Positioning himself between her legs he pushed her skirt over her hips and wrapped his hands around her waist.

Emily let her head fall back as she felt the scratch of his slacks between her thighs, and immediately he kissed along her jawline, pulling her closer into him. She wound her hands into his hair and pulled his mouth to hers as he dragged his fingertips across her underwear. He had moved so fast to grab her she felt her pulse race underneath his lips, anticipatory excitement, knowing that _finally_ she would get to feel him again.

“Are you particularly attached to this underwear?” he murmured, kissing her neck and earlobe

“No” she moaned, distracted by his teeth grazing her neck.

“Good” he said and with a firm grip on either side he ripped them off her. Throwing the now useless garment behind her he pressed his fingers against her clit, causing her to cry out. Rubbing in small circles he bit her bottom lip, feeling her fingers tighten on his scalp.

Emily shrugged her suit jacket off and pulled his head into her collarbone where he gladly bit into. Pressing his fingers harder into her, she writhed into him.

He moved off her and pressed her thighs apart wider, kneeling on the carpet in front of her as she leaned back on the desk.

“You know your blinds are open?” Emily gasped as he kissed her inner thigh.

“Yes” he said and he sucked her clit between his teeth. She arched on his desk, knocking more files and papers to the ground. He pressed his fingers into her and curled them forward, tasting her as she rounded herself into him.

He sped his rhythm up, and Emily felt her body clench as he dug his other hand into her thigh. The scratch of his stubble against her, the way he pulled her into him, closer, disregarding his own need to breathe as he devoured her was too much for her. She forgot to breathe as she came, curling into him as he drank her in. He kept his fingers inside her, coming up and kissing her, letting her taste herself on his tongue as she twitched on his fingers.

“Think anyone saw that? Think they saw how hard you cum for me?” he growled in her ear, causing her again to arch into his touch, the gravel in his voice sending goosebumps down her spine.

“I don’t care” she gasped as he continued beckoning his fingers inside her “please fuck me” her hands were on his fly, grasping, fiddling and trying to unzip it. She undid his pants and pulled him free, guiding him into her.

He pushed his hips slowly, filling her. He dropped his head onto her shoulder and let out a deep breath. Somewhere, deep in his brain, he knew he could never give this up, the way she felt wrapped around him as she hooked her legs over his hips and pulled him deeper inside her. The deep hiss she let out as she stretched to accommodate him was intoxicating, he felt dizzy as she wound her arms around his neck, scratching at his scalp, pulling him closer to her.

Emily kissed his neck as he stilled inside her, feeling his breath grow heavy and hot on her shoulder. Wrapping her legs tighter around his waist she pulled him closer to her, wanting to feel and touch as much of him as she could. As he pushed his hips flush against hers, he met her eyes. Panting slightly he searched her face, seeing the desire he felt mirrored in her eyes. Smiling through his gasping breath he wrapped his arms around her back and started thrusting deep slow strokes. She kissed his neck and jaw, frustrated that he was still wearing his suit, moving slow.

He reached between them again and found her clit, feeling her clamp around him as he pushed hard against her, slippery and hot beneath his fingers. He changed the angle slightly, watching her eyes widen as he deliberately hit her g-spot, he kissed every spot of her skin exposed to him, her neck, jaw and lips as he quickened his pace, watching redness flare across her chest as she took deep gulping breaths and squeezed her thighs around him.

“You going to cum Emily?” He whispered as he felt the heat travel down his cock “Come on, tell me, tell me what you want”

“Jesus Christ Aaron, please!” She cried out, her voice echoing in the room as he pulled back and slammed into her, feeling a rush of liquid soak his cock and pants as her whole body was racked with spasms.

Stilling for the moment to let her body settle he raised his fingers to his lips and licked them clean. Putting his lips next to her ear he whispered “you taste so fucking good” smiling broadly.

Emily pushed him, not hard, but enough for him to fall back into his office chair and she looked at him, trying to control her breathing. He looked smug, his suit still crisp and neat as he licked his index finger, a smile still on his face. She slithered off the desk and got on her knees in front of him, taking his cock as deep in her throat, swallowing hard as he let out a deep groan. Aaron’s hands gripped her hair, pulling gently at her scalp as she looked up at him. It was her turn to look smug as his face contorted in pleasure. She licked the tip of him and jerked his cock with a firm grip, he met her gaze, his eyes slightly glassy. Opening her mouth, she gave him the slightest of nods, smiling as she felt the twitching of the veins underneath her fingers. His fingers twisted in her hair as he came in her mouth. Aaron saw stars as she swallowed him, flicking her tongue on him as he tried not to choke her with bucking hips. He let out a deep breath as she released him, crawling into his lap, her skirt still hiked over her hips, stamping a kiss on his lips.

“You taste good too” She said, a smile on her face. He put his fingers on her jaw and tilted her for a gentle kiss, holding her lightly in his arms. She pressed her forehead against his and closed her eyes, willing her breathing to return to normal.

“That was…” He said after a moment, his voice hoarse.

“Inevitable?” Emily offered. He let out a bark of a laugh and pulled her tighter into him.

“Maybe” He said, kissing her cheek. “I was going to say sudden”

“That too” She agreed, trailing a fingertip lightly across the stubble on his cheek.

Aaron closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, comforted by the weight of her on his lap

“Aaron, when was the last time you ate” She asked

“You don’t count?” He asked mildly, making her laugh. _‘God if I could make her laugh like that forever’_ He thought as she shook her head. “I had breakfast”

“Come on, we’re going to get some food in you” She said, standing up from his lap and wriggling her skirt back down over her hips. She started gathering files off his floor and placing them in haphazard piles on his desk, he straightened his suit slightly and watched her bending over in front of him.

“If you promise to eat dinner, I’ll leave the garters on” She said, looking at him over her shoulder.

He kept his hands on her as they travelled down to the garage building of Quantico, his fingers creeping to her waist, pulling her closer to him. They walked to her car with their arms around each other. He got in the passenger seat without prompting and she drove them to a Thai restaurant near her house. He moved to get out of the car.

“Nope, we’re getting takeout. Stay here a sec” Emily leaned over the centre console and kissed his cheek, taking off her seat belt and heading into the restaurant.

Alone for the first moment since he kissed her Aaron leaned his head back onto the seat rest and wondered what the hell they were doing. Was it pity? Did she feel bad about the mistakes he had made with Foyet and had tossed him a pity fuck to make him feel better? He didn’t know. But her laugh had loosened something in his chest that had been tight for weeks now, he breathed a little easier in her presence.

Emily came back with bags of food she dropped into his lap.

“I have soup, I have wontons, let's go” She started the car and drove to her apartment, the silence settled over them like a blanket and Emily could almost hear the gears turning in his head. “I don’t pity you” She said softly.

He looked at her, confused.

“I don’t feel sorry for you” She repeated, her voice stronger. “I’m not forcing you to have dinner because I pity you. I’m doing it because I… well I am your friend and you need a friend right now because you’re beating yourself up over something that you couldn’t have prevented.” She met his eyes “Just like I was”

He blinked suddenly, looking away from her.

“So I have soup and wontons and we’re going to sit in my apartment and eat them and you’re going to try your hardest to put it away for the weekend, ok?”

“We just going to ignore the fact we just had sex in my office?” He said, relaxing slightly in his seat, letting a smile cross his face.

“Oh that wasn’t for you – that was for me, needed to blow off some steam” Emily said, letting out a laugh. He laughed too as she pulled into her apartment building. She carried the food as he grabbed his briefcase and both their go bags.

“Grab some bowls and drinks, I’m just going to get changed” She called, heading up the stairs with her go-bag. He grabbed bowls from her cabinet and started plating up the food, grabbing two beers out of her fridge and cracking them both. Taking a long swallow from one he took a deep breath and forced thoughts of work out of his brain.

“Thank you” She said grabbing a bowl and her beer and sitting at her dining table. He looked at her, stunned slightly. She raised an eyebrow at him.

“Nothing” He said quickly, looking away from her, feeling irrationally guilty for staring at her. She had come downstairs wearing an oversized and worn Yale sweatshirt falling to the tops of her thighs, her hair out and over her shoulders, still wearing the stockings and garter belt, peeking out from the bottom of her sweatshirt.

“Told you I’d keep them on” She said, smirking at him as he sat down opposite her, sipping his beer.

Aaron ate ravenously, realising only after his first bite how hungry he was and immediately his spirits lifted further. They talked about Reid’s recent Philosophy interest, and how it caused him to talk slower, deliberating his words, measuring phrases. They talked about Dave, and how he followed Strauss into the elevator almost every Thursday night for the last month.

“Dave talked to me about you, you know,” Hotch said, finishing his beer and grabbing their empty bowls. Emily moved to the couch, finishing her own beer and indicating for another. He grabbed two more out of her fridge and joined her on the couch

“Really” She said, curiosity in her gaze, taking a small sip “What did he have to say?”

“Exactly what you would expect him to say, basically laying out all the ways he knew exactly what was going on with us” Aaron took another sip of his beer, and without thinking he grabbed her legs and pulled them over his lap, tracing a pattern on her stocking clad calf.

“Ass” Emily said, laughing and rolling her eyes. “Suppose it's not surprising though, Penelope and JJ spotted it every time.” She mused, settling herself back on the couch, enjoying the light touches on her leg.

“Yeah, remind me to play poker with Garcia sometime, she blushes when she’s trying to keep a secret” Aaron massaged her leg lightly, feeling the stockings get caught on his nails.

He stayed silent for a moment, drinking his beer and thinking.

“It doesn’t bother you?” He asked, continuing to massage further up her leg.

“Rossi knowing?” She said, and he nodded, studying her face as she took another long swallow of her beer. “No, I don’t care, we both know he’s done worse – you know before he retired, he got caught getting head in the supply closet right? Pen showed me the write up from the old director” She laughed.

“No, I was never bothered by the team knowing, just Strauss. Never occurred to me to worry about Hayley until… you know” her voice trailed off at the end, the memory clearly washing over her. Aaron grimaced, remembering the verbal assault he had suffered after that morning. “Sorry” Emily said, noticing the expression on his face.

“Not your fault, but yeah that wasn’t a very good day” He acknowledged, his hand massaging her knee now. He didn’t want to talk about Hayley right now, he wanted to keep massaging her legs, trace his hands up her thighs, under her sweatshirt and taste her skin. All the feelings he had pushed into the back of his head, boxed and labelled _‘never open’_ had come forth all at once, and sitting in her apartment, drinking a beer and just talking to her had brought contentment forth to settle on his chest.

“I hadn’t felt like that since I was a teenager” Emily said, a ghost of a smile on her lips. “Like I got caught with a boy in my room or something”

“Lot’s of boys in your room in your teenage years Prentiss?” He teased, smiling at her.

“Hey, just because I didn’t marry my high school sweetheart doesn’t mean I was an easy lay.” She said mock indignation on her face.

“I don’t know, I didn’t have to try very hard” He said, moving his hand to her inner thigh and squeezing lightly, a smirk twitching the corner of his mouth.

It was the dimples, Emily decided. Something about the way he smiled pulled years off him, he looked younger, boyish and lighter. Pulling a smile out of him was sometimes like pulling teeth, but it was worth it for the dimples. She wanted to keep them for herself, jealously guarded as her own private joy. She grabbed his tie, amazed that he was still wearing a full suit and pulled him into her.

“All it took tonight was half a glass of bourbon and a glimpse of lacy stockings. In fact, that was all it took after dinner with the team as well, and if my memory serves there’s a certain red tank top…” Emily said, smiling as she punctuated her sentences with light kisses on his lips, trailing her fingers down his neck.

“Alright, fine, I’m the easy lay” He agreed finally sliding his hand further up her thigh and kissing her deeper as she smiled into his skin

“Yes you are, now take your goddamn suit off.” She drained the last of her beer and let the bottle drop lightly to the floor, spreading her legs, inviting him between them again.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

The chime of his cell phone woke him. Looking around groggily he saw it was just after 10.30 pm, a mere hour after he and Emily had fallen asleep, twisted together, naked in her bed.

“Hotchner” He answered, as she stirred, and when he heard JJ’s voice through the phone, he pressed his finger to his lips, motioning her to be quiet. He listened as JJ told him about the fires in a small town in Indiana.

“OK, get everybody in, I should be there in about an hour.” Hanging up he looked at her, her eyes were awake as she propped herself up on an elbow.

“We got to go” he said, kissing her shoulder “Arsonist” Emily nodded and climbed out of bed, ignoring her own ringing phone, stumbling towards her bathroom. He started grabbing his clothes from the floor, tangled with her own. He pulled on his pants and walked into the bathroom, intent on brushing his teeth before he went any further. Emily was already in the shower, steam filling the room.

“Did JJ say how long the case would take?” She called over the water

“No but it’s going to be fast, escalating already” He called “Hey, do you have a toothbrush?”

“Top drawer, how long before we have to be in?” Emily answered

“I said I’d be there in an hour, you haven’t answered your phone yet” He reminded her, grabbing the toothbrush from the top drawer.

“Your car is still at Quantico, I’ll drive us both” She said, and he grunted acknowledgment through a mouthful of toothpaste. Rinsing his mouth, he turned to leave.

“Wait, don’t you want to shower as well?” She called; he heard the sound of her scrubbing her scalp as the citrus scent of his shampoo filled his nostrils.

“Sure” He called, mentally cataloging his go bag and whether he needed to get anything from home before they got on the plane

“So, get in here” She said, sticking her head out of the shower and smiling at him.

Grinning he nodded, pulling his pants back off and stepping into the shower with her, immediately wrapping his arms around her, slipping his hands over her breasts and drawing her into him, the grapefruit scent intoxicating.

“We have to be careful at work again” She said softly, a small crease appearing in her brow as she trailed soapy hands up his hips.

“I know” He said, pulling her slippery body into his “But we’re not at work right now” He kissed her, cupping her face under the shower as he felt her naked body respond to his touch, goosebumps appearing on her skin despite the heat of the shower “So you can scream as loud as you want”

She smiled, feeling him grow harder, pressed against her belly as his hands wandered to her breasts, tugging gently on a nipple as his lips moved to her neck. She reached between them and felt him thicken in her hand, squeezing softly as his fingers twitched at the contact. She let her other hand scratch his scalp gently as he continued his assault on her neck, licking water droplets off her jaw as she stroked him slowly.

Tightened her grip slightly she turned her head to him.

“Whenever I thought about you fucking me on that desk, I always imagined being bent over it, not spread on top of it” She smiled as she felt his hips twitch slightly at her words. “You ever think about bending me over your desk Aaron?”

Grabbing her tightly he lifted her into the wall of the shower, her back hitting the steamed and slippery tile as she automatically wrapped her legs around his waist.

“I think about fucking you almost every time you look me in the eye” He rasped, sliding inside her with a deep groan, his fingers digging into the backs of her thighs as she scratched his scalp, pulling at his hair. She felt herself stretch to accommodate his faster strokes, desperate as he bit into her skin, lightly, trying not to leave marks.

“The SUV’s, the plane, the bullpen, every single time I picture what you would look like coming on my fingers and tongue because you’re so fucking beautiful when you fall apart”

Emily let out a whine as his voice seemed to curl around her brain, heightening all her senses as she focused on nothing but his skin, hot against her in the shower, his thick fingers digging into her flesh as she arched desperately into him, as she breathed in the steam.

“Come for me, please, I need to feel you” He groaned, somehow thrusting faster into her, his toes curling against the floor.

They came together and she slipped down the wall as his muscled loosened with his climax. He kept hold of her as she felt him dripping out of her, and she responded with soft kisses on his chest, the water still beating down on them both.

“Where the hell do you get the stamina” She asked with a laugh, and when he looked at her, she let a mischievous grin across her face “Seriously, you’re not a young man anymore, I should be worrying about your heart”

He grabbed her by the ribs and pulled her into him for another kiss.

“Smartass, we have to get to the office.”

She drove them in, parking next to his car so they could have conceivably just happened upon one another in the garage. Hotch had dressed in the casual clothes from his go bag, Emily had elected to blow dry her hair, not wanting to give the team of profilers any inkling they had spent the last night twisted together in her bed.

They stood in silence in the elevator, both trying to switch into work mode. They were two floors away when he kissed her quickly, softly.

“Sorry” He said, “Didn’t know when I’d get the chance again” He smiled, enjoying the look of shock on her face. When the doors opened to the BAU he gestured for her to exit first, his face changing from Aaron to Hotch as the doors exposed them to the world.

They fell into a rhythm working together again, managing to push aside any emotions in order to do their job effectively. Hotch had been right, it was fast and violent, the arsonist purging his feelings of abandonment with flames. When the case ended, they had an hour before wheels up to go home, packing their hotel rooms which had been barely used in the time they were in Royal.

Emily threw her go-bag back together and left her empty hotel room. She was walking to wait for the others in the lobby when she walked past Hotch’s open door.

“Wait, Prentiss!” He called as she passed his door. Stopping she turned and nodded, acknowledging him.

“You forgot to sign the bottom of your handover” He called out to her, a stern look on her face.

“I gave that to you half an hour ago, how have you had time to pack and critique my work already?” She said, hefting her bag over her shoulder and rolling her eyes.

“I’m faxing them from the plane, come here” He said, standing clear of his door, gesturing her inside. She entered his room, dropping her bag, and saw the military precision of his sheets, a neatly packed go bag and paperwork lined on the tiny desk in the room. Leaning over she grabbed a pen and rifled through the forms, looking for her Agent ID number at the top of the form. Finding hers at the bottom of the stack she pulled it free and signed her name at the bottom, dating the piece of paper.

“Thank you” He said, nodding at her. Emily stared at him, her fingertips itching to reach out and touch him. Hotch met her gaze and she saw it in his eyes too, the need to trace patterns in her skin. Silence settled over the room like a blanket as they stood less than a foot apart, both willing the other to move, whether it be closer or further apart.

“Em, time to go!” JJ’s voice called from the hallway, breaking the spell between them, and she gave Hotch a small smile as she grabbed her bag and left his room, not noticing how he let his hand fall from where it had been reaching for her.

Emily sat with JJ on the plane, taking turns sending Garcia messages of love, knowing she had found this case to be particularly rough. They made plans to take her out for coffee and croissants when they got back.

“How are you?” JJ asked Emily when their plans were finalized. “You seem, distracted”

Emily’s eyes involuntarily flicked towards Hotch, sitting at the other end of the plane, deep in conversation with Rossi.

“I’m fine” she answered

“You’re smiling” JJ answered back, raising an eyebrow.

“Am I?” Emily shrugged and shook her head “Happy I didn’t have to go back into court – they’re satisfied with written testimony”

JJ turned in her seat and followed Emily’s gaze, not surprised to see it lingering on Hotch. She gave a small sigh – watching them over the last few days she had an idea what was going on. Despite not being a profiler, it was obvious in the way he looked at her, he placed his hand on her lower back whenever she entered a room before him. They were always standing too close, Emily seemed to follow the scent of his cologne whenever he moved past her. There were no marks this time around, but you did not have to be a trained expert to see the way they danced around each other

Emily couldn’t help but flick her eyes to him for the remainder of the plane ride. A familiar argument was playing out in her head, one she had fought with herself months ago. Viciously tearing into herself for allowing herself to be put into this position again she spent the rest of the plane ride in the same whirlpool of emotion she now knew as a home.

Her resolve was weaker this time around, the argument seemed less important than the warmth that flooded her chest when she thought about him keeping an awake vigil on her couch, wrapping his coat around her in the snow. He had come to find her that night, and something in her mind had shifted. Some part of the argument she had convinced herself was the right one had become feebler.

She was walking to Penelope’s office to drag her for croissants, looking forward to showing her the multitude of cute videos and pictures she and JJ had downloaded on the plane in preparation for their plans.

“Prentiss, hold on” His voice came from behind her in the corridor and she stopped

“Oh what did I forget to sign now” She sighed, ready to leave the office to ignore work and her internal argument until the morning.

“Nothing, you’re fine to go, I just need to talk to Penelope” He said, stopping next to her.

“About what?” She asked, her senses immediately on alert. Garcia had made some bold choices in her work on this case, choices she didn’t have the authority to make, calling for background information and passing herself off as an active agent, which she was definitely not supposed to do. Emily was shocked at the thought he would be considering reprimanding her directly after she had done this for them.

“I was a real bastard to her” he said, guilt in his voice “I asked way too much and she still somehow managed to pull it off. I just want her to know she’s appreciated.”

“Oh, right”

Her resolve crumbled completely, as she watched him turn his back on her to right a hurt he perceived he had put on someone else. The immediacy of his need to apologize to Garcia for what he had asked her to do. He cared about them all, and Emily again turned to him sitting next to her on a snowy church step, wrapping her in his coat and not flinching when she sobbed on his shoulder.

Hotch left Garcia’s office feeling marginally less guilty and returned to his office. Though he felt better about his actions after comforting her, he still felt the twist in his gut when he heard the pain in her voice after what she had been asked to do. He wondered how often he would have to ask the people under his care to expose themselves to this kind of pain. He knew it would happen again and he hated seeing any member of his team in pain, whether it be physical or emotional.

As he walked through the bullpen, he said goodnight to Morgan and Reid as they were leaving, distracted. He was thinking about kissing her in the elevator. He had been honest, that he didn’t know when he would get to kiss her again, and he couldn’t help himself. Impulsive and irrational were words nobody would ever use to describe him, but he had kissed her with seconds to spare.

On the case, he had occasionally let himself think about the next step. He knew she was going to be running through the same arguments they had had before and knew it was likely she would come to the same conclusion, that no matter how good they were between the sheets, it wasn’t worth the risk to their careers. But that argument felt flimsy to him now, it didn’t hold enough weight next to the way she made him laugh.

Switching on the light he sensed her before he saw her. Emily was standing next to his couch, her eyes fixed on the precarious stack of papers she had left the last time they were together in this office. He breathed a deep sigh, resigned to the conversation that was coming.

Emily kissed him, her arms twisting around his neck as he automatically wrapped her in his arms. She broke the kiss and he looked at her, profiling her facial expression as she gently scratched his neck.

“Don’t you have a date with JJ and Garcia?” he asked, watching her eyes.

“Yes, I have to go, can I call you later?” She asked.

“Yes” he said, stamping another kiss on her lips as he released her.

She left his office, and he felt the smile creep over his face as he ran a hand across his jaw.

“Finally” Rossi said, standing in his doorway, beaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not over yet kids ;)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive any spelling or grammatical errors in this chapter! A confounding and infuriating sequence of events meant I wrote, edited and posted this chapter from my phone rather than a laptop, so I may have missed a few things!

**Chapter 26**

They made it ten minutes in the Cafe before Garcia pounced.

“You’re sleeping with him again aren’t you?” she said, a broad grin on her face. Emily rolled her eyes, putting her head in her hands.

“Why am I friends with you people?” she asked, trying to stop the smile spreading over her face.

“That’s not a no” JJ said, matching Garcia’s gleeful smile.

“I’m calling him later” she said, a cautious admission.

“Finally,” JJ sighed.

“What do you mean finally?” Emily said, trying to hold back a note of derision in her voice.

“You guys have been on this ride for over a year at this point” JJ said, not bothering to hide the gleeful smile on her face.

Emily looked up, shocked. Fear gripped her stomach when she thought about it. Did that make it serious? Was her kiss in the office some kind of signal that she was ready for a committed relationship with him, that she was willing to jump off a cliff together?

“Don’t do that” Penelope said, her voice stern.

“Do what?” Emily felt she was rapidly losing control of both the conversation and her ability to make good choices in her personal life. Had she made a mistake? Did she have to start the painful process of walking back her choices, rationalising to herself that being without him was easy or preferable?

“What you always do. We’re not suggesting you get married tomorrow, and I’d imagine neither is he” Pen said. “We’re just happy you’ve finally caved into doing something that makes you happy”

“We could both lose our jobs” Emily said, the argument rearing its head, vicious and spitting.

“Bull” JJ said shortly, her voice stern. “Hotch gave up a lot for this job, and so did you. You both know the line, you won’t cross it.”

Emily met her eyes.

“You would never put any of us in danger” JJ said softly.

“And besides, this isn’t about putting anyone in danger, this is about you being with someone who leaves bite marks all over you” Penelope said, raising her eyebrows “Seriously, he must be _insane_ in the sack for you to be ok with him marking up that pretty skin of yours”

Emily let out a laugh then, feeling some of the tension leave her shoulders as Pen leaned conspiratorially inward, hoping for some shred of gossip.

“I always pictured him as being super vanilla, really romantic, the _make love_ type” Penelope continued, hoping to tease a response out of her. JJ nodded, agreeing. “But considering when you guys got back from that custodial, you were walking with a genuine limp, I guess that’s not true.”

“I’m not answering these questions” Emily said, feeling a blush rise to her cheeks as she thought of the fingertip-sized bruises that were almost faded from her thighs

“Fine, I will let my imagination run wild. Maybe I can get Kevin to buy some handcuffs…”

They stayed in the café until almost midnight. Leaving to the brightly lit street they hugged, JJ squeezing her tight and whispering, “Just be happy, OK?” in her ear as they left.

When she got home, she kicked off her shoes and took her jacket off. Taking a deep breath, she picked up her phone and dialled Hotch’s number.

“Hey” He answered, and she could hear The Beatles in the background, a clink of ice in a glass. “Finished discussing what a bastard I am with JJ and Garcia?”

“Oh yes, we burned an effigy and everything” She could hear the smile in his voice. “I’m glad I didn’t wake you, what time did you leave the office?”

“Not long after you, Rossi saw you come out of my office and was essentially following me around banging a tambourine, I had to leave” He laughed, easy and light

“Mmm, I know how you feel, I just finished my interrogation”

“Profilers” He sighed “So”

“So” She responded, grabbing a beer from her fridge and opening it.

“You first” He said, sounding amused.

“I don’t want to get married” She blurted out, unsure why she could not stop herself from vomiting the words.

“Ah, well that puts a damper on my plans for the weekend” He said drily.

“Shut up” She could feel the anxiety bubbling up from deep in her gut “I love my job, I love the family I have here, I don’t want to lose that, but I also don’t want to lose you, because I like spending time with you, and I like having sex with you and I don’t – “

“Emily do I have to come over there and kiss you again?”

“What?” She said, incredulous.

“Shut up, is what I’m saying” He said, and she felt a slight twinge of irritation when she heard him laugh

“Aaron” She started again, determined to make her point.

“No, _shush_ ” He said again, his voice sounding stern “Take a breath”

She took a deep breath and sipped her beer, forcing her heart rate to slow down.

“Emily, I’m not suggesting we get married, I’ve done that before, remember, and I’m not good at it. What I’m good at is being a Unit Chief at the BAU and I have my good days as a father”

“You’re a good dad” She said instinctively.

“Thank you, _shush_ ” He said, and she could hear the smile in his voice as he sipped his drink “I like spending time with you, but they’re my family too Em, and if you think that I would ever come close to putting them in danger because I like your soft skin, you’re certifiable.”

Emily let out a deep sigh.

“I’m not suggesting we get married, move in together or put some kind of official stamp on this. I’m suggesting that when we both have the time, we get dinner, we see a movie, you sit on my face for a few hours, things like that”

Emily laughed, leaning back on her couch, feeling the nerves leak from her body with his easy measured tone. She realised that they were both still in the same spot, neither of them racing ahead, but treading the next steps carefully. She felt relief, and joy deep in her brain.

“That works for me” She said, draining the rest of her beer.

“Me too” He said. She could hear him pouring himself another drink.

“Penelope told me tonight she thought you were _vanilla_ ” Emily said, grabbing another beer before laying down on her couch.

“Compared to whom?” He said, settling back on his own couch, sipping his scotch.

“She didn’t say. It’s a common thought” She said

“You think I’m vanilla?” He laughed.

“I did” She said, laughing with him “But you changed my mind”

“You are almost exactly what I expected” He mused.

“You’d thought about it?” She asked, surprised.

“Why are you surprised? You obviously had”

“Yeah, when I was bored on the plane, or bored in bed, you know”

“I don’t, tell me more about the bored in bed part” He said, and she could hear the cheek in his voice

“You’ve never been, _bored,_ in bed?”

“Not with you” He said, laughing “But things pop into your head when you’re bored. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it.”

“What popped in your head?” She asked, rolling over onto her stomach, interested.

“No way, this is an in-person conversation”

“Why!?” She exclaimed, feeling a girlish smile light her cheeks.

“Because when I tell you about how I sometimes think about spreading you out on my desk and making you scream, I’d like to follow through” He laughed.

“We’ve done that, what else” She pressed.

“The plane, the elevator, at least one of the SUVs,” he said.

“You weren’t kidding about that?”

“I don’t kid” he said with mock seriousness in his voice. “Is that what made you come to my hotel room that night, curiosity?”

“I was bored and high, what made you ask me to take off my clothes?”

“Some combination of drugs, and your laugh” he said softly.

“My laugh?”

“Yeah, I like your laugh.”

Emily felt a flutter deep in her stomach. “I like yours too”

“If we’re not on a case Friday, do you want to have dinner?” he said. “I’ll cook”

“I’ll need a confirmed GPS location on your wallet, but yes” She said.

“That’s never going away is it”

“Me opening the door half-naked and dripping down my thighs to your ex-wife? No, I don’t think so” She laughed.

They talked for another two hours on the phone, Emily telling her worst jokes to hear him begrudgingly laugh, Hotch telling her stories of the DA’s office and his worst moments as a lawyer.

Looking at his watch Hotch sat up suddenly “Shit, Em, it's after 3”

She erupted into laughter. “God, what are we, sixteen? Go to bed, I will see you in five hours”

He agreed with a chuckle and hung up his cell phone. Looking at the darkening screen he felt his chest expand. _“This is good,”_ He thought as he changed and got into bed.

Emily struggled to fall asleep, the contentment felt foreign to her, like an invader underneath her skin. But the sound of his laugh through the phone had quieted her anxious brain, and she felt comfortable enough to float down the lazy river of whatever this was and see where it led.

Emily woke to a text from JJ _“Case”_ was all it read. Groaning she dragged herself out of bed and prepared to go away to who knows where.

Los Angeles ended up as their destination, the unsub having abducted and killed three victims before dumping them in random alleyways. When the news broke of the FBI being in town to hunt for a serial killer, all traces of the unsub vanished, and they hit a dead end. Without a change in their parameters, or new evidence (a new victim, though none of them was willing to admit that yet) they were stuck and spent the majority of the day Friday reviewing endless stacks of case notes, sweltering in the heat. Only Reid seemed unaffected, his fingers trailing each page as he easily lapped them with reading and comprehension.

“Ok. Pack it in” It was after 7 when Hotch finally spoke “We’ll come back fresh tomorrow, there’s nothing more we can do tonight”

The team let out a collective sigh of relief, Morgan throwing a pen at Reid to snap him out of his reverie and drag him to the hotel. There was a murmured suggestion of dinner in the elevator that was quickly quashed, they were all exhausted and frustrated.

Emily showered when she got into her room, intent on pouring herself a drink from the FBI paid for minibar and finding a bad movie to distract her. Finding nothing interesting enough to entertain her, she poured a large glass of wine and grabbed her case notes, hoping that a change of scenery would invigorate her investigative abilities. Her phone chimed on the desk and her breath stilled. Hoping it was not another victim she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw it was a message from Hotch.

“Sorry about dinner” It read. She smiled, truthfully, she had completely forgotten about their plans the minute they got the case, diving headfirst into the details of it and disregarding her life outside of work the minute she locked her front door to leave.

Another text chimed through “I have wine instead?”.

Grabbing her hotel key from the bedside table, Emily left her room, closing the door behind her gently. She tiptoed down the hall, unreasonably nervous and running through scenarios in her head in case one of her team members happened to leave their room. She knocked softly on what she knew to be his door and he opened it gesturing her inside before closing the door quickly.

He was still wearing his suit shirt and slacks; the tie and jacket were hung neatly in the open closet. The rooms were tiny in this hotel, and the cramped desk was covered in the files from this case, his briefcase opened and spewing its contents onto the single chair offered.

She heard a muffled tv coming from one wall.

“Morgan’s next door, watching a movie” he explained, handing her a glass of wine

“Who’s on the other side?” She asked, keeping her voice low.

“No one from the team” He said, clinking her glass and taking a sip. Emily trailed her finger down his copy of the case files.

“None of the victims shares anything in common” She said, for the tenth time that day. “We still don’t know how he finds them, have you heard from Garcia about any social media activity?”

“No, because I sent her home for the night.” He said, leaning against the wall to look at her. Her hair was still wet from the shower and she was wearing a flimsy tank top and threadbare shorts. He let his eyes rake her form as she pressed her tongue against her bottom lip, deep in thought.

“We will pick it up tomorrow Prentiss, switch off for the night” he said when she continued flipping pages in the case file. She looked at him over her shoulder

“Yes, _sir”_ rolling her eyes she sipped more of her wine, turning back to the case file, reading his notes scratched in the margins.

He came up behind her, brushing the hair off her shoulder and planting a soft kiss at the base of her neck, trailing his lips up to her ear when she studiously ignored him and continued sipping her wine. He put his wine glass on the table and trailed his fingers along the seam of her shorts. He felt her breath slow as he traced his fingers under her shirt, thumbing the underside of her breast. She continued to feign reading the file, but from the corner of his eye, he saw her eyes flutter closed.

He kept his lips on her, inhaling the scent of her hair as he ran his hands lightly over her ribs, marvelling at how tiny she felt beneath him. Feeling her body respond to his touch, her skin glowing with the heat he tried to remember where they were, and who was next door.

“Can you keep quiet?” He whispered in her ear. Hesitantly she nodded as he thumbed her nipple. “Are you sure?”

“Yes” She whispered, unconsciously letting her head fall back into his shoulder as he drew his hand across her abdomen.

“Good, because I am almost certain you weren’t wearing underwear under your suit today, so I have been thinking about doing this all day” He mumbled into her neck, dipping his fingers under the waistband of her pants, as her hand reached up to twist into his hair.

“Why are you concerned about me being quiet?” she asked, pulling his lips into her neck.

“Because when I do this” he said, pressing his fingers into her clit, making her let out a moan “You do that” he smiled into her skin, nipping lightly at her neck. “and Morgan is next door”

He pulled her shirt off one-handed, insistently pushing her shorts down with the other, his lips staying on her skin as he manoeuvred her to the bed. She lay down on her back, naked in front of him as he stood and appraised her. Licking his lips unconsciously he unbuttoned his own shirt as she propped herself up on her elbows to look at him.

“You’re telling me that if I get down on my knees right now, you’re going to be able to keep quiet?” she said, sitting up further.

“Let’s find out” he said, grinning at her.

Emily sunk forward on her knees and that alone was enough for him to let out a small sigh. She undid his pants and looked up at him with a wicked smile

“You realise it’s a game now” she said “who can make who struggle the most”

“Sin to win” he chuckled slightly, cut off by her lips on his stomach as she drew his pants down and delicately traced her fingers around his twitching length.

Emily started slow, deliberate movements, barely grazing his skin as she watched his eyes slide out of focus. She trailed delicate kisses all over his skin, hearing his breathing hitch slightly as she let her tongue dart randomly across him.

Keeping her ears trained on the muffled sounds of the action movie playing next door she took him in her mouth and felt his muscles clench. Focusing her attention on the underside of his cock she felt his legs tremble. Wetting her lips, she sucked him into her mouth, and she heard him stifle a groan.

“You lose” She smiled, wrapping one hand around him as she looked up at him as she let her tongue dart out to lick the precum pearling on the head of his cock. “Too easy”

Aaron bent down and grabbed her upper arms, lifting her into him for a bruising kiss. Sitting on the bed he turned Emily and guided her to sit on his lap, sinking slowly onto him, biting her lip hard to force the groan to stay in her throat. He held her still on him as her head fell back to rest on his shoulder.

“Don’t move” He growled in her ear “Spread your legs” It was an order rather than a request and Emily felt her spine tingle at his tone, the fullness of him inside her. She spread her legs as he slid his hands around her body, holding her still and firmly pressed with her back against his chest.

He pinched and rolled each of her nipples into stiff peaks as she forced her body not to move. His other hand wound between her legs, trailing a fingertip where their bodies joined as she pressed her lips shut and furrowed her brow as she tried to focus on anything except his lips on her skin.

His fingertips found her clit and were a whisper on her skin. She sucked air between her teeth and tried to arch her back, feel him move inside her, but he held her still.

“I said don’t move” He reminded her, and she stilled. “Good girl” He said, planting an appreciative kiss on her spine. Moving his fingers lightly, as though he were playing a melody on piano, he strummed his fingers across her, as her fingers tightened harder into his skin, forcing herself to remain still. The fullness of him inside her combined with his fingers playing a delicate rhythm was causing her senses to overload. She unconsciously clenched her walls around him and felt his teeth graze her shoulder in response.

Still working deftly at her nipples Emily felt a bead of sweat form on her brow, the effort to stay still and not move, combined with the primal instinct to ride him was crushing and she felt lightheaded as she realised she was holding her breath.

“Breathe baby” he whispered into her skin, never ceasing his movements as she pinched tighter into his skin, feeling herself teetering on the edge of orgasm. She let out short gasping breaths as he did nothing more than graze her clit with his fingers. Time seemed to slow to a stop as he continued his light movements and flexed his cock inside her.

“I don’t think you can stay quiet if I make you cum right now” There was a teasing quality to his voice as she felt his lips skip across her skin “you’re soaking me and I haven’t moved yet” She could feel his lips curl into a smile.

Emily knew he was right, she could feel the cry building in her throat as he inched her slowly closer to the brink.

“Then cover my mouth” She sounded close to tears “Please, please Aaron, Fuck” her voice was a whine into open air. She felt his hand leave her breast and creep up over her throat, measuring her pulse as he kept his fingers on her.

His hand felt huge across her face as he covered her mouth softly. He gave her the choice to push into it and she took it gladly letting out a whimper as she felt the heat of his palm against her mouth.

“Not yet” he whispered as she tried to move against him, finding him unresponsive. “This is what I meant when I said you were exactly what I expected” he said, guiding her head to fall back against his shoulder. She was only tangentially aware of his voice as another form of stimuli against her, fanning flames that were already powerful

“I meant that when I thought about you, I imagined how fucking beautiful you would look like this, coming _for me_. Because you are fucking beautiful Emily, I am absolutely addicted to you”

His words were what pushed her over the edge and she felt tears slide down her cheeks with the intensity of it as she writhed uncontrollably and he held her as still as he could in her lap. She heard him let out a low moan as she thrashed against him, her muscles squeezing him tight inside her.

Clumsily, still shaking from the aftermath she stood up off him, turning and pushing him back onto the bed. She straddled him then and sank back down onto him with a trembling sigh. _“Complete”_ the word rattled in her brain without invitation, and she ignored it as she lay on top of him, willing him to move inside her.

His hands wrapped around her back as he took her invitation, deep slow strokes that caused her to breathe in his rhythm, her body feeling like an electrified nerve, every thrust feeling like a new orgasm. Soon his strokes became more erratic, and she knew he was approaching his own climax.

“Can you stay quiet when you fill me up, Aaron?” She whispered, feeling his arms tighten around her as he quickened his pace slightly. She bit down on her lip to swallow the moan in her throat and he found her lips with his. She swallowed his moan too as he came inside her, feeling his muscles clench and his cock spasm inside her.

He kept kissing her, his touch turning again to gentle and feather-light against her skin. She let out a low breath as his fingertips rounded each pearl of her spine.

“JJ is coming to get me for breakfast, I should sneak back to my own room” Emily said, propping herself up on his chest “Get some sleep”

“She can get you from here, I’m sure she will figure out where you are when you don’t open the door” He said, his eyes closed and voice thick.

“That’s an awful idea” Emily laughed “This is a bad idea on cases Hotch”

“I know, I’m just finding it really hard to care right now” He said, his arms still wrapped around her.

“Set an early alarm then, I can slip out in the morning”

Opening his eyes, he smiled at her, a softness in his gaze that made her chest ache.

Emily went to the bathroom and when she emerged, he had switched off the lights, pulling the covers back for them.

Crawling beneath the sheets he instantly wrapped his arms around her again, kissing her forehead and he guided her to rest on his chest, already falling asleep.

 _“Complete”_ the word reverberated around her brain again as she felt herself tumble into sleep.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Emily woke to the sound of rustling paper, looking at the clock on the bedside she saw it was just after 3.

“What are you doing?” she mumbled, seeing the outline of Aaron flicking through photos in the case file.

“The graffiti, on the walls, it’s not a gang symbol, it’s the unsub, look” he showed her the photos and she looked at them with unfocused sleepy eyes.

“I don’t see it” she said, sitting up and wrapping the sheet around her torso.

“All the victims were found by regular garbage pick-up, right? Look at this graffiti – the set of numbers, here. It’s not random, this was the first victim, it’s a date and time, it’s when we found the second, see look.”

Focused now, Emily looked through the photos and saw he was right.

“So, the third victim?” she asked, searching for the graffiti in the wall.

“Yes here, look. Ninety minutes from now. We should station plain clothes in the spots Reid highlighted with the geographic profile. He’s in too much of a frenzy to notice increased presence, he’s going to have to dump a body there. Come on” he was pulling on his suit in the half-light of the room.

“Yeah, give me a sec” she dressed quickly and went to leave.

“Call everybody in” she said, planting a quick kiss on his distracted cheek before she left.

They met at the station within half an hour. Dressed haphazardly, only Hotch had his shirt tucked in as they called in as many officers as they could to blanket the likely areas where the unsub would dump a fresh body.

“Morgan, Prentiss, you’re going to the eastern site, Rossi, you and I are going to the northern site. JJ stay here and direct any incoming officers to us – Reid, keep working the geographics, see if you can narrow this further. Go!”

Vests on, Morgan and Prentiss were secluded in a dark alleyway forty-five minutes before the time scratched onto the wall in graffiti. Positioned out of sight in the dark they were frozen in place to not alert the unsub if he showed up after they did.

“Hotch must have been up all night working on this” Morgan said “What the hell does that man do to unwind” His voice was light, casual, but Prentiss could feel his eyes flick to her, giving away how closely was watching her response.

“No idea” She said, trying to sound disinterested “No sign of movement here” she spoke into her microphone, alerting the other officers secluded on the scene. She flicked her eyes up the alleyway before turning to look at him.

“I mean last night, for instance, he tells us all to take off and switch off for the night” Morgan was pressing now, his eyes rapidly moving up and down the alleyway, using it as an excuse to watch her form, his body still tense for any sign of movement. “I go to my hotel room, with walls made of paper and spit and watch a movie.”

Emily stilled, forcing herself to focus on their position.

“And when it’s over I decide to try and get some beauty sleep, you know how I like to look good for you”

“Always appreciated Derek” she said, letting her lips twitch into a smile as she rhythmically clenched her muscles to fend off the cramps forming in her calves.

“And I’m laying in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking about how nice it would be to have some beautiful honey curled in next to me, help me to sleep” Emily could feel his eyes on her now, watching her expression as she listened to him.

“And I swear, through these thin, cheap-ass ugly walls I hear a bed creaking. And you might think I’m crazy, but I promise I heard someone moaning”

Emily felt a sense of dread as she forced her face to remain neutral, her hands not to twitch or move.

“You’re telling me this why?” She asked after too many beats of silence. “You think I want to hear about how you eavesdropped on our boss potentially masturbating in the room next to you?” She forced a note of disbelief in her voice.

Morgan’s phone started ringing then and as he turned to answer it Emily let out the breath she was holding, hoping foolishly that he would drop it. She listened to his end of the conversation, scrambling for a lie she didn’t want to tell. She loved Morgan like a brother, and she had vowed to never lie to the team when she joined the unit, and so far, she hadn’t had to. He turned back, hanging his phone up.

“They’ve got him. He had another body – they’re taking him to the station now, Hotch wants us all back”

They rounded up all the other plainclothes officers and explained the arrest. Getting into the passenger seat of the SUV Emily felt her body relax the way it always did when they solved a case. Relief and a bitter bliss at the arrest of another monster. Derek drove them back to the station, fast and weaving with Emily sitting silent in the passenger seat. When they parked out front Derek looked at her before killing the engine.

“Anyway, I mentioned it because somehow I don’t think Hotch would be moaning _‘Aaron, please’_ while he masturbated” The smile on his face was a gleeful evil as Emily felt the blush stain her cheeks.

 _“Shit”_ Morgan got out of the car with a grin on his face as Emily let out a deep sigh.

They wrapped up quickly from there, Emily avoiding Aaron and Derek as best she could in the cramped station as they packed up to leave. Hotch had managed to get them a wheels up in two hours for the long flight back to Quantico.

“Paperwork on Monday” He reminded all of them as they left the station late Saturday morning.

Hotch called Hayley from the airport, organising to take Jack for the day on Sunday, looking forward to an entire day with his son.

Emily sat next to him on the plane and he took her lead in avoiding any untoward contact, though his fingers itched to touch her again. He had meant what he said, there was something addictive about her – the way she relaxed in his arms, and how she always seemed to sleep with hair tickling her nose, begging to be brushed away.

He knew that if he tried to force her into any sort of definition she would flee. He had watched her for long enough to know that serious commitments made her nervous, flighty. He figured she had a bad breakup in her past that she was still running from, that she had been hurt or done the hurting and it had left wounds that were not fully healed yet. He didn’t care. He knew it had been stupid to invite her to his hotel room while they were on a case, but the stress and tension he had been feeling from the dead end in the case had seeped out of him the minute he caught the scent of her shampoo.

He assumed Derek had heard enough to figure out what was going on. While Emily slept on him, he heard the rustling from the room next door as Morgan paced back and forth in his room, no doubt unable to sleep and still ruminating on the case. He swallowed his worry, knowing that Derek loved Emily like a sister and would never do anything to put her in harm’s way. But he knew he was treading a dangerous path – when his first thoughts were of her in the mornings, rather than the responsibilities he held.

“You’re staring at me” She whispered finally, not looking up from the book she was feigning reading. He snapped his train of thought and let his eyes focus on her.

“Sorry” He said, “Thinking”

“Obviously. Want to share?” She kept her voice low, not wanting the rest of the plane to overhear. Rossi and Reid were playing Go in the back, Morgan had his headphones on, and JJ was on the phone to Will, trying through the speaker to coax Henry into having his lunch, which he was vehemently refusing.

“Nothing important” He answered, flicking his eyes up the plane, making sure they weren’t overheard.

“Morgan knows” She said, a deliberate airiness to her voice, betrayed by the way her brow furrowed at the words.

“I guessed,” he said, “You ok?” His voice was cautious.

“Yeah, but I never asked, and we probably should have talked about this sooner. Are we hiding this?”

“Not very well apparently” He said drily. He saw the smile flicker across her face and felt calm by the lack of fear twitching between her brows. “I don’t think it’s their business, I certainly wouldn’t be willing to talk about it with them”

“Agreed” She said “But I don’t want to lie either”

“We haven’t yet, or at least I haven’t.” He said

“No, neither have I, but I just don’t want to be put in the position where I have to. I don’t want to lie about another person I’m…” she cut herself off, taking a deep breath.

“I wouldn’t ask you to. You can tell anyone whatever you want about this, that’s your choice.” He couldn’t help himself and gently rested a hand on her leg, giving it a light squeeze.

“If Derek asks?” She said her body swaying slightly towards his.

“Say whatever you want, if that’s nothing, ask him to drop it, he would. You know that” Rubbing his thumb in circles across the top of her leg he kept his voice gentle. Coaxing her lightly to not overthink it, just to keep going and moving forward with him.

Holding her book with one hand she let the other find his, twining their fingers together. She gave a short nod.

Emily didn’t want to let go of his hand, and although she was staring at her book, she focused her attention on the plane, making sure nobody could see them, sitting together as her thumb ran absently across his knuckles. They stayed like that until Rossi stood up, swearing in Italian as Reid beat him at their fifth game of Go. They pulled away from each other as though polar magnets, as Rossi came down and slumped in the seat opposite Hotch.

“Did you get in touch with Hayley?” He asked, giving Emily a short nod as he sat down.

“Yes, taking him to the movies tomorrow.” Hotch answered, closing the file, content for a conversation with Dave.

They talked for the rest of the ride back, Emily feigning interest in her book as she listened to their conversation. They stayed less than five minutes at Quantico, enough to drop off the essential paperwork before dispersing for a day and a half respite.

They got in the elevator as a group, Morgan teasing Reid about his big plans for the weekend being to watch the entirety of _Noli Me Tangere,_ a French film with a thirteen-hour run time.

“Emily, it’s in French, do you want to join me?” He said, turning away from Morgan’s hair ruffling as he accepted the light-hearted ribbing.

 _“Non merci, j’ai rendez-vous avec une bouteille de vin”_ She answered with a smile.

“Voulez vous couche avec moi?” Derek said, butchering a bad French accent.

 _“Il n’y a pas assez de vin dans le monde”_ She replied, making Reid laugh, and Morgan look bewildered.

“There’s not enough wine in the world” He translated, and the elevator laughed as the doors opened to the parking garage. They all called their goodbyes as they went to their respective vehicles. Emily got to her car and smiled, looking forward to a day of peace at home.

Hotch looked over his shoulder at her as he walked to his own vehicle. She met his eyes and gave him a smile and a wink.

Hotch spent a beautiful day with Jack, taking him to the movies and hearing his laughter rattle around his brain consumed him for the day, marvelling at how fast he was becoming a little **person**

“Daddy?” He asked after the movie, walking hand in hand with his father

“Yeah buddy?” he answered, preparing himself for a deep philosophical question about shoelaces.

“I love you” He said. Stopping he picked his son up, cradling him gently into a hug.

“I love you too Jack, more than anybody else in the whole world”

“More than Unkie Dave?” He asked

“Yep, more than Uncle Dave” he said, hope soaring through him that his son would never grow up, that these adorable speech quirks of childhood would stay forever. “More than all the pancakes, mac and cheese and dinosaurs in the world” He said, tickling his son so the laughter flew out of him like a wave.

“Mommy says you have to say it all the time when you love someone” He said seriously.

“Mommy is absolutely right, which is why I should say I love you very very very very very much” He replied, pressing his lips into his forehead.

Dropping him back at Hayley’s Jack ran squealing with delight through the house.

He exchanged performative pleasantries with Hayley before leaving to return home. He always felt lonely when he dropped Jack off, not knowing how long it would be before he could see him again, and what miraculous leaps and bounds he would have made since then.

Arriving home, he twitched, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. This had happened a few times over the last few weeks, feeling as though he was being watched. He shook it off, reasoning that it was some latent guilt over the most recent case, rearing its head to make him nervous by a random firing of synapses. But he checked his door was locked anyway, his instincts on alert.

He stared at the paperwork on his desk, not willing to fall into it for the remainder of his day off. He grabbed his phone and stilled over Emily’s speed dial. He wanted to call her, but he felt like it would be asking too much of her to spend her only day off with her boss. Despite his desire to have her to himself he refused to force or push her into it. He sighed and put the phone down, reluctantly triaging his paperwork.

Emily spent her day off alone, needing to retreat, spend the day with a book or a movie and just enjoy solitude. It refreshed her to not have to talk or think, to just be in her apartment.

She had opened all the windows so the sun and fresh air filled her space, and the only words she had spoken so far was to say thank you to the delivery driver who dropped off her take out lunch. But she was irate somehow, she felt jittery being alone for some reason, and she couldn’t focus properly on her book. Laying back on her couch she started an old movie, not paying attention to the title and tried to let her brain slip into the delicious fog of a day off.

She had almost managed it when she realised the film she was watching was the same one Aaron had when he slept the night on her couch. Realisation hit her like a lightning bolt – she didn’t want to be alone right now, she wanted to be with him. Anxiety gripped her as she immediately went into overdrive, trying to determine what that meant. It was JJ’s voice in her head that calmed her down _“Just be happy”_ she let out a slow breath and considered calling him. She felt a twinge of disappointment when she remembered he had Jack that day and put her phone down.

Tamping the instinct to analyse the need she felt to be near him, she spent the rest of the day swinging wildly between anxious and turned on, before going to bed where he invaded her dreams, brushing the hair off her face before he kissed her lightly.

They had been in the office for ten minutes on Monday when they were called to another case.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

Cases came in fast over the following weeks. They barely had a day off before they were deployed again and Hotch spent each of those precious days with Jack, attempting to parent as much as was possible in 12-hour increments. He was missing Emily, the tickle in the back of his brain becoming more insistent every time he thought of inviting her over only to be interrupted by urgent calls to fly across the country. Spree killers meant they rarely used the hotel rooms provided, sleeping in shifts which never overlapped. He was at least happy that his administrative decision making hadn’t been compromised into scheduling time with her, despite the way she looked at him each time she left for a nap in the cramped hotel room.

Emily was feeling an itch in her brain from the lack of contact with him. It felt more like a need than a desire and her brain flashed frequently to him saying ´ _I am addicted to you’_ while she writhed on top of him and found that she was agreeing. She sated her nerves by grabbing him in the brief moments they were alone. She started lightly, scratching his scalp with her fingernails while she read a file over his shoulder, hooking her pinky into his in an elevator. It wasn’t enough; soon she was grabbing him and dragging him into a precinct copy room or a deserted hallway so she could wind her hands around his body and kiss him furiously. The precious seconds she had to feel his body against hers kept the itch in her brain at a steady hum, rather than a scream.

Hotch always smiled when she dragged him by his tie into a secluded room, using the seconds he had to run his hands up under her shirt, revelling the feeling of her skin under his touch. The brief moments he had to be with her were keeping him on edge, desperate to just lock the door and taste her. But both of their work ethics forced them apart again, exiting rooms as she fixed her shirt, and he ran a hand through his hair. They managed, somehow to keep their mind on their jobs for the most part, sparing only moments to be Aaron and Emily, rather than Hotch and Prentiss.

Derek had said nothing to either of them, preferring to smirk if they entered a room together, his lips pressed together, feeling as though he was in possession of a secret.

They were stuck on the tarmac in Portland, waiting for a storm to clear so they could go home. They had been delayed all day due to weather and arriving at the tarmac in the early afternoon they found they were put off for another hour. The pilot had explained that while they would be able to take off, the flight was looking to take six hours, rather than the expected four, putting them back at Quantico just after midnight.

Hotch explained this to the team and they all nodded, moving to grab the provisions in the closet they kept for these occasions. Blankets and pillows appeared as they all hunkered down to sleep on the plane. They spread out into as comfortable positions as possible, donning headphones as the pilot shut out the lights after take-off.

Hotch had sequestered himself in a corner with a small light, trying to use the time in the air to triage the incoming case files JJ had forwarded him. He made a decent dent in them after a few hours and was considering trying to sleep some himself when he heard it. The softest whimper coming from the other end of the plane.

Most of the team struggled with nightmares, unsurprisingly given the horrors they witnessed. If he became aware of one of them struggling with them, he or Dave would usually discreetly check in, allowing them to talk to someone who understood where the dreams came from. Walking carefully down the plane he looked carefully at each of the team’s faces in sleep. Reid was curled into JJ’s side, his mouth hanging open and sleeping soundly while JJ left a comforting hand on his shoulder, motherly instincts in overdrive as she slept against the window.

Rossi was stretched out on the couch, eye mask and a light snore, Morgan had his headphones still on, comfortable with his legs splayed on the opposing seat. It was Emily, her head resting on her hand who had let out the noise. He stopped and waited, debating waking her.

She whimpered again and he saw her fingers tighten, but the proximity gave him a new perspective. It wasn’t a cry of fear, but arousal. He could see the familiar light flush on her chest as her brow creased in sleep, feeling a faint twitch in his groin. He sat down next to her, the logical part of his brain knowing that this was a very dangerous idea.

Emily woke sensing the presence next to her. Momentarily confused by her surroundings she shook her head, eyes focusing on Aaron sitting next to her, eyebrow raised.

“Good dream?” He asked in a low whisper. Looking up the plane she saw that the rest of the team were asleep, the plane was still dark. She smiled, looking at her watch, they had hours before they landed.

“Very” She confirmed, and Aaron felt his groin twitch again at her voice, still deep and rich with sleep. His eyes made a final sweep of the plane to ensure everyone was asleep before he made his choice. Running his hand up her neck he kissed her deeply, feeling her body respond almost instantly, pushing into his body as her hands went to his chest.

She let her hand drag across his jaw as she responded. Logically she knew this was an incredibly risky idea, that all of the team were hypervigilant in sleep and would wake to anything out of place. She found she didn’t care, the static of his fingers on her skin was causing electricity to flow directly between her legs.

“Come home with me” She whispered, letting her legs spread as he pressed a hand to her inner thigh

“Why wait?” he said pressing against her pants, using his whole hand to grind against her clit.

She let out a moan then and they both froze, eyes sweeping the plane to ensure nobody heard.

“That’s why” She said with a smile. Her fingers were dragging against the collar of his shirt and he kissed her again, deeply. His fingers undid the top button of her pants and he searched her eyes for permission before dipping his hand beneath the waistband of her slacks, pressing his fingers to the outside of her underwear.

“You’re soaked” he said, slightly shocked at the heat emanating from between her thighs.

“Very good dream” She offered, the blush creeping to her cheeks as she squirmed lightly in her seat, arching into his touch.

“Oh yeah? Tell me” He whispered pressing his fingers into her lightly, making her squirm harder, biting at her lip.

“This is a terrible idea” She said with a soft giggle, her hands tightening on his skin

In response he leaned closer and pressed his lips into her neck, biting and nipping at the skin as she covered her own mouth with her hand to catch the moan from her lips.

“Follow me to the bathroom and I’ll show you a really terrible idea” He whispered, feeling her underwear slip against her wetness.

The bathroom was larger than the standard airline bathroom, but that wasn’t saying much. He just had the room to bend her over the sink, looking at herself in the warped plastic mirror as he pulled both hers and then his pants down. They were both frenzied, skin flushed and breathing heavy as her nails scratched her skin.

He covered her mouth as he slid inside her, biting her shoulder to stop the groan escaping from his own throat. She was reaching back to grab at him, insistent hands that were silently begging him to go faster, harder.

He obliged with a hand on her shoulder, using it for leverage as he fucked her brutally, watching her face contort in the mirror. Reaching around he found her clit and pinched it, a small cry escaping from her throat as she clamped around him.

“God, I missed you, Aaron fuck me, make me cum” She was trying to keep her voice low, a whisper, but it came out as more of a whine, desperate begging as she rocked her hips to match his thrusts. He obliged her, the combination of the risky setting, her neediness to feel him and how long he had missed her touch was speeding him closer to his own climax.

“Watch yourself, watch how beautiful you look when you make a mess all over my thighs” He hissed in her ear, his hands tightening on her skin as she bit down on her bottom lip, trying to suppress the cry he knew was building in her chest.

They came together, Emily resorting to biting her own fist to keep the sound in her throat at bay as she felt Aaron’s teeth marking her shoulder as he erratically spasmed inside her.

She pulled her own pants up and spun to face him, feeling him trickle onto her underwear and she pressed him up against the door of the cramped space kissing him.

“You’re still coming over, right?” She asked, straightening his tie as he redid his belt.

“Most definitely” He kept his arms wrapped around her, pressing his lips against her neck and earlobe as he inhaled the scent of her “You go out first, start making some coffee and knock twice if it’s safe for me to leave” He said, kissing her gently as he shifted out of the way enough for her to slip past him. She knocked twice a moment later and he sat back at his seat, Emily sitting opposite him, holding a cup of coffee for him to take.

They talked quietly for the remainder of the plane flight, Emily looking over some of the case files he had flagged as possible for their next case, agreeing with his assessment that they would probably only have about 18hours in their homes before they would need to leave again.

Rossi woke and offered them both another coffee, Emily accepted, Hotch declined. They joined him further down the plane, not wanting to wake JJ or Reid, knowing that Morgan had headphones to keep him undisturbed in sleep.

“I joined the mile-high club on a flight like this” He mused, sipping his coffee and looking at the window, streaked with rain.

“You’re a member?” Emily asked, “Why am I not surprised”

“Bella, there’s not many clubs I’m not a member of” He said, the mischievous glint in his eye as he laughed. “Are you?” He said, fixing her with a laser stare.

Emily squirmed lightly in her seat, feeling the evidence of her recent admission to the mile-high club between her legs. She nodded “I worked for Interpol, lots of travel” She tried to brush it off but could feel Hotch’s eyes flick to her, the smirk hiding beneath a neutral façade.

“Aaron?” Rossi queried, and from the look on his face, Emily could tell he didn’t buy her story one bit.

“Yep.” He said nonchalantly, flicking absently through the file in front of him.

Rossi laughed “It’s always hard to get the angles right in the bathrooms though”

“I don’t know, maybe the bathroom is bigger here because I managed just fine.” he said, stifling a yawn.

Emily froze, waiting for the realisation of what he had just admitted to hit him. It only took a second before she saw his hand still over the paper. Flustered he looked at her and she couldn’t help but let out a short laugh at his discomfort. He smiled at her relief and shook his head as Rossi watched them both with a proud smile.

“I figured, shame for me there’s nobody on the plane to try it with” He said, signalling to both of them that he was happy to let it slide for now.

“Maybe Strauss can join us on a flight” Emily said and watched with vengeful glee at Rossi’s turn to blush. 

Rossi changed the subject as Hotch slid a hand to rest lightly on top of her thigh. They both saw Rossi’s eyes flick to his hand and Emily found she didn’t care. She steered them to a debate about most influential musical artists and sat silently, listening to their vigorous debate.

With the question of Frank Sinatra vs the Beatles still unresolved they left the plane, the rest of the team tousle-haired and yawning as they wished each other goodbyes.

He followed her home and they just made it in the door before they were all over each other, pushing clothing off as their teeth clicked together.

“I miss you naked” He laughed in her ear as he threw her shirt somewhere into the kitchen, pulling her into his chest

“I just missed you” She snickered, allowing him to lift her and carry her upstairs to her bedroom.

After, she was laying on his chest as he drew patterns on her back with a light touch and gentle fingers. He could feel her falling asleep, the way her breathing evened and slowed, and she still turned her face to his, kissing him lightly with lips still bruised red from earlier activities.

He stopped his tracing of her skin to brush the hair from her face and kiss her then, deeply, trying to organise everything in his head and heart and pour it into her. Make her understand that despite whatever else they said out loud, that _this_ was what he was addicted to, this was what made his brain go hazy and this is what he was struggling to figure out if he could live without.

“Goodnight Aaron” She whispered into the crook of his neck, feeling herself fall deeper into sleep, comfortable and warm as she felt his fingers skip across her spine.

Aaron watched her for a while, the twitch of her lashes as she dreamed on him, the way she moved in unconsciousness to pull him closer into her, a leg over his, tightening, her hand on his neck, holding him to her. He tried to speak it out loud, confess it into the dark while she was unable to respond. But his courage failed him, and he stayed silent. He fell asleep thinking this was the first time he had lied to her, the silence somehow a betrayal.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Canada was ruthless. Brutal and emotionally destructive they all fell silent on the plane ride back. Garcia broke first, hiding in the bathroom to cover her tears until Morgan coaxed her out, cradling her in his arms like a child, allowing her to sob with abandon, Emily and JJ joining to offer her words of comfort, a group hug centred around the only member of the team brave enough to show how much they were affected by these cases.

Hotch sat silent and alone on the jet, drained. It had been a breakneck pace of cases over the last few months, and he felt he was grasping at straws to keep up with the depraved evil they contended with every day. Then William Hightower crashed a car through a guard rail and changed everything. The Turner brothers had been abducting and torturing victims for years, unnoticed and unhunted, free and clear to perform their sick experiments. Mason, confined to a bed had instructed his brother Lucas to abduct and kill vulnerable people, people who could only rely on the authorities for help and had been bitterly and unforgivably let down.

He felt small and insignificant, the way he felt when he was a boy and would stand in front of his mother to protect her from the fists raining down on her. It hadn’t changed anything then, and he didn’t feel as though it changed anything now; looking at his team, broken and battered as they flew in relative silence to homes that would always feel like a tainted refuge.

He allowed his eyes to glance over them, their exhaustion present in different ways, but pronounced and visceral. Dave seemed to have gained more lines in his face, grey hair peppered his temples now. Reid curled himself into a book, guarded and silent as he processed what they had witnessed. Garcia, whose pain felt like a bullet through his chest as she took off her glasses to dry her eyes. JJ looked helpless and lost, holding Emily’s hand as they both whispered empty words of solace to Garcia. Morgan looked smaller, as though watching Lucas Turner be needlessly gunned down in front of him had ripped through him as well. Emily remained composed, but he knew her well enough by now to see the small twitch of her shoulders, the too rigid way she crossed her legs in her seat to know that she was hurting too.

Guilt flooded him for his failure again to protect them from the monsters hiding in the dark. He did this job to be a hero, drawn to it like a moth to a flame and he had witnessed catastrophic pain over the past few days and had been powerless to stop it. Instructing them all to get a good night’s rest when they got back to the bullpen, he waited until they all left before he allowed his shoulders to slump. Rossi had no comfort to offer him as he left, beaten by the week’s events, leaving only with a grim smile and a warm hand on his shoulder. There was no comfort to be offered, only a respite, a chance to lick their wounds before they got up off the dirt and got back to work.

He travelled to the parking garage alone and was surprised to see Emily leaning against his car.

“Weren’t you taking Garcia home?” he asked, unable to meet her eyes for the kindness he knew he would see there.

“Yeah, I’m headed there now. I just wanted to make sure you were leaving. I was about to come get you” She said. Her voice was hoarse, restrained.

“I’m just heading home now; I need to be alone” He said. He tried to keep his voice placid, but her compassion felt like an accusation.

“I know. I just need a hug” She said, giving him a small smile. He nodded and folded her into his arms. He felt the emotion in his chest and forced it down, refusing to break here. He would go home, pour himself a drink and lose it in secret. He knew part of his role was to be a pillar of strength for this team, and regardless of how he felt about any particular member, he couldn’t let that crack.

“You’re just one person, we did what we could. And sometimes it’s never going to feel like enough” he whispered in her ear, speaking to himself as much as her. He felt a shiver pass through her body as she forced the tears to stay in her eyes.

“I just don’t know what’s worth it. If there are more of them out there, ignored and vicious” She sounded so terribly sad that he felt himself suck cold air through his teeth.

“Em, do you want me to come over?” he asked, worrying about her waking from a nightmare alone in the night.

“I’ll be ok. We’re just guys doing a job right?” She said, offering him a tight grin. He kissed her gently, cradling her face and feeling her hands slip under his suit jacket and around his waist.

“Go see Garcia,” He said, “she’ll likely cheer you up just as much as you will her” He needed to process this alone, and the feeling of her against him was threatening to cause the words he refused to acknowledge to spew forth from his lips, and this was not the time for that.

She nodded, kissing his lips lightly and turning to go. She stilled and turned.

“Aaron, I…” She started, biting the words off. She clamped her lips shut and shook her head, turning to her vehicle.

Emily was kicking herself from the entire ride to Garcia’s. The words she had cut off had been lurking deep in her brain for months and she had refused to speak them out loud. Often, she had woken in the night and tried to work up the courage to say them to his sleeping form, watching his eyelashes flutter in dreams. She felt the words fizz to the hollow of her throat as his hands would trail her skin in sleep, the soft sighs he would let out as she gently kissed his cheek.

She always chickened out, reasoning that it was the soft glow of his jawline in the night-time that made her feel these things, and that she would forget it in the mornings. She never did, finding that the way he trailed a hand across her neck, finding a moment alone with her almost every day to kiss her softly, pull her body into his was just as endearing in daylight hours.

She had said it twice. Once to a boy in Rome who vanished the moment twin lines appeared on the test that altered the course of her life. Once to a foreign terrorist as he whispered it into her neck in a villa across the world. She had meant it both times, the thump in her chest as she spoke them aloud confirmed that to her analytical brain. But the way Aaron had settled under her skin made it feel different, like a soap bubble, one wrong move and she could lose it forever.

And she wasn’t willing to lose it yet.

Walking into his apartment, Hotch threw his keys and briefcase, pouring himself a drink. He felt him before he turned.

“You should have made a deal”

-

Emily couldn’t focus on the case with his absence. A needling insistence in her brain was telling her that something was wrong. Hotch always answered his phone, and she knew him well enough to know he had likely not slept since they returned from Canada. He experienced nightmares worse than the rest of them and found himself unable to wake from them, so he kept himself up until exhaustion gave him a dreamless sleep. Her lack of focus was causing them to spin their wheels in the dirt on this case, and they needed to solve it _fast._

It was a split-second decision to go to his place, his non-appearance was causing a churn in her gut that eventually she was unable to ignore. She reached his door and knocked loudly, feeling her pulse in her wrists. When she heard his phone ring through the locked door her fight or flight response kicked in as she pulled her service weapon.

She thought her heart stopped when she saw the blood. All other considerations became secondary as fear held her like a lover. Time seemed to slow to a stop as she forced herself to breathe _“He needs you. Find him.”_ Calling Garcia, she compelled her brain to quiet as she pulled on a pair of collection gloves and began meticulously combing through his home.

When Penelope found him, she drove to the hospital with sirens on, allowing the panic to fester in her brain. He was unconscious when she got there, and she bit back tears as she took vigil by his bedside. When the case was over that’s how they found her, hunched next to his still unconscious form, silently at prayer.

He woke soon after and she felt a sick amount of pride as he immediately profiled they were going after Hayley. She watched terror sink under his skin as the team left to find his wife and son, not knowing what they would find. She stayed with him in the room and watched him again lapse into unconsciousness, the beeping of hospital machines echoing the screaming panic she felt.

Hayley met her eyes when she arrived at the hospital, the history flashing between them in a heartbeat. Emily expected to see animosity and hatred in Hayley’s gaze, but instead, she saw fear and unease, an expression she knew was mirrored on her own face. Emily left her alone with him, a hand instinctively touching her shoulder as she left the room, knowing that Hayley would be wounded by seeing Aaron so damaged.

She watched from a distance as Hayley lifted their son onto his bed. The tenderness with which he kissed his son’s brow, smiled and gave him comforting words of assurance. She watched mother and son as they were bundled into the US Marshall’s car and wondered how he would possibly find the strength to continue after this massive loss.

JJ dragged her to the cafeteria not long after. Sipping bad coffee her friend reached over and took her hand, mirroring the silent comfort she had offered when they sat and waited on news about Garcia. She said nothing, terrified that to speak was to bring it into existence.

One by one the team left, Emily still sitting vigil at his sleeping bedside. Rossi kissed her forehead gently as he went to go. She could feel the emotion he tried to pour into it, how deeply sorry he was for her loss as well as his. But he said nothing as Emily sat like a statue, hunched next to his sleeping form.

A part of her wished he would sleep through the night. She knew what was coming when he woke. She had been parsing it through her brain all day and was expecting every measured sentence and what he would say. When a nurse came through and told her gently he needed to rest, and that she could come back in the morning, she snapped like a rubber band. Flashing her credentials, she told the nurse to not disturb him for anything other than medical necessity.

Emily couldn’t remember falling asleep on the chair, but when she woke it was before sunrise, an awful pain in her neck. She heard the plastic sound of covers rustling as he woke too, turning and seeing her pretzeled in the chair.

“What are you still doing here?” he croaked out, reaching a hand for the water glass on his table. Standing she handed it to him, and he took a long swallow.

“Bodyguard” She offered a mediocre joke.

“Emily” He started, and she held up a hand to cut him off.

“Don’t” She whispered, the tears already stinging the back of her eyes “I know, but don’t. Not yet”

He sighed and shifted over in the bed, dragging the wires attached to him and gestured the empty space. Slowly she sat on the edge of his bed, and with a bloodied and bandaged arm, he guided her gently into his embrace, avoiding the fresh stitches enough that he only winced once in pain.

They lay still for over an hour, silent but for the machines monitoring his vitals and the faint drip of painkiller through his IV.

“We have to end it.” He whispered finally, as the sun began to rise.

“I know”

“He could come after you”

“I know” she whispered back, listening to him play out the script she had written in her mind, waiting for this conversation.

“He’s going to watch me wither away without Jack, and if he knew there was someone he could attack to destroy me completely he would do it.”

“And if I’m willing to take that risk?” She said bitterly, feeling a single tear drop onto his hospital gown.

“I’m not.” His voice sounded strained “I can’t lose you too, and I would rather have you safe and just out of reach than here and in danger, I’m sorry” his voice cracked.

“I’m sorry too” She said, and she was.

She knew he was making sense, that every word of what he was saying was the truth. He was an excellent profiler, and he knew Foyet better than any unsub they had faced, she believed that if he said she would be in danger, then she was. And she knew that if he had to worry about her in danger more than any of the other members of the team then everything would fall apart – people could get killed. But it didn’t stop the rage bubbling under her skin at the injustice of it.

She felt his arms wrap around her and she heard him wince in pain. Turning her face to his she brushed her lips across his, feeling them chapped and flaking from dehydration.

Carefully he brushed some hair away from her face and looked her in the eye.

“I love you” He said and brought his lips back to hers.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

The morphine kept him in a hazy fog over the coming days, he was aware only of the itch of his stitches and the pain twisting in bed caused him. After five days he refused all other narcotic pain treatment. Accessing his email, he began slowly delegating work to his team, giving the lion’s share to Rossi and Morgan, those who had been least affected by his stabbing.

Foyet came in his dreams, appearing blurred and dangerous as he twirled a knife into first his, then Jack’s then Emily’s throats. He would wake, gasping for breath until inevitably a nurse would rush in and scold him for dislodging the oxygen he was not supposed to be without.

He felt restless, heat and anger pooled beneath the healing wounds as he slowly regained strength. Rossi visited daily, bringing a newspaper and sitting in silence while he pretended not to watch as Hotch picked at hospital food – no doubt sent as an emissary for the rest of the team so he could report back on his health.

Rossi hadn’t asked the question, but Hotch needed him to know.

“I ended it” He said with no prompting, dragging his fork through an imitation beef stew.

“I guessed” Rossi said, not looking up from his paper “You can ask.”

“How is she?” His voice sounded like a plea; her absence had been harder on him than he would admit.

“Not great.” Rossi said shortly “She’s biting her nails again, she’s up to 8 cups of coffee a day and she has volunteered for every weekend seminar at Quantico.”

“You could lie to me Dave” Aaron said, guilt pooling in his belly like an oily snake. He pushed away his food tray, only half-finished.

“We both know you wouldn’t believe me” He folded his paper and fixed him with a stare. “I know why you did it. She knows why you did it. That makes it worse for both of you”

Aaron closed his eyes and heaved a deep sigh, wincing as he felt the stitches stretch across his torso.

“You love her” Dave said, a statement rather than a question.

Aaron said nothing, letting his mind drift to the way she had left the hospital in silence. He smothered any answer she tried to give with his mouth, not wanting to hear her response. He breathed her in, trying to memorise the way her eyelashes cast shadows on her cheeks, the blush of her lips, the tendrils of hair that seemed to curl against her eyebrows, begging to be brushed away. She left with a silent nod, a final desperate kiss as she held his hand and a look over her shoulder that had seared itself against his eyelids.

“Take care of her” Aaron said finally, his voice straining lightly.

“We are, and I know Garcia and JJ have been dragging her out to dinner and brunch almost every morning and night since,” He said. Dave stood to go, placing a warm hand on his shoulder “She loves you too” He said softly as he stopped in the doorway. He left the room empty and cold as Aaron again felt the rage settle beneath the wounds.

It was another three days before Dave felt the need to act. Emily walked into work, her eyes downcast and the faintest scabs on her fingernails, bitten to the bone, discarding a to-go coffee cup and immediately walking to make herself another at the kitchenette. He waited until she had settled herself at her desk, finished the coffee and gone through the motions of paperwork before he casually passed her desk.

“Hey kid, coffee?”

She nodded and he gestured her to the elevator.

“Let’s go out – I’m feeling stifled today” He said, grabbing her coat and helping her shrug into it. They walked in silence as he bought them coffee, meandering slowly to a park bench. She sat with her hands cupped around her drink, the protective walls she had built around herself so forceful he could almost see her preparing a defence. He doubted Hotch would agree with his methods of getting her to talk, indulging her worst vices as a means of breaking down her covers, but he was asked to take care of her. And as crude as these methods were, he knew they would be effective.

“Cigarette?” He asked, pulling a full packet and lighter from his coat and offering it to her. Emily met his eyes and nodded, sliding a cigarette out of the packet and lighting it. Feeling the nicotine hit her brain for the first time since her early twenties she stared at the lit end and tried to focus only on the bluish smoke curling and disappearing.

“How you doin’?” He said finally, sitting back and not meeting her eyes. She shrugged.

“We’re going to get him.” Rossi offered.

Emily let out a snort of a laugh, derisive and pissed.

“Does that matter?”

“Hey” Dave’s voice was firm. “Don’t do that”

“Why not? Someone just took his son and wife from him. It doesn’t matter”

“Don’t do that _to him”_ There was anger in his voice now. “He needs you.”

He reached over and took her hand as Emily let out a long exhale of her cigarette. She felt the tears sting her eyes and she turned away, swiping at them viciously.

“What am I supposed to do with a promise he can’t keep.” She said, her voice breaking. “We were so _close_ ”

Dave transferred his arm to her shoulders, pulling her into him.

“You work your ass off to get back there. You think he loves you because you’re pretty or a good lay? He loves you because you challenge him, you’re smart and vicious and protective. You don’t let him get away with any of his crap, and you make him enjoy himself. He loves you because you see who he _really_ is.” Dave barely stopped for breath as he railed into her. She needed to understand exactly why she was so important to him. Hotch didn’t know the answer either but watching the way they interacted, the lightness she brought to his eyes, Dave knew.

“He loves you because you’re just like him. And he’s known that since the minute you walked through his door. So, if it were you, Emily, what would you want him to do?” He let it hang in the air as she stubbed the cigarette under her boot, nodding stiffly.

Dave drained the last of his coffee, standing up and offering her his hand.

“Then let’s go.”

Emily cornered Derek as soon as they got back to the office.

“I’m calling in my favour” She said, hands on her hips.

“Oh…Kay,” he said slowly, turning in his chair

“Remember when you blew off a custodial to go to a hockey game with Rossi, that favour”

“Oh, yeah, okay what you got princess?” He said, a guilty smile crossing his face.

They went to his apartment that weekend, the door still crossed with FBI tape. Morgan was carrying his toolbox, Emily a bucket of cleaning chemicals and a grocery bag, reaching into the light fixture she grabbed the spare key she knew he hid there. She didn’t see Morgan’s eyebrow quirk at the gesture.

“Jesus the CSI guys trashed this place; shouldn’t we just find him a new apartment?” Morgan said, looking at the carnage in the room. Fingerprint dust was everywhere, all the drawers in the kitchen were open, the contents of his desk were strewn everywhere, his couch had been taken apart and all the evidence of a brawl was still across the entrance.

“That’s up to Hotch. Can you fix it?” She asked, gesturing towards the giant bullet hole near the door. Derek nodded.

Morgan put on some music and they got to work, him patching the bullet hole, Emily carefully putting his belongings back together, ignoring the bloodstain on the carpet. She wiped print dust from each surface, loaded and unloaded his dishwasher, changed the sheets on his bed and did the laundry left forgotten in the hamper. Satisfied that all the incidentals were complete she walked back into the entranceway, smelling the paint Derek had chosen to cover his patchwork.

When he had painted the wall, Derek turned to see Emily staring at the dark red stain.

“You know he did this for Elle?” he said, walking into the kitchen to fill a bucket with cleaning solution and a rag.

“She was shot in her home, right?” Emily said, having a memory of Garcia whispering the story to her not long after she started.

“Yeah, the unsub wrote a message on the wall in her blood. Hotch went there by himself and cleaned it up. Elle told me about it when she came back to work.”

“She was never really the same though… right?” Emily whispered.

“She struggled. But we could have done more to support her. Reid was really the only one who saw it, and even then… it was too late. She hid almost as well as you do.” He said pointedly, beginning to scrub the stain in the carpet.

Emily got onto her knees and grabbed the other rag from the bucket, soaking the stain on the carpet and pretending the acrid smell of industrial cleaner was causing her eyes to sting.

“So, tell me princess, how do you know where all his stuff goes? And where he keeps his spare key” He said, changing the subject and offering her a naughty grin. “Will I find some of your clothes in his closet? Handcuffs on the bedpost? Strap-on?”

“Derek!” She said, the laughter coming out of her unexpectedly.

“What!? We’ve never known what he’s like! We know what everyone else is like!! JJ _‘makes love’_ Pretty boy is probably still a virgin, Dave is apparently incredibly talented with his tongue…”

“Jesus Christ Derek stop it.” She said laughing harder now.

He teased her for another hour before they were finished. Looking around Emily nodded, noting that his home looked more sterile than before, but otherwise nothing was out of place.

As they left, locking the door behind them Derek wrapped an arm around Emily’s shoulder.

“He’s going to be fine” He said, his voice sounding unconvinced.

“Liar” She said flatly.

“Yeah. But I don’t know what else to say” He said, squeezing her closer to him.

“Thank you.”

Aaron took a cab home from the hospital over Dave’s strong objection. He wanted to be left alone, allowed to stew in his misery for a little longer before going back to work.

It took him fifteen minutes to open his door. Holding tightly to the bag of prescription drugs in one hand and his knuckles white on his keys in the other, he prepared himself for the carnage when he ripped off the FBI tape. It had been cleared officially as an active scene and he could return home, but nobody had expected him to, thinking instead that he would stay in a hotel until he could move.

Hotch thought that felt like losing, like refusing to return to his home was a sign of weakness, and with The Reaper, weakness was an invitation for attack. In preparation, he had organised from his hospital bed to have new locks and a security system installed the day after he returned home. Turning the key, he took a deep breath and opened the door.

His home was as though he had never left it. Only the faintest smell of paint lingered in the air as he looked around, noting that nothing was out of place. Walking deftly around the slightly discoloured spot on his carpet he put his prescriptions on the counter and looked in the fridge, stocked now with essential groceries that had definitely not been there before. There was also a jug of cold brew coffee sitting in the door of the fridge with a sticky note attached.

“ _Use with caution – E.”_

He felt a smile cross his face for the first time since waking in the hospital. He had been second-guessing and questioning every choice he had made since then, feeling unmoored and lost at sea. Seeing tangible evidence of Emily in his home, leaving a note for him made him breathe a small amount of relief. Walking around he saw she had not only cleaned his apartment but gotten someone to patch the wall too _“Morgan”_ He thought, running his fingers lightly over the place he knew the bullet had struck.

He felt heat pool beneath his wounds and wondered if the scars left behind would ever stop telegraphing his emotions, tingling, itching and burning with each change in his mood. He showered and ate a sandwich, drinking a small cup of the cold brew coffee, finding it light, sweet and deceptively caffeinated.

Sleep evaded him, despite the comfort of his own bed, clean sheets and his service weapon within reaching distance, he felt restless and guilty. Grabbing his phone, he hit the speed dial before he could stop himself.

“If you’re calling to complain you drank too much coffee, I warned you” Her voice was light, easy and he felt the scars tingle.

“I’m not. Thank you”

“You’re welcome.” She hesitated. “Should you be calling me? He is a computer expert…” Her voice was soft.

“Probably not. But once I get back to the office, we have to go back to being just co-workers instead of…”

“Part of A Casual Arrangement?” She offered.

“Yeah” He said lamely. The silence hung between them through the phone line. “I meant it, Em”

“I know you did. We’ve never lied to each other.” She left a beat of silence “Were you scared of my answer, is that why you didn’t let me…”

“No” he sighed “But it was selfish of me to say that just after I told you there is essentially nothing, we can do about it”

“That’s not true” she replied, and he could hear her open a beer over the phone. “There’s plenty we can do”

“Like what?” he snorted, feeling sadness settle against his chest again.

“Catch Foyet, throw him in a solitary confinement cell until he gets executed, go to the execution, have sex in front of him,” she said, sipping her beer.

A bark of laughter left him. “You’ve thought this through”

“I’m a planner” She replied nonchalantly, and he could hear her smile through the phone.

Emily settled onto the couch as they fell into an easy conversation, avoiding Foyet, Hayley and Jack, knowing those questions and answers were too painful. They talked instead about how Reid had accidentally set fire to a file on his desk, in an episode of physics magic gone awry.

He felt the exhaustion creeping up on him as they continued to talk. She asked him twice if he needed to go to sleep and he refused her. It was after the second yawn he tried to hide that she pounced.

“Aaron, you need to get some rest. You need to heal – you’re back in two weeks.” She said firmly.

“Yeah” He agreed, reluctant to hang up. He knew that after this phone call, it was unlikely they would be able to talk as anything but colleagues until it was over.

“We’ll figure it out. We’ve done it before” She said softly, hearing him settle himself into his pillows.

“Yeah” he said again, another yawn muffling his words as he closed his eyes, listening to her soft voice and feeling the yearning that she was with him.

“G’Night Emily” He mumbled as he felt the sleep creep upon him.

“Goodnight Aaron” She whispered back. The line went dead as he hung up first.

“I love you too” She whispered to her empty apartment.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

The door of his office slammed so hard the windows shook. Aaron looked up to see Emily, face twisted with anger.

“Get your shit together” She spat.

“Excuse me?” He said, standing to look out into the bullpen, it was dimly lit, everyone had gone home hours before.

“You heard me. Get your shit together” She said again, folding her arms.

“Prentiss…” He started, trying to keep his voice even.

“Don’t _Prentiss_ me. You walked unarmed to confront Darren Caul, you didn’t have your vest on and sharpshooters were gunning for his blood. I thought, fine, first case back he’s bound to be a bit shaky. But you’re spiralling Aaron, walking away from a case isn’t like you.” Emily’s body was tense as she stood across the office from him.

“Get out” He said in a low voice.

“What?” She exclaimed, her eyes widening in surprise.

“Get out of my office” Steadying himself on his desk he met her eyes.

Emily had never seen real anger in him before. In interrogations it was always manufactured, carefully tempered and controlled. The blackness in his eyes felt dangerous, as though he was rapidly losing control of himself. She took a breath to steady herself, the pool of anger in her stomach still licking flames through her throat.

“No” She said.

“Just because I like the way you squirm on top of me doesn’t mean you can storm in here and tell me how to do my job” He hissed at her.

“Just because you like the way I drop to my knees for you doesn’t mean you have the right to put us all in danger” She retorted, glaring at him.

Hotch felt rage underneath his skin, his wounds searing with heat as he felt a flush rise above his collar.

In honesty, it was the truth of her words that made his skin burn. Coming back had been more difficult than he expected. Sitting in his home, alone with only the files of the Reaper for company he recovered slowly, his brain buzzing as he formulated a plan.

He dreamt of the knife every night. The visions that flashed through his mind with each stab, convinced it would be the last. Holding Jack, moments after he was born, his squawking cries bouncing off the walls of the hospital room. Jack’s first word being _“dad”_ and the fact that he had missed it, hearing about it only from Hayley as he travelled home from a case. Jack learning to walk by running into his arms. Dancing with Hayley at their wedding, whispering that he would love her forever. Hayley throwing verbal knives at him after she had shown up to see Emily.

And Emily. Visions of her curled with hysterical laughter in his arms, breathless with joy. Leaning into his touch on the plane, holding his hand. The split lip she got from Ben Cyrus, her nails and cuticles bit to the bone. The bloody nose on the church step thrown into stark relief against the white snow. The way her hair curled across her naked shoulder blades as she slept on top of him. Tilting her face in sleep to his touch, curling around him, tightening her grip on him whenever he moved. The way her body had relaxed into his when he told her he loved her in the hospital.

He woke each morning slick with sweat, his heart racing as he checked his home, calming only when he ran his fingers over the slightly roughened patch on his wall where the bullet had torn through.

Strauss had offered him more time, but he refused. Between the nightmares and staying indoors, he was finding it hard to look at himself. When Emily showed up to take him to the office, he looked anywhere but her face, fearing pity or anger.

Sympathising with Darren Caul’s violent rage had unmoored him. Walking into the house without a vest or gun had been unbelievably reckless and stupid. From the corner of his eye, he saw both Morgan and Emily start towards him, stopped only by the line of guns between them, cutting him off from his only family. Emily had been gentle in her assessment, inferring that he was not alone as she left his house. By himself he sat at the desk and began the Reaper files from the beginning, repeating the words in his head like a mantra. Watching him spiral further Dave had tried next.

“He’s going after my family” He had managed to spit out as Dave coaxed him into a conversation on the plane.

“What are you going to do to make sure that the purest thing in your life doesn’t slip away” He responded. Aaron could feel Dave watch him as his gaze flicked to Emily, serene as she curled into a seat, reading her book.

Her voice now snapped him out of his reverie as he felt her rage balloon into the room.

“This isn’t about you and me, this is about you putting us in danger by being reckless and stupid.” She hissed, venom in her tone. “You think you felt guilt when Elle got shot? When Gideon left? When Reid was kidnapped, Penelope shot, Morgan arrested, Kate died, or when I got the shit beaten out of me by Cyrus? Imagine how guilty you’re going to feel when one of us gets hurt and it's actually _your fault_ ”

“You and Hayley have more in common than I thought,” He said, desperate to cover the rage rising in his stomach “Both know exactly what bullshit to spew to piss me off, only I can’t divorce you”

“Fuck you Hotch, I’m not here to piss you off” She spat right back.

“Then why are you here?” He said, raising his arms as punctuation to his mock question.

“You know why” She said, her voice suddenly smaller. “I’m worried, we’re all worried”

Sitting back at his desk he dropped his eyes from her gaze again, rifling through papers as he heard her approach him. “I’m fine” He sighed, picking up a pen.

“You’re not” She responded simply, coming to stand at the side of his desk. “For the record nobody expects you to be, but you’re doing a shit job of hiding it.”

Putting down the pen he looked at her, the anger melting away at her softer tone, turning in his chair to drink her in. He had been avoiding her as much as possible, finding it easier than forcing his hands to stop reaching for her whenever they had a moment alone.

“I’m handling it” He said, feeling his fingers tighten in frustration as he thought about the meeting with Strauss. Calling her had felt like a defeat, but the logical part of his brain had finally won out as he walked away from the guns firing on their last case. He couldn’t do this to his team, and Emily had been right, he was putting them in danger. He felt radioactive, poisonous to them, but he couldn’t leave without Foyet being caught.

“How?” She asked, inching closer to him as she leaned against his desk.

“I can’t say, should be finalised in a week or so” He replied.

“Are you leaving?” She asked, startled.

He raised his eyebrows “No. I’m getting my shit together” he said blandly.

“What got you so worked up tonight anyway?” He asked, giving her reprieve with a small smile “We don’t have a case right now, I’ve been up here doing paperwork all day – pretty hard to put you in danger of anything but papercuts.”

She bit her lip, eyes dancing away from him. “The last 4 reports I’ve given you for approval haven’t been signed, and the one I sent up today had my name spelt wrong. You approved it”

He let out a humourless laugh “You got pissed off I didn’t use spell check?” he asked.

“I got pissed off because you once gave me a twenty-minute lecture about shortening _victim_ to _vic_ on a report. I was worried, then pissed off, then really pissed off and then I don’t remember how I got here but I started shouting.” She admitted, embarrassed.

“You can’t expect it to be the same, Emily. Patching the wall in my house doesn’t mean he didn’t break in and stab me nine times in the chest, taunting me while he did”

“How do you know he taunted you?” She asked “I thought you didn’t remember”

He paused, pursing his lips as he debated lying to her again.

“I remember. He took off his shirt and showed me his scars, he told me to relax as it would make the knife go in easier, and when he was driving me to the emergency room he told me he was leaving me alive so he could watch my face as he slit my son’s throat”

Emily jerked as if slapped in the face. She had guessed he had been lying to her about not remembering the attack, but it hadn’t seemed important. Now as she watched his form slump slightly in his recounting she realised he had been hearing those words in his head ever since.

“Aaron..” She started

“There’s nothing I can do. Except watch videos of my son shot through a dashcam, and catch the son of a bitch” He said, cutting her off, not wanting to hear empty platitudes of kindness anymore. “So I apologise if I’ve had other things on my mind than checking your work” He finished.

“We are going to catch him” She said softly

“Doesn’t matter” He replied, unknowingly mirroring her own words to Rossi weeks earlier. “I can’t act like everything is the same as it was before”

He heard her let out a sigh. Looking at her offered her a bland smile, not sure what else to do. Emily crossed the gap towards him and sat down on his lap. Unconsciously he wrapped his arms loosely around her waist as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“So what do we do?” She asked finally, letting her fingers play with the knot on his tie.

“I don’t know” He said, pulling her closer to him. “Right now? Go home, try to get some sleep?” He offered, his voice sounding hopeless.

“Okay” She said, “Can we do this for a little while first?” She asked. In answer he tightened his grip on her, feeling comfort at the weight of her on his lap.

-

When the news came that Morgan would be taking charge of the unit, Emily breathed a small sigh of relief. Watching him over the case she felt the calm wash over her further, the burden of leadership having been lifted from his shoulders he seemed to change, becoming lighter. He smiled and accepted his role in the team, the lessening of his responsibilities allowing him space to breathe and relax.

As the case ended, he walked past her, smirking. He had just tackled the unsub on his own, ignoring protocol and taking the coward to the ground one-handed.

“What?” he asked, having just accepted a mild reprimand from Morgan.

“Nothing” She whispered back, trying to keep the smile from creeping across her face. Morgan took the unsub back to the precinct for processing, leaving Hotch and Prentiss to finalise securing the scene before they went home.

“You think Morgan will spot it if I don’t sign the bottom of my handover?” She asked lightly as they returned to the SUV.

“I will. I’m helping him with paperwork for the time being, and performing spell check” He answered, smirking at her again. “It’s just no longer my fault if he messes it up. I almost can’t wait for him to get an email from Strauss at 3 am berating him for sloppy work” The smirk turned into a smile.

She laughed lightly, enjoying his lighter mood.

“That’s why I didn’t ask you by the way” He added, falling into stride with her as they climbed over the barricades. “She’s a stickler for presentation, punctuality and politics”

Emily shrugged “I figured you couldn’t choose me anyway, Morgan is the right choice. He’ll do a good job. Punctuality and politics are not my strong suit. At least I am presentable” She laughed, gesturing herself.

Hotch silently agreed, the red of her shirt being thrown into view from the red and blue spinning lights of police vehicles.

“Too cold for a tank top” She said, a small smirk curving her lips. Arriving at the SUV she went to the passenger side. Hotch caught her arm before she could open the door, turning her and pressing her up against the SUV.

“Think I didn’t notice?” He whispered, looming over her as she backed into the vehicle, allowing the smile to play across her face.

“Hoping you did” She whispered, sticking her tongue out slightly as she turned her head to his. He glanced around, ensuring they were alone and kissed her, one hand bracing himself on the car, the other trailing up her neck. She arched into him, keening into his touch as her hands came to rest on his hips.

She lost track of time and where they were as his fingers played a familiar delicate melody across her skin. Tracing the outline of her shirt, skating across the waistband of her slacks, all the while keeping his lips on her as he lightly nibbled her bottom lip. His hand slipped up the back of her shirt when she let out a gasp. Turning his attention to her neck and jaw he pressed her body flush against the car, pressing harder into her skin as her hands found their way into his hair.

Aaron nipped her earlobe gently, delighting in the way she writhed against him, arching and pressing her body into his, unconsciously rolling her hips against his touch. Grinning to himself he let his fingers hook under the waistband of her slacks, he ground his hips against her, feeling the friction in his own pants as she tugged lightly on his hair.

Pushing her hands against his FBI vest she broke the kiss, breathing heavy.

“We shouldn’t do this here” She said, closing her eyes as he unbuttoned the top of her pants, allowing him to slip his hand beneath them.

“OK, do you want to stop?” he asked earnestly, his fingers stilling at the top of her underwear, delicately tracing back and forth. Looking at her for an answer he drank in the sight of her flushed skin, her lips slightly swollen and parted as her head dropped back against the car.

“No” She sighed, pulling him back into her by the straps of his vest, feeling his lips curl into a smile as he kissed her again.

He nipped lightly down her neck as his hand slid beneath her underwear, letting out a small groan of approval when he felt the heat between her legs.

Nestling a finger between her folds he stroked her lightly, rounding her clit with gentle strokes, hearing the hitch in her breath as she gripped his skin tighter.

Her phone started ringing then, and Emily let out a moan of frustration.

“Answer it” He whispered, keeping his soft rhythm against her clit as he kissed her jawbone.

Fumbling for her phone she looked at him as she answered it, turning her head away from him.

“Prentiss,” She said shortly “Yeah JJ we’re almost done here”

Moving deeper inside her underwear he twisted his hand so he could roll her clit between thumb and forefinger, causing her to cry out.

“Oh yeah, I’m fine… I just, tripped. Yeah, it’s all ok here. How about there?” She asked shooting daggers at Aaron as he grinned, resuming his ministrations on her neck, digging his tongue into the hollow of her throat.

Rolling her clit between his fingers he felt her wetness seep across his hand as the heat of her increased against his palm. Pushing a finger inside her elicited another hitched breath as he half-listened to the conversation between her and JJ.

Curling his fingers inside her he watched as she bit her lip, eyes screwed tightly shut in frustration. Nipping at her earlobe now he fucked her slowly with his fingers, watching the delicate muscles in her face twitch as she pulled his hair tighter with one hand, the other keeping the phone pressed into her ear.

Merciless, he sped up his attention, grinding his palm into her clit as she tried to twist away. He grinned as she opened her eyes long enough to shoot daggers at him again, still rolling her hips against his hand as he quietly kissed her lips.

“Ok JJ. Sounds good. Yeah, I’m fine, just tired” She forced out as he bit down on her neck, sucking against the skin. She pulled the phone away from her lips as she cried out, her hand in his hair pulling him away from her neck.

“All good. See you soon” She hung up the phone and shoved it back in her pocket. “You asshole” She said, smiling as he savoured the feeling of her juices sliding down his fingers.

“What did she want?” He asked, returning his attention to her neck

“Morgan wants to delay the flight a few hours” her breath was coming in gasps, her hands periodically tensing into his hair and neck.

“Interesting” He said into her shoulder, feeling her muscles begin a familiar clench against his fingers.

“Aaron, fuck, faster please” She whined.

Obliging her, he bit down on her bottom lip, feeling her body shake against his as he wrapped an arm around her to hold her steady against him.

He swallowed the moan she let out as she came feeling his fingers deep inside her as she tensed around his fingers and her legs went weak.

Removing his hand only after she had come down from her orgasm, he smiled as he pressed his forehead against hers. She tilted her head back from him and guided his fingers to her mouth, sucking herself off him. Aaron let out a moan.

“Come on, we have a few hours to kill” She said with a smile.

She grabbed him again in the elevator of the hotel, repaying his earlier insistence by pressing him against the far wall of the elevator, tugging his shirt free and loosening his tie with quick fingers as his hands splayed themselves under her shirt.

“I’m going to ruin you” He moaned, pulling her harder into him, fingertips digging into her ribs as she ran a hand to the front of his pants, squeezing him as the elevator slowed to their floor. Emily turned to face the doors as Aaron kept his hands under her shirt, burying his face into her neck again as she let out a breathy moan. The elevator doors dinged open and they both froze.

“Hi Aaron, Hi Emily” Dave said, holding his go bag and jacket.

Emily opened her mouth, closed it again and shut her eyes, feeling embarrassment flood every inch of her body as she felt Aaron’s hands slip out of her shirt. He straightened behind her, clearing his throat.

“As far as I know, you guys are still at the scene, I didn’t see you, and haven’t heard from you” Dave said, smirking.

“Thank you” Aaron said, as Dave stepped into the elevator, gesturing them both to leave. He watched them walk down the corridor before Emily broke into hysterical laughter, Aaron wrapping an arm around her shoulder, pulling her towards his room.

“Idiots” Dave smiled as the doors slid shut.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

Pulling a hysterically laughing Emily into his room he pulled her into a hug.

“I don’t understand, does he have trackers on us?” She gasped with laugher as he ran his hands down her back.

“Who knows? Better him than Reid” he replied, kissing her neck as she pulled them both towards the bed, kicking off their shoes as Emily’s laughter filled the room.

“How long do we have?” She asked, pushing him back onto the bed and straddling his thighs.

“At least a couple of hours” He said, cupping her face in his hands and drawing her to him for a kiss. She loosened his tie and slid it from his neck, starting on the buttons next.

“Wait” He said, grabbing her hands. Closing his eyes as she stilled, he took a deep breath.

“I peeked in the hospital Aaron, already seen them.” She said gently, pulling out of his grasp and continuing undoing the buttons of his shirt. “I just want you” She finished simply, slipping the shirt off his shoulders as she brought her mouth back to his.

His skin was quiet. The constant broadcast of emotion that flashed through each of the raised angry scars was silent as her hands gently brushed his naked shoulders. Slipping her shirt off he dispensed of her bra as well and felt his body hum with pleasure as she pressed herself against him. Flipping her gently onto her back he unbuttoned her pants and pulled them off her legs, as she let out another laugh.

She did not notice the scars truthfully. She felt them beneath her fingers but noticed only the heat of his skin as he pressed against her, the smile as he kissed her neck. She wrapped her legs around his torso, and he rested heavily against her as he started gently nipping her neck. He traced his hands down her ribs as she arched into the familiar touch. Letting his lips drag down her neck she let out a soft sigh beneath him.

Aaron felt the heat of her skin beneath him, the familiarity of the hollows of her throat and notches of her ribs was intoxicating as he clung to her, hearing her soft mewls as she raked her fingers through his hair. Kissing down her chest and stomach he felt her squirm between him. As he settled himself between her thighs, planting soft kisses on the delicate skin he looked at her.

“Pineapple” He said suddenly.

“Sorry?” She answered, sitting up looking at him as though he were mad.

“Pineapple.” He said again, trailing his fingers across her stomach as a smile crossed his face. “I meant it; I’m going to ruin you – I missed how you taste. If you really need me to stop, Pineapple.”

She laughed, falling back on the bed. “Are you planning on whipping me?” She asked.

“No, never really my thing” He said lightly, the heat of his breath on the apex of her thighs made her squirm “But I’m going to make you cum so hard and so often you will probably start crying, and I want you to have an out”

“Okay, prove it” She said with a grin. “Pineapple it is. Wait till Penelope hears you have a safe word” She giggled.

He slowly drew her underwear off her legs and surveyed her naked form before him, running his hands across her outer thighs.

Emily felt excited nerves pool in her stomach, reminding her of almost every other time they had been together. The way he looked at her made her feel dizzy and weak, the hunger in his eyes made her tremble. She watched his form as he absently bit his own lip, letting his hands trace her skin, tickling lightly. Cupping a hand between her legs he felt the heat of her and leaned in again to kiss her neck and collarbones. Automatically her hands went to his hair, feeling it tangle beneath her fingers as the anticipation caused her abdomen to clench.

Letting his hand draw closer to her she felt the scrape of his teeth against her skin, the scratch of his slacks against her calves as she unconsciously let her legs drape open. He pushed two fingers inside her, still slick from earlier and she twisted her hips into him, letting out a contented sigh. Curling his fingers inside her he immediately pressed on her g-spot, skating his fingerprints inside her as she spread her legs wider beneath him, hitching her breath. His thumb found her clit and moved in slow circles in a matching rhythm.

Her nails were soon scratching against his shoulders, dragging his mouth back to hers for a bruising kiss as she caught breath in short huffs.

She came on his fingers first, staccato moans escaping her as he smiled, watching her face. He sped his ministrations through her climax, drawing it out longer as she spasmed underneath him. Nipping and sucking her neck and jaw he seemed determined for her to come again, harder, as his mouth found her nipple and bit down.

Her body felt like a live wire as he attacked her, his teeth scraping marks into her skin, fingers unyielding against her. Her stomach and thighs were soon lavished with attention as she let out a keening cry against him, her back rounding as he thumbed against her faster.

“Jesus Christ Aaron” She moaned, transferring her hands to the cheap hotel cover beneath her. Lifting her thighs over his shoulders she caught only a glimpse of his dark hair between her thighs as she felt him begin to lap at the juices seeping from her.

He took his time, watching her swell and redden in response to his touch, tasting her on his tongue as he felt her soak his chin. The taste of her made him feel drunk, giddy as he drank from her.

Holding her as steady as he could while she squirmed against him, he sucked her clit, flicking his tongue lightly against it as the sensitive bud swelled further from the pressure. Her cry was almost incidental to the glistening of her entrance. Focusing his attention solely on her clit he felt in her abdomen the clench of muscles signalling another orgasm. She cried louder this time, the sensitivity causing the orgasm to feel stolen from her body as she trapped his face between her thighs.

Moving again to slip two fingers inside her, he was relentless against her, holding her still as she twisted, not yet come down.

“Fuck” was all she could manage to breathe out as her knuckles gripped white against the duvet, trying desperately to wriggle against him, both wanting him to continue and to let her come down. Emily saw only pinpricks of light when she closed her eyes, her brain foggy as he continued his relentless assault on her clit, fingers sawing inside her.

He could feel it happening, the way she tightened against him, the heat that almost burned as she let out a scream. Squirting over his face and fingers Emily felt the ecstasy overtake her body as she completely lost control.

Numb, her heart racing the only discernible feeling, Emily slowly felt the blood rush back to her extremities as Aaron slowed his assault on her, opening his eyes to look at her, panting and limp on the bed. He slipped his fingers out of her, causing her to let out a whine.

“Are you ok?” he asked sincerely, fingers turning feather-light as he touched her skin. In response she grabbed him and kissed him, pulling his body down on hers with her legs, wrapping the lead weight of her arms around his neck.

“More?” He asked, again searching her face for hesitation. She smiled and nodded in response.

Pushing himself onto his knees he undid his own pants, now soaked through and straining uncomfortably tight. Pushing them down enough to spring free Aaron spread her legs with his thighs, lining himself up with her. Leaning down again he brushed his lips across hers and filled her.

Wrapping her legs around him again Emily let out a pure sigh of contentment, feeling the slight discomfort she had come to associate with his girth inside her.

“I missed you so fucking much” She breathed, feeling his forehead drop to her shoulder as he stilled inside her, allowing her to settle and accommodate him. He covered her mouth with his in response, starting a slow deep rhythm inside her as she felt his shoulders tense above her.

She watched fascinated as the scars on his torso turned scarlet, matching the redness of his skin as he closed his eyes and continued moving.

She felt his skin begin to slip beneath her fingers as a layer of sweat formed across his back, transferring his weight to one arm he moved his hand between them where their bodies joined and again found her clit, a moan escaping his own lips as he felt her clench around him.

Aaron continued to fill her with deep slow thrusts, feeling her hips rise to meet them as he struggled to keep control of himself, the urge to brutally take her was overwhelming, drowned only by the keening cries she let out in his ear.

“Please” She breathed, and he took his cue, rolling his hips into faster thrusts as he listened to her cry out. Feeling the way she clung to him for purchase as she came was almost enough to undo him, stilling inside her to stop himself coming, wanting her to be completely wrecked beneath him before he did. Her nails scratched lightly against his shoulders and neck, urging him to press into her harder.

Moving with a speed Aaron didn’t expect she flipped him over, straddling him on the bed and pinning his shoulders. He grabbed at her hips as she rotated them on top of him, grinding into him harder. As she drew down to kiss him, he watched as a strand of hair fell forward, catching the light in the room.

“Come on, fuck me like I know you want to” She urged, the smile clear in her voice as she lightly twitched her hips. “Wreck me”

Pushing her arms behind her back he held her on top of him with her hands twisted. His fingers crushed her wrists together as he watched the way her chest jutted out above him. Using this angle to keep her still he drove himself into her, the groan she let out like music in his head.

His pace was brutal as he raised his hips to fuck her, keeping her still and back straight as she let her head fall back helpless above him as he held her. Keeping her arms pinned behind her back with one arm he again found her clit with his thumb, causing her to let out a scream. He could feel her coming on him, and he did not let up as she thrashed wildly on top of him.

“Come on, good girl” He said to her, feeling the reaction around his cock as she keened at the praise, tears sliding down her cheeks.

Pulling her forward onto his chest he bit down on her neck as he relished the change of angle, soaked beneath her as her warm weight crushed his lungs.

“Come on baby, one more” He breathed, squeezing his fingers into her skin hard enough he knew he was leaving bruises on her hip and wrists. He felt her sob as she matched his thrusts, and it was enough for him to fall over the edge with her. He came hard enough to see stars, the scars on his chest burning into her skin.

Aaron ran his hands up and down her spine, familiarity at her skin bringing him back to the hotel room, musty and hot with the scent of them.

“Emily?” He whispered, nervous that she was hurt.

“Mmm?” She replied, her eyes closed against his chest

“Are you okay?” He asked, stilling over her skin, knowing she might need space and silence to recover from the intensity.

“Yes, that feels nice, don’t stop” She replied, wiggling encouragement for him to continue.

“Come on” He said, manoeuvring them onto the bed properly so she could curl into his side. He let her decide how much she wanted to touch him, and she wrapped around him tightly.

“I’m ok Aaron” She said, matching his strokes along her spine with movements across his collarbone.

“Are you sure?” He said. Turning her head, she met his eyes, a softness in her gaze.

“Of course I’m sure. I’m with you” She said simply, snuggling her head back into his chest. “How long do we have?” She asked.

Looking over at the clock Aaron sighed “About 90 minutes. An hour if you figure in a shower and change of clothes before we leave”

Sadness gripped him; he did not want to leave. He wanted to stay wrapped with her in a cheap shitty hotel for the rest of his life, ignoring the outside world.

“Rossi is going to be unbearable” She said, twining his fingers with hers, seeming fascinated by the way their hands fit together

“You are not wrong” He agreed, thinking of the smug look on Dave’s face as the elevator doors closed. “Do you have makeup with you? You have marks” He said, letting his fingers trace the teeth outlines on her neck and shoulders.

“Honestly, I don’t care.” She sighed and raised herself slightly “I don’t care if the team knows, or Strauss, or anyone… I think if I had come to that conclusion sooner… we could have had more _time”_

He heard the regret in her voice, and it echoed in his brain.

“I don’t regret any of it Em” he said firmly. “You’ve never made me anything but happy”

She let out a snort of a laugh “We both know that’s a damn lie, I’m a huge pain in the ass”

“My employee Prentiss is a huge pain in the ass yes” He agreed, wincing lightly as she jabbed him in the ribs “But you? No, you’re second only to my son in things that make me smile”

They fell silent as reality began to settle over them again. 

“I love you” She said softly as their time ticked to a close.

“I know” He breathed.

“I wish I didn’t sometimes” She admitted.

“I know that too” He replied, kissing her forehead and pulling her into him.

Aaron closed his eyes and tried to memorise the feel of her, hair tickling his skin, her shoulders and spine under his touch, the soft skin of her inner thigh draped across his legs, the smell of her soap and shampoo mixed with sweat.

Emily kept her eyes shut as she breathed him in. Turning her face to him she felt him brush a strand of hair away from her cheek, kissing her softly, covering her cheeks, lips and eyelids with soft brushes of his lips as he kept his arms wrapped firmly around her.

His phone rang, breaking the cocoon they had built.

“Hotchner” He answered, holding her firmly against him as she went to move away. “Got it, Prentiss and I came back to the hotel, I’ll grab her and meet you at the airport in an hour, thanks” Snapping his phone shut he looked at her.

Emily closed her eyes and nodded, extracting herself from his grasp and grabbing her clothes from the ground. She dressed under his gaze as he stayed silent, watching her. Pulling her hair into a messy ponytail she crossed the room to kiss him again. He grabbed her hand, holding her against him.

“I love you too Em” He said, pressing her hand into his heart.

“See you on the jet” She whispered, a sad smile crossing her features as she left.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains graphic descriptions of canon-compliant violence. The particularly graphic portion has been sectioned off by dashes, meaning you can skip over that part if it is not what you're interested in. <3

**Chapter 33**

Emily thought only of Ian Doyle as they left the prison. The revelation that Foyet had contacted Karl Arnold specifically to taunt Hotch was a nagging insistent voice in the back of her brain, but she could only feel Ian. Settling under her skin was the guilt and disgust she had successfully buried years before when he had been locked up in a dark hole from which there was no escape.

Flirting with Karl Arnold had easy, her only hesitation came from using the pictures of a murdered child to draw him further in. But the way she batted her eyelashes, leaned closer and opened her body to him had been like slipping into an old dress she had forgotten.

Lauren’s dress. She felt the bile rise to the back of her throat again as she remembered the joy she felt when he gave her a Claddagh ring, the way he would tug at strands of her hair before he kissed her. Ian bringing her breakfast in bed decorated with fresh flowers from a garden she had cultivated in their home. Domestic life with an international terrorist was supposed to be the most difficult assignment she would ever undertake. But there was freedom with Ian, and whenever that thought curled in her brain like smoke she wanted to throw up. 

“Are you okay?” His voice was tense, she could hear anger beneath it.

“Are you?” She replied.

“No. I want this son of a bitch caught.” He snapped out. He was tense, like a wounded animal looking to strike out.

Hotch was rattled. Foyet contacting Arnold has been a deliberate taunt, a declaration that he was going to take his family away from him. Fear and rage mixed a cocktail in his skin, and he lost feeling in his fingers with how tightly he gripped the wheel. Emily was quiet, and this unnerved him more. He could tell she was feeling guilty, disgusted about how they had acted with Arnold.

Watching her flirt with him had made his skin buzz. The easy way with which she teased him into opening up further, not having to use the photos but only her exceptional profiling abilities made him irrationally jealous. Watching her slumped form in the moments after she had left the room, he worried she was going to vomit. She looked truly disgusted with herself.

“I’m sorry you had to do that” He said finally as they pulled into the Quantico parking lot. The rest of the team was headed back, the case over.

“I know you are. But it still feels, wrong” She said, and he watched the shudder pass over her skin.

“They caught her” He offered

“You caught Arnold, does that make you feel better about the dozens of lives he took beforehand?” She snapped.

“No” He admitted.

“I’m sorry, that was… I’m sorry” She said softly. “What are we going to do now?”

“We’re going to find Foyet” His voice was determined, fury echoing out of every syllable.

In the end, Foyet found them first.

\--

Burned into her brain was his hands. The open gashes pouring blood from his knuckles, the blood dripping from his own forehead as her eyes alighted onto Foyet’s corpse.

Emily tried to reconcile the hands that brushed strands of hair away from her face, being the same hands that had reduced a person’s face to an unrecognisable twisted mound of flesh. She had seen photos of victims in cases who had been beaten to death, but she had never seen it happen.

Aaron was breathing heavily, sheer exertion from their fight as he ran past her to find his son. The relief she felt at hearing Jack’s tinkling voice ring out was immediately extinguished when she looked again at his home, only Jack had escaped unharmed. Blood was everywhere, and it was impossible to tell whose it was. She watched him cradle Hayley’s body, the cries being ripped from him and left, not wanting to look at his grief.

Instead, she found herself standing in the doorway as they slid Foyet’s body into a crisp black bag. The smell of plastic punctuated the heavy smell of metal and sweat. When they removed it, she stared at the sticky, thick pool of blood left behind. She watched as the forensic team collected teeth from the carpet, scattered there by Aaron’s fists.

Emily had thought she was desensitised to violence, that the things she had done and seen and stood by with Ian had forever changed her, altered her DNA. But she watched as Aaron’s arms had to be gently removed from holding Hayley’s body and knew it wasn’t true. The sight of him pulling her body into his as though he could pour enough of his love into her to awaken the dead broke her heart. Eventually, Derek pried his arms from around her and led Aaron outside. Emily stood alone in the room, looking at Hayley. She could have been sleeping in honesty. There was a kindness in that Foyet had chosen not to shoot her in the head. The smudges of blood on her face were Aaron’s, mixed with tears and sweat as he had sat on the floor of their bedroom and held her lifeless body.

As Aaron left the room, she stayed. Her eyes skipped around the room as she tried to avoid looking at the body, tears still stinging her cheeks. She saw photos of their wedding; Jack being tossed into the air. Her shoe ripped from her foot as Foyet dragged her body into the room. Emily forced nausea down in her throat and stood next to Hayley’s body.

She stood silent vigil in the room until the medical examiner arrived. She didn’t want Hayley to be alone, and she knew that Aaron would not want that either. She watched as they gently transferred her body onto the gurney, zipping the bag over her face, looking peaceful in its final moment.

\--

She stood to the side and watched as they coaxed Hotch into an ambulance, insisting he be checked over, his mumbled protests that he was fine not reaching her ears. Jack clung to his legs, confused and afraid, and this was what made him agree to leave the scene.

Emily watched as Aaron scooped up his son with those same delicate hands and climbed into the back of an ambulance, stroking his son’s hair as he settled against his chest. Tears dripping silently down his own cheeks.

When the team was called in for assessment her skin fizzed with rage. Listening to Strauss ask each of them over and over if it was Aaron’s fault his wife was dead was making her feel hopeless and useless.

“Give them,” She said to Dave after her interview with Strauss. Sighing he tossed her a key.

“Top drawer” he said, rolling his eyes.

She rifled through his desk until she found the packet of cigarettes and lighter, he had offered her in the days after Foyet’s first attack. It somehow seemed fitting that she planned to chain smoke the remainder of the packet after his next attack had been so much more devastating.

She took the stairs to the roof of the building, propping the door open and sitting cross-legged on the gravelled surface.

Hotch was exhausted. The team had been grilled all day by Strauss, coming out of the room tense and jumpy. He felt nothing but despair and guilt as he watched them grow steadily more frustrated at their questions. Sitting in the room with Erin, he felt small – his shoulders slumped as he tried to remember the scratch of her shirt beneath his fingers as he held Hayley for the final time.

He didn’t tell her that Foyet surrendered in his final moments, that he could have conceivably stopped and caught him. That he didn’t because the rage he tried his whole life to suppress, bury and ignore had finally overwhelmed him.

Holding Jack was his only comfort, the tiny fingers tugging on his shirt collar as he yawned.

“Nearly done buddy, I love you” he whispered into his son’s ear. Jack nodded, balling his fists into his eyes, rubbing them with sleep. He set him gently on the couch in his office and Jack almost immediately fell asleep. Covering his small body with his jacket he asked JJ to stay with him.

“Of course, … She’s on the roof” JJ answered, her hand trailing his shoulder as he left the room.

He found her sitting cross-legged on the gravel, cigarette butts littered around her.

“Can I have one?” He asked, and her eyes, bloodshot with tears snapped to him.

“Bad habit,” She said, hugging her knees as he sat down next to her.

Silence settled over them like a blanket as he lit a cigarette and they both looked up at the darkening night sky.

“That’s Hercules,” She said, pointing her arm to a series of bright stars appearing in the sky.

“Where?” He asked, twisting his head to follow her arm.

“Here, those four bright stars form his torso, see?” She said, directing his gaze. “And here, that’s the Pleiad star cluster, they’re called the seven sisters. The myth goes that Orion the hunter fell in love with the seven sisters and chased them for 12 years. When Zeus turned them all into stars, he’s still there, chasing them. But he can’t ever catch them”

“I forgot you know about stars,” He said softly, examining her profile in the half-light.

“I know about a lot of things. I know you have never smoked a day in your life. I know you came up here to find me to tell me you need to take care of your son, and that means we have to end it… again. I know I’m offended that you think I’d need to be told Jack is your only focus now. I know I love you” She said simply, crushing a cigarette next to her.

“It’s not why I came up here” He said, his voice flat.

“Then why?” She asked, turning to look at him for the first time since he had sat down

“I beat him to death” he said quietly, and she watched as tears formed in the corners of his eyes.

“You didn’t have a choice” She said softly.

“I did. He surrendered, and I didn’t stop” He replied, and the tears began to fall.

Instinctively Emily reached an arm around his shoulders, pulling his head to rest against her as he cried. She closed her eyes and stroked the back of his hair as she felt his body shake. As he took a deep gulping breath, she grabbed his shoulders and forced him to look at her. Cupping his cheek, she wiped tears from his lashes.

“If you hadn’t gotten there first, one of us would have killed him. After all the destruction he caused, maybe it’s what he deserved” She said, coercing him to maintain eye contact with her. “We do what it takes to protect the ones we love, remember?”

Eventually, he gave a stiff nod.

“I know you are not your father” She said, leaning back to look at the stars again.

They sat in silence for a while longer, Emily scraping the cigarette butts into a pile next to her.

“I’m taking some time off” He said finally. From the corner of his eye, he saw her nod. He reached over and grabbed her hand, twining their fingers together.

“I know you stayed with her” His voice was soft, carried away by the freezing breeze across the rooftop. “Thank you”

Emily gave a stiff nod and swept the cigarette butts into the now empty packet and crushed it into her pocket. She stood.

“Come on, let’s get out of the cold” She pulled him to his feet – the glow of the streetlights below throwing his injuries into stark relief. Bloodied scabs across his knuckles and purple bruising around his eye. She was amazed he had no broken bones, internal bleeding or worse damage. She let out a sigh as she reached up to run her fingers through his hair because of course, the damage was worse, you just couldn’t see it.

They walked back to his office in silence, JJ nodding at them both as she left them alone with a still sleeping Jack.

Emily watched as Hotch’s eyes softened at his son’s curled form beneath his coat. She saw his teeth clench as he swallowed hard, the veins pulsing at his throat. She saw the raw emotions play across his face, the fear, anguish and sorrow that seemed to envelop him, taking over his form.

Emily reached over and took his hand. Running her fingers lightly over the rough scabs on his knuckles she let out a soft sigh.

“He needs me” Hotch whispered, his voice hoarse.

“And he’ll have you” Emily whispered back, letting her head rest on his shoulder. “You, me? Us? I know that’s not important in comparison.”

“You’re important to me” He said automatically, his fingers tightening around hers. “I love you”

“I love you too – but…” She trailed off, tilting her head towards the sleeping Jack, offering him another smile. “Doesn’t matter”

She left him with a kiss brushed gently across his lips and watched him from her desk as he carried Jack to the elevator, automatically clinging to his father in sleep.

He looked up only to offer her a sad smile and a nod as the doors slid shut.

Emily let out a deep breath, resigning herself to that being the last time she would ever see Aaron.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

It was JJ’s fault, she decided as she stood under the hot spray. If Reid hadn’t looked so hurt at Morgan’s declaration, she wouldn’t have felt the need to mother him and offer to share a room with him. If not JJ then it was Alaska’s fault. For being a frozen wasteland which nobody wanted to visit, meaning they had to share rooms in this place. Or it was Rossi’s fault for being old and demanding a room to himself. Or Garcia’s fault for immediately placing dibs on Morgan, knowing he was such a gentleman he would take the floor and leave her with a bed to herself.

It was the only way she could reason to herself that she was somehow sharing a room with Aaron.

It had been almost six months since she had watched him leave, carrying his sleeping son in his arms. All things considered, it had been easier than she expected, he had slipped back into his role as unit chief so seamlessly she sometimes wondered if she had imagined it. The finality of the elevator doors sliding shut over his exhausted face had made it easier. She had closed the book on them at that moment, knowing that whatever future she had imagined in blurry half-sleep was over now.

Hotch was treating her the same, his stern demands for perfection more annoying than endearing, and she felt no ill will or anger towards him, softened further by the sight of his desk slowly filling with more photographs of Jack.

Emily simply forced herself to get on with it. Pretend that everything was okay, and over time, it was. It became easier to think of him only as Hotch, Aaron fading into a pleasant memory in her brain, curled with laughter in her bed.

Occasionally when she noticed he was having a particularly bad day she would wander into his office, pour herself a bourbon and pick a fight with him. She would pick a past profile, or a recent study and argue with him; forcing him to engage his lawyer's brain as she stubbornly refused to come around to his side of the argument until he had exhausted every point. When she acquiesced to his point, she would pour him a drink, and leave his office with a smile.

“Thanks” would follow her out the door, relief in his voice as she heard him take a sip.

Turning in the shower to wash her hair she forced herself to settle. Nothing had changed in the time he had been back, they were just colleagues now, and that seemed to be working. But the idea of being in a single-occupancy bed with him caused warning lights to go off in her brain; knowing it was dangerous to be in such proximity to someone with whom she felt so strongly.

She exited the showered and towelled off, dressing in long leggings and a jumper, anticipating a freezing evening. Steam followed her out of the bathroom as she saw him setting pillows on the floor next to the bed, folding a blanket near them.

“I’ll take the floor” he said, not turning as she finger-combed her hair. It was warm in the room, a fire crackling gently in the corner, already lit when they got there.

“Don’t be ridiculous, your back will hate you” Was the only answer she gave, repacking her toiletries in her bag, grabbing files to look over as she sat on the corner of the bed.

“It’s a bad idea” He said, grabbing his own bag of toiletries.

“Yep. But we don’t have a choice” She said lightly, settling herself back on the headboard as she made notes in the margins of her case file.

The familiar citrus scent of her shampoo hovered in the bathroom as he switched the shower on. Aaron climbed under the spray and forced himself to calm down.

She had slipped so seamlessly back into being Prentiss he sometimes wondered if their relationship was a complex fever dream, the memories fabricated only to bring him some comfort from the loneliness that gripped him as he slept in an empty bed.

She was the only one that didn’t treat him as though he was broken, and he was grateful to her for that. He had wondered in the days after if his breakdown on the roof was going to somehow colour her opinion of him if that vulnerability had shattered some mystique he held as her boss. But the day he returned to work she had greeted him with a smile and an eyebrow raise and they had said nothing on the subject.

In fact, they had never said anything on the subject, pretending that it didn’t happen seemed to work for both of them. As Hotch buried his emotions at work he found it easy to throw his feelings for Emily on that pile, ignoring the way her hair still fell across her brow as she worked.

His worst days back on the job had been made better by her. He found himself questioning every decision he made, knowing now what could happen when they got it so disastrously wrong as they had with Foyet. He empathised more with every victim, his fists still feeling the memory of scattering teeth across the carpet. He felt overwhelmed with the responsibility, his post seeming more viscerally real than ever before, having been a victim of the consequences of getting it wrong.

Occasionally, as it threatened to drown him, she would casually wander into his office and pick a fight. He resisted her, ignoring her comments until finally, she would say something that ignited his argumentative side. She was stubborn and irascible as she poured herself a drink without invitation, forcing him to justify every increment of his argument. She fought him tooth and nail over some banal case law or past profile, digging into the archives of the early BAU cases to find something she disagreed with.

He knew why she did it. Forcing him to justify himself was what he anchored to when he questioned his own decisions and trusting his instincts had been the only way he would win every one of these fights with her. He relished the way she looked relieved when she finally agreed with him, pouring him a drink as she left his office with a smile, an empty glass smudged with lipstick on his desk.

“Thanks” was all he was able to say as she left the room, inadequate against the gratitude he felt swelling in his chest as he watched her go.

As he brushed his teeth, he took a deep breath, silently cursing Dave for insisting on having his own room, playing his advancing age as a reason he should have the only single occupancy room for the evening. He took his time dressing in sweats, wondering how she was coping with the prospect of sharing a bed with him.

Emily was in the same position when he came out of the bathroom, chewing the end of a pen as she flicked through her case notes. He called home, spending ten minutes talking to Jack about his day as he sat on the edge of the bed, trying to ignore her presence with little success.

“I love you too” he said before hanging up the phone and turning to look at her. Her hair was curling softly over her shoulders, the long sleeve shirt fell past her wrists as she flicked her eyes from photos to notes and made check marks on the pages.

“How is he?” she asked softly as he plugged the satellite cell into charge on the nightstand.

“He’s doing ok” He replied, standing to fiddle with his suitcase.

“And you?” She whispered, her voice light.

“I’m doing ok too” He said, a tight smile crossing his lips. “Are you?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” She said, folding the file closed and looking at him.

“This is incredibly awkward” He said after a beat of silence.

“Oh! thank god, I thought it was just me” She said, letting out a heaving sigh as a smile of relief crossed her face. Hotch felt the laugh in his chest as she let her head tilt back on the headboard.

“I don’t think we’re going to get much sleep on this case anyway. The unsub is devolving too fast” He said finally, grabbing his own case file.

“I think there will be another one tomorrow” Emily said

“Hopefully Garcia will find something in the background checks, but I think you’re right, we really should try and get some sleep” He said, closing his case file.

“What time is it?” She asked, looking around the room.

“After ten” He said, switching off the light in the room, the orange glow of the dying fire casting them into semi-darkness.

They lay still and apart from one another, under thick blankets and duvets as the fire spat and crackled. The silence in the room was heavy like fog, pressing down on both of them as they pretended to sleep, knowing the other was lying.

“I slept with Mick Rawson” Emily said quietly after half an hour of silence. The shadows cast pantomimes across the room.

“I know” Hotch said lightly, feeling the covers move as she turned to face him. He stayed staring at the ceiling as he felt her eyes on him.

“How do you know?” She asked, the space between them seeming like a gaping chasm.

“I’m good at my job” He said, flicking his eyes to look at her. “How was it?”

Emily sat up, indignant before she saw the smile on his features. He started laughing then, the deep rich chuckle at her reaction. She let herself laugh as well, tension leaking from her body as their laughter drowned the awkwardness in the room.

“It was… fine” She said finally, letting herself fall back on the pillows, incrementally closer to him.

He stayed silent, turning his head to watch her features in the muted glow of the room.

“It was no, fucking me till I cried, need a safe-word, bruises on my hip, but it was… good” She said finally, her eyes darting away from him.

“You still seeing him?” He asked lightly, finally turning towards her, close enough now to feel her breathing.

“No.” She said shortly, “It wouldn’t have worked, you shouldn’t date people you work with” She mused.

“So I’ve heard” He said softly, the memory of her shimmering with their current situation as he saw the shadows her lashes cast over her cheeks.

Talking now, they lost track of time as conversation flowed between them like a river, the slowly dying fire the only indication of passing time.

“Is that Dave snoring?” Emily asked after a beat of silence. Listening harder Hotch heard it too, the deep buzz familiar from spending many nights in adjacent rooms.

“Yep” He whispered, watching as she turned her head to listen.

When Emily turned back, she saw him staring at her and stilled. His gaze was soft, tenderness behind the eyes as he studied her features. The space between them had closed so much she could feel his breath on her cheeks as her pulse quickened.

“Go to sleep” he said suddenly, turning his gaze away from her.

“Yeah” Emily said, shaking her head to break the spell and rolling away from him, squeezing her eyes shut. She felt him behind her, the deep breath he exhaled as he closed his own eyes.

A crack from the dying fire woke Hotch immediately. They had shifted in sleep, Emily inching back towards him, her back now grazing his chest. He pulled away from her, his breathing still slow. Climbing gently out of bed he grabbed a few logs and placed them in the hearth, the chill of the room now settling into him as he left the warmth of the bed.

“It’s cold” She murmured from behind him

“It’s Alaska. I’m putting some more logs on the fire” He whispered, turning to look at her. She had rolled onto her stomach, hair falling over her face as she fixed him with a blurry stare.

He crept back beneath the covers, laying on his back as she closed her eyes again. He felt her shiver as the blankets left her shoulders, saw in the half-light the goosebumps that raised across her neck.

“Go back to sleep, it's late” He said, his fingers twitching to brush the hair from her eyes as he watched her try to get comfortable beneath the covers.

In response she curled herself into his arms, inching her arm up to his chest as he automatically wrapped his arm around her lower back. She threw her leg over his and pulled him closer to her, the soft sigh at his warmth causing his pulse to accelerate. Her shirt had ridden up and his fingers were resting lightly on the small of her back. Her skin was warm to the touch as he felt her shiver again at the contact.

As her head came to settle on his shoulder he couldn’t help himself, reaching to her brow he swept the hair off her face, his hand lingering across her cheek.

Emily could feel the gun callouses on his fingertips as he rested his hand on her face. As the fire caught and grew brighter she watched his features soften as he met her eyes. She licked her bottom lip lightly, feeling his hand stretch slowly underneath her shirt as he watched her. She let her own hand trail to his jaw, tracing her thumb lightly against the stubble, feeling it scrape against her fingers.

Tenderly, they traced each other’s features in the half-light of the room, breathing the only noise aside from the fire catching behind them. She felt heat pool in her stomach as he wrapped his fingers in her hair, tilting her face to him.

His lips brushed hers like a question. His fingers slid higher underneath her shirt, rounding her spine with a gentle touch as she pressed herself into his chest. She pulled his face back to hers and kissed him deeply, stifling the moan in her throat by covering his lips with hers, insistently pulling him to press deeper into her skin.

It was then they heard Garcia’s scream for help. They sprang apart, grabbing service weapons and shoes as they both sprinted towards the source of her screams.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

It was inevitable. Emily knew it the minute they stepped on the plane. Close quarters, long flight and unresolved issues still buzzing in her brain, she knew something was going to happen. Her fingertips still tingled with the feeling of his stubble underneath them, a spark she thought extinguished somehow reignited under the sheets in Alaska.

It was bitterly cold on the plane, the team huddled in jumpers and under blankets, waiting for the heat to kick in as they rubbed warmth into their extremities. She had sat next to him, drawn by the comfortable scent of his cologne. He had thrown the blanket over her without looking, continuing his conversation with Morgan as they divided paperwork for when they arrived back in Virginia.

She sat still, legs curled underneath her as she read a book she had picked up in the airport, a cheap romance novel that would keep her attention for maybe an hour before she tried to get some sleep. They had been correct in their assessment that the unsubs devolution meant they would not get much sleep on the case. Emily felt the exhaustion sink under her skin as the planes heat finally kicked back in, flooding them with warmth.

They all slept on the jet; conversation exhausted after a few hours one by one they all fell into various couplings of sleeping bodies. JJ asleep on Rossi’s shoulder as his own head rested lightly on the wall. Garcia curled into Morgan, peaceful on his chest after a taxing case. Reid stretched out on the couch with a neck pillow, a book on his face, having fallen heavily from his grasp but still failing to wake him.

Aaron felt Emily’s hand move towards him under the blanket. Finding his she gave his fingers a light squeeze and he quickly grabbed her hand, squeezing her knuckles in return. She shifted her weight slightly, resting her head on his shoulder with a light sigh.

“Aaron we are really bad at staying away from one another” She breathed as he stretched his legs to the empty seat opposite. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his chest, the scent of her hair intoxicating.

“I know.” He replied, his thumb stroking a soft rhythm on her shoulder as he stared out the window of the plane. “All it took was being forced to share a bed”

“By firelight didn’t help” She said, her hand drawing around his waist, tugging his shirt free and slipping her hand beneath it, warming her cold fingers against the skin on his hip.

“So, no more romantic cabins in the middle of nowhere?” He said, wincing slightly at her freezing hands. He tugged the blanket up over her shoulders, covering them both fully from view.

“Yep. No remote wilderness we can disappear into again. Considering past experience we should also probably avoid nightclubs, pubs, hotels, your old apartment, my apartment, elevators and your office” She said stroking his skin with a light touch, her thumb brushing the edge of a raised scar.

“And the plane” He mused, feeling his skin flush at her touch.

“Are there parachutes on board then?” she asked, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

“Pretty sure we’re still in Canadian airspace” He replied

“Ah dang,” She said, smothering a small laugh “Guess we’re stuck then”

Aaron laughed softly, closing his eyes at her touch.

“Why can’t we?” She asked after a moments silence.

“You want the profilers answer?” He said seriously, meeting her eyes.

“Sure”

“We’re damaged. You grew up without any parental supervision, my father broke bones. You had some terrible break up you’ll tell me about someday, my wife cheated on me” Hotch let his gaze slide away from her, feeling her fingers stop their movements on his skin.

“But I think we see the best parts of each other. You’re vicious, proud and very funny, you seem tuned to know when someone is hurting and know how to comfort them in a way that doesn’t make them feel pitied. I knew I loved you when you interrupted me to tell me I was a good father…”

“You are” She whispered, and he chuckled.

“Like that. I’ve watched you swallow some of the worst things people can do to each other and compartmentalise it. I know you’ve seen something, or _done_ something that makes you feel the need to prove you’re a good person, I know you’re trying to prove it to yourself more than anyone else.”

Emily felt her breath still. Suddenly he felt dangerously close to her. She stiffened as she thought of the trunks of weapons she had traded so casually, the staccato pulse she felt beneath her breastbone as she switched to French in a pub across the world. The cold metal of the gun as she pointed it at Declan, faking for a photo. As her pulse quickened, she felt Aaron’s hands tighten around her.

“Emily don’t. I don’t care.” He said softly, his voice stern. “I don’t care.”

“But you don’t know…” She started, the words forming like bile in the back of her throat.

“And I don’t need to.” He said firmly, sealing his words with a kiss on her forehead.

She felt the weight of his words, the forgiveness implicit behind them and the honesty with which he said them. Her pulse slowed again as she calmed, resuming her absent strokes of his hip.

“What’s the non-profiler’s answer?” She asked finally

“I’m really good in bed and you find that irresistible” He said simply.

Emily laughed, choking it into his chest as she tried not to wake their sleeping teammates.

“You’ve got some skills” She said finally, exhaling the weight of the conversation into the warm air of the jet.

Emily kissed him, tilting her head and allowing her lips to brush his with the same hesitancy he had shown under the covers in Alaska.

“I don’t know what happens next” She said, pulling away from him and sitting back in her own chair.

“No, neither do I” He admitted, rubbing the stubble on his jaw. She watched as he dragged his thumb over his lip, the spot she had just kissed.

They arrived back at Quantico rumpled and tired. Hotch didn’t bother to tuck his shirt in and Reid had yet to take his neck pillow off. They looked a tired, haggard mess and Strauss who was waiting for Rossi immediately ordered them to go home, get some sleep and come back the next day. They all left without argument.

Hotch cooked dinner for Jack, read him a story and tucked him in, planting soft kisses across his brow, whispering words of love to his son as he dropped off to sleep, hoping that the words would carry into his dreams and block the nightmares that had begun to plague his son.

Emily called him after eight, figuring Jack would be asleep.

“Hey” came the tired voice on the other end, mumble and soft against her ear as she sat on her couch, a glass of wine in hand.

“Sorry I didn’t wake you, did I?” She said immediately

“No” She could hear the smile in his voice “Four-year old’s are exhausting”

“I can imagine” She sighed, leaning back on her couch “I was just thinking, we were both wondering what happens next right? I was thinking about this. Call each other, talk about not work…” She trailed off, waiting for his response.

“How was your day?” He asked immediately. Getting up from the couch he grabbed a juice box from the fridge, sitting at the dining table, ignoring the dishes.

“Good. I took a nap when I got home, called my mother”

“How is the Ambassador?”

“She’s fine, a bit pissed that I begged off having dinner”

They talked lightly for a while longer, losing themselves in conversation about Ambassador Prentiss’s relationship with the FBI and CIA directors, the internal politics of intelligence agencies which they both despised.

Hotch heard Jack wake before the crying started.

“Shit” Hotch said, rising immediately and heading for the stairs.

“Is that Jack? Go” She said, and he heard the concern in her voice.

“Yeah, I’ll call you back” He hung up the phone, his voice already far away before she heard the click.

Emily went to bed two hours later, hearing nothing from Aaron she assumed he had fallen asleep with Jack and thought nothing more of it.

It was after 2 am when her phone rang. Answering it with a mumbled “Prentiss” she sat up when she heard the exhaustion in Aaron’s voice.

“He’s asleep” He said, the yawn creeping in before he could stop it.

“Jesus Aaron, what happened?” She asked.

“He’s having nightmares, and a branch hit his window, which is a very loud noise, scared him awake” He said, his voice staccato as he chewed the words out.

“Oh god. Of course, are you okay?” she asked, sitting up further in bed and wrapping her arm around her knees.

“Yeah. This was a bad one. I think because I was so far away”

“Is he seeing a therapist?” She asked quietly.

“Yeah, it’s helping. He’s back to sleeping in his own bed. But there are monsters in his closet and behind the curtains and under the bed, you know?” He said.

Emily did but didn’t say so. She remembered helping Louise settle Declan from a nightmare, the terror that caused his hair to stick to his brow, eyes wide and breath heaving as he was convinced of the monster hiding in his closet. And Declan had nothing to be afraid of, no real proof that monsters were real. Jack had proof; a monster had taken his mother. She swallowed, imagining how she would feel as a child, forced to sleep in the home her parent had died in. She knew he was planning on moving, closer to work and Jessica, but reluctant as the house held their memory of Hayley.

“Grieving is a process.” She said finally, “For you as well” she added. There was silence on the other end of the phone, and she wondered if she had crossed some kind of line.

“It’s different for me” He said finally. “I already grieved the marriage, that loss I had dealt with. Now it’s like I am grieving her on Jack’s behalf. The mother he doesn’t get to have… you know?”

“Tell me” she said simply, switching on the light in her room.

Aaron told her stories about Hayley for an hour. How she played The White Album to her pregnant stomach because it was his favourite album. Songs she had sung to a sleeping Jack when she thought she was alone. Jack pulling out the contents of her purse, finding her lipstick and drawing on the walls, only for Hayley to instead give him construction paper and more lipstick to continue his artwork. The small scar she had on the top of her foot from kicking one of his toys, the streak of cursing she had let out when she kicked it. The way Jack had followed her around the house repeating it verbatim which made them both laugh despite how inappropriate it was. The phone call they had gotten from nursery when he had repeated the performance for a teacher.

“She was always really good about letting me see him, after she filed for divorce,” He said, appreciating in hindsight the many times she had opened the door after midnight, allowing him to sneak into his son's bedroom and kiss his brow, tuck his sheets back around his shoulders.

“I don’t know how I’m going to measure up to that” He said finally, melancholy settling beneath his words.

“You don’t” Emily replied bluntly. “You’re not Hayley, and that’s okay. You’re Jack’s dad. His superhero dad who fights bad guys and spends hours checking his room for monsters. Your job isn’t to replace her, its to build on the foundation you guys constructed together.”

“I love you” He replied, the only response that seemed appropriate.

“I love you too” She said, sounding surprised at his words.

“Sorry” He said, guilt immediately settling under his skin. He didn’t want to burden her with a promise he was unable to keep. He knew Jack needed more time to accept and process Hayley’s death, and it would be more damaging right now to introduce a new person who loved his dad as his mom had done.

“Don’t be” she sighed, “It’s a catch-22. We can’t be together right now because your son needs your full attention. But seeing how much you love that little man is one of the things I love most about you”

“Right now?” Hotch said, latching onto her words.

“We love each other, right? I think until that changes for one or both of us… there’s hope… right?” Her voice was soft, tentative.

“Right” He said, a small smile curving his lips.

“Goodnight Aaron” She said

“Night”

Hotch went to bed soon after, Jack curled asleep on one side, impossibly tiny in the huge four-poster. He thought about Emily and the things she had said to him. Kissing Jack’s brow, he felt a sort of peace settle upon him. It was the first night he had spent back in this house where it didn’t feel haunted, where he didn’t feel lonely. She had understood completely that while they were grieving and coping healthily, sometimes that was ugly. She didn’t judge that he let his son eat junk food for dinner, or sleep in his bed after a nightmare. Emily just listened.

When he arrived at work the next day there was a small box waiting on his desk. Opening it he saw some packets of glitter, a small bottle of jasmine oil, and a spray bottle. At the bottom was a note.

_“A-_

_Ingredients for Monster Spray; guaranteed to ward against all manner of things hiding in the dark. For Jack-Attack and Daddy too_

_E x”_


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

Emily swallowed the fury as best she could. The anger at the politics of it all rose in her throat like a wave but she clamped her mouth shut. When she spoke, she heard the sadness in her tone. Reid’s voice quivered. Rossi sounded defeated; Morgan simply angry. Garcia had vanished the minute the news came through, seeking sanctuary in her office.

“I’m sorry” Emily offered, reaching to pull JJ into a hug.

“I am too” JJ said, and she heard the sadness reflected back to her.

They had all convinced themselves Hotch would be able to fix it, that he wouldn’t allow the transfer to go through. He had fought Strauss on smaller things and won, it seemed inevitable he would be able to convince her that JJ’s transfer to the state department was illogical, nonsense and the decision would be reversed.

It seemed that the decision had come from higher up. The FBI director had ordered Strauss, who had ordered Hotch, who had passed the news to JJ. Watching from the bullpen Emily had seen the defeat in his face as he walked the catwalk back to his office, closing the door and keeping the blinds closed as JJ came to deliver the news to the team.

They spent time commiserating with her, congratulating her in sad tones on this giant step in her career. Eventually, Morgan, Rossi and Reid left, kissing her cheeks and hugging her as they went to digest the news in their homes.

“Jayje I hate this” Emily said, leaning onto a desk as she stared at her friend.

“I do too” JJ nodded, shrugging “But there’s nothing to do”

“I know.” Emily sighed, pulling JJ into a hug “You should go see Garcia, and we’ll take you out and get you proper drunk this weekend, in celebration”

“You should go see Aaron” JJ murmured back “He’s still in his office.”

Emily kissed JJ’s cheek, scratching her shoulder as she turned to go and find Garcia. Climbing the stairs to Hotch’s office she gave the empty bullpen a cursory glance before entering without knocking.

Two glasses of bourbon were already on his desk. He didn’t look up when she came in but continued scratching his name onto paperwork, sipping his own drink.

“Want to talk about it?” She asked, grabbing the bourbon and sitting on his couch.

“No” He answered with a sigh. Putting the pen down he looked at her “Do you?”

“Not really” Emily admitted. Hotch nodded, loosening his tie as he leaned back in his chair.

“it’s weird, though right?” Emily said “Why the state department? She has no qualifications in profiling. And there’s nothing delicate enough in the state department that we know of currently that would require an expansion of their media department. So why would they demand her immediate transfer? Why the rush, how can diplomacy done in secret be so time-sensitive. It seems strange right?”

“Your definition of _not really_ is weird” He said, raising an eyebrow.

“Aaron come on; you haven’t thought about it?” She said, staring at him until he met her gaze.

“Of course I have. I assume JJ is about to add some redacted notes to her file. But that’s not our concern” He said with a sigh.

“It’s not?” Emily asked, incredulous.

“No Em, it’s not. They need her for something, it’s not our job to know what. If it was our job, they would have asked us to do it.”

“You’re infuriating,” Emily said, exasperated at his lack of engagement.

“So I’ve been told.” He said drily, getting up from his desk to join her on the couch. He loosened his necktie as he sat next to her. “I don’t like it”

“Neither do I, and the fact that it came from higher than Strauss smells even fishier, we shouldn’t be on the state departments radar, we don’t deal with international on a regular basis.”

“Em, stop.” He said, placing a hand on her thigh.

“But what could they possibly be doing that they need a media liaison for?” She continued, staring into the corner of the room, not really listening to his gentle protest. “Could she be doing negotiations with another country? Pakistan maybe?”

He kissed her. Quick and light his hand cradled her neck as he pressed his lips decisively into hers. Pulling away he sat back on the couch, his head tilted back against the wall.

“That won’t work to shut me up every time you know” She said after a beat of silence.

“So far it has a 100% success rate” He said, rolling his head to meet her gaze. “If it isn’t broke…”

“Shut up Aaron” She said, sipping her drink.

“You first Emily” He retorted, clinking his glass against hers as she let a sad smile cross her face.

“I’m going to miss her” Emily said finally, draining her glass.

“Me too” He agreed. “I’m sick of losing people”

“I’m not going anywhere” Emily replied, covering his hand with hers, interlacing their fingers as she let her head drop to his shoulder.

They sat in silence for a long time, his thumb stroking a gentle rhythm across her knuckles as she stole the rest of his bourbon.

“What time do you have to get home?” Emily asked quietly

“Actually… I don’t.” He said, manoeuvring slightly to look at her.

“Where’s Jack?” She asked, curiosity in her gaze.

“He’s staying with Jessica tonight” He said simply, finishing the dregs of bourbon in his glass as she sat back and looked at him.

Aaron saw it in her, the way she bit the corner of her lip as she digested this news. He saw the slightest flush on her chest and felt his own pulse quicken. It was the first night Jack had stayed with Jessica, and he would be lying if this hadn’t been his first thought when he hung up the phone.

He tugged her arm, pulling her to press against his chest, the feel of her so close to him enchanting as he felt tendrils of her hair scrape his cheek. He cupped her face and kissed her, the bourbon on her tongue still burning as he pushed her suit jacket off, dragging her to straddle his lap. She responded so fervently he knew she had been thinking about it as soon as she closed the door.

“Is the door locked?” She asked, tugging her own shirt off and throwing it behind them, loosening his tie further as she ground her hips to his.

“Don’t care” He said, his hands splaying across her ribs as she gently rolled her hips on top of him. He unclasped her bra and let it fall, immediately pulling her harder into him, pressing her on top of his lap, holding her steady as he bit her neck.

Emily let out a deep sigh as he traced her skin with familiar patterns. The familiarity of his touch against her seemed to make the world fall away wherever she was, her head going foggy as she felt the scrape of his stubble against her.

She loosened his tie further, intent on having him match her nakedness, when he lifted her lightly off his lap, laying her on the couch. He removed her shoes and socks, unbuttoned her pants and pulled them off her. Emily forgot how to breathe when she felt his lips press into her hip, his fingers hooking into her underwear, drawing them slowly down.

Aaron watched the blush deepen across her cheeks and chest as he let his fingers drag upward on her inner thigh. Watching her react to him was his favourite part of their encounters, the way she let her whole-body jolt under his touch.

He kissed across her abdomen, sliding himself onto the floor for better access to her. He watched as her eyes closed in anticipation of him, the way her fingers reached for his hair, trying to guide him as he held her hips still.

Emily felt her spine curl when his tongue made contact with her clit. She heard the moan leave her throat but had no memory of it resting there. All she felt was the strands of his hair tangled in her fingers, the scratch of his skin on her inner thigh.

He held her still on the couch as he devoured her, relishing the whimpers that came from her throat as she arched against him, trying to push herself further into his face. He kept her steady, denying her the orgasm that seemed to always be lurking below the surface, waiting to be drawn out.

He pushed his fingers inside her, stretching her as he felt the clench of her stomach, the curse she tried to smother on her knuckles as he felt her shift her weight again.

He raised himself to kiss her, letting his fingers slip out of her to slide across her clit. She was biting her lip so hard it had to hurt by now and she seemed unaware of him as he kissed her neck and jaw, only focused on his hand between her thighs as her breathing shortened.

“Tell me” He growled in her ear “Tell me what you need”

“You,… fuck please” She whimpered in response, her hands twisting in his suit jacket as she sucked her lip between her teeth.

He sucked her pulse as she came, feeling the way it quickened and slowed as she came down from it.

“Can you stand?” He whispered in her ear, alternating between her neck and collarbone as delicately nipped her skin. She nodded apprehensively and he moved to help her, lifting her to her feet and guiding her to his desk.

“Bend over” He said, the deep thrum of his voice causing her knees to weaken slightly. She braced herself on the desk and bent forward, feeling exposed to the gaps of light through his closed curtains. Briefly, it crossed her mind that not everyone in the bullpen had gone home, it was likely there were still employees walking past his office as he gently nudged her legs apart, his hand resting on the small of her back.

She knew it was coming, but the light slap still managed to pull a moan from her, her knees still bent and her back arched at the contact. His fingers lightly traced the heat across her backside as she felt him slip his fingers back between her legs, spreading her open to the air in his office.

She heard the rustle of him moving behind her as she felt both his hands on the backs of her thighs. The scrape of his zipper as he pulled it down. His hands gripped her hips almost painfully as he entered her – a deep deliberate stroke as he filled her with a deep hiss.

Her nails scratched the surface of his desk as she pushed back into him, turning her head over her shoulder to see his eyes focused on the place their bodies joined. She reached back to grab his hand and he squeezed it tightly, shallow thrusts inside her causing her breath to quicken. He bent to her ear, the fabric of his suit feeling foreign against her skin.

“I’ve wanted you naked over this desk for a long time Emily” He said, a slow rocking of his hips pressed flush against her, grinding into her.

“Now that you have me, what are you going to do?” She asked, deliberately clenching around him and revelling in the way his voice deepened further, the hitch in his throat as she pushed back into him.

His response was to reach between them, roll her clit between his fingers and begin thrusting viciously inside her. Emily felt her brain go blank again, the depth of his thrusts stealing the breath from her lungs as she fought to stay quiet.

Aaron knew he was leaving bruises on her again, her hip would definitely bear his fingerprints for the next few days. But the way she reacted to him marking her was addictive, each nip and bite he gave caused her to twitch or squirm into him, as though begging to be touched.

She was so wet he could feel it through his suit pants, and when he trailed a hand lightly down her spine, he saw the goosebumps erupt to follow them. He fucked her breathless, watching a red handprint slowly darken across her ass as she responded in kind, pushing back into him and arching her back to change the angle.

When she turned her head to look at him her eyes were glazed, her lips bitten red and swollen. He pulled her upright, kissing her as she braced herself against his desk, the contents slipping onto the floor with the violence of it.

He stopped moving, letting her determine the rhythm, matching his movements across her clit to the way she bounced herself against him. He felt the pulsing signalling her impending orgasm and matched her rhythm again, desperate to feel her come for him, possessive in the way she jolted on him.

“Good girl, come on Em” He groaned as she came, the heat of her against his hips feeling like a brand as her eyes fluttered closed, teeth digging hard into her lip to keep the scream in her throat.

He slowed his thrusts to let her relax, feeling the way her legs were struggling to hold her upright, but she urged him faster, breathless but determined.

His own orgasm took him by surprise, he had been so focused on her that the force of his own shocked him, her cry as she felt him flood her reverberating around his brain, echoing deep in his chest.

He felt himself wilt out of her, felt her turn in his embrace, relax into his arms as he held her steady on her feet, swaying slightly on weakened knees.

“God I missed you” Emily said finally, his hands tracing her ribcage as they stood in the middle of his office.

“I missed you too” He said, holding her still as he looked at her, the smudged mascara beneath her lashes, swollen lips and faint teeth marks on her shoulder. “You’re beautiful” He breathed finally, kissing her lightly as she smiled. She steadied herself on her feet and began to dress, sitting on the couch to slide her shoes on.

“Come on, we’re going back to my place” Emily said, standing and grabbing his hand

“Are we?” he said, mock surprise in his voice.

“Yep. If I’ve got you for the whole night I’m going to at least use a bed. Let's go” She laughed as she dragged him out of his office, grabbing her bag off her desk and never letting go of his hand. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder in the elevator. In the garage she pushed him lightly against her car and kissed him, letting her hands circle his waist as his fingers twined in her hair.

“Garcia shut up or they’re going to hear us” JJ said, forcing her friend to cover her mouth to keep the excited squeal smothered as they watched the couple get into Emily’s car and leave the structure.

“Told you” She said, smiling as Penelope slapped her shoulder, shock plastered on her face.

“Jayje how did you know?!” She exclaimed finally, a smile breaking across her face as she started laughing.

“I finished my exit paperwork and went to get his signature. Hotch’s office door was locked but Em’s stuff was still at her desk. I put two and two together”

“Oh my god, how am I supposed to take things to his office if I know they’ve had sex in there?” Penelope said, still laughing.

“Well, I probably shouldn’t tell you about the plane then…” JJ said, a smirk on her face.

“They did it on the plane?! How do you know?!” Penelope looked ecstatic

“Rossi told me, he also caught them after the eye snatcher case, apparently Hotch had his hands under her shirt in an elevator, and according to Morgan you really should not share a hotel wall with them”

“Those kinky bastards. They’re perfect for each other” Penelope sighed.

“See, now you have a reason to call me all the time, to tell me what’s going on with those two idiots.”

“Thank you JJ” Penelope said “This truly was a wonderful parting gift”


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

Emily sat on his back in her bed, digging her fingers into his skin. Resting lightly on his thighs, clothed in his boxers she leaned down to kiss his shoulder, before resuming rolling the knots in his back into submission as she heard him wince.

“Stop whining” She said, leaning her body weight on his spine, feeling the tension give way under her palms.

“Stop digging your fingers into my spine then” He said, turning his face to smile at her as he watched her in his peripheral vision. She too was wearing only underwear as she worked the kinks in his spine into compliance.

“Well stop overdoing it at the shooting range and I won’t have to” She teased, pressing her chest against him as she kissed his neck.

He rolled over, wrapping his hands around her lower back, offering her a smile as she kissed him lightly. He trailed his fingers down her neck, watching as she shivered lightly on top of him, arching lightly into his touch. Her breasts had bruises from his mouth and teeth, her hips dark spots from his fingers.

“Lucky you didn’t leave any on my neck” She said, noticing his gaze “Penelope would be unbearable”

He pulled her lightly to lay on top of him, his body seeping heat into hers as he felt her breath tickle his neck.

“You didn’t see them in the garage?” He asked, feeling her tense slightly. “They already know”

Emily sighed “Guess I know what we will be talking about at the next girl’s night then”

Hotch laughed, kissing her forehead as she wriggled lightly on his chest, getting comfortable.

“Why are they so fascinated?” He asked, watching the pulse beat in her throat as she tilted her head to him.

“I don’t know. You’re an enigma. When we started doing this none of us knew anything about you outside of work. I think the revelation that you’re…” she struggled to find words

“Not vanilla?” He offered

“Sure, that you’re not vanilla was surprising” She finished, laughing lightly

“Tell them everything” He said, his hands on the backs of her thighs as she lay on top of him, thumbs gently running across the seam of her underwear, feeling the goosebumps erupt on her skin.

“Garcia would have a stroke” She said, rolling her hips into his gentle touch.

“Do they know I love you?” he asked, his hands stilling on her as he looked at her.

“I think they knew that before we did” She admitted, twisting her hips lightly, urging him to continue.

“Smart girls” he said, obliging her as his fingers dipped lightly beneath her underwear.

Emily pressed herself into him a little firmer as his fingers massaged her ass, kissing his jaw as her own hands tightened on his ribs. She felt his fingers dip lightly to her centre, swollen still from their prior encounter.

He had taken her brutally in her living room, her encouragement coaxing him to frenzy, eyes almost black with lust. They had donned only underwear afterwards, laughing at the carnage they had caused, walking hand in hand to her bed, collapsing onto it as they both caught breath. He had winced when he rolled over, explaining his shoulder had been bothering him for a few weeks, Emily immediately ordering him to roll over for a massage.

Now he was gentle, his fingers a whisper against her as she responded to his touch, probing her gently and noting the places she seemed most sensitive. She felt his own groin twitch beneath her, the pace of his breathing quickening as he rolled her lightly beneath the covers, clashing his mouth against hers.

He slipped her underwear to the side, the fabric rubbing against her inner thigh as he searched her face for the slightest grimace of pain. She hooked her fingers around his boxers, drawing them off his hips, sliding a hand between them. She felt him grow in her palm, hot and hard as he sighed in pleasure.

He kept his fingers light on her skin, knowing instinctively she must be sensitive from the ferocity of earlier in the night. The slightest contact with her clit was making her jump, so he focused his attention around it, whisper touches against her that elicited light moans from her as her hips rose into him.

They were both slick with sweat beneath the covers, their breathing and body heat causing them both to gain a rosy flush across their skin as they searched each other’s bodies in the half-dark of her room. She swallowed his moans as she stroked him to his full length, fingers dragging and skipping across his flesh as his touch remained delicate but faster, throbbing between her thighs.

“Aaron” She whispered as her breath hitched, feeling beads of precum form, swiped gently away by her fingers, lubricating herself further. He slipped between her legs, lining himself up with her he watched her face as he entered her, slowing his stroke each time she moved, allowing her time to accommodate him.

Gently he rocked his hips against hers, delicious friction as she felt full, her hands on his hips as she gasped into his mouth. Deliberate in his pace, the meticulous scrape of his pelvis against her clit was almost enough. She teetered on the edge, her body feeling like a strummed guitar string, vibrating against him as she raised her hips, their slippery skin affording no additional friction. His hair was between her fingers as she held him closer to her, primal, forgetting to breathe.

She couldn’t tell how much time passed like this, dancing on the edge as he rocked his hips softly, his arm wrapped around her lower back, the other cupping the back of her neck. The scrape of his mouth against her jaw and neck as he licked beads of sweat from her throat, everything light as air against her.

Aaron felt like he was on fire. Every slow stroke inside her she spasmed around him, quiet mewls left her lips as he pressed his pelvis into her. He could feel the beads of sweat forming on his own brow as she massaged his scalp, scratched lightly against his shoulders.

Emily felt drawn like a wire, long and thin as she thought the next stroke would push her over the edge, only to draw her closer still, creeping on tiptoe. Each rock of his hips seemed to steal the breath from her lungs, each time his lips found hers seemed to make her heartbeat harder. He found her hand and gripped it, wrapping their fingers together as a low moan slipped from his lips.

She felt him harden further inside her, and was what finally pushed her over the edge, coming in time with him as they squeezed hands to match the rhythm of their orgasm.

He lay still as they breathed deep, sucking cool air from above the blankets, before finally pushing them off all together, relishing the cool air against their flushed skin. Emily went to the bathroom, returning still in just her underwear to see him, tousle-haired in boxers, beckoning her with a smile to again lay on his chest.

“I missed this” She whispered, feeling his hands skim across her ribcage as he started a gentle rhythm on her back, casting figure eights between the pearls of her spine.

“So did I” He said, closing his eyes as he felt her hair fall on his neck.

Aaron felt the weight of her as she lay across his chest, the scent of her hair and the feeling of her sheets beneath him causing contentment to sink between his skin. He pulled a blanket back over them both, the chill in the room finally more cold than soothing.

“Em” He started, feeling her heartbeat against his own as he heard her let out the softest sigh.

“I know” She said, cutting him off as she raised herself to look at him properly, propping her hands on his chest. “We can’t stop”

“I think we can” He said, smiling as he watched the strands of hair fall into her face, “I think we just don’t want to”

“You’re right” She said, blowing the hair lightly out of her eyes as she watched his gaze follow it.

“Em, I’m sick of being so close but no further. I want to do this for real, I can’t go back to just co-workers, or into a Casual Arrangement. I just can’t.” He stopped, watching as she reacted to his words, her face cautious but encouraging “I love you too much”

“I love you too” She said, her breath hitching over the words “But… Jack?”

“It’s not like you’re a stranger Em, he’s known you almost his whole life. I don’t think it's going to cause him any confusion if you’re around more. If he has questions, I’ll answer them.”

Emily nodded, her mind whirring at his words. She felt an intense longing under her skin, the briefest flash of a future fantasy playing out in her brain. Aaron made her feel seen, accepted, loved, safe. She had been chasing the high of being with him since their first night together and somehow this moment felt like its climax. He was offering her all in if she was willing to take it, stretching his hand out to her if she was brave enough to cross it.

“Okay” She whispered, nodding her head as warmth flooded her chest, an affection so deep it was almost painful.

Emily slid into his embrace, finding his heartbeat beneath her palm, her index finger grazing the flattened white of a scar, ignored by them both. She felt her own pulse slow as he leaned over to switch off the lamp, returning to her with a kiss as he rested his head back on the pillow.

Aaron felt her fall asleep, the relaxation of her muscles as she drifted off in his embrace. He lay awake, watching her lashes twitch in the near-total darkness.

It was true, he thought as he watched her sleep. Jack was not a stranger to her, and he often told sanitised stories of his work to his son. As he wrapped his hand around hers, still laying on his chest, seeking her pulse in the wrist he realised he had been unintentionally priming Jack for months in case the moment finally came where they were ready to take that step.

Every story he told Jack about his job featured Emily somehow. He hadn’t meant it to be that way, but she occupied so much of his focus and memory he unintentionally slipped her into each tale, an imagined sidekick to his dad’s superhero work.

She had tied his shoelace at Hayley’s wake. The memory came to him suddenly, emerging from the fog of that day like a crystal. He had a clear image of her, stoic in her black dress, always in his orbit but never crowding him; crouching down next to Jack with legs swinging off a couch to tie his shoe. She had managed to coax a little smile out of him, singing a song as she tied his laces together, ruffling his hair as she sent him to find his father.

Alaska had changed his perspective again. He already knew he loved her. But laying beneath the covers in a warm room with a crackling fire his brain sent a fantasy of a future with her. Laying with her now in the dark, her hand splayed over his chest he let the dream wash over him again. Flashes of presenting her with a ring, watching her tuck Jack into bed, kissing his brow. Holding her in a white dress, feeling tiny kicks in her stomach as they lay on a couch somewhere.

He fell asleep with his fingers on her pulse, her hand on his chest as her warm breath tickled his neck, feeling her under his skin as much as laying on it.

Emily woke to the smell of coffee. Reaching around her bed she found it empty and sat up, wrapping the blanket around her chest as she checked the time, just after six.

He appeared in her doorway, half-dressed, carrying a cup of coffee, his hair still messy from sleep.

“Morning” He said quietly, crossing the room to place the coffee on her nightstand, sitting on the edge of her bed. Her hair was wild in the morning, covering more than half of her face as she looked at him through blurry lids.

“I have to get home” He continued, reaching for her as she nodded, still slightly groggy.

“’kay” She muttered, grabbing the coffee off her nightstand, wrapping her hands around it as she shook her head, forcing herself to wake further.

“I’ll see you in the office” He leaned in to kiss her, tasting coffee on her lips as she tilted her face to his, automatically accepting it as he stood to leave.

“Love you” She called as he reached her doorframe. He turned, smiling as she watched him, smiling beneath her curtain of hair.

“I love you too” He said, carrying his jacket as he locked her door behind him.


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

Despite the appearance of her desk, Emily was a planner. She felt nerves at the mission, a future uncertain as she made lists of requirements. Whittling down her essential needs she focused fully on nonchalance. It was vital that they did not see her as interested, she had to appear aloof and neutral, or they would immediately seize upon it. She was determined to follow her plan through.

This determination was broken the minute Jack grabbed her hand.

“Milly!” He said excitedly, tugging her to the cage housing the sleeping black cat. “This one has hair like you!”

Aaron stood to the side, silent, trying to suppress the smug grin threatening to overwhelm him. He had explained to Emily that if they took Jack with them to the shelter, she would be walking out of there with an adopted cat. Emily scoffed at his assertion, reasoning that she was an adult, and considering the cat would be living in _her_ apartment, it was unlikely Jack would sway her.

She flashed him a guilty grin as she stood at the counter, he responded with a smile and shrug. Jack bounced on his toes next to her, keening with joy at her signature on the paper to adopt the cat. His tiny fingers curled into her hand, tugging her forth to look at beds and blankets for her yet to be named pet.

Aaron had been right; Jack had barely noticed Emily slipping into their lives, occupying space in their plans and consciousness. He adored all of his dad’s team, seeing them as mysterious superheroes like the one’s he so often read about. But despite previously limited contact, he had taken an immediate liking to Emily.

Aaron had carefully planned their first meeting outside of the BAU’s shadow. Despite his façade of confidence to her, he was nervous about Jack’s reaction to her. His instinct told him that Emily would be good with children, having seen her gently question them, defend them fiercely and advocate for nothing less than safe and happy homes for each child they encountered. But that was work, this was his family and his son, who sometimes still struggled with nightmares and came with baggage all of his own that she would have to accept. Eventually, he decided to invite her to the park, reasoning that less pressure would be felt by all if they were not at home.

Emily won Jack over almost immediately in playing hide and seek. He watched her cover her eyes obligingly as Jack scrambled behind some play equipment, his peal of giggles giving away his position, as Hotch pretended to hide as well. He was shocked at her ease of the game, balancing seeking and finding him in such a way he didn’t feel talked down to or invisible. When Jack closed his eyes, counting to ten she scampered off, scaling the lower branches of a tree so she was disguised from view, Jack had watched in awe as she climbed down. Hesitantly, he asked her if she could teach him how to do that.

“If your dad says it's ok” She had replied with a grin, turning to him.

Aaron had nodded, content to watch his son learn this new skill, such was his determination and joy. She had helped him up, picking lower sturdy branches he could cling to easily, stressing the importance of safety first. When he was sitting high enough to be at Aarons eye level, she held him there, steadying him lightly against the trunk, slightly tensed to catch him if he happened to fall.

Jack was amazed at the world from this height, being able to see all the way to the playground enraptured him. When she lifted him down from the tree, she ruffled his hair lightly, making him smile. When she left, she taught him how to give a fist bump, explaining the ritual in detail and making it sound like a secret superhero handshake. He had gleefully returned her proffered fist, thanking her for playing with him.

The nickname Milly had come from that day, ‘Miss Prentiss’ was far too formal for a woman in boots and jeans who helped him climb trees as she ruffled his hair. 

It had prompted the only question Jack had ever had about Emily, coaxed forth as his dad tucked him in for the night, pulling covers up to his chin.

“Daddy” He said solemnly, watching Aaron smooth his bedcovers.

“Yeah buddy?” he replied, sitting lightly on the side of his sons’ bed, prepared for the unpredictability of a then 4-year-old at bedtime.

“Can Milly come to my birthday?” He said quietly, looking almost scared.

“If you would like her to” Aaron answered, reaching out to take his son’s hand “Do you want me to ask her?”

Jack’s eyes brightened as he nodded vigorously. “She’s nice, and she is a good hider,” He said.

“Okay buddy” He said, kissing his son’s brow “It’s bedtime, I love you”

“Daddy?” The voice called to him from the doorway. He turned, silhouetted in the light from the hall, smiling.

“I like Milly. Do you like her?”

“I do like her, goodnight”

-

On her own birthday, Emily had arrived at work to find flowers. Small sprigs of Yarrow dotted her keyboard, a garden of wildflowers hidden between the keys. Lifting one of the tiny blossoms to her nose she smelt spices and earth. Sitting at her desk she suppressed the smile, spending the rest of the day carefully avoiding crushing the blossoms as she felt the tiny flowers scrape the pads of her fingers.

Dragged out for birthday drinks, dinner and dancing with Penelope, she mouthed a thank you as she left, one of the blooms tucked behind her ear.

Emily’s favourite thing was the relaxed nature of his approach to commitment. Despite them both jumping over the cliff, not much had changed. Cases came quickly, rolling into one another as a tornado. They never discussed what would change in the office because they both seemed to know nothing would. She sometimes forgot how private he was, shielding his personal life with an almost religious zeal. In the bullpen, he was still Hotch. He berated her over paperwork, disagreed with her assessments and argued with her as though nothing had changed, irascible and stubborn as ever. The only perceptible shift was his hand on the small of her back, guiding her in and out of rooms, or on and off the jet.

Aaron had paired her with Morgan or Reid on each case, knowing enough to know he couldn’t trust himself to be objective in the field around her. The almost imperceptible sigh of relief she let out each time told him she was feeling the same.

But they still drew to each other like magnets. On cases where they used their hotel rooms; they would seek each other out, wordlessly appearing at the others door, invited in with a simple sidestep. She was never surprised when he knocked on her door, often was contemplating leaving her own room for his. They lost hours of precious sleep with each other, tangled and whispering in the dark.

Emily had stolen a dress shirt somehow, finding it tangled in her own go bag as she repacked it in her home. Washing it and replacing it in her luggage she lied to herself that she would give it back to him. Instead, she found herself stealing down a hotel corridor, wearing nothing but the shirt as she knocked lightly on his door. His eyes had clouded the minute he opened the door, grabbing her wrist to pull her inside, his teeth already insistent on her bottom lip.

He marvelled at the bruises he left on her, encouraged with hisses and gasps. Their previous encounters had been far enough apart he had not been privy to their healing. He was fascinated by the mottled purple and blue marks in the shape of his mouth, scattered across her inner thighs and breasts. He found he enjoyed layering them, placing fresh marks to her mewls, red on blue on yellow, spending time in the afterglow to kiss each one, as if sealing them to her skin.

On Aaron’s birthday, he found no flowers dotting his office, but Emily walked in that day wearing the red tank top under her suit jacket, nonchalant in her greeting, but with a knowing look under her eyelashes. She had found excuses to be in his office, signatures on paperwork a cover for the gentle brush she would give his hand while offering a pen. Sidling past him in the kitchen, her hand a ghost across his shoulders. He had lost focus by lunchtime, and when she casually sauntered into his office, asking if he was free that evening, her tongue darting out to wet her bottom lip, only the sounds of the bullpen stopped him from taking her against the door. He had organised a time to meet at her apartment, driven there with knuckles white from anticipation. She had opened the door wearing nothing but Yarrow blossoms, twisted carefully into the strands of her hair.

-

The day after Christmas she was invited to their house, spending time with Jack and his mountain of new toys. Aaron had asked her to stay the night, the first time she would be doing so. Sealing the decision was the extra glasses of wine he poured her, ensuring she could not drive. When he had tucked Jack in and kissed him goodnight, he found her in his living room, shoes abandoned as she stretched on his couch, wine glass still in hand. She found his record collection and picked his favourite, seemingly at random. Giggling softly, she had dragged him to his feet, forcing him to dance with her, socked feet on plush carpet as they swayed in time to music soft enough not to wake his son.

Aaron had woken to an empty bed, but Emily surprised him again in the morning. She could cook one thing: crepes. Presenting Jack with a delicate stack, covered in powdered sugar snow and strawberries he had beamed at her, thanking her profusely for her breakfast. She had a swipe of sugar on her nose, and without thinking, Hotch had kissed it away. It was the first outward affection he had shown her in front of Jack and her face registered shock as she pulled gently away. Jack seemed to notice nothing, accepting this shift as normal behaviour.

While watching a movie in the muddled week between Christmas and New Year’s, Emily had absently mentioned she was thinking of getting a pet. A cat specifically. Jack’s eyes had widened so much Aaron felt apprehension. The wheedling and pleas had been given into quickly, with Emily agreeing she would happily bring Jack along to the shelter just to look at the cats and kittens. Hotch had warned her about the outcome, but Emily laughed him off, stubborn in her determination that she wouldn’t fall in love with the first animal she saw.

And this was how they found themselves in her apartment, attempting to coax the black ball of fur from its cage.

“Doesn’t he like me?” Jack had asked, turning a fearful face to his father.

“Of course, he does buddy, but this is all new to him, we will have to give him time to settle in.”

“You can come over and see him anytime Jack-Attack” Emily added.

“But for now buddy we have to get you home” he said, hoisting his son onto his hip as he made to go.

Jack nodded, reaching to fist bump Emily as he did so, a ritual established in their first meeting now an essential part of their communication. She left him with a ruffled hair and a promise of a visit soon, Aaron brushing a kiss lightly on her lips as he left.

He had driven straight to Emily’s apartment when he dropped Jack off at nursery the next day, relishing the rarity of having a day to spend just with her, rather than stealing moments in hotels, or after Jack had gone to sleep.

She opened the door with the cat cradled in her arms. The animal looked so content with the soft strokes she was giving it, settled almost to sleep against her chest. He smiled.

“He’s warmed up to you”

“Yes he has” Holding the cat closer to her, a ringing purr echoed through the apartment, “I think I love him”, she said standing aside to let him in. Carefully she deposited the cat on the floor, greeting him with a soft kiss.

“It took you years to admit you loved me and this cat got it overnight?” Hotch asked, mock indignation in his tone as he wrapped his arms around her waist, deepening the kiss.

“You should have fallen asleep on my lap and purred” She said, looping her arms around his neck as she walked them slowly into the kitchen, “I thought of a name”

“Oh really?” Aaron asked, his fingers more focused on the soft skin exposed between her shirt and pants.

“Sergio” She said, grinning as the memory stole over his face. He started laughing, his face splitting into a wide grin.

“I love it” He said finally, winding his hands back around her waist.

“Thought you might” She said, laughing as he lifted her onto the counter.

“Wonder if I can make you purr like that” He whispered into her neck, nudging her to look at Sergio, sprawled on her couch, purring loudly.

“Let's find out” She replied, gasping lightly as his teeth notched against her collarbone.

-

The respect for Aaron’s private nature meant Emily and Penelope developed a shorthand. Their relationship was not known amongst the team, or at least it wasn’t discussed. Rossi gave them enough proud fatherly smiles to indicate he knew exactly what was going on between them. Morgan would sometimes jokingly show her earplugs he had purchased in the airport gift shop _‘just in case’._

As for Penelope, she was satisfied with a lie. Emily would make up a story about what she did the night before, both of them knowing what it was code for. Penelope would raise her eyebrows and go along with it, Emily using the story as a double entendre to describe what had happened the night before. She had been to see a romantic movie or spent the night appreciating French wine.

The lie today was salsa dancing, code for _‘I spent the night in some kind of orgasmic fugue state but then these two mass murderers in Montana ruined it’_

Walking towards the round table room Emily was fighting exhaustion as she contemplated how a mass-murder meant she would not be getting sleep for the next few days.

It wasn’t until she heard the name that exhaustion was replaced by dread.

“Sean McAllister?” Emily felt her blood run cold. Garcia was explaining how Scottish guys are always hot, and he was calling from Paris.

“He’s a friend” She managed to stutter out as a response to Garcia’s probing, forcing herself to take deep breaths as she entered the round table room.

As she pulled a chair to the table, she forced herself to focus on the case in front of her, six people had died in a gas station robbery.

On the plane, she was quiet, lost in thoughts of her past. Each time she thought of what Sean could possibly want she felt an acidic bile rise to her throat; she could taste fear on her tongue.

“Are you okay?” Hotch had asked his voice low.

Turning her face to him, she offered him a weak smile.

“Oh yes, just tired”

As she looked out the window of the plane, guilt and shame settled upon her. This was the first time she had ever deceived him. 


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

The minute Ian said Aaron’s name she knew she would have to run. It started as a spark in the back of her brain, fanned into a raging inferno as she saw the devastation Ian wrought in an effort to get her attention. It worked.

As she sat and spun a familiar web of lies to her team in turn, her nerves shot to pieces. She felt revulsion each time she opened the file, tiny papercuts littering her fingers as though lashes from a whip, punishing her for the fatal mistakes she had made.

Someone was going to die. She knew it. She saw it the minute Ian sat down across from her. His goal was annihilation, and he confirmed as much to her in their conversation. She caught sleep in five-minute increments, comfort coming only from Tsia and Clyde’s assurances that they would find him, protect her, protect her family.

As she gazed at Tsia’s body she gave up all hope of refuge. Absolution was a magic trick, something she had convinced herself was there in the safety of the BAU, only for the trick to be revealed as she realised those she desperately wanted to protect were now being placed dead at her feet. Bile tickled her throat as she gazed into Tsia’s still open eyes. Horrifically she wondered if next would be Morgan. Or Penelope, or Dave. Or Aaron.

She vomited in the trash can as she pictured his accusatory gaze in death. If any of them died, it would be her fault. Her lies, this delicate illusion revealed to be nothing but smoke and mirrors as she failed over and over to tell them the truth.

She slid her badge, gun and phone into her desk when they entered the bullpen. Looking around the packed room she alighted on the monumental effort to find Ian. The futility of a multiagency task force was known only to her, and maybe Clyde. They were not going to find Ian, Ian was going to find them.

As she heard Hotch’s voice commanding the room she felt herself walking backwards. It was not a conscious choice, but an instinct. Ian was looking to murder everyone close to her. The only option was to murder him first. Or be murdered at his hands, making the death of her team a pointless afterthought.

She had to do this alone. Her choices had led her down this path, caged and afraid of any move, a delicate highwire act. She had deliberately chosen not to tell them about her time at Interpol, revolted at her own actions and the emotions Ian had stirred in her. She predicted their reactions when they inevitably found out. Dave would hide his disbelief under a wave of understanding; he would force the words from his lips until he believed her. Reid would be devastated, her abandonment another trauma for him to pick at, scabs that never seemed to fully heal, rubbed raw by her choices. Morgan would be angry, his righteous indignation would fill every room as he raged about her choices.

Only Aaron she couldn’t see. Emily knew her deception would be the worst for him. She who had seen the very worst of him had been able to hide this part of herself successfully. She wondered if he would ever be able to reconcile the woman who comforted him after he killed Foyet with the woman who curled happily into the embrace of a terrorist; his crimes unspeakable.

With no hope of forgiveness, she left for Boston, knowing that the only apology she could render would be to keep them safe. And that hopefully, they would understand her ruthlessness as a desire to keep them from suffering.

Her family

-

As his fingers found her badge and gun in her desk the realisation washed over him like a wave. She had run. The past month of tiredness, anxiety and nerves only covered by thin smiles and soft kisses had been a lie.

Aaron knew something had been terribly wrong. Her nails were bitten almost raw in the last month. All of them had noticed it, seen it and refused to profile her further. Aaron had watched it cloud her vision whenever she looked away from him. She was deeply troubled, and all of them had pushed her, meeting only a solid wall of resistance.

The last month they had not spent much time together, seeking only to hold each other in the shadows of the parking garage before parting, whispering goodbyes before going to their respective homes. He felt her hold him tighter, he watched the sunken gallows under her eyes grow deeper and darker and still he had not pushed, scared that she would shove him away so violently they would spin apart into the abyss. 

He hated himself for that instinct and tried to focus his rage at Doyle. It didn’t work. It scraped against him until his voice felt hoarse from silent screaming. He could have helped her, he wouldn’t have judged her. He knew now she had done terrible and violent things, assumed she had crossed some invisible line and clawed her way back to it with the help of the BAU.

They were her family. Reid’s voice had broken as he gasped the words out and Aaron felt ferocity beneath his skin at her abandonment

He felt himself shutting down. He felt the cloud of despair colour his vision as he forced himself to focus only on finding her. On hearing her apologise for causing them all this pain because he knew how fully she would regret it.

The only thing that would make Emily Prentiss run was their safety, and he knew that they were in incredible danger. Calling JJ for help had been a pinprick of light in the darkness, he could not think properly. He heard the words JJ spoke as she presented the information to them.

 _“Emily was his type”_ the words stole breath from him as he saw the photos of her in the villa. She was younger, her hair lighter, curling softly across her shoulders, lifting a blossom to her nose. He had a violent recollection of her picking up the yarrow blossom in that same gesture, the way her eyes swum with the scent.

She had loved him. Ian Doyle had woven beneath her skin somewhere and he excused himself to the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face as the realisation settled in his gut. Fury was beginning to spark beneath his skin, his blindness to this aspect of her personality. Of course, this is what it was, not some mundane breakup that hurt her terribly, but some gross violation of their mission for justice and truth.

Had she trailed her hands through his hair as well? Had her palm found his heartbeat in sleep and comforted her? Had he remembered how she liked her coffee and brought it to her?

As he left the bathroom Garcia was walking past, fear radiating off her like shockwaves. He stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. She looked at him, her eyes wide and pleading for a comfort he could not offer her.

“Try all her numbers.” He croaked finally, knowing his grip on her shoulder was too tight. Her hand was soft on his as she reached to touch him, reading his features.

“I will” She whispered, squeezing his fingers.

“Tell her to come home” He said. Garcia nodded, her eyes hardening to focus, grateful to be given a task. She turned and left for her office, leaving him in a bright hallway, feeling as though he was lost in the dark.

He watched as she threw a flashbang into a parked car. He heard Morgan’s rage. He felt nothing. The misery seemed to sap him of the ability to do anything but what came naturally, profiling. His face was a blank mask as he questioned Easter.

“She said you were the best” Clyde had taunted, and it felt deeper. She had never mentioned Clyde to him. She had never spoken about her time at Interpol, sidestepping questions with practised ease. How fluid the lies had been as they slipped from her lips, spoken in the bullpen, his office and twisted together in sheets.

His vision was clouded with black edges. The depth of this secret life was astonishing. Aaron felt lost as they circled in on why children, the question had become central to the investigation. He didn’t want to know. The profiler’s voice inside him already knew the answer, already knew where this path led, illuminated by his knowledge of her skill with his own child.

Of course, Ian had a son. Of course, he was almost the same age then as Jack was now. He could see her clearly in this sprawling villa, the blonde boy with soft curls attaching himself to her as easily as Jack had. Perhaps she had taught Declan to climb trees. 

There were photos of her holding a gun to a child. Pointing it in his face, dressed in black, an angel of death, sent to end his life. He felt lightheaded as he saw them, the image of a little boy, dead against a wall with tape over his mouth, assassinated.

“They used those photos to break him” Clyde had said as he donned a vest and prepared to leave for the warehouse where they now knew Emily was being held. It was fitting, considering it was the place where she had apparently murdered his son.

“I know” Hotch said.

He knew they were a lie. He did not know the reason but this delicate game she had played had been so clouded with lies he could not believe that the murder of a child was the one truth in the story. His fury had dissipated, fear now settling under his scars like a talisman. The scars he bore, a daily reminder of the lengths he had gone to, protecting his own family. He knew she was doing the same. That somehow, Declan was safer assumed dead, and she had done whatever was necessary to ensure that reality.

Fear was paralysing him as they travelled to the warehouse. That he might never get to explain to her that he understood. That running was not an act of cowardice, but bravery. That he understood she had spread her arms like a shield in front of them, willing to die for their innocence, to atone for her sins. That he loved her, more than he could possibly put into words.

She had been beaten, branded and impaled. Wheeled out unconscious with Morgan gripping tight to her hands, a sob strangled in the back of his throat as he begged the paramedics to hurry. He didn’t remember the drive to the hospital. He found himself sitting in the waiting room, head bent at prayer.

-

It was carrying her coffin that finally made him understand. He watched the grief ripple through his team like a wave, crashing emotions of disbelief and despair as they carried an empty casket, slowly lowered into a hole in the ground.

This lie was to keep her safe. Protect her, hide her away and shield her from the horrors she had already suffered, and the myriad others promised if Ian Doyle found out she was living. He found deception tasted like metal, a sensation on his back teeth as he falsely grieved with the team. He felt tainted and dirty by the lie and wondered how she had lived with it after Ian had reappeared.

He watched as his words hit his team like a whip, lashes on each of their souls. The desperation in their eyes as they clung to each other for comfort, adrift in a sea of loss and loneliness as they tried to absorb what a terrible failure this was; all of them blaming themselves.

Emily Prentiss was dead. He tried to convince himself of this truth, sitting alone in his office after her funeral. She was dead, and therefore she was safe, protected. His only hope was that she had awoken and understood it was because of love. Because the sight of her with tubes protruding from every orifice had been enough to shatter him in places he did not know he still had to break.

He had not been able to face her, knowing the sound of her voice would be enough to crack his resolve in this plan. That to see her alive and breathing would be enough for him to put her in danger for the relief of having her by his side.

He wondered if she was going someplace warm, if she would be able to tilt her face into the sunlight and feel its rays caress her skin. He wondered if her scars broadcast her emotions as his had done in the wake of Foyet, a scarlet letter blazed across her skin.

He sat in his office in silence, attempting to process the loss. She had lied, deceived and manipulated all of them. Her intentions had been good, but the road to hell was paved with those. He wondered if she knew what a colossal mistake it had been to hide this from them. That honesty and openness would have invited their immediate forgiveness.

It was a dull ache inside him that she did not trust him. Aaron’s mind had often flitted to the rooftop, his own wounds laid bare in front of her. She had forced him to see the light, lost and alone as he was in the darkness, forcing him back to himself. Saving his life from a spiral of misery and despair with a simple touch of her hand.

Had she expected less of him? Had she thought that her sins were such that he would not see past them? Had she thought that the countless times she made him laugh had not built enough bridges over any obstacle they may face? Had she not considered them a family, a life built together?

Did she not know how much he loved her? Had he not made it clear that she had made it impossible for him to live without her – that her presence in his life had taught him more about love than he thought possible. That her love, her kindness, her instinctive protective nature had been a driving force in him honouring Hayley’s final wish? That she had taught him how to love, and in so doing had allowed him to pass those vital, precious lessons to his son. 

Unconsciously he searched his desk for the box he had hidden there after New Years. His fingers scraped the velvet as he pulled it from the back of his desk. He had bought it on impulse, finding it secreted in the back of a case in an antique store. The way it immediately brought her name to his lips when he saw it, pictured it on her finger. 

As he stared at the ring; delicate diamonds and emeralds set together in a plain silver band, it finally overwhelmed him.

Aaron put his head in his hands and wept.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

Emily Prentiss was dead. She repeated that mantra to herself for seven months, sitting alone in the place in Paris. Not a home, but a resting place, a tomb of her own making, surrounded by her secrets and lies. Regret was her only companion, running through the list of her mistakes that could have been walked back at any point with honesty.

She wondered who had carried her coffin. She wondered if they knew it was so heavy, not because of her corpse, but the weight of her regret. She laughed at herself for choosing to settle in this place, a place made for lovers when she knew she had lost hers forever.

Alone in Paris, she grieved the loss of Aaron, more than her own death. She knew it was forever over when she woke alone in Bethesda, surrounded only by monitors showing her vital signs. Her heart still beat, even though it was broken.

It was JJ who told her, with the gentle voice she used with victims, full of understanding. She held Emily’s hand loosely in her own, looked her in the eye as she explained all that had happened from the moment she disappeared.

 _“we decided”_ was the phrase she used, daintily sidestepping any mention of Hotch’s involvement, the salt in the wound. She left her alone, allowing her to sit with her grief as she listened to the steady beep of a hospital monitor.

She never found the courage to ask about him. Instead, sitting with JJ in Paris she took the envelopes containing a new life and left, trying to leave him behind with it, the weight of her shame.

For seven months she felt her heartache whenever she saw sprigs of wild Yarrow in the grass, caught a whiff of his cologne on the Paris air, watched two lovers kiss with abandon in public.

They had never been on a date, she thought to herself, watching the pairs of lovers wander dreamlike through the streets. She felt jealousy when she saw them slip hands into each other's pockets, the ease of displaying their love for all to see.

She thought often of the moment he had come close to asking her about her past. The implicit forgiveness in his voice then had seemed like a dream, only asking for her honesty. And she could not give him that kindness, even sanitised into a palatable lie.

Annihilation. That had been Ian’s goal, and despite his failure to kill her, he had achieved it. He had ruined any chance she had of redemption the minute he sat down across from her. She hated herself for noticing that he still wore the same cologne.

When his hands had opened her shirt to brand her, they felt familiar. He still knew the shape of her collarbone as he moved to torture her, the rough scrape of his fingers against her a memory she had tried to forget. And then he had hurt her, and hurt her again while she stalled. He had beaten her, branded her, using those same hands that once tugged strands of her hair in love.

It didn’t hurt as much as she thought it would, dying. The dull pressure in her abdomen, the warmth of the blood on her fingers as she felt it flow over the stake. The pain came from Morgan’s voice, distant and foggy, begging her to hold on, not knowing that she had already let go.

She often traced the edge of the ragged scar, the stretched and raised skin had almost no feeling. But the edge was like a match, running her finger lightly across it caused flames of anger to lick her insides, rage and hopelessness in one stroke.

She had changed her shampoo. Absurdly this was Aaron’s first thought when she walked into the round table room. He watched her as she encircled them in her embrace, the way Morgan stiffened when she touched him. The disbelief that rippled throughout the room at her appearance, clothed and whole and alive. She was tangible, they could touch her and speak to her and have her reply. The sad smile she gave them all as they tried to grapple with her life. And Aarons lies.

He saw the accusatory glances they gave him, the way their eyes flicked to him in indictment. He avoided her, turning his body away from her whenever she came close. Her hair was different, she carried herself differently, her voice softer as she counselled them on their next steps.

After her funeral he tried. He gave everything he could to his team, trying to support them as they grieved her death. But his lies were like an open wound, festering beneath his skin. The bitter taste of it kept him from eating enough, his suits fit looser. He found that he took no joy in his work. Profiling no longer felt honest, her portrait on the wall of fallen agents was like an accusation.

Pakistan was hot and hard and honest. He relished the solitude it afforded him, the cracks he was able to show in his façade. It did not matter if they saw him angry, if they watched his temper flare, if it was in pursuit of the common goal. They could not tell the grief that propelled it forth, could not sniff out the lie.

He thought about Emily every day. He wondered how her wound was healing, if she had gotten the brand removed. He imagined her in Spain, or Greece, somewhere warm, where her skin could slowly tan, she could use the restorative rays of the sun to bleach white the sins on her soul.

His grief had turned to fury in her absence, railing inside his head as though they were rattling bars of a cage. Whenever he butted against the question of _why,_ dull hopelessness would wash over him, ragged sighs escaping his lips as he tried to shrug it off, knowing it was pointless.

When Morgan called the rage rose in him like a wave, he was not ready to face her, not ready to hear the answers to his questions. He flew back and found the team in chaos and turmoil, not knowing what the next steps with Ian Doyle were.

He watched Doyle through the glass, the feeling in his chest familiar. His knuckles itched, desire to stride into the room and beat this man to death. To have his pain flow through his fists to Ian’s face, to make his ache physical. And then he got the call that she was coming home, already on her way. 

She existed in Paris, not lived. She was a ghost after all, cursed to wander the world, but not take part in it. Tom’s call of Declan’s abduction had been like a shock from a defibrillator. She left immediately, bringing nothing with her from her Paris hiding place, leaving her insubstantial existence behind.

Fear was her only companion on the plane if after all she had been through, if it had been for nothing, if she lost Declan. Then what was the point of destroying herself, destroying those around her and severing ties with the only people that made her feel loved and accepted.

In the end, Ian couldn’t even do her the kindness of bringing her peace. His death made her feel nothing, no comfort or resolution as she watched the light fade from his eyes, his hand outstretched to his son, who had just recognised him.

She spent the aftermath with Declan, quietly extracting herself from her former team as she explained as much as she could to the confused boy. She waited with him until Tom arrived, the relief only escaping her as she watched Declan seek comfort in his adopted father’s arms.

She grieved for Ian, alone in her hotel. She allowed Lauren Reynolds the chance to mourn him, for she had loved him deeply. Lauren thought fondly of his accent, lilting in her ear as he teased her, wanting her to laugh. The ring he gave her, now somewhere in an evidence bag, the most earnest statement of his love.

She sat with the cost of her choices, the city quiet and dark outside her window. She picked at threads on her shirt as she sat with, for the first time, the freedom Ian’s death afforded her.

They all knew the truth, they knew what she had done. And despite her return from the grave, she saw it on all their faces when she walked into that room. Morgan was confused, and she felt him stiffen when she touched him. His hands on her stomach were the last thing she felt before she woke in Bethesda, apparently dead.

She had thought often about this endpoint, about what a life without Ian would feel like, taste like, smell like. She had often pictured happiness, joy at the unburdening of her soul, her absolution complete and her path clear to follow her instincts. To protect others, to save people, to employ the skills that had suited her so well to that mission and turn them to good and good alone.

Instead, she found it left a pit inside her, that the cost of it was deep enough to darken any joy she might have felt.

She was not surprised when she heard the soft knock on her hotel door. She stood, bracing herself against the apprehension in her stomach as she crossed the room. When she opened the door she met his eyes for the first time since her return.

Aaron had avoided her, turning his body away from her whenever she was close. He had not spoken directly to her, nor had he let his eyes meet hers. She expected it, but it was still like being impaled again. His cool dismissal of her at every turn reminded her of their first encounters at the BAU, his mistrustful and guarded nature closing him off from her, professional but never welcoming.

But he met her gaze now. As she stepped lightly out of the doorway, wordlessly inviting him in she took him in for the first time since she had returned. He was thinner. His face looked drawn and she could see exhaustion settled under his eyes. He looked worn and ragged, his skin more tanned from his time in the desert, and with the beard, she could have easily not recognised him in a crowd.

He walked past her, grabbing glasses from the minibar and filling them almost to the brim with bourbon he had brought, handing her a glass.

Emily said nothing, feeling the pricks of tears in the corner of her eye as he took her in, sipping his own drink.

“Did you wonder what I told Jack?” His voice was flat, emotionless and still as he stood, hand looped onto his hip.

It was the lowest thing he could have asked her. The question he knew would hurt her the most, make her understand the carnage she had caused by failing to tell the truth. He watched her react as though slapped. Her cheeks reddened as she stared at him, her fingers tightened around the glass.

Emily forced herself to take a breath, a steady centring against this accusation, the pain beneath his gaze as he looked at her. She slowly took a drink, never letting her gaze drop.

“Did you come here to make me feel guilty Aaron? Because if so, you can leave the bourbon and go, I’m doing just fine with that on my own”

He watched her shoulders slump, the way the air seemed to go out of her. The tremble in her voice and the shining of her eyes as she forced herself to meet his gaze.

“I came here to ask you why” He said finally. He walked across to the small couch in the room, sitting upon it. Signalling his intent that he was not leaving without these answers.

Emily followed him after a moment, wiping her eyes on her sleeve when his back was turned. She sat next to him but stared straight ahead. He too wore the same cologne, the scent she associated with his bathroom, mixed with heavy steam as she brushed her teeth in his home.

“I was so eager to step out from my Family’s name. To stop being the daughter of an ambassador and prove myself. I was arrogant and proud, I knew I was good at my job, I knew I would be able to do it well. So when I was tapped for the mission I didn’t give it a second thought. I had been undercover before, it was a standard part of the job. A few days here and there pretending to be something I wasn’t.”

She paused, steadying herself with a drink. She could feel his eyes on her, the stare he usually held only for unsubs in interrogation was on her like a lamp, forcing the story out of her.

“But this was different, this was a huge task, monumental and foreign territory. Tsia, Jeremy, Clyde and Sean were the only ones that knew what was going to happen, they arranged my cover. I remember Clyde told me to be myself, because that’s who Ian would like the best.  
And I was good at my job Aaron, I knew this man had done horrible things, that he was a terrorist who had ordered the murder of countless people, and that he took joy in ending their lives. But I flirted and teased and sold him weapons. And he loved me, I know he loved me”

Her fingers were numb with the tightness of her grip.

“And I don’t know when it happened, but Lauren overtook me, she was driving the car, I was a passenger directing her. And Lauren had to love him too. So; she did. And she loved that little boy enough that it bled into me, and I loved Declan too, this innocent soul that deserved nothing but a life his father could not give him.  
And then they arrested him, and I was dragged away without saying goodbye. They wrapped it up, good job everyone now onto the next. But Declan, only I knew about Declan, and I knew that they couldn’t. So I told a lie. I had him murdered, and I took photographs of his death and sent them to Interpol. And I hid him in Reston and set him up with the life he deserved, the life his father never wanted for him because Ian’s love was twisted and warped”

She felt him relax next to her, settling lightly against the couch as he listened, giving no judgement.

“And Clyde wrote that letter and I came to work for you, with Gideon who was a legend in the field, whose papers I used to read like bedtime stories, the monsters he was able to catch. And I fell in love with all of you. How could I not?” Her voice trembled.

“And I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell anyone, even though I know you saw it in me more than once. You guys were the elite shining example of goodness, no shades of grey, just black and white, good and evil. How could I tell you that I had sold weapons that had been used to kill people? How could I tell you that I lay in bed next to a terrorist, that my job was to kiss his skin and make him believe me.”

She sighed.

“I thought I could make it right by putting as much good in the world as I had danger and fear. And for a time I thought I did. And I relaxed. And then I fell in love with you”

She heard Aaron’s breath hitch slightly.

“So when he escaped, I had so much more to lose, so much more to worry about. And I was doing okay, until he sat down across from me and said your name. He threatened you, and your son, and Penelope, Morgan, Reid, Dave and Ashley. He knew about all of you, and he wanted me to hurt as much as I hurt him. The easiest way to do that would be to kill all of you.”

She felt the tears fall from her eyes, not realising that they were there to begin with, cold on her cheeks.

“So yes, I ran. And if I could do it all differently I would. But I can’t, and I’m so sorry.”

Silence settled over the room, a gentle blanket over both of them as Emily wiped her eyes again, feeling the sob recede back into her chest.

“If you can’t forgive me, I understand. If you hate me, I understand, if you and the team never trust me again, I understand. But all I wanted was to keep you safe” She finished finally, rubbing her hands across her knees as she sat in nervous energy, waiting for him to stand and leave, her guilt overwhelming.

Aaron reached over and took her hand.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

Emily’s hand was soft and warm in his. Her fingerprints were familiar, a worn roadmap of memories against his skin. He felt across her knuckles, gently rounding each one, as though discovering them for the first time. The pull of her was still electric to him, years after they had first started. Aaron held himself still, forcing himself to be content with only the feel of her palm against his.

“What did you tell Jack” She asked eventually.

“That you were on a secret mission, and I didn’t know when you’d be back” He bit out, the words clipped as he remembered the way Jack’s face had fallen. The resignation in the little boy's eyes as he realised that someone else he loved had left him.

Emily bit her lip as she watched him, the tension in his jaw not fully hidden by the beard as he swallowed hard. She had thought about Jack often, the pain through her like a knife. She knew her disappearance from his life was just another let down for him. Another blow to a child who had already suffered so many. She promised herself that one day when Jack was old enough to understand why she would explain to him why she went away. Because how could she tell him that leaving him was the only way to keep him safe.

They seemed to be circling it now, the reason he had come to her hotel room in the dark, seeking her out the way he had so many years ago, finding her in the snow on a church step. She let her fingers tighten around his hand, squeezing lightly as she steeled herself against the words she knew she had to speak.

“Whose turn is it?” She asked, after what could have been hours, sitting wrapped in silence.

“To what?” He replied, turning to look at her fully.

“End it. Us”

Aaron let out a bark of a laugh, humourless and dry, squeezing her knuckles. “I think yours”

Emily nodded, searching his features, hunger beneath her eyes.

“I thought about you every day” She said, starting a smooth rhythm across his fingers, scraping gently against his palm and knuckles in succession, her voice as soft as her touch.

“I thought a lot about how you were lying for me. I know what the others are like, I know Derek is angry, I know Spence is shattered, Dave probably suspected all along somehow, and Penelope sat with the grief as best she could. I thought about how you had to watch them mourn and grieve for me and you couldn’t do anything about it.”

He could feel the nerves in her palm, the warmth turning to heat, turning to sweat as she forced the words from her lips.

“I knew you would do anything for me, and I know I would have done the same for you. Lied to them. It’s not right Aaron.”

In response, he squeezed her hand, harder than he intended as he let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“I thought about you every day too Em.” He said, his voice sounding raw. “I thought about what I was doing to the team, my family and I didn’t regret a minute of it if it meant you were safe. And you’re right, it's not okay that my instincts were to protect you above protecting them. We’re compromised. And we can’t be together if that’s the case”

In response Emily threaded her fingers through his, curling her legs onto the couch as she let her head rest on his shoulder. As his cologne tickled her nostrils she wondered if it would be worth giving it up – retiring from the FBI in the hope of staying in his embrace.

“That’s if I come back to the BAU” She said, a thread of defiance through her tone.

“You will.” He said. “You have to. It’s home”

Emily hated him at that moment. The flames licked the ragged edge of her scar as she felt the righteousness pool in her belly. The fact that he knew her well enough to know she would not give up the family she had built for him, for anyone other than herself made her hate him. She wanted to lie to him, tell him that she was the type of person who could gladly give it up for him, that she would happily sit in his home, learn to cook and live for nothing but him and his son. She wanted to lie and say that she didn’t feel the need to make amends, that the way Derek stiffened when she touched him hadn’t driven a lance through her gut with guilt.

But she had told enough lies.

Penelope’s voicemail echoed inside her head. Penelope had told her to come home, the words ringing inside her, tinny and soft as she thought about them. Home was Derek wrapping an arm around her shoulder, his grin flashing as he told her a terrible joke. It was Reid trying and failing to scare her on Halloween. It was Dave kissing her cheeks and calling her _Bella_. It was Penelope, and all her eccentricities, her love not enough to be contained inside her, but spilling forth into her hair, outfit. It was JJ, hugging her and telling her to be happy. It was JJ, finding her eyes to roll them at some ridiculous aspect of the men they worked with, and the immediate solidarity that had only grown stronger with time. It was laughing until she cried in Penelope’s apartment, wine drunk as they told stories of before they knew each other.

It was all of them, finding out about Ian and still coming to save her. It was the knowledge that they would do that for her, that their love filled her cracks and made it seem worth it. Knowing that every step she took had drawn her closer to this team, this family that welcomed her with open arms. She had to return, to show them how much it meant to her, how much she loved them.

But that meant doing it without Aaron.

“I am going to miss you” She said after another long moment, her voice a sigh of defeat as she conceded he was right.

“I’m going to miss you too Em.”

They sat in silence for a long time, the city dark outside the window, her head still resting on his shoulder as the sounds of their breathing filled the room. It was long after midnight now, the streets quiet as they sat with one another, breathing in the other's scent.

“Am I even allowed to come back?” She asked, the thought just occurring to her. “I mean… I am dead”

“You got better” Aaron said after a moment.

Emily felt the laugh erupt from her before she could stop it. Soon they were both doubled over in laughter on the couch, tears streaming down her face. She sat back on the couch, forcing her breathing to return to normal.

“I like the beard by the way” She added, watching his fingers as they audibly scraped it.

“Jack hates it” He answered, letting his hand drop to his lap.

“Not keeping it then?” She asked, her voice deliberately light.

He looked her over and saw the strand of hair, falling lightly across her brow. The itch in his fingers was immediate, consuming and powerful as he longed to touch her skin, brush it away from her face. The curve of her lips was like a siren song, inviting him to crash against the dangerous shore.

“No… and I should go” He said, standing to leave.

Emily nodded a silent agreement that his staying longer would make it harder to part. She stood and followed him to the door, holding it loosely open as he stood at the threshold, looking at her, seemingly lost for words.

The air felt electric, static between them as they locked eyes. Emily bit her lip as she watched him search her face, a distant quality beneath his gaze as his fingers rubbed against each other. She couldn’t think of what to say to him. What did you say to someone who made you believe you were worthy of love? What did you say to someone who had seen the jagged, broken parts of you and cut their fingers helping to put you back together?

“Well, I’m sure we will see each other soon, Prentiss” He said finally, swinging his hand out for her to shake. She smiled, sadness engulfing her as she gripped his hand for a brief shake.

“Soon, Hotch” She agreed, closing the door gently behind him.

Emily kept her hand on the door handle, her brain screaming at her to shut off the lights in the hotel room and go to bed. That she had accepted long ago that it was over, and that it was right that it was over. She forced herself to listen, that now was the time to begin the process of letting go of Aaron for good, as opposed to always clinging to a thread of hope that they could work it out.

She had put the team in danger, and he had lied to them. Because they loved each other, and that was enough for them both to realise how hazardous their union truly was. If evil could turn that love into a weapon to be wielded, it was more important to both of them to disarm it for good.

She still did not let go of the door handle, letting out a shaking breath as she tried to force her fingers to unfurl, to turn away from the door, get some sleep.

Aaron stood in the hallway of the hotel, eyeing the ugly wallpaper as he forced himself to stand still ten steps from her doorway. He mourned her, he grieved their relationship in her absence, coming close to accepting he would never see her again. He was elated she wanted to return to the BAU, not only for the chance to see her each day but for the unifying force of love she didn’t know she was.

He did not realise how much the team was missing in her absence, their focused centre. She was always able to bring them back to themselves, with the gentle way she would let a hand brush across their shoulders, or wordlessly bringing them coffee or water on the jet. It was a silent gaping chasm in the seven months she was gone, the missing piece of a puzzle he could not see.

And for her to stay, they needed to stay apart. The lengths he was willing to go to protect her were far beyond those he was willing for other members of his team. He would take a bullet for each member of his chosen family, but he had been forced to smash them to pieces for her sake. He felt no guilt about the lies he had been forced to tell, and that concerned him more than the lies themselves.

They had both always chosen the BAU, and this time should not be any different.

But he could not take any more steps from her door. He could not force himself to walk further down the muted hallway, leave it behind with an ocean of things unsaid.

He walked back to her door and knocked, she opened it so quickly he knew she had been standing there since he left, however much time had passed since then.

“Of course I forgive you” He said, “Of course I don’t hate you, how could I, you’re the love of my life”

“I love you too” She said weakly “But Aaron, we can’t”

“I know, and we won't. But if this is really the last time we’re going to be alone in the same room we’re not leaving it with a handshake”

He entered the room, watching her face register shock as he strode past her, grabbing the bourbon and taking a deep swallow, offering her the bottle as he grimaced lightly. She took it loosely in her fingers, letting the door swing shut with a soft click. Taking a swig from the bottle she met his eyes, wiping her lip she nodded.

The bottle hit the floor as he grabbed her, one arm wrapping around her back, the other on her cheek as he pulled her face to him. He tried to pour all the words he couldn’t say into the kiss, but the feeling of her hands on his waist made his mind go blank.

His beard scratched against her as he kissed her, and Emily felt weak in the knees at the feel of him, clinging desperately to him as she felt his fingers tighten against her skin.

“Last time” He said, breathing hard as he searched her face, breaking the kiss.

“Make it count” She nodded, pulling him back to her, the familiar feeling of his body against hers a warning as much as a comfort.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

Emily felt the bourbon spill across her foot, sticky and warm as she felt her hands scrape against his waist, holding him closer to her. Aaron dragged them both towards the double bed in the hotel room, his hands never leaving her body, wrapping around her neck as he nipped lightly at her bottom lip.

She felt his thumb brush her pulse, hammering beneath her throat as her hands twisted against his shirt. The familiarity of his touch made her head swim, the alcohol was still burning against his tongue as he kissed her, the beard scratching her jaw as she let out the smallest whimper into his mouth.

As they moved across the room her hands found his belt, pulling it loose from his hips. He shrugged the shirt off his shoulders, feeling her hands reach underneath his t-shirt, pushing it upwards. He lifted his arms and allowed her to take it off him, thrown behind her somewhere in the room. Shirtless; he pulled her closer again, sucking hard on the pulse in her throat, his teeth grazing her skin.

Emily caught the breath in her throat as her hands found his chest, pushing him back onto the bed, sitting him on it. She followed him down, straddling his thighs and grinding against him, unconsciously seeking friction.

“Take off your clothes” He said, his voice hoarse, hands on her waist as she rolled harder against his crotch, feeling him beneath her.

She stood, her hands shaking slightly as she unbuttoned and lowered her pants. Hesitating slightly she pulled her own shirt off, standing before him in a bra and underwear. She felt the beat of her heart in the ragged scar on her abdomen.

Emily expected to see his gaze glance it, to take in the rough edges of where they stitched her back together, but he stared only at her eyes as she let the shirt drop to her feet. He reached for her hand and she took it, interlocking their fingers as she stepped to straddle his waist again.

Aaron felt her the heat of her skin under his palms as he ran his hands up her back, the flush crawling up her neck as she let out a slightly shaky breath, tilting her face to kiss him.

He undid the clasp of her bra, gently sliding the straps off her, his fingers grazing her shoulders. She shrugged the garment off the rest of the way, pressing her bare chest against his. Briefly, she wondered if any of his scars aligned with hers, if she could feel his pulse through his skin. But when his lips returned to her neck, sucking hard on the delicate skin she felt herself slip back into the comfortable haze she remembered so fondly.

Aaron heard the whimper escape her lips as she urged herself harder against his lap. He could feel the heat between her legs, desperate against his slacks as he let his hands ghost her ribs, settling against her hips, encouraging her to press harder against him.

He let his lips follow the blush across her chest, listening for the places that made her breath hitch; her collarbones and neck as she slowly wound her hips across him. His mouth traced a languid pattern toward her breasts, keeping her rolling on his lap, painfully hard beneath his pants.

Taking a nipple in his mouth he couldn’t stop the smile crossing his face when she whimpered, tightening her fingers in his hair, holding his mouth still against her as he flicked his tongue casually. He took his time, lavishing attention across her chest, watching as her skin glowed, tasting the sweat that gathered on her skin.

“Jesus, please, Aaron” the words fell from her lips before she could stop them, and she felt his fingers tighten on her skin as he let out his own low moan, involuntarily thrusting his hips into her, pressing himself against her.

His hands slipped to her ass, fingers beneath the seams of her underwear, gripping hard enough to bruise as she bit down on her bottom lip, desperate to keep the pleas in her throat at bay. She pushed him back on the bed, keeping her hand on his chest to straddle him properly.

“I want to know how that beard feels between my thighs Aaron” She said, forcing her voice to steady as she met his eyes. She watched his pupils dilate, felt the pulse beneath his slacks, the way his hands stilled.

“What are you waiting for then Emily. Get up here” He replied, gravel in his tone, pulling her forward, up his chest.

She was still wearing underwear, soaked through and at the first touch of his stubble on the sensitive skin of her inner thighs she gasped. He wrapped his arms around her legs, holding her still over his face as he stared at the dark patch of wetness staining her underwear. Deliberately dragging his face over her legs he nipped lightly at the soft skin and felt her jump at the contact.

Leaning back slightly, she braced her hands on his thighs, feeling the heat of his breath through the soaked scrap of fabric acting as the only barrier. She reached and found him beneath his pants, squeezing the outline of his cock, hearing him groan at the contact. She tried to stop her eyes from fluttering closed as he deliberately breathed on her, watching her thighs clench, held still and apart by his hands.

He pulled the fabric aside, digging it into her skin slightly as the air hit her, feeling the tremble that passed through her.

Aaron thought she tasted like rain, his lips dragging softly against her centre, the way an incoming thunderstorm announced its arrival by scent and taste before the heavens finally opened. He gently licked a stripe against her, fingers digging firmly into her to hold her still above him.

At first touch, Emily’s mind went blank. The combination of pinpricks of pain from his stubble, to the gently probing tongue between her folds, was bliss. She arched into him, desperate for contact, her hands gripping tight to his thighs, fabric scratching beneath her hands. When he sucked her clit between his teeth she cried out, practised and memorised was his method of devouring her. He buried his face between her legs and sated himself. She felt the low rumbling moan against her as he indulged himself, tongue and lips and light teeth causing a wave to form in her belly, rolling against her nerves.

She wriggled her hips against his face and he encouraged her, responding to each of her moans with nips and quick flicks of his tongue in practised areas, her heartbeat thundering against her ears. 

“Oh god, Aaron, fuck, please please” She begged him, lost completely on the wave of pleasure cresting inside her. Her mewls and pleas only spurred him further, the taste of her on his tongue his only focus.

Aaron was unaware of the rolling of his own hips, his bodies desperate grinding, trying to find the friction in empty air, desperate for her. She came hard on his face, he felt her drip down his chin as he latched his lips around her clit, hungry for her to scream his name.

“Fuck me” She said, her breathing uneven as she slowed the rolling of her hips against him, her fingers finally loosening their death grip on his thighs.

“Gladly” He replied, releasing her thighs and allowing her to roll onto her back, pulling her underwear off completely, finally naked in front of him. As he moved to his knees between her legs she grabbed the waistband of his pants, hands immediately undoing them, shoving them unceremoniously down.

Emily freed him from his own underwear, blistering hot in her palm and she leaned forward, swiping her tongue across the swollen head, precum shining in the light. His hand was tangled in her hair as he let out another gravelled moan, tugging lightly at her scalp, urging her forward. As she took him in her mouth the sound he made was sinful, deep and dark and full of lust as his spine curled. She flicked her tongue, slow and light against him, the heat of him against her tongue as she squeezed his length.

“Fucking hell Emily” He hissed, looking down at her, hair threaded between his fingers as she took him deep in her throat. She met his gaze, long lashes and pupils glassy as she rhythmically bobbed her head.

He felt the churning roll in his abdomen and pulled her back off him, a thin thread of spit connecting her bottom lip to the head of his cock.

“Not yet” He panted, pushing her to lay down as he shucked his pants off fully. He focused on the pulse in her throat, the rapidness of her beating heart his anchor as he forced himself back from the brink.

When he slid inside her it was slow, deliberate. Their voices matched in tone as Emily wrapped her legs around his waist, trapping him deep inside her. He stilled as he bottomed out inside her, hot and wet and pulsing around him.

He met her eyes, searching her face, trying to memorise the bitten redness of her lips, the way they parted with the short huffs of pleasure escaping her. He kissed her, moving as little as possible, grinding his pelvis against her as she moaned against his lips. She could taste herself on his tongue, his stubble still damp with her. His hand was brushing hair off her face, her hands were on his back, fingers digging beneath his shoulder blades.

Her breathing had begun to soften when he pulled out and slammed back into her, deliberate and hard as she rose her hips in anticipation, setting a pace of deliberate long strokes, wanting to feel every inch of her as she began to beg him, her voice almost incoherent.

“Are you going to cum?” He demanded, watching as she gulped air between his strokes, biting her lip and squeezing her eyes shut. “You know I want to hear it, scream, scream my fucking name”

Emily’s vision blurred to stars with her orgasm, the scream forced from her throat as much by his voice as his actions, his teeth against her shoulder, sucking bruises, marking her skin. The fluttering, clenching of her drove him faster to his own orgasm, his name torn from her throat, the scent of her sweet sweating skin.

Emily could feel him harden inside her, the erratic jerk of his hips as she pulled him closer. She licked at his earlobe, feeling the groan deep in his chest as he came inside her, filling her.

Silence filled the room as they both caught their breath, Hotch steadying himself on his elbows, trying not to mourn the loss of her thighs as they slipped from his waist.

“Fair warning” Emily said, swallowing hard as she took deep breaths “This might be the end of our relationship, but I can’t say for sure I won’t jump you if I’m having a particularly bad day”

“Noted” He replied, feeling the smile creep onto his face as he rolled off her, allowing her to get up and go to the bathroom.

He sat on the bed, the air thick in the room as he waited on her to reemerge. Absently he turned off the light; the room illuminated only by a yellowing lamp giving a hazy glow. He felt the melancholy beneath his skin, still humming with the scent of her. She came out of the bathroom with slightly downcast eyes, the flush receding from her skin. Silently she came to stand in front of him, still naked.

His eyes finally found the scars. Shiny on her chest, the brand a memory beneath a skin graft. And the larger ragged wound on her stomach, its edges uneven. Tentatively he reached his hand to her waist, letting his thumb graze its edge, still slightly raised.

She matched his movement, tracing the silver scars on his chest with a delicate finger. His were older than hers, flattened and lighter, but flushing at her touch.

“We match” She whispered, feeling his thumb against her as though striking a match. “Did you mean it?” She asked softly, moving into his touch, allowing him to explore the edges.

“Which part?” He murmured, his eyes focused only on his thumb against her skin.

“Love of your life?” Her fingers were dragging back and forth across his ribs, the wounds closest to his heart.

“Yes” He said, turning his gaze to her.

She nodded, catching his hand with hers, drawing it away from her body as she pulled him onto the bed. With practised ease he wrapped his arms around her, fingertips rounding her spine. Emily curled into his chest, comfort in the familiar as she relaxed fully into his embrace.

“Why couldn’t you be bad in bed?” She asked, her fingers tapping a rhythm on his collarbone.

“I was raised a gentleman, and a gentleman always gets his lady off” He said, shrugging slightly as she poked him lightly in the ribs

“I’m serious Aaron. If we sucked at this we never would have gotten into this mess” She turned to look at him. “We were so close, so many times”

He sighed, wrapping himself a little tighter around her as he watched a strand of hair fall across her eyes.

“Someone told me a story once; that Orion the hunter was cursed to chase the seven sisters across the night sky, forever chasing them but never able to catch them. But Orion was a great hunter, and he also spends his time across the stars forever fighting the Taurus bull. The Sumerians called him Ur An Na, which means light of heaven”

Emily looked at him, enthralled.

“Maybe that’s the Orion we’re supposed to be, forever fighting the evil in the world, instead of forever chasing what we can’t have”

Emily fell silent, feeling the weight of his words settle on her like a fog. She turned her head into his chest, closing her eyes against his skin, trying to commit the feel of him to memory, the touch of his fingers on her spine.

She felt his gentle hand across her brow, pushing hair out of her eyes as he drew his lips to hers, softly pressing his mouth against hers. She could feel everything he couldn’t say beneath his touch, and she tried to reciprocate. They fell asleep, their lips ghosting against one another, tangled together in the soft glow of her hotel room.

When Emily woke, he was gone.


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

The fourth glass of red wine was a mistake. The first three were good, social lubricant enjoyed by them all as they weaved and ducked around each other, whipping tea towels in Rossi’s kitchen. The fourth glass was how she burned the onions, Emily knew, not her documented abysmal cooking skills.

As they cleared their plates, the laughter loud in his kitchen, she excused herself to the bathroom. While they were distracted, she instead slipped onto the back deck of Dave’s sprawling manor home, leaning on the balcony. Emily found she needed the silence for a moment. She closed her eyes and felt the cool night breeze play across her face, leaning her elbows heavily on the railing, enjoying the chill. She turned to look through the French doors into the kitchen, where her family were laughing and talking, Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra playing loudly over their joyous conversation. She felt the smile twitch her lips and soaked in the relief she felt at Reid’s smile. He and Morgan were always going to be hit the hardest by her death and return. Reid’s venom had felt like knives as she watched him deliberately shred JJ, lashing out in the hopes of quieting his own pain.

Morgan’s gaze still clouded when he looked at her sometimes. As though the last four weeks of her being back in their lives had been some kind of hallucination, and he would find himself again, clutching a stake to her bleeding abdomen. She still felt a dull twist in her conscience when she saw that look on his face, drowned out only by her determination to make it right.

She turned to look out over Rossi’s backyard, wondering indignantly why he had never had them over before, his home was truly spectacular. Absently reaching into her pocket she grabbed the cigarettes and lighter she stashed there, a bad habit she had brought home from Paris, carefully administered once every few days.

Lighting the cigarette, she watched the bluish smoke vanish into the night air, blurring her view of the stars. His backyard sprawled into seeming nothingness, she couldn’t see where it ended and the night began, the horizon bleeding into the stars.

“It’s quite a view” Came a voice from behind her and she jumped. Turning she saw Aaron standing near her, holding out her half-full glass of wine.

“Me or the backyard” She asked, tipsy tongued and inhibitions lowered.

“Mm… Both” He said, offering her a smile as she took her wine glass from him. “Are you okay?”

“Oh yes, I just needed some fresh air” She answered, noting the flush on his neck, he was a little tipsy too. He smirked and nodded at the cigarette held loosely in her grip.

“Shut up” She said, rolling her eyes before taking a short puff. He joined her on the railing, leaning against it and looking out over the darkened lawn.

“It really is a beautiful place” He said softly, trailing his eyes across the horizon, the stars staring down on them. He reached over and plucked the cigarette from between her fingers, taking a small drag of his own before passing it back.

They stood in silence for a few minutes, passing the cigarette back and forth until Emily crushed it on the railing, tucking the spent butt back into her packet.

“How are you?” She asked, “We haven’t really talked…”

 _‘Since you left my hotel room’_ the words left unspoken hung in the air between them. They had deliberately sat apart, polar magnets avoiding each other in the weeks since her return. She had poured all of herself into returning to the BAU, sitting through the Senate committee hearings, being interrogated. They had not met each other eyes in weeks. She was grateful to him for this, twisted through her desires were. She needed to do this part alone, to claw herself back to them by only her own strength, and not bolstered by his nudging. Aaron, of course, knew this and left her alone.

Hotch had nit-picked her paperwork, rose stoically to JJ’s defence with Reid and coddled them all into having this dinner party, a vital piece of bonding. But he had not stepped outside his boundaries as a leader, strode too close to the line between boss and friend. Looking at him now, backlit from the kitchen at Rossi’s she realised this was the first time she had seen _Aaron_ since that night. It gave her some measure of comfort to appreciate his absence had not caused her any harm.

“I’m doing alright” He said, glancing over at her to offer a smile.

“You sure?” She said, concern behind her eyes.

“Yes Em, I’m sure.” He replied, bumping her shoulder lightly with his. “How are you?”

Emily let out a breath, gathering her thoughts.

“I think I’m okay.” She said finally.

“You think?” he replied, laughing lightly.

“Yeah, I think I’m okay. It hasn’t been easy, I’m still looking for a place to live you know. But I expected it to be hard work. JJ and Pen have been lifesavers”

He nodded, staying silent in the hope she would continue. He had missed her voice, the way her syllables rolled one into the other, as she let a stream of consciousness play through her lips. Avoiding her had been seamless. Each day that passed without grazing her skin had made it easier to wake up for the next. He had existed without her for seven months, and he was content to find he could live with her each day as well, not tempted to make the same mistakes that had cost them all so much.

“I expected Morgan and Reid to react this way. I thought about it a lot. I just wish they directed it at me a little bit more than JJ or you” She said. “It was my fault after all”

“You have to stop blaming yourself Em.” He said sharply. “I decided to fake your death, not you. JJ and I arranged it.”

“But if I hadn’t…” She started, her voice raised an octave

“Stop.” He said, holding his hand up “Seriously, stop it. You made a bad decision, I don’t deny that, but you suffered enough for it. For Christ's sake Emily he impaled you, you died, you lived in isolation for seven months, cut off from your family, stewing in your guilt.” Aaron’s voice was stern now, he sounded almost angry with her.

“You have atoned, your sins are washed clean. Do you think you haven’t suffered enough to make up for it? As if you needed to suffer for it in the first place”

“I fell in love with an international terrorist”

“Because it was your job. You were doing your job. And you saved that boy, he gets to have a life now, raised by a father who loves him and cares for him, and all the people that know who he is are dead, he isn’t a bargaining chip on the international stage anymore, you took him off the board as a pawn. You think any parent wouldn’t do the same?”

She looked at him.

“I’d do anything to keep Jack safe. If someone was hurting him, or threatening to hurt him, I’d do anything…. You know that. So how can any of us judge you, when we would have done the same?” He finished softly.

He reached out and covered her hand with his.

“Stop punishing yourself for the past. You have a future without this sword of Damocles hanging over you – decide what you want to do with it.”

She flicked her eyes to the stars, finding Orion instantly in the clear sky.

“Thank you, Dr Phil” She said finally and offered him a wry smile.

“You’re welcome” He replied, smiling in return.

“We should go back inside, they might get ideas of what we’re up to out here.” She said, draining her glass and moving to go indoors.

He nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets to stop them from reaching for her when she turned. Following her into the brightly lit house, the laughter and sounds of the family they had chosen bringing a smile to his face. Clarity was in that room. This was why they had decided to be apart, for moments like this – Penelope feeding Derek off a fork, Reid furrowing his brow in concentration as he chopped parsley, JJ singing along with Rossi to a record in the background. Because this was what they couldn’t give up.

Rossi broke out a very old, and a very good bottle of scotch. Reid and JJ begged out early, sighting kids and tiredness as a reason, before leaving in separate cabs. Morgan and Penelope had left not long after, Penelope giggling wildly as the scotch worked its magic through her system, winding her arms around Derek’s neck as she shouted her love into the sky.

Rossi had fallen asleep in his own living room. Sitting on the couch with his head tilted back, he still gripped the scotch in his hand, as Emily sat cross-legged on the floor, sorting through his records, making light conversation with Hotch.

“Did I hear right? You’ve signed up for a triathlon?” She asked, sorting the records into arbitrary piles in front of her, Dean Martin still crooning in the background.

“Yep” He said, “FBI Triathlon in March” They were both drunk, but he hid it better, the only evidence a light flush crawling up his neck. Emily looked at him, the smile loose across her face.

“How goes the training?” She asked, watching as the laugh bubbled out from his chest.

“It could be worse, I haven’t drowned in the pool yet” He said, watching as she twirled records in her hands.

“That’s good though, you always wanted to do one of those.” She said, turning her attention back to her project. Her hands stilled over The Beatles White Album, still unopened in its plastic wrapper.

“I bought him that, I don’t think he’ll ever listen to it. Spite” He said, noticing her hands. Emily laughed, the sound making Dave let out a huffing snore in his chair.

“Should we put him to bed?” She asked, her eyes lingering over his sleeping form.

“Yeah probably” He agreed, standing from the couch to shake his shoulder. Dave woke with a grumble and immediately left the room to go to bed, Aaron following him upstairs to make sure he didn’t fall back down them. Emily heard his irascible grunting as he insisted he was fine, followed by the steps of Aaron on the stairs.

She was in the kitchen when he found her, rinsing dishes before loading them lightly into the empty washer.

“He has a cleaner” Aaron said, carefully placing the kitchen island between them.

“I know, but look” She said, turning to him with a frying pan held upright, the remains of her extremely burnt onions cemented on the bottom “Not fair to ask someone else to clean this up”

“Want some help?” He asked.

“Absolutely not. Stay right there, big pieces of furniture between us please” She said, throwing a smile over her shoulder.

“You noticed we’re alone too?” He said.

“Oh yes. You’re staying five feet away from me until we leave Hotchner, no exceptions” She said, waving a soapy hand over her shoulder.

He started laughing “I’m not going to attack you, Emily”

She laughed back, flicking soapy water at him.

“It’s not you I’m worried about Hotchner.” She said, emphasising his surname.

He nodded, biting his inner cheek to stop from flirting with her. He sat and listened to the music as she finally removed the worst of the damage to the pan, placing it in the dishwasher with their empty wine glasses. She set it to start running and turned, drying her hands.

“You think we’ll ever be able to be alone together without this being a thing?” She asked, the alcohol loosening her tongue enough to ask the question she had avoided since her return.

“Yes.” He said, nodding his head as he watched her lean against the sink. “It’s easier than it was before Paris. It’s easier than it was the day you came back. It will get easier every day.”

She nodded, her brows knitting together slightly. “Will you tell me if you meet someone?”

He licked his lip, looking at her in the silence.

“Do you want me to?” He replied, watching as her brow furrowed further.

“Yes… No… I mean… if you are dating someone. I don’t need to know about every person you bring home between now and then” She said finally.

“Do I seem like the type to have one night stands?” He asked.

“No, that’s really more my thing, you’re right. But… uh, just let me know, so I’m not the last to know, okay?” She said finally, pulling her phone out to order herself an Uber home.

“If that’s what you want” He said.

He stood in Rossi’s sweeping driveway as he watched the tail lights of her cab disappear around the curve. She was right, one night stands were not his thing. He had fallen in love with Hayley the minute he laid eyes on her, and he belonged to her fully until he came home to find their house empty. They had broken up during college, separate schools and the stress of law school had not been conducive to a relationship. Aaron had dated during college, pretty blonde collegiate girls who drank vodka cranberries and had no common interest with him. They would sleep together on the third date, both parties finding the union satisfactory, but not earth-shattering. He always parted with them as friends.

Emily was supposed to be his Casual Arrangement. The one he could turn to for relief with no strings attached. He almost laughed at his own stupidity, standing in the silent darkness of Rossi’s driveway. He had known from the first time it would not be Casual. And now he had an engagement ring, hidden in a velvet box in the back of his closet, a talisman of their broken hearts.

He wondered if he would be lucky enough to find someone earth-shattering ever again.


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

Emily hated her own instincts sometimes. She knew herself too well, had profiled her own actions too often to ever think her activities were a mystery. She knew where each decision would lead her, what each choice would illuminate, how each scenario would play out.

In the weeks since Rossi’s dinner, she had considered it a possibility. She had spoken it out loud into the room with Aaron and knew it was a statement of intent as much as an assessment. She knew that she would be first. And on a Tuesday night, she was.

She knew that a quiet drink after work was never a quiet drink. She knew the small sports bar near her apartment was not frequented by many employees of the justice department. She knew that if she let her hair down _just so_ and sat at the bar with a gin and tonic it wouldn’t take long. She knew the stranger with blonde hair and a kind smile was just as lonely as she was. She knew they were both looking to disappear beneath someone else’s skin. She knew what her hand on their knee meant.

They had left afterwards, Tuesday evening trysts were not the start of a meaningful relationship and she was grateful they understood that implicitly. She let Sergio back into her bedroom, his eyes accusing as she changed the sheets, crawling between the crisp linens. The cat leapt lightly onto the bed, settling near her chest, purring softly.

“We saw that coming, didn’t we Serg?” She asked quietly into the dark.

Emily marvelled that she did not feel guilt. She had expected it to hit her like a truck in the silence afterwards. But sleeping with someone else had not been the end. The end had come weeks earlier, in her hotel room, waking alone in the dawn light. She bit her lip as she confirmed it within herself. That she had taken the first step in moving past it, getting over it by getting under someone else.

When she woke the next morning she saw the scrape on her neck, teeth marks that were unfamiliar. Not as chaotic as Aaron's teeth had once been, insistent against every exposed pulse. These were delicate, and she was sure they would not bruise. She ran her fingertip over the raised skin, allowing herself to consider it the kindness of a stranger. A reminder that she was not as alone as she sometimes felt.

Aaron’s eyes flicked to it once that day. Implicit understanding crossed his face for the briefest moment, a short nod as he cleared his throat to continue their briefing, no more said. Emily wished there was more to be said, a soft hope that echoed as though from a great distance.

Friendship, as it turned out, was easier in the abstract. Instead of pretending, they avoided one another; their conversations focused only on work. She acted as his subordinate and he, her superior. Aaron sometimes marvelled that they had come full circle. They had started their relationship this way, perfunctory and professional, and to look at them now, you could never imagine they had ever tied knots in each other's arms, confessed love, fear, guilt and pain. They were strangers it seemed.

He missed her friendship. He longed for her to storm into his office, righteous indignation and arguments spewing from her. But it felt safer this way, as though the physical and emotional distance was enough for both of them to bury the feelings they could never ignore.

The unspoken agreement was to never be alone together. They kept doors and blinds open in every police precinct. They sat apart on the plane where possible, buried themselves in paperwork or books when not. Emily did not enter his office, choosing instead to stand in the doorway, ask questions in full view of the bullpen, a comfortable distance apart.

A frictionless emotionless relationship was all they were capable of. Hotch and Prentiss as opposed to Aaron and Emily, the hope being that if they lied to themselves enough, it would eventually become the truth.

It wasn’t until she picked her way down the plane, footsteps almost silent against the carpet that he remembered how well she truly knew him. She had asked about Jack, some instinct had told her to ask, and he had found it easy to answer. He saw her smile again and felt relief in his chest as she laughed easier than he had seen in almost a year.

He watched as the smiles came easier, the laughs got louder over the coming weeks. He saw her shoulders relax. He pretended not to notice the days she had missed sleep, lips bit red from a weekend or nights activities. In turn, Emily pretended not to notice him watching her, protective from a distance.

They had settled into a comfortable sort of alliance when it happened.

Beth.

Her name felt like sweet fruit in his mouth when he thought of it. He rubbed his thumb over the edge of her business card absently, the implicit promise to call her like a fuse to dynamite in his brain. She wore beanies when she ran, which he found ridiculous and endearing. She had waved, her fingers delicate and her laugh light. He had just managed to say goodbye. He had been so focused on work and Jack that the flip in his stomach came as a surprise to him. The stuttering of his words reminding him that the dating part was what he was worst at.

It was so novel and different to not talk about his job. Beth knew what he did, and the outline of his work with the bureau, but she didn’t ask questions. She wasn’t interested in his cases, or what his theories were on the psychopathology on serial killers. Instead, they argued passionately about whether The Beatles White Album or the Rolling Stone’s Exile on Main St was the best album ever produced. She made him laugh, and it felt right to laugh with her.

She kissed him, her porch light illuminated her hair, and she tasted like fresh figs and promise. It did not steal his breath, as Emily had, but inflated him, carrying him high as though on a summer breeze. He was happy to simply take her hand and allow her to lead him, willing to follow.

He was forced to break their unspoken agreement when he read her psychiatrists report. It was littered and full of half-truths and carefully worded statements that he knew were covering more. He cursed himself for his distraction, knowing that overcompensation was one of her tells, that she might be struggling and he might have missed it. He tamed the urge to comfort her, to reach across the plane and tell her he would always be there if she needed anything. He wanted to tell her that they would never be so broken as to be destroyed.

Instead, he only asked her for the truth, that if she was struggling, to tell him. Unspoken between them was the request, the fear that lanced him like a blade when he considered it.

_Please don’t run again._

The case was revolting. Vile persons doing vile things and he felt disgust churn in his stomach as he watched the women try and cope with a pain he couldn’t imagine. He watched as Emily’s shoulders stiffened after every interview, and he wondered.

When he sat down across from her, he saw it. The hitch in her breath as she tried to keep her voice steady. The way she clenched her fist at her side.

“I’m having a bad day” She said, and the tremble in her voice took him straight back to a snowy church step, to Ben Cyrus’s fists, to her curled against him in a hospital bed as he lay straddling life and death. It went through him like a bullet, tearing ragged wounds open.

He nodded “I’ll take you home” He said quietly, as the rest of the team boarded the plane, causing Emily to wipe her eyes quickly, shift her shoulders straighter in her seat, hiding it from them. She nodded rapidly, pleading in her eyes as she looked at him.

She waited for him to pack his briefcase, seeing him on the phone as he did so, and she knew he would be calling Jessica, organising for her to stay with Jack, so he could drive her home. She felt the guilt like ice in her belly and considered telling him to leave her alone, that she didn’t need any help. But exhaustion seemed to sap her of the ability to sidestep her own honesty.

He guided her into the elevator in silence, his hand hovering over the small of her back, almost touching her. They stayed silent as they got in his car. He drove to her new apartment, stopping at a Thai restaurant along the way.

“Called ahead for takeout, wait here” He said softly, leaving the car.

Emily felt a different sort of guilt pull under her skin.

“I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position” She said quietly when he returned to the car, bags of soup and wontons filling the car with spiced scent.

“You’re not” He said bluntly, starting the car and driving to her apartment. He guided her into her home, watching as she immediately picked up the yowling Sergio, who immediately quietened in her arms, purring loudly. Hotch smiled, watching as she pressed her cheek against his fur, sighing softly.

He plated up the food, cracking open two beers and placing them on her dining table. Emily fed Sergio, following him to sit at the dining table. After the first bite of soup, she wondered how she could have gone through the day so hungry. Suddenly ravenous she ate with fervour, feeling some of the tension leak from her body as she did so.

“Better?” he asked as they finished their food, him clearing the plates to dump in the kitchen sink, grabbing them both a second beer. It all felt so familiar, and Emily let her mind wander back to when Foyet had escaped. She had done the same thing, dragged him to her apartment for soup and wontons and a few beers, forcing him to drop the weight off his shoulders for the briefest amount of time.

It felt like a lifetime ago, before they both bore scars from battle before they had said they loved each other out loud, though Emily was sure those feelings were settled somewhere under her skin, even then.

“We haven’t done this in a long time” She said, moving from the dining table to the couch, curling her legs under her as Sergio appeared to jump on her lap, purring.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked softly, watching as she scratched under Sergio’s chin.

“I figured you’d want to talk. Usually, the way this goes is that you pick up on whatever I’m feeling insecure or scared about and give me some speech that instantly makes me feel better” She said lightly, watching as the smile twitched the corner of his lips.

“What would I say, in this scenario you’ve created?” he asked, sipping his beer.

“I don’t know. You’d call me Em, which nobody else does by the way, and then you’d start talking about something unrelated. Maybe this time you’d talk about Elle. Because Elle went out for revenge, looking for blood and it cost her everything. Maybe you’d tell me that we’re all haunted. That our demons run darker and blacker than most, but we’re all haunted. You’d tell me that the instinct for revenge isn’t wrong, but acting on it is. You’d probably quote Gideon when he was quoting Confuscious, that one about digging two graves.”

He smiled, staying silent as she let the stream of consciousness continue to spill from her lips.

“You’d tell me that Regina is better served by us bringing that monster to justice. That she has freedom now, she can choose what to do with her life. I’d probably spit something back about how she will always be ruined by what he did to her. You’d say we all have scars, which would make my abdomen burn a little bit, the way it always does when I think about Ian. But then you’d sit in silence, and you’d let me remember that we do this job so other people can have justice by proxy. That we hunt the monsters so they don’t have to become them, that we stop people becoming twisted and broken by showing them that their demons can be conquered. That all we need is a little bit of help.”

Emily fell silent then, sipping her beer as she looked at him, realisation settling under her skin.

“I’m brilliant” Hotch said drily, watching as she forced the smile down.

“Shut up” She said, letting out a long breath. “This one was hard.”

He watched as it played over her face, the cresting wave of emotion she had been holding back for hours. The tears when they came were silent, slipping down her cheeks like rain, catching light before disappearing. Hotch reached over and took her hand, slipping his fingers between hers. Emily let herself squeeze his fingers, feeling the familiar textured warmth of his palm. She sniffed, stopping her tears as they threatened to continue falling and gently slipped her hand away, her palm feeling cold.

“I should go” he said after another long silence. “you need to sleep.”

Emily nodded the twist in her gut again, guilt somehow more forceful with the softness of his voice.

“I’m sorry about this.” She said, gesturing around at empty air as she stood, Sergio giving an indignant meow.

“Don’t be.” He said kindly, stepping towards her. Gently he brushed a strand of hair off her brow, allowed his thumb to stroke softly at her cheek. “You always have me.”

He left, telling her to call if she wanted a ride to the office in the morning. As she locked the door behind him her guilt was finally given a voice.

“But I don’t have you… you’re someone else's now”

And for the first time she realised; it wasn’t home without Aaron.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

Emily winced as they pressed the gauze harder against her shoulder. Sitting upright in the ambulance she tried to flinch away from the EMT holding her steady, pressure on the wound in her arm, he couldn’t be more than 25.

“I know it hurts miss” he said firmly as he braced her shoulder tighter “But we have to keep pressure until we can stitch you up”

“Not my first rodeo” She gritted out, wincing again as he changed his palm, readjusting his grip.

She was covered in blood she knew, the minutes between her own injury and the death of Trevor Mills had been enough for blood to coat her fingers, gripping tightly to her shoulder. JJ had grabbed a towel and pressed it into the wound, appearing as soon as the threat was eliminated, calling an ambulance with one hand, wrapping Emily’s fingers around hers and pressing hard against her shoulder with the other.

She had pulled the towel to look it when Derek had helped Hilary down the stairs, sucking air between her teeth when she saw the ragged edges of her shirt, the red blood staining her clothing darker.

“Lucky I wore red today” She said as JJ pursed her lips, pressing the towel back her torn flesh.

“Not funny, let’s get you up” She said, slipping her arm under Emily to help her to her feet, letting her walk on her own as the local police came screaming onto the scene, ambulances in tow.

“One deceased, upstairs” JJ had said, leading her to the ambulance. It was then that Derek had seen her, blood dripping lightly from her fingertips as she walked across the front lawn. She watched his features crumple, fear and panic and pain all at once as he saw her pull her earpiece free, loosen her vest one-handed.

“I’m fine” She said as he ran to her, his eyes only on the towel now soaked in blood pressed against her. He seemed speechless in his fear and she reached to him. “Derek, I’m fine” She said, more firmly as she pushed him lightly towards the local PD, aimless in the yard.

The towel had been replaced with gauze as the EMT directed her to sit on the gurney.

“Can I do anything?” JJ asked softly, following her into the ambulance. Emily was feeling the pain now, radiating outwards like knives as they pulled and checked her pulse, her blood pressure. She shook her head, her eyes looking for Derek in the crowd of PD that had congregated in the yard.

“Do you want me to call him?” JJ said, her hand soft and warm on her knee.

“No” She said, and her voice was sharp and insistent. She locked eyes with JJ and shook her head, a decisiveness behind her gaze. JJ nodded, squeezing her knee as she left the ambulance, closing the doors with a loud thud.

She ended up with fourteen stitches across her shoulder, a glancing wound they made into a neat line. She sat on the side of the hospital bed, her arm in a sling and waiting for her instructions for discharge.

“I brought your go bag” His voice startled her. She looked up and saw Aaron standing in the doorway, silhouetted by the light from the ER. His eyes were creased, brow furrowed as he looked at her.

She was still covered in blood, the only patch of skin they had cleaned was around the wound, her arm still had flakes of dried blood, disappearing into the sling. She had a hospital gown wrapped around her torso, her legs still clothed in pants and shoes.

JJ had called him, given him a quick appraisal of the end of Trevor Mills life, and her injury. He felt his heart skip a beat, returning only as a rush of blood through his ears, a roar of panic and fear. He forced himself to exhale as JJ explained she was hurt, but would be fine.

“Why didn’t you call me straight away?” He asked, his voice edged with anger as he clenched his teeth.

“She asked me not to” JJ said, and her voice was so delicate, so soft and gentle that he knew she had heard the pain he tried so hard to hide.

He felt guilt trickle through his bloodstream. Since he had left her apartment they had spun apart like galaxies and he blamed himself. He wondered if she could feel the same pull he felt, dragged towards each other as his finger brushed her cheek. He wondered if she knew how close he was to kissing her. How the itch beneath his skin had been so painful he sat in his car in silence for an hour, trying to quiet it, remind himself that they no longer belonged to the other.

He crossed her hospital room and dropped her bag next to the bed. Picking up an alcohol swab he began to gently wipe the dried blood from her shoulder, cleaning the skin until it was slightly pink, fresh and new. Emily stayed silent as he did so, watching his brows knit together as he scraped flecks of blood from her skin like old paint.

When he was finished she pressed her forehead into his chest, so close to her, and breathed in his cologne.

She felt his hand rest between her shoulder blades, naked except for the tie of her hospital gown. He pushed his face into her hair, and she could feel the kiss he placed on the crown of her head, gentle and soft. Emily felt herself sink into his clothing, the familiar scratch of the fabric against her skin as she let the exhaustion roll over her, adrenaline gone from the shooting. She felt the tips of his fingers begin to round her spine; a pattern so familiar she sometimes traced it on her sheets in the middle of the night. She wondered if he did the same to Beth.

Snapping out of her reverie she pushed him backwards, her hand firm against his chest as he took a step back.

“You should go” She said gently as she focused her eyes on the floor.

He nodded, stepping back further as he rubbed a hand along his jaw. She heard the breath he exhaled as he crossed the threshold of her room, and found comfort in knowing that this was not easy for Aaron either. His cologne had hung in the air like an accusation.

She tried with Morgan, coaxing and teasing until he laughed. But something shifted, and she wondered for the first time if her return had done more harm than good. They were all haunted by her. She felt as though she was clinging to a figure made of smoke, trying desperately to catch it between her fingers as it caught and twisted away on a breeze.

She was not angry with him. How could she be, when his suits fit better, his skin glowed healthily and the bags under his eyes diminished slightly. She tried to hate him for moving on but found the sensation hollow and pointless – fuel for the listlessness that had begun to wrap itself around her.

When Emily met Beth she was foggy from the hangover, vision fuzzy as absinthe still licked the edges of her eyesight. But there was no mistaking the dimples that creased his cheeks when he saw her, the way his voice held her name like a ripened fruit, desire and happiness together. She remembered the way she dragged those smiles from him, jealous and possessive of his happiness as he laughed laying next to her in the dawn light. The way he would grab her ribcage when she teased him, smiling as he pressed his lips against hers.

She found it impossible to hate the woman who made him smile like that. She knew how hard-fought those smiles were, how he had so few reasons to smile. She liked that he had another. She found a tiny bit of pleasure in their similarities, same hair, same build.

Piece by piece they put a friendship together. A drink in his office was suddenly just a drink, stories of Jack and Sergio passed back and forth as gifts to the other. An unspoken thread of comfort in the presence of the other. A deep understanding that they would always live in the other's skin.

“Hotch do you love her?” Emily had asked him once, back to him as she poured another drink.

She watched as the smile twitched his mouth and had her answer. He shrugged in response, not willing to put voice to the instinct, but she understood. Emily would always understand.

The brush of her fingers still made the hair stand up on the back of his neck, passing him a glass was a delicate operation of avoidance, unwillingness to slip from the tightrope they both knew they were walking, knowing how far it was to fall.

“She’s lucky.” Emily said simply, sipping her bourbon as contentment warmed her insides.

Emily bought the house out of bad impulse. Ignoring her better judgement she laid down the offer as though proving to herself that she was home. That the fingertips left bleeding by the effort to fix what had been broken was worth it. She told herself she wasn’t caged, that she was finally free from her past. But walking through the home with Morgan she felt claustrophobic, a commitment so foundational it made her feel as though she would be buried by it.

Clyde’s voice was like a life raft. His nonchalance at her false death was a relief, his casual nature and the way he still called her darling lit a spark beneath her lashes. She wasn’t ready to admit she was drowning, but the desperate scraping and clawing to hold on to normalcy had the water almost above her head. She felt cleaved in two when she watched JJ suffer. Her face was like a death mask as she stared unseeing into the screens, Will’s fate unknown.

It was twisted together somehow, that saving Will would save herself. That knowing someone’s soulmate was safe and back with the love of their life would make it worth it. She sat in front of a warped and twisted love note, a bomb wrapped around his neck as she tasted his fear. She heard Aaron’s voice in her ear and discarded it, focused only on giving JJ what she knew she couldn’t have.

It felt like a final act, a decisive piece of thread to the tapestry of her return, weaving together the proof that she would always act to save them. That their protection was her driving goal, their safety brought her comfort and peace.

When she called Clyde to tell her him she was considering it he laughed.

“I’ll start drawing up the papers darling.” He hung up before she could protest, but she realised she didn’t want to.

The thought of leaving made her bones ache, but the notion of staying was finally untenable. She could not haunt this home any longer. She felt cleansed, the choice she made to run had also drawn her back to them, that her soul was clean of the sins of the past. Leaving them now made sense, they would know she was safe, and that she would always consider them home.

Any doubt was erased the minute Morgan told her he missed her already. The longing in his voice was echoed with acceptance, and she wondered if he would ever know how they made her feel _seen._

Aaron saw it the minute he saw her. Eyes half-filled, with champagne in her hand she looked mournful and peaceful in the same blink of an eyelash. He knew she was leaving, and the pain of it was dulled by the peace in her face. Beth gracefully left them alone, instinctually giving them one final moment together.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, a brief flash of hope that he could somehow convince her to stay, immediately extinguished by the plea in her eyes, the unspoken request that he should not talk her out of it.

“Absolutely. But not right now” She said, nodding lightly as her eyes searched his features.

“First thing tomorrow?” He asked, pressing her for a promise, that this absence would be expected, would be celebrated rather than mourned.

“It’s a date” She said, and the smile behind her eyes told him all he needed to know.

When he pulled her away from Dave to dance it was selfish. He needed to sculpt another memory, another file to bury somewhere in his consciousness, he needed to feel her, hold her.

Her hair smelled like grapefruits, and the small of her back was a familiar valley, oft traced by his fingers in moonlight. As they swayed in time to the music, he looked at her.

Emily. He hoped she heard the slight hitch in his breath as he watched the shadows her lashes cast on her cheeks. He hoped the tightening of his grip on her hand told her everything he had never said. He felt her hand squeeze his, a soft rhythm on his knuckles, the beat to a song they once danced to together.

He hoped.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

When Emily woke in the morning she wondered if closure was even possible. The wedding had been so majestic in its beauty she had allowed herself to be swept away on its tide, carried into the night with champagne and happiness from her chosen family. They had laughed and danced and shared in the love pouring out of JJ and Will.

She felt at peace with her decision, half-formed though it was until she thought of Aaron. Of his hand on her lower back, the heat of his palm in hers, her fingerprints on his suit. She had heard his breath hitch when he looked at her and she wondered if he had heard the shaky breath she let out when he released her, seen the slight tremble in her knees from drinking in his proximity, his cologne clinging to her perfume.

She showered and dressed, steeping green tea in her kitchen as she watched Sergio eat his breakfast. It was a clear and crisp morning outside her window, the sun blazing through the haze, giving the city a blurred outline. She sighed as she cupped her hands around the tea, wondering if she would hate the weather in London.

Emily knew it was the right decision, the speed at which her subconscious had accepted it was propelling her forward, forcing it to seep into her skin. She allowed herself to indulge in the flash of fantasy, running her own office, her own team, her own direction and sighed again.

The knock was soft at her front door and she bit at her lip, picking Sergio up as she went to answer the front door. They had made no plans to meet but she knew it was him, forcing her to fulfil the promise they had made the previous evening.

Blueberries, the scent swirled around her like fallen leaves as she opened the door to see Aaron standing there, holding the bag of takeout, a soft smile on his lips. She stepped aside to let him in and he walked to her kitchen without greeting. She heard the clattering of plates and mugs as he plated the food, never needing to ask where she kept things, knowing on instinct.

She sat at her dining room table as he brought plates full of blueberry pancakes to her, smiling as he slid her cutlery.

“Can I talk you out of it?” He said finally, picking a fresh blueberry from his plate and popping it into his mouth.

“No” She said softly, matching him and feeling the sweetness of the fruit burst across her tongue like a firework.

“Okay, I won’t try. Clyde?”

“Interpol, London office” She replied, matching his short-handed speech with a grin.

He raised his eyebrows and looked at her “Wow, that’s a huge promotion”

Emily laughed “Are you surprised?”

Aaron shook his head, smiling back at her. “Can’t think of anyone that would do a better job”

They finished breakfast in silence, Aaron grabbing empty plates as Emily drifted to her couch, curling into its side as she watched him move fluidly throughout her house, coming to join her.

They sat in silence as the shadows from the morning light changed and warped across her living room. They were so deliberate in their actions, cautious as they sat far enough apart to not touch, not accidentally brush against the other.

“Where’s Jack?” Emily asked, resting her head on her hand as she looked at him.

“With Beth, she’s taking him to a museum.” He said, watching as she threaded her fingers through her hair, a strand falling across her brow. Emily nodded as he studied her, seeming to drink her features in.

Aaron tried to memorise her face again, the lashes so long they cast shadows, the way her hair changed colour in the morning light, threaded with molten gold, the beat of her pulse at her throat, the skin he had marked dozens of times with his teeth.

“You ever think we would end up here?” Emily asked suddenly, breaking his reverie as he watched her mouth.

“No” He admitted, running his hand absently across his pocket, courage failing him as he rubbed his fingers together. “Did you?”

Emily shook her head slowly. “I don’t want this to be sad, I’m not dead this time.”

He laughed, dry and hoarse. “But you’re leaving.”

“Aaron” She started, forcing herself to let out a slow breath, the smile unbidden as she realised she was giving herself away, a tell she didn’t know she had now revealed. “I don’t think I ever really came back.”

Aaron stayed quiet as she seemed to vanish into herself for a moment, the curtain falling across her gaze.

“I wanted to come back, but for the wrong reasons. I needed everyone to see me alive, whole and still good at my job, that I was the same person they knew – despite what they knew about me. And then I needed to prove to myself that I could still do this job, that dying didn’t change everything, that I could slip back into this life as though nothing had changed.

But everything had changed, it doesn’t fit right anymore. It’s not Derek or JJ or Reid or Pen or Dave, or even you… it’s me. I can’t fight these monsters anymore, I need to make a difference somewhere else.”

Emily hoped he hadn’t caught the lie, hoped if he had he would let it pass unanswered. It was him, at least part of it was. She had come to that realisation the minute she woke alone in the hotel on the day of her return. That their separation was a wound as real as the scar on her abdomen, that it throbbed with the same intensity, and she wished she could go back to the time before.

It felt hazy as the morning light, their past like a film reel playing in her head. Each stroke of his thumb across her lip or cheek, each time he rounded her spine, the gentle smiles she coveted when he kissed her.

“I’m going to miss you” He said finally.

Emily shook her head, forcing memories of his face buried in her neck away from the edges of her vision.

“No, you’re not.” She laughed “You’ll get someone who signs their paperwork properly the first time and immediately forget I ever existed.”

Aaron reached over and took her hand, threading his fingers through hers, squeezing tightly.

“You’re crazy if you think I’d ever forget you.”

Emily smiled, the earnest open honesty she had come to expect from Aaron always took her breath away. His lack of fear and apprehension scraped her throat raw and made her eyes fill.

“And besides, you have to help me choose your replacement.”

“Alex Blake” She said immediately, shifting her weight on the couch so she was slightly closer to him.

“You think Strauss will allow that?” Aaron said, laughing.

“Have you met her? She’s great – she’d be an incredible asset, fuck Strauss.”

“I’ve met her, but she and Strauss have a very rocky history.”

“Well maybe she’s loosened up a little since she started sleeping with Dave”

“Nobody is that good in bed” Aaron muttered, running his hand across his jaw.

Emily laughed, and once started it seemed hard to stop. He found it infectious and soon they were both hysterical with laughter, hunched on her couch as Sergio skittered from the room, disturbed by the noise.

As they settled back onto the couch their shoulders brushed, sitting closer than they had allowed themselves to in months. Seeming on instinct Emily let her head rest on his shoulder, curling her legs onto the couch to lean into him properly.

“You lied to me” She said finally, letting her hand find his again, her fingers tracing his knuckles.

“When?” He asked softly, trying to ignore the scent of her hair so close to him. He absently touched his pocket again with his free hand, courage failing him again.

“You said we could be alone together without this being a thing.” She said, dipping her head slightly as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulled her closer into his body. They shifted again, so she was fully on his chest, her lips close enough to kiss his neck with each word she spoke, her breath warm against his pulse.

“Wishful thinking” he said quietly, the feel of her against him so familiar he felt his chest ache. His hand found her back, rounded patterns on her spine as she sighed heavily against him. He could feel her hair under his hands as he lightly stroked her back, memories of brushing it from her shoulders, her face, curling it in his fist played across his eyelids as he closed his eyes and breathed her in.

“We shouldn’t be doing this” Emily said, making no effort to move off him, her hands against his chest as she felt the steady thumping of his heart against his ribs.

“Beth knows I’m here” He admitted, feeling her scratch against his shirt as she spoke.

“What did she say?” Emily asked, confused.

He shrugged, “Not much, just to do what I needed to do.”

“And what do you need to do Aaron? Why are you here?” She asked, sitting up and pulling back from him as she found his eyes, her gaze intense.

“Closure.” He said, looking away from he ran his hand across his jaw.

“That’s your tell” She sighed, her head tilted back on the couch as she let out another long breath. “You think we’re ever going to get closure Aaron?”

He shrugged, his hand dropping from his face and again hitting his pocket.

“I don’t” She said, a thread of bitterness through her voice. “If Hayley busting us didn’t end it, Foyet didn’t end it, Ian didn’t end it. Nothing will.”

“Is that why you’re really leaving?” He said, fixing her with his own intense stare.

“No. But it’s part of it” She admitted, picking at her cuticles. “It’s not easy Aaron. We put people we love in danger, and we both know we would do it again in a heartbeat. We would die for each other. And that’s why we can’t be together, and that should be enough but it isn’t.”

She was so sincere, so sure of her words that he felt again the swell in his chest, the contentment etched into his bones at her viciousness, the protective instinct that was the reason he had fallen so deeply in love with her.

“I don’t want you to leave hating me,” He said “Hating what we had, what we still have, I don’t want that to be an unpleasant memory”

She looked at him, softness in her gaze.

“It’s not, that’s why I’m leaving now before one of us burns down a building to drag the other from the ashes. Being with you made me a better person. I could never hate you, Aaron.”

This time it was Emily who took his hand, settling herself back into the crook of his shoulder.

“You still make me happy” She said gently, her voice like a breeze across his skin, raising goosebumps as he pressed a kiss into the crown of her hair, citrus scent engulfing him like the first days of spring.

“You know, technically this is our first date” She said, wrapping her arm around his waist as he pulled her tighter into him, closing his eyes.

“How do you think it’s going?” He said drily, feeling her laugh as he let his hand settle on her ribs, stroking lightly with his thumb. He looked down at her, seeing a strand of hair falling across her brow as she closed her eyes against him.

He gave in to the itch that had been under his skin since he danced with her the night before. He reached to brush the hair from her face and felt as sparks beneath his skin as he tucked it lightly behind her ear. It was so easy for her to tilt her head to him, her lips so close to his as she looked at him, hesitant but willing.

He could taste the blueberries on her lips when he kissed her. He thought of a hundred other times he had brushed his lips against hers, surprising her in an elevator, naked on top of him, luminous in the morning light, under covers in Alaska as a fire caught in the background. Every time she forced him to smile, her delicate handwriting on a note with instructions for monster spray. Sprigs of yarrow twisted in her hair, her skin flushed as she put back together his broken house. He let the memories play like a film as Emily tightened a fist against his shirt, pushing herself further into him.

He tasted like coffee, his hand on the back of her neck was warm against her skin, his fingers finding tangles in her hair as he cupped her face, and Emily let herself sink into the comfort of his embrace, his lips soft against her, gentle and promising. She thought of him on her couch, sitting vigil as she slept in her old apartment, of curling into him in a hospital bed, hearing him whisper his love over the beep of machines. Each smile he had gifted to her, his face buried in a pillow, each time she had surprised her with the honesty of his love, the willingness he had to share himself with her.

It tasted of endings, like after a storm, when electricity still crackled through the air, fighting with the sunlight.

When they broke apart Emily turned away, wiping a tear from her cheek, unaware she had been crying. She heard Aaron clear his throat, the rustle of his clothing as he moved away from her.

“You’re going to do such great things.” He said softly, the hoarseness of his voice matching the rawness Emily felt in her throat.

“I love you” Emily said, the words she had caged long ago bursting free like a blackbird.

“I love you too” He said, and she saw him nod. “I always will”

Emily nodded in return, composing herself as she stood from the couch. There was nothing more to say, words could no longer fill the space they had between them, the chasm they had never been able to cross. They both knew it was the end, that this would be the last time Aaron and Emily would inhabit the same space, the last time they would be together as wholly themselves, laid bare for the other, exposed like a raw nerve.

Aaron stood, shuffling his clothing as he cleared his throat.

“I, uh got you something” He said, reaching into his pocket.

The ring was delicate, twisted silver set with emeralds and diamonds that sparkled like tears.

“When did you get this?” her voice was a whisper, cracked with the effort of holding back the cry lodged in her throat.

“I saw it in an antique shop after New Years, made me think of you... Before Ian” He said as she took the ring from him, slipping it lightly onto her index finger, fitting perfectly. “To remember me by” He finished, turning to leave.

She grabbed his arm as he walked past her.

“Aaron” She said, pulling him back to look at her she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing all of herself into him, feeling his hands wrap around her waist as she forced herself to swallow the tears in her throat. Her voice was a whisper against his ear, soft and delicate as their love had been.

“I would have said yes.”

_ If you cannot hold me in your arms, then hold my memory in high regard. _

_ And if I cannot be in your life, then at least let me live in your heart.” _

_ ― Ranata Suzuki _


End file.
